Shyguy4
Active member
(Read to the end of post)
I was out with some friends when we ended up all being in a room and at that time my anxiety was about an 8 on a 10 scale. Since we were all there all my friends decided to talk about why I was quiet,.... it was the most embarresing emotional ride I ever went through! They basically knew I wouldn't say anything because I never do when I'm feeling anxious and they just let it out on me and there were a few people there I didn't know (Imagine that!). And for some reason it surprised me that they were angry about my quietness I thought they would be more curious than angry. After i tried to leave but we couldn't leave because my friends parents were home and some of us were not sober unfortunantly i wasn't.... the whole time i had my head down and i couldn't believe what just happened to me when i got home i felt like my life was over.
The answer I got from this so you don't have to:
* Please stop this avoidance.. your hurting your friends more than you realize.
* While you avoiding the feeling of rejection when you speak your only setting yourself up for a bigger rejection from all of your friends in the future for overall not being there for them.
* I thought it was no big deal until this day I couldn't believe how much it affected everybody.
* I know for a fact your not the one who decides if you live with it or not but you still WILL PAY FOR IT REGARDLESS. people can't see what we are going through and they take our actions personally.
Here is how to move on to a better life without Social anxiety:
(Read this like it were a letter written by you to yourself.)
Over the years with social anxiety I have avoided parties and social get togethers because I hate the feeling I get from the people I meet and I hate the way I make myself look because that's not how I really am... I forgot what I do to my friends that I care for but no longer am there for them because of my decision not to show up anywhere public. sorry Mom sorry best friend it's not like I don't care... I wish I could tell them that. Everyone knows about the life I live because word get around now there's no escaping the truth I'm lonely. Life is real and even as I go on living in my own world I'm missing out on what's really going on around me and I still have to deal with explaining what I was doing for the past years to everybody! I forgot nobody is like me and they don't feel the anxiety I feel with people DAMN! the whole time I thought I was living the life I was given but actually.......... it's the life I chose ...............how am I going to explain that with Anxiety?
Hopefully you read the letter and understand what the point of it is.
You need to consider reality when dealing with your life.. anxiety is not an excuse to abandon friends and isolate yourself from the rest of the world and hopefully you change your ways once you see that if you don't change your ways your going to pay for all the repercussions of reality.
"You can sit around and do nothing for five years but it still been five years."
Now for the cure to the anxiety to help those avoid my situation and stop avoiding what's really important ... Your life.
* Read the letter first.. it will help you stay on track on changing your life for the better. Another option is to call an old friend you know really well that you haven't talked to and try talking to them.... either way your going to have a wake up call from reality.
The Cure:
I have a question: Do you get anxiety around strangers more than people you know like mom or dad? Yes or No
If yes: whats the obvious difference between a stranger and your parents?
If no: do the strangers you don't get anxious around, around for very long?
Well the obvious difference between a stranger and your parents is that you know your parents and have a relationship with your parents.
The strangers aren't around for very long or else you would have called them people you know right!
now why is it that you get anxious around someone you don't know like a stranger? You don't know anything about them except! that you have no personal relationship..... but WAIT! how would my anxiety know who's a stranger ? .....Well because that's what you call them when in your brain you know you don't know that stranger personally or else why would you call them a stranger.
Ok ... My brain knows who I have personal relationships so what!
well over the years you have forgotten how a relationship looks like!
so when you see a stranger you get anxious but whY!
+ Your brain doesn't know how to respond to someone you don't know because avoidance of strangers made it so you are faint in memory on how to build relationships from ground up.
+ But wait sometimes I can talk to strangers!
Really are they someone you have to build relationships with.... probably not.
It was probably something like hi or can I have the number 7 without mayo.
+ Well it only happens with a lot of people around.
That's because your unsure of where you are with everyone relationship wise.
You have forgotten what its like to have relations with people around you in everyday life. Anxiety is a fear and worry.... social anxiety is a fear and worry about socializing and what do people socialize for?) oh yea to build relationships.
+What can I do about it?
Watch your parents interact or brothers or sisters or strangers who are not strangers with another and see how they respond off each other.. You will be able to tell that there interactions are based off a past. ex: Did you get the picture i asked for?
I can't believe it I haven't seen you in forever!
+ O.k. I do that with my brother/sister all the time but I still get anxiety around people.
Right because with your brother or sister or parents you already have a relationship with them the problem with other people is that you have forgotten how to start new relationships and maintain them due to the fact of avoidance of strangers.
