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Old 01-03-2011
beals's Avatar
Newbie User
 

I feel really embarrassed to say this but I am 20 years old and have never had a job. Everything about getting a job scares me...applying, the interview, getting the actual job! It just seems like such a big step, such a new experience...you have to talk to new people everyday, learn how to do so many things. I'm just so scared of messing up, looking stupid, or embarrassing myself. Also, I feel like I should have had a job by now...most kids get jobs at like 15 years old, and I'm 20 with NO job experience! I feel like such a loser! How do I explain this to the interviewer? I really want to get a job though. I want to make some friends, make money, and move out of my parents house. I think getting a job would increase my confidence too, because then I wouldn't feel so down on myself. But I'm just so scared.

I'm sure a lot of you have jobs. Did you have anxiety about it? Can you give me some advice, or some words to calm me down about it?
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Old 01-03-2011
alanj's Avatar
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Don't beat yourself up for not having had a job. The SA has held you back, just accept that, and start going about getting yourself a job now, and start progressing bit by bit with your life.

If you are going for unskilled work, then just remember that there won't be HUGE expectations on you because it's low paid etc. and so you can begin to relax and just do the task at hand, and even begin to start enjoying interacting with fellow employees.

If it's more skilled work you are going for, then just remember to have patience and realise there will be a learning curve and that other employees also understand this, and realise that they will of course help you to get to grips with the job at hand.
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Old 01-03-2011
Fuzzles's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beals View Post
I feel really embarrassed to say this but I am 20 years old and have never had a job. Everything about getting a job scares me...applying, the interview, getting the actual job! It just seems like such a big step, such a new experience...you have to talk to new people everyday, learn how to do so many things. I'm just so scared of messing up, looking stupid, or embarrassing myself. Also, I feel like I should have had a job by now...most kids get jobs at like 15 years old, and I'm 20 with NO job experience! I feel like such a loser! How do I explain this to the interviewer? I really want to get a job though. I want to make some friends, make money, and move out of my parents house. I think getting a job would increase my confidence too, because then I wouldn't feel so down on myself. But I'm just so scared.

I'm sure a lot of you have jobs. Did you have anxiety about it? Can you give me some advice, or some words to calm me down about it?
I feel the exact same as you. The only job I ever had was at Jack in the Box. And I got that by pure luck. The person interviewing me asked what the most important thing to always do was? I guessed and guessed and just didn't know. The answer was: SMILE.
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Old 01-03-2011
MollyBeGood's Avatar
Warmblood
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I had my first job when I was 15. SA be damned. But I have since lost some of my fire and it has gotten more diffircult to want to look for a job when I am out of work mostly because of where i live there is no work. I don't really have a problem with anxiety on the job it's weird, but good! Like if i work as a waitress sometimes I act, i am another person with smiles and nobody knows I am shy because I am working for tips so it does me no favors not to be bubbly. I amaze myself sometimes at how well I can pull off not having SA but it can be exhausting. Also depends on who your working for and with. The people who you surround yourself with may dictate your level of anxiety often.

a friend says something funny -
"Problem with looking for work is you just might find it"
and when the job really sux which is more often than not..
"Rich people never get to do this work"
LoL

good luck you can do it, just have faith in yourself.
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Old 01-03-2011
beals's Avatar
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Thank you all for replying. I guess I will just go out and try my best. Maybe I can be able to switch off my SA in work mode too, who knows.

I am thinking of applying at either Panera Bread, Forever 21 (teen clothing store), or a gym. What do you think would be the best place for someone with SA?
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Old 01-03-2011
Predacon's Avatar
Expert User
 

It can be tough man. I know thinking about work and interviews is what makes me the most anxious out of anything.
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Old 01-03-2011
Sinar_Matahari's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beals View Post
I feel really embarrassed to say this but I am 20 years old and have never had a job.
That's nothing to be embarrassed about. You're still young and not everyone has had a job by the age of 20.

Quote:
Everything about getting a job scares me...applying, the interview, getting the actual job! It just seems like such a big step, such a new experience...you have to talk to new people everyday, learn how to do so many things. I'm just so scared of messing up, looking stupid, or embarrassing myself.
Although I worked thought my teens and in my early twenties, I faced the same fears that you are now facing. It's scary, but the only way of overcoming this is facing those fears and going through the application process, the interview etc...Eventually you will see that it's not as scary as it seemed at first.

You're going to make mistakes when you're new to a job. Even more seasoned employees make mistakes sometimes. It's part of being human and although it's normal for us to fear error, it's not something that should bring us shame. I worry about making mistakes, but I only let it work for me in that I try harder to learn and ask questions.


