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Old 06-15-2008  
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Default advice, feed back, why guys take a long time to respond

anyone who may have any advice on the subject, by all means...

why do guys (in my case) take a while to respond, whether it may be through email or phone calls. wouldn;t it be easier to say you're not interested as oppose to leaving someone hanging?
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Old 06-15-2008  
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Default Tell me

Hi filcana. I am not sure what you are asking. Respond to what? Can you give us a bit of clairafacation?
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Old 06-15-2008  
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Guys are lazy and self centered compared to most girls. That's just how it works!

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Old 06-15-2008  
Len
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No I don't think guys are lazy and self-centred. They are just taught by society to not show emotion. It's not cool.

If guys seem too eager then girls think that they are clingy and that's not attractive. Again, another thing no doubt spawned from such great programs like Sex and the City (note sarcasm).

If you are asking why guys are take a long time to respond to a date it's because they have been taught that girls like a guy who is hard to get and plays the rules. You have to give girls 3 or 4 days to keep them hanging on the edge long enough.

On the other hand, if you have been left hanging on but then to be told he is not interested then he's obviously missing out on something great. Just find a guy who really appreciates you. There are plenty out there!
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Old 06-16-2008  
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I used to do the same thing, I'd wait a couple of days before texting back or calling because I wanted to create the impression that I was a busy guy with better things to do and other women to meet.

However the opposite was quite true, I did it out of desperation, I wanted the girl to see me as cool. It really is a desperate thing to do, I wasn't really that busy. Infact when I look back on that time, this is just another game I played to try to win the girl over. I was so unhappy with who I was, that I presented myself as an entirely different person.

It's much easier and feels much better to stay in touch. She likes me, I like her there's no secret in that. From my own experience it's much better to text the same day telling her you enjoyed being with her. Ofcourse don't go overboard and send 10 messages saying "I miss you so much", because that's just kinda creepy when you are getting to know each other.

Anyway back on topic, when a guy takes a while to respond he's either not interested or is trying to create a false impression of him. Seriously it only takes 30 seconds at the most to send a text, he can send you a text when he goes to sleep. There is no guy on the planet who is THAT busy that they can't send something back in 4 days. Filcana if a guy is really into you he won't let you wait that long, and in the rare case he makes you wait a while you will surely get a warm respons from him. Games are for boys, men go after what they desire without playing childish games..
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Old 06-17-2008  
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Call him and say "I'm going to see x movie today and if you want to come, call me back"

That way he has to call back...today. You can even say you're going at 5:00 or something. Don't do this as a trick to get him on the phone, get him in person and talk to him there.

A guy not calling you immediately isn't a bad thing. If he's flaky and doesn't want to see you then forget about him

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Old 06-29-2008  
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Default Why men don't take action.

There might be many reasons for this.

Let me share some that I have fallen into during my life:

1) Fear of Rejection.
Fear that by calling back and making a contact, asking someone out and being rejected was OFTEN a major issue for myself in my teenage years and early 20s.

Irrational, but true.

2) Self confidence on the telephone.
Young men copy their fathers. My father rarely used the phone at home. So I grew up unconsciously copying him.

So I lacked confidence "just having a chat with a woman".

Over the last five years I have changed all of that, the phone is now my friend. Its a tool I use to touch base with people that I want to see, or find out how they are doing.

3) Shyness
A lack of self esteem, shyness around the opposite sex was a problem for me.

In the work I do these days with other men I emphasize that making friendships with introverted or shy people is very draining. It takes a very LONG time to build trust, and get their attention.

Shy people live in their heads, feel inadequate around others, yet their silence and aloofness can give the impression they are at ease, when just the opposite is true.

So you might want to start developing a checklist about the men you are attracted to: 1) Are they shy, 2) If so are you willing to put in more effort, 3) Do they call others on the phone very much, 4) Do they have a fear of rejection.

If you keep choosing men who tick the boxes for points 1, 3 and 4 - then you are doomed to frustration and disappointment.

Hope this helps a bit.

Take care. Be well.
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