anyone else a complete hermit?

hello everyone. im not sure id even call this anxiety anymore but im a complete hermit i dont go anywhere. maybe to avoid anxiety altogether i dont know but im only 19 and obviously i dont have any real friends or a gf anything like that .
i dont expect there are many people that can relate but sometimes i just wonder how id ever make it in the real world you know. it really upsets my mom plus im sure its embarrassing for her.
i feel like maybe ive been like this for too many years and just too much of a loser to ever snap out of it. obviously most people my age are getting jobs or going to college and i never even graduated hs. ive also ignored health problems because of this as well just basically going day by day with no real purpose to even wake up everyday.
well alright i just wanted to post this since i was feeling extra lonely at the moment.

I completely relate to that - I never leave the house, I have no real life friends. My mum gets upset and embarrassed by it too. I'm 21 though.

I have no idea of how to cope in the world. I've been stuck like this since I was 16. I finished school, then nothing!

But I know I can't go on living like this forever. It's just really difficult to actually do anything. In a way, I'm scared to get better, because, that will mean having to face reality, and feeling completely lost and overwhelmed. I mean, how do you go from nothing to even a fraction of normal? I really can't see it at all. :?

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. *Hugs* You won't feel as lonely posting on here though, there are so many friendly people that can understand and relate.

Welcome to the forum.

Hello hermitdafrog & Starry,
I can totally relate. I don't go out any further than my garden. And i only go in the garden to hang out the Christmas decorations every year. And in the summer i like to sit in the back garden with a few drinks.

The last time i went shopping for music was 1996 and the last time to the local store was 1997. So i do fully understand how you feel.

I'm feeling ok right now but last year was a bit of a struggle. It gets worse for me when i'm bored. Because i start to reflect on my life and all the things that i haven't done. Things that "Normal" people take for granted. Like hanging out with friends, going out for dinner or to a movie. Going shopping or to a concert.

I have also never had a job or a Boyfriend. And like you i have ignored health problems. To the point of going a whole year feeling ill and thinking that i had something seriously wrong with me.

But both of you two are so very young. 19 & 21 is nothing. You both have your whole lives ahead of you. And there is definitely time to make a change and a difference. You both obviously want to change and start living life because you've both come here to talk to other sufferers. You've made the first step!

You should start by taking little steps every so often. For example when the weather gets better you could sit out in the back garden and take in the fresh air. Even if it's just for 5 minutes at a time. It gets you out of the house and you'll slowly start to get used to the outside world again.

Then maybe when you start to feel more confident doing that you could maybe say "Hello" to someone passing. Just get the human contact going again. All that sounds like very little and maybe pointless things to do but it is a start.

I don't know if that's of any help to anyone but if you'd like to get in touch don't hesitate to send me a message.

Dann. x

yeah i can relate to being a hermit :wink: . i would stay inside all day everyday if it wasent for school, but on the holidays i barely ever go outside. its probably because i've been obsessed with computer games and stuff like that since a very early age and that i'm very shy.

totally understand and am the same way. im a girl and im 15 and cannot stand leaving to the unless its life or death going 2 school is a nighmare ((havent been since before christmas break and have got 2 start back w/ all new classes monday and not sure ill be able 2 survive it- rlly)) and my moms always worried cuz im not a "normal teenager" out w/ friends and a bf and having a good time. i wanna make here happy but i think ive gotta be happy b4 i can make ne1 else happy.

thanks for the replies i didnt expect anyone else to have these same problems. i feel pretty silly actually since im younger than you dann and starry. i dont have any problems going in my backyard thankfully im not that bad off yet. actually i did go out a few times last year which kind of made things worse since it made me realize how screwed up i really was.
oh and dying-inside you're definitely young enough to change this try getting on some meds or something. ive never tried them but i remember being asked if i was depressed many years ago by a doctor and had i just said yes and got on some who knows how my life would be right now.

^^^ There's no need to feel silly because you're younger. If anything I should feel silly because I'm older lol.

I'm fine going into the garden too, as long as no neighbours are looking out of their windows, or are cutting hedges and therefore able to see me lol.

I hope you can get yourself sorted out.

Maybe you people should see "Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai." The main character is sort of a hermit, although he does go out know and then.

Hi,

I can relate to being anxious about going out. I'm similar to you Starry, I can't outside if I think other people are outside. We haven't got a private garden, it's completely open and therefore I stay inside even when the weather's great. The thing is, I've really tried to overcome this problem and I can't. My partner says just go outside and don't worry about what other people think. If only I could think like that.

bye

shy_girl said:

i used to actually look up other peoples bebos myspace and stuff, people from my school, and see what they did with their lives

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I do that too sometimes lol. :lol: It can make a person feel very pathetic. But I'm also really glad I don't know a lot of them anymore, they're the sort of people I can't stand mostly lol

bye

I came across this study once on the internet ...I wish I could find it again now. It was about the effects of rejection and feeling rejected (isolated) on a person's self-control.
...It showed that the ordinary everyday person reacts towards rejection (and social isolation) with a significant effect on their emotional self-control. That people feel a lack of control over their emotions and therefore lose the ability to relate to others with a fair degree of ease.