+So do I talk to random people and build my social knowledge.
Only if you understand that you already have relationships with other people... that will help you remember how you became friends in the first place allowing you to ease the fear and worry(anxiety) of socializing.
+Is that all?
yes that is all the fear and worry come from not knowing where something can lead to by interacting with people you meet it's almost like wandering in a forest in pitch black but once you remind your self that it's relationships that are brought into the picture and remind yourself that you've already had relationship before in your life than the walk through the dark forest just becomes a walk through your back yard in the night.
+ whats the next step?)
Try to remember what it was like to make friends and how you got to know them better and more personally and if its been a while since that has happened than try watching other people interact under the perspective of measuring how well they know each other this will get your anxiety to go away because then your brain will recognize why there are strangers around you and what can happen if they interact with you no longer will you have that fight or flight response because the outcome of an interaction with a stranger has been experienced and you know how to handle it if it occurs again.
One day I was laying on my couch on a regular day and I woke up to my cousin and her boyfriend argueing and I didn't want to embarress them by showing them that I was there so I just layed there until they stopped argueing when i heard them talking it was like you could tell that they been through a past together and for a while the only past i knew was my own and it was filled with social anxiety so my brain started to pick up on how usual interactions go. I couldn't tell you how much came rushing back to me it was crazy how all it took was this arguement because it was so real to life and my friends only talk to me like I was that shy kid I knew I wasn't so I had no sense of how I used to think until I heard them talking. I know your probably like wow that cant be all of it but it is trust me people are interacting with you on a basis you aren't used to but have nothing but memories of because you have been living with social anxiety for so long but once you get a glimpse of how people who know each other interact you will see that its all about relationships with people and if you understand that than you will no longer have as much anxiety as you used to.
If you need to hear one of the talks that I heard I will write it down below:
Ok So you know ashley is only going with John as friends can you tell him when you see him:
yea I know
ok because she said she would go with him but only as friends and she wants john to know that
yea he knows is ashley still going out with roger?
no she likes someone else
who? roger
i don't know
oh
I feel like going to sleep
why
because then i can stay up longer tomorrow
wait what I don't get it
etc.
(as you can see there's a personal relationship with both people and when you interact yourself with another person you will see that, that is all you get is a relationship so you have nothing to worry about.)
Good luck on your new life.
I was out with some friends when we ended up all being in a room and at that time my anxiety was about an 8 on a 10 scale. Since we were all there all my friends decided to talk about why I was quiet,.... it was the most embarresing emotional ride I ever went through! They basically knew I wouldn't say anything because I never do when I'm feeling anxious and they just let it out on me and there were a few people there I didn't know (Imagine that!). And for some reason it surprised me that they were angry about my quietness I thought they would be more curious than angry. After i tried to leave but we couldn't leave because my friends parents were home and some of us were not sober unfortunantly i wasn't.... the whole time i had my head down and i couldn't believe what just happened to me when i got home i felt like my life was over.
The answer I got from this so you don't have to:
* Please stop this avoidance.. your hurting your friends more than you realize.
* While you avoiding the feeling of rejection when you speak your only setting yourself up for a bigger rejection from all of your friends in the future for overall not being there for them.
* I thought it was no big deal until this day I couldn't believe how much it affected everybody.
* I know for a fact your not the one who decides if you live with it or not but you still WILL PAY FOR IT REGARDLESS. people can't see what we are going through and they take our actions personally.
Here is how to move on to a better life without Social anxiety:
(Read this like it were a letter written by you to yourself.)
Over the years with social anxiety I have avoided parties and social get togethers because I hate the feeling I get from the people I meet and I hate the way I make myself look because that's not how I really am... I forgot what I do to my friends that I care for but no longer am there for them because of my decision not to show up anywhere public. sorry Mom sorry best friend it's not like I don't care... I wish I could tell them that. Everyone knows about the life I live because word get around now there's no escaping the truth I'm lonely. Life is real and even as I go on living in my own world I'm missing out on what's really going on around me and I still have to deal with explaining what I was doing for the past years to everybody! I forgot nobody is like me and they don't feel the anxiety I feel with people DAMN! the whole time I thought I was living the life I was given but actually.......... it's the life I chose ...............how am I going to explain that with Anxiety?
Hopefully you read the letter and understand what the point of it is.
You need to consider reality when dealing with your life.. anxiety is not an excuse to abandon friends and isolate yourself from the rest of the world and hopefully you change your ways once you see that if you don't change your ways your going to pay for all the repercussions of reality.
