Advice needed on situation please.

Hi everyone

I am a new member who needs your advice please. I am going to be faced with a situation in September which I know is going to cause me more stress as the time gets nearer.

My children are dancers, and are due to have a weekend away, which also means I am going. I am doing this because I won't deprive them of things they want to do, and on a good day I can bear with the thought. However, on a bad day I wonder how I'm going to cope with a group of parents who want absolutely nothing to do with me and basically ostracise me.

Whenever there is a group gathering, I am alone. The last time a couple of ladies (who do not involve themselves heavily within this group) asked me if I'd like to join them, but the trouble is I have a long journey alone without them around, and when we arrive I don't want to impose on them or encroach on their own friendship.

I am constantly plagued with the thoughts 'if I don't interact with the group they'll think I'm unfriendly and standoffish' and 'how do I interact with a group who can't stand me?'

Please tell me if you have any strategies, other than not putting yourself in this situation in the first place.

Maybe try to be comfortable with the idea of not interacting while you're there - take plenty to do by yourself - books to read, knitting, etc. You can be civil and say hi and smile to greet the others, but leave it at that and place yourself away from them and adopt an 'I don't care, I'm busy' attitude. I think often we feel we HAVE to interact/socialize, when the reality is that don't; it sounds like they may be people not worth knowing, anyway?

Why do these women dislike you in the first place. Always remember not everyone is going to like/love you that you meet, they have a hard enough time loving themselves.

Why are you psychologically torturing yourself entertaining ideas of the ego and letting the opinions and thoughts of others who are quite frankly worthless, worry you. Your feeding into this by thinking about it all day...all week...all the way up until the event you'll have played and ran scenarios over in your mind and sure enough the worst will happen on that day. Why not stop thinking about it and when the day comes...just let it unfold.

Thank you both so much for taking the time to respond.

Kihira, I am kind of prepared to amuse myself the whole time, but I am just afraid of giving the wrong impression of myself. I am trying to protect myself, not be aloof, but they won't know that. As you say, I'll be friendly and greet them.

The Observer, there is a (in my mind) complex history with this group, so either they don't like me due to historic events, they are comfortable within their own group hence having no need to make efforts with me, or I am indeed a most unlikeable person. Only yesterday I was completely blanked by them all - and yet I was not projecting misery, I was smiley!

Sometimes I feel strong and can cope with the thought of what's to come, and other times I am weak - PMT can be a massive factor.

I'm tired of this eternal struggle to have friends!

just pretend the other "moms" are your childrens' age. their maturity level is probably down around that age bracket anyway... when i'm at family gatherings with children present (i'm a single, 35 year old male), I just play around with the kids and virtually ignore the other adults.

don't know if that's good advice for your situation though :/

Be friends with yourself and you'll never be alone or need anyone to make you feel happy. Don't worry about how others see you or how they might perceive you. Remember Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

The best advice I can give is to not overthink the situation.

Just be there, happy to see your kids doing what they enjoy. Don't even entertain the thought of worrying about what the others are thinking.
Focus more outwardly, not inwardly. Good luck