Angry and empty all the time

It seems that no matter what I do, I always feel sad, angry and empty. For example, I just earned all A grades in my first semester back at college after almost 30 years of being out of school. Whoop te doo. Doesn't mean a damned thing to me. I finally have someone in my life who is good to me and doesn't treat me like a doormat. I'm very grateful and I love him dearly, but it still doesn't take away my daily thoughts of suicide.

Sometimes I feel that I have been too damaged by traumatic events in my past to ever feel happy. I'm just tired of feeling awful.

Worthless1 said:

It seems that no matter what I do, I always feel sad, angry and empty. For example, I just earned all A grades in my first semester back at college after almost 30 years of being out of school. Whoop te doo. Doesn't mean a damned thing to me. I finally have someone in my life who is good to me and doesn't treat me like a doormat. I'm very grateful and I love him dearly, but it still doesn't take away my daily thoughts of suicide.

Sometimes I feel that I have been too damaged by traumatic events in my past to ever feel happy. I'm just tired of feeling awful.

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Sorry you feel that way. I know how ye feel, though. I feel tha same way. It's not easy to live with those traumatic events in yer past, especially ones that have had a lasting affect. I'm guessing people have treated you badly in the past? Sorry, I don't mean to pry.

And I totally understand why ye think yer college A grades don't mean a thing, since ye drop outta school 30 years ago. But they do. Believe me, even if it doesnae seem like it, that's quite an achievement - seriously.

I know suicidal thoughts and depression can be hellish to deal with, but finding an outlet for yer feelings can be really helpful. And having someone or something to live for all helps. You have someone who loves and treats you as you deserve to be treated.

Sorry, I'm not that great when it comes to giving advice. Stay strong.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it

Love yourself = heal yourself. You are not your thoughts, opinions or the sum of your past experiences. Rather than the victim mindset your in, why not look at the struggles you've had and see them as a success you have overcome each time. All you need is a bit of self worth, you have a man in your life now, hes not your savoir so don't be disappointed if things don't work out. Both of you could have a chat and work something out that you can help each other grow and share love. Goodluck

I'm no expert at this but it sounds like you suffer from depression (also hope I'm not being Captain Obvious). Have you looked into that or currently receiving therapy?

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to read my post and answer it. I truly am absurdly grateful!

Yes, I have made the mistake of allowing my self worth and my happiness to depend on how others treat me, and it has brought me nothing but grief. I think probably a lot of people with low self esteem, like I have, make the same mistake, and it's something we need to stop doing.

I have suffered from depression and other emotional problems since I can remember, and I've been to numerous therapists and been on all kinds of medication. That's what makes it so frustrating and seem so hopeless, the fact that I've tried so many things and nothing has worked.

I guess the answer does not lie in doctors or pills, but in conquering the negative self-image I have of myself. Easier said than done, but I guess it's better than the alternative.

Thanks again so much to all of you who responded <3

Yes there ya go! that's the attitude you need. Goodluck