Quote:
Also, I feel like I should have had a job by now...most kids get jobs at like 15 years old, and I'm 20 with NO job experience! I feel like such a loser! How do I explain this to the interviewer? I really want to get a job though. I want to make some friends, make money, and move out of my parents house. I think getting a job would increase my confidence too, because then I wouldn't feel so down on myself. But I'm just so scared.
I somehow doubt that an interviewer will ask you why you haven't had a job yet. Believe me when I tell you that it's really not as bad as you think it is. Not all teenagers have jobs.

If you want to get a job, make friends, make money and move out of your parent's home, you have to face your fears. There really is no other way of doing this other than doing it and not give up as soon as you get scared. The more time you give yourself to think about it, the more time you'll have to talk yourself out of going through with your plan.

If you let your fears keep you from achieving your goals, it becomes easier and easier to avoid things that make you afraid. Eventually this turns into a nasty cycle which can be very difficult to break. It's best to break it now before you allow it continue for God knows how long. I emphasized "allow" because you have to realize that just as you allow yourself to be held back, you could allow yourself to push forward. The latter just seems foreign and scary, but it's something that you are capable of. Do you really want to look back one day and realize that you could have done this or could have had that and the reason why you don't is because you allowed your fear to paralyze you?

Quote:
I'm sure a lot of you have jobs. Did you have anxiety about it? Can you give me some advice, or some words to calm me down about it?
You should have seen me during my interview. I was a mess and my anxiety was through the roof, but it turns out that they liked me and I got hired.
Remember to take deep breaths whenever you start to worry. Try and shut out all your negative thoughts and concentrate on the matter at hand.

Think of the goals you have stated above. How bad do you want to achieve those goals? Maybe it will help to keep these goals in mind every time you become afraid or anxious or feel like giving up. I believe that if we want something bad enough, we can find a way to get it. We may have social anxiety or various other issues, but that doesn't mean we're not as capable as every other person out there.

I never imagined that I would enjoy this job, that I would enjoy the challenge or that I would enjoy being very talkative with people. Know that having a job and having to interact with people can help you learn social skills, and it can help you open up more. I've met some very interesting people so far. Some of them were total *******s too, but I enjoyed meeting them as well. lol Who knows the kind of people you could meet? While you're achieving your goals, you could gain a lot of experience and even make friends. Think about it. What do you have to lose?
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Old 01-03-2011
Sinar_Matahari's Avatar
Elite User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by beals View Post
Thank you all for replying. I guess I will just go out and try my best. Maybe I can be able to switch off my SA in work mode too, who knows.

I am thinking of applying at either Panera Bread, Forever 21 (teen clothing store), or a gym. What do you think would be the best place for someone with SA?
I'd do Forever 21, but that's because I love their clothes. They're stylish, affordable and more durable than I thought. I wouldn't mind working at the gym. If working at a shoe store gave me incentive to buy shoes then maybe working at the gym would give me incentive to get my lazy *** on that treadmill. I don't know what Panera Bread is.
Don't think about jobs in terms of what would suit a person with SA. You'll have to interact with people one way or another. So the more practice you get being around people the better off you'll be. I think so, at least.
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Old 01-03-2011
 

It's something that you are going to have to face one way or another. You do it now when your 20 or later when ur 40. It can be tough but its obtainable.
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Old 01-03-2011
PurpleOne's Avatar
Newbie User
 

If you live in Georgia there's no hope.
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Old 01-04-2011
Social_Monstrosity's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

You could start at a grocery store or some other store, stocking shelves at night so you don't have to do barely (if any at all) socializing.

I'm also in the same exact situation as you, OP. It is so disheartening to have never had a job, and I'm 19.
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Old 01-04-2011
Pacific_Loner's Avatar
Pirate from the North Pole
Elite User
 

If you feel that you have to explain why you didn't have a job yet and you don't know what to say, you could say that you still live with your parents and until now they prefered you to concentrate on your studies and help with the house rather than working elsewhere? I think it makes you sound like a good person.
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Old 01-04-2011
 

If you can find a job that you really enjoy in some way, then you're all set... the anxiety will disappear by itself. I guess I'm in the minority, but I don't really care much about money beyond getting minimum wage to make it through. It took me over a decade to realize that.

I've had several jobs over the years most of which were temporary. Only had two really committed jobs. Strangely enough, the one I was most at ease with was giving away free candy floss at concerts. I earned little, but I enjoyed it.
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