"You can sit around and do nothing for five years but it still been five years."
Now for the cure to the anxiety to help those avoid my situation and stop avoiding what's really important ... Your life.
* Read the letter first.. it will help you stay on track on changing your life for the better. Another option is to call an old friend you know really well that you haven't talked to and try talking to them.... either way your going to have a wake up call from reality.
The Cure:
I have a question: Do you get anxiety around strangers more than people you know like mom or dad? Yes or No
If yes: whats the obvious difference between a stranger and your parents?
If no: do the strangers you don't get anxious around, around for very long?
Well the obvious difference between a stranger and your parents is that you know your parents and have a relationship with your parents.
The strangers aren't around for very long or else you would have called them people you know right!
now why is it that you get anxious around someone you don't know like a stranger? You don't know anything about them except! that you have no personal relationship..... but WAIT! how would my anxiety know who's a stranger ? .....Well because that's what you call them when in your brain you know you don't know that stranger personally or else why would you call them a stranger.
Ok ... My brain knows who I have personal relationships so what!
well over the years you have forgotten how a relationship looks like!
so when you see a stranger you get anxious but whY!
+ Your brain doesn't know how to respond to someone you don't know because avoidance of strangers made it so you are faint in memory on how to build relationships from ground up.
+ But wait sometimes I can talk to strangers!
Really are they someone you have to build relationships with.... probably not.
It was probably something like hi or can I have the number 7 without mayo.
+ Well it only happens with a lot of people around.
That's because your unsure of where you are with everyone relationship wise.
You have forgotten what its like to have relations with people around you in everyday life. Anxiety is a fear and worry.... social anxiety is a fear and worry about socializing and what do people socialize for?) oh yea to build relationships.
+What can I do about it?
Watch your parents interact or brothers or sisters or strangers who are not strangers with another and see how they respond off each other.. You will be able to tell that there interactions are based off a past. ex: Did you get the picture i asked for?
I can't believe it I haven't seen you in forever!
+ O.k. I do that with my brother/sister all the time but I still get anxiety around people.
Right because with your brother or sister or parents you already have a relationship with them the problem with other people is that you have forgotten how to start new relationships and maintain them due to the fact of avoidance of strangers.
+So do I talk to random people and build my social knowledge.
Only if you understand that you already have relationships with other people... that will help you remember how you became friends in the first place allowing you to ease the fear and worry(anxiety) of socializing.
+Is that all?
yes that is all the fear and worry come from not knowing where something can lead to by interacting with people you meet it's almost like wandering in a forest in pitch black but once you remind your self that it's relationships that are brought into the picture and remind yourself that you've already had relationship before in your life than the walk through the dark forest just becomes a walk through your back yard in the night.
+ whats the next step?)
Try to remember what it was like to make friends and how you got to know them better and more personally and if its been a while since that has happened than try watching other people interact under the perspective of measuring how well they know each other this will get your anxiety to go away because then your brain will recognize why there are strangers around you and what can happen if they interact with you no longer will you have that fight or flight response because the outcome of an interaction with a stranger has been experienced and you know how to handle it if it occurs again.
One day I was laying on my couch on a regular day and I woke up to my cousin and her boyfriend argueing and I didn't want to embarress them by showing them that I was there so I just layed there until they stopped argueing when i heard them talking it was like you could tell that they been through a past together and for a while the only past i knew was my own and it was filled with social anxiety so my brain started to pick up on how usual interactions go. I couldn't tell you how much came rushing back to me it was crazy how all it took was this arguement because it was so real to life and my friends only talk to me like I was that shy kid I knew I wasn't so I had no sense of how I used to think until I heard them talking. I know your probably like wow that cant be all of it but it is trust me people are interacting with you on a basis you aren't used to but have nothing but memories of because you have been living with social anxiety for so long but once you get a glimpse of how people who know each other interact you will see that its all about relationships with people and if you understand that than you will no longer have as much anxiety as you used to.
If you need to hear one of the talks that I heard I will write it down below:
Ok So you know ashley is only going with John as friends can you tell him when you see him:
yea I know
ok because she said she would go with him but only as friends and she wants john to know that
yea he knows is ashley still going out with roger?
no she likes someone else
who? roger
i don't know
oh
I feel like going to sleep
why
because then i can stay up longer tomorrow
wait what I don't get it
etc.
(as you can see there's a personal relationship with both people and when you interact yourself with another person you will see that, that is all you get is a relationship so you have nothing to worry about.)
Good luck on your new life.