...This to me suggests that isolation and lack of "social ability" go together. That if you have experienced one, it will effect the other. And that, likewise, it really is a vicious circle.

If ordinary people can experience such an effect on their ability to interact with others simply by having been ignored (this was the experiment) consistently for a certain amount of time ....then, imagine how it would be for a person with a slightly greater propensity for shyness and emotional sensitivity? ...they'd feel this more and longer: little differences creating a much bigger sense of separation.

I think to my self that others are not much different from me. the prejudice people tend to have for the socially isolated, in fact, proves that there is little difference between those who become socially isolated and those who maintain a reasonable social network.

The prejudice and shame dumped onto the socially isolated person (that they often believe about themselves) is designed to deceive people into thinking that there is a substantial difference between social success and social failure. ...and this deception is entertained because in actual fact the difference between the two is much smaller.

Look at the study I mentioned above and you can see how the 'vicious cirlce' that social isolation is, is based on people wanting to think they can be socially secure because in actual fact there is not much between having social status and connection and losing it.
...I'm positive it works this way. And I think that it is a question of us waking up to see through such illusions.

-See how big differences on the 'outside' are the result of small differences on the 'inside'.
Don't be fooled by how things appear: this creates the belief that one is separate from others ...which is precisely the problem.

Reminds me of this saying: "store your treasure in the kindgom of heaven, where moths cannot destroy and robbers cannot break in and steal" ...as in, base self-image on inner emotional things -then the difference between you and others will be smaller; instead of looking at people in terms of their status and social position, and other material ways of seeing people, since these make the differences between people appear bigger than they need to be and even already are, for that matter.

man... I was having these problems... I duno what to say bro... But ever since I've came back from the army, completely different now... Start seeing what people are doing, find out about parties... DRINK, GET HAMMERED//WASTED, have some fun... trust me bro ;-)

Yeah, my picture is next to the word "hermit" in the dictionary. Ha Ha. I try to avoid other people when at all possible. When I am forced to have contact with others, like when I must talk to my son's teacher or the mothers of his friends, or when I have to have my hair done, I feel so anxious and stressed that I have a headache for hours afterwards. I don't have a single friend, nor do I wish to have any. I would be happy living in a cabin out in the middle of nowhere, and never had to see another human being, except for my son and my husband. That would be my idea of paradise. So, yep, I'm a hermit.

Foxglove said:

Yeah, my picture is next to the word "hermit" in the dictionary. Ha Ha. I try to avoid other people when at all possible. When I am forced to have contact with others, like when I must talk to my son's teacher or the mothers of his friends, or when I have to have my hair done, I feel so anxious and stressed that I have a headache for hours afterwards. I don't have a single friend, nor do I wish to have any. I would be happy living in a cabin out in the middle of nowhere, and never had to see another human being, except for my son and my husband. That would be my idea of paradise. So, yep, I'm a hermit.

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Maybe you should read "The Catcher in the Rhye" if you haven't. Holden Caulfield, the main character, has similar thoughts.

I have become a total hermit. I stay in my room most of the time. I try to avoid people as much as possible. When my family has parties or anything I don't socialize, but rather lock myself in my room and go on the computer. I always feel like if I do go out and talk to people I will be judged. It's a terrible feeling, like I'm living in fear everyday. I have no real freinds, just people I talk to online. I can 't even hold a job due to the anxiety of being around people

I'm a hermit in training, although I do try resisting occassionally. :lol:

But seriously though, just imagine, the boy in the bubble must've had so much fun, never ever having to go outside! 8O

hermitdafrog said:

hello everyone. im not sure id even call this anxiety anymore but im a complete hermit i dont go anywhere. maybe to avoid anxiety altogether i dont know but im only 19 and obviously i dont have any real friends or a gf anything like that .
i dont expect there are many people that can relate but sometimes i just wonder how id ever make it in the real world you know. it really upsets my mom plus im sure its embarrassing for her.
i feel like maybe ive been like this for too many years and just too much of a loser to ever snap out of it. obviously most people my age are getting jobs or going to college and i never even graduated hs. ive also ignored health problems because of this as well just basically going day by day with no real purpose to even wake up everyday.
well alright i just wanted to post this since i was feeling extra lonely at the moment.

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Hey, i can totaly relate. Im only 17 and recently left high school. I dident go. I just had no motivation. Now im forced to get a GED wich is no problem, but im not motivated for that. I love to build my car, well loved. Now it just sits there. It defenatly is anxiety/depression. I also understand abotu the posting, i do the same. Let me ask you this: Do you find it so much easier to talk to people online about this? In person i owuld have looked at you and looked away with my head down, but online i feel comfortable.

thanks for the replies everyone. oh 87camaro i dont feel comfortable talking about this anytime. online or especially in person when someone asks why i dont go anywhere or what i want to do with my life i usually just ignore them or leave the room. i guess its because i dont know why.