Advice for self-control

I've come up with some general 'rules' to control my anxiety to a certain degree, that turned out to be working out pretty well, in situations when you might be in others' presence (complete strangers or acquaintances).

I've been self-conscious and shy for a while last year, mostly because of the way I used to walk and also because I was overly reluctant in engaging conversations with complete strangers (avoiding eye contact, sometimes even slouching)

All these rules rely on rationality and willpower:

*You are the boss: you are nobody's puppet and nobody but you is in charge of your body and your mind...every gesture and thought is occurring because YOU allowed it to occur.

If you don't want to slouch or to divert your gaze out of shyness...then DON'T, nobody else but YOU can do it!

Nobody can know what's going on in your head (insecurities and emotions), unless you show it on your face or through flinches.... If you don't want to show your emotions, just focus on not showing them, requires some concentration.

Not showing them->People not being able to read your mind.

that's pure logic.


*If you want, you can: Don't find any excuses, If you really want to do something, then don't wait until it feels like it .... just do it , nobody else is going to do it in your place.

If you are fat and you want to become slim, then you can, don't wait for some non-existent wizard to remove that fat with his magics, it's as easy as eating normal portions of food. (not even doing sport) that's how biology is!

Willpower is everything.

(strictly talking about something that you can materially do, not talking about some blind person that can regain his sight just because he wants it)

*Forget about your entourage: People are just an image... they'll have no physical interaction with you (or very unlikely), don't let them mess with your head, forget that you are being watched, control your thoughts, if you want to run in public then just run... it's not like they were going to throw tomatoes at you because you run in a funny way.

If you talk in public, just pretend that you are being alone, just empty your head and think about what you are saying.

*People are humans: Like you, they have their own insecurities, they are not perfect, if they can achieve something, you can achieve it as well, they have nothing more than you.

*Don't make a big deal out of things: Giving too much importance to something might increase your chances of screwing it up because of the fear of failure that it could induce, like for an exam.... just take your precautions by doing enough homework and research, that's as far as it goes. no remorse, you did what needed to be done.

I am looking for some other rules if you have something similar.

Great piece of advice, and this message board surely needs more posts like yours. Also, I've learned that the bad things you imagine happening are rarely as bad as you think. For instance, I had to get a tetanus shot today, and I was dreading it because I kept reading the wrong websites and the wrong people about the shot, saying this and that happened to their son/daughter/neighbor after the shot. I needed it anyway, and I was done in a few minutes, no big deal at all.

Thank you,

Your example is far better than mine about exams, When expecting a medical treatment I avoid reading people's opinions altogether, as there is a chance of being 'contaminated' by their anguish and negative thoughts about the subject.

In my opinion , when it comes to medical treatment someone should think as follows:

*If I don't do anything about it or delay it, then I'll degrade my health.
*If I do something and act quickly, then I'll make the disease go away or at least improve my health.

no place for emotions : it's either black or white.

Emotions are often more of a hindrance than anything, especially when they dictate how you act. The do something now vs don't do anything at all dualism works for all things, really. Let's say you want to go watch a movie at the movie theatre but you're anxious about seeing someone you know or simply because there are people around you. If you overthink it and end up not going, you'll feel like crap and will probably be even less inclined to go next time; if you shut up and go, knowing you're going to do something you know you'll enjoy, not only will you feel proud for it, but you'll also improve your situation and be more inclined to go again next time (not to mention that you dared doing something you enjoy instead of moping around at home).

I completely agree with you, you should think about the logical outcome instead of the ordeal by itself.

It's hard before the beginning, but sweet at the end, makes you gain self respect, pride comes by doing things that you wouldn't normally do, outside of your comfort zone.

I've had something similar, I was very self-conscious about the way I was walking in public, I would have found any excuse to walk as little as possible, by taking the bus even for short distances.

Then I managed to overcome that self-consciousness by practicing sport, turns out I am walking on a daily basis, even avoiding to take the bus for longer distances.

What did I lose.... nothing, well actually weight.
What did I win.... confidence, saved my money.

Just focus on the outcome and on the satisfaction that you'll get by saying "I made it !" at the end.

Simplifying usually leads to better, quicker results!

:applause: Thank you for sharing them with us.

My pleasure, hope it helped.

Nothing is impossible, people can fix their addictions and remove their fears by themselves, some just don't realize it.