any body ever been to a therapist?

alright so i have tried out therapy, and i have gone to this one guy for a few months.

overall i LIKE him... but hes not the worlds best therapist for a number of reasons.

One is that he can be pretty negative. he told me that im probably not going to find a boyfriend at the university i am attending. and even though i got the impression he meant because there arent good guys here (there really ARENT, so many girls have told me that and i have just realized there ARENT...) he never said, its not because of you. Hes kind of stuck up. I dont really know how to explain it.

I've never been to therapy before, but arent they supposed to make you feel good? like, i am not fishing for compliments, but he hardly EVER gives me any kind of approval or compliments.

Alright so the whole point of writing this was to see, if he should have, as a therapist, said this to me:

Part of the reason i am going to him is because my sister and i dont get along. She and i havent talked in 6 weeks, and the balls in her court. I wrote her an email saying to call me when you are ready to apologize to me, and she never has, so its up to her when she wants to call. Anyway i am going to him partly for this. And i was talking about my relationship w/ her. And out of no where he just goes, "I dont know how to say this, but i think people pick on you because you are a nice person.."

Should he have said this? I dont think it was very good of him to say. Its like first of all, isnt being nice a GOOD THING. he implied it was bad. So just cause im nice im a target for people??!! so is he saying i should be mean??? would that be better??! i think this comment is rather rude of him to say. and it would be alright if he like followed it up with like, heres how to be assertive... or heres what you can do to avoid this. but he just blurted that out. I kind of forget what we talked about after because i did not see that one comiing.

Whats so weird is that the time before this he said "Where did you get such a backbone??!" because i stood up for myself. And i usually do.. like as a kid i never really did. but i didnt really have to. i was pretty popular and people were never mean to me. As i got older i realized people will treat you like crap unless you stand up for yourself. So yes i am a nice person, actually i suck at being mean, i try to avoid such nonsense, and i would just rather enjoy life!!! I think people that are mean dont know how to be happy.

So can some one tell me if this was uncalled for??? I am thinking about not going to him anymore, hes not helping.

Well, I really don't think he meant that as a criticism--he said it as a helpful comment. Next time you see him, ask him for ideas on how you can be assertive. I don't think you should stop seeing him because of that.
But if you just really don't like his personality, find another therapist. I've done that--there was a therapist I saw who had no idea what it was like to be shy, and I knew that we wouldn't be seeing eye to eye for my particular problem, so I found a different therapist--it's normal.

No matter how nice and sympathetic the therapist is (mine has been), it's difficult. You have to face difficult things and talk about stuff that can be hell to discuss. Don't give up on it. If you really don't like this guy, maybe see if you can get a woman, they've tended to be more sympathetic than the males I've seen.

He told you your probably not going to find a boyfriend at the university ...

that is negative beyond what a therapist should be telling you, i'd be looking elsewhere, unfortunately some therapists are either not trained well or become very one sided in their own bias view of psychology and they become rigid, either that or he's over his job ....

he shouldn't be wording it like that for a start, he should say "don't expect it'll be handed to you on a platter and it may take some work" ...something like that ..

there is a difference between stark sincerety and blunt honesty and saying your hopeless and this or that will or won't happen aka being very negative which a therapist shouldnt be saying ...

that person is silly

I have had a lot of therapy, and over all it should be validating, your experiences, your feelings and your hopes. This isn't to say you are not challenged, as that is what therapy is about. Challenging your thoughts and the way you process and perceive yourself and other people.

I would seek out someone new.

Peace xxx

Its important to remember that every therapist, atlhough trained, has his unique approach.

I would suggest finding another one you're comfortable with fully.

alright well thanks for the replies.

i guess everyone agrees that i should probably go find another therapist. well im almost done seeing this one anyway, ive been to him for a while, and he actually said he thought i was doing well and that i dont need to see him, unless i am opposed to that.

alright so what was so weird, was that he told me this last time i saw him (since the people pick on you b/c your nice comment)... and he said, people may think you come off as being mean but it is a good characteristic for a woman to have to be able to say if something is not right... So i am very confused!!! i have told some of my friends about him -- i am pretty open w/ my friends about how i go to a therapist-- and they were all like he sounds weird!

but i will either go see some one else, or just stop seeing him... plus things in my life have pretty much died down. its not so chaotic right now.

but i am surprised more people didnt respond cause i would think more people have been to therapy on here.