A revolution of thought and disease

MikeToreno

New member
After years of dealing with borderline insanity and a horribly debilitating disease, suffering grade wise and trying my damndest to find place in this increasingly impersonal world, I've decided to bail out on this school ****. I've hurt so much with all my employments and they've been constant, shredding reminders of my battles with low self esteem and OCD. Every mistake is more fuel to a fire that I never even saw lit. I decided to pursue a job as a firefighter. My family is service decorated and they've all found success. I've beaten myself up too many times about chasing the things I want and my dampening thoughts telling me I am not good enough to do anything I want. My laziness trailing behind any small bursts of energy or inspiration I get. In so many ways this makes everything in place. I need so badly to get in shape after the last year of medicinal side effects and binge eating. I want the excitement and brotherhood of such a career and the financial stability of it(which is also a weapon in the OCD's arsenal). It seems like such a task, but it's exactly what I need. I need to go balls out for this and remind myself that the things that I'm so scared of losing will be there when I've grown up. I'm so scared of that. Growing up and forgetting the things I love. Forgetting that they're there. But I won't. This disease has pushed me into the most wonderful form of manhood, one that was needed and longed for.
 
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