Anyone else feel this way?

this_portrait

Well-known member
Usually, I fantasize about having a boyfriend and whatnot, and it normally brings me happiness whenever I fantasize. I could usually fantasize all day and I would think it brings me more satisfaction than the real thing ever could.

However, lately I'm finding that I can't fantasize without feeling sad. I'll try to picture it, and I'll just start feeling like I'm going to cry. Because of this, I've been trying to not think about it and focus more attention on my writing. Focusing on all my passions in life help to ease the pain that fantasizing brings lately.

Does anyone else feel this way? If so, what are some things you think about to distract yourself from thinking about being with someone?
 

hidingfromtheworld

Well-known member
I used to be very attached emotionally and felt that i needed 'someone'. Even though we all have practical expeirence that relationships are never without trouble. And usually end. What changed it for me was reading some eastern philosophy ,especially the parts regarding detachment ,false ego,desires, and how to control such desires. Of course I did nt master it overnight...but,I have learned to love and respect myself and feel full and satisfied with my own company. I no longer have that sad,attached,co dependant longing to 'be with somebody'. Basically I occupied myself with reading,,reading about how NOT to feel that way..Not watching silly t.v.shows that are specifically designed to play on your weaknesses/sentiment and make you feel like you need someone else to be complete. Also,not listening to non sense music that sends the same message.. It truly amkes you stronger..avoid all b.s. sentiment...these are material emotions and in no way do the effect the real self. I was always trying to be in relationships when i had an empty 'love tank'..and so did the other person. Its a constant battle because both parties are trying to fill their own love tanks and its not happening because both tanks are empty. This causes a very turbulent relationship in 99 percent of people and its just not worth it..Learn to love yourself and keep your love tank full. Then you will be satisfied and will be happy to be alone without the crazy relationship issues that others have. Their relationship struggles/desires will become comical to you almost because you have surpassed the stage they are in ..the stage that tells you that you must feed off of someone else and vice versa ,,to truly be happy..its just a learning expeirence and it has saved me emtionally in so many ways..i have lived peacefully alone for 9 years..of course i still have the lack of peace caused by my own phobias,,but,have ridded myself of intimate attachments /desires for others ..I love being alone. Good luck.
 

hidingfromtheworld

Well-known member
To ye it shall be for MEAT..is what the verse says...this means that humans are to be vegetarian..sadly,christians missed that part big time..yes,ive been vegetarian for 23 years..and that verse was one that pushed me to it. lol
 

hidingfromtheworld

Well-known member
I love you all..we are all scared little babies still learning to crawl..lol,,at least we realize we have issues,,unlike 90 percent of the population..WE ARE SOME KIND OF SPECIAL! gotta love that..
 

DarkSeeker

Well-known member
Until recently I used to be in that stormy ocean of waves making you go up and down, but using my "extreme" introversion skills I managed to developed an array of coping mechanism, stranger from one to another, to overcome the feeling of sadness and emptiness.

I'm pretty sure that my fantasies feel a lot better than the real thing, but I don't feel bad about it anymore. There's nothing mystic about emotions, they don't cause the end of the world, and unlike what your brain would try to make you believe, it doesn't make a difference on the grand cosmic scale if you have or don't have a significant emotional bonding with another.


If you settle down to taste and savor everything that life throws at you, you'll eventually get to appreciate everything that is you, the good and even the bad.
 
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this_portrait

Well-known member
To the original poster, I would say that you shouldnt really try to distract yourself from thinking about being with someone. Just accept that most people occasionally think about being with someone and its a natural thing. It'll happen when the time and person is right. In the meantime just continue to enjoy your hobbies, etc and remember that theres nothing wrong with fantasising about a relationship. There's no harm at all in doing that.

I wasn't thinking about it every once in a while. I was thinking about it nearly every day. My mind would just end up drifting to those thoughts. I guess it got to be too much.
 

Square_Eyes

Well-known member
These days, it seems that I can't go more than one night without dreaming about some form of intimacy with a girl. It's never about dialogue, appearances or the journey to or from this closeness, just the simple comfort, warmth and exhilaration of being close to another human being that you trust feels the same way about yourself without all the horrid insecurities of waking life dragging you down. And it's so depressing, having to start each day with that horrible realization that the dream was really just that, a dream and that I am, as always, alone.
 

shore_of_glass

Well-known member
ahh yes... Sometimes I fantasize about that... Not everyday, I think, but quite some times. I always wonder, if I have a gf someday, what will she be like?

And as square_eyes said, waking up from a good dream and realizing it was just a dream... It's very, very bad and depressing.
 

iamthenra

Well-known member
Usually, I fantasize about having a boyfriend and whatnot, and it normally brings me happiness whenever I fantasize. I could usually fantasize all day and I would think it brings me more satisfaction than the real thing ever could.

However, lately I'm finding that I can't fantasize without feeling sad. I'll try to picture it, and I'll just start feeling like I'm going to cry. Because of this, I've been trying to not think about it and focus more attention on my writing. Focusing on all my passions in life help to ease the pain that fantasizing brings lately.

Does anyone else feel this way? If so, what are some things you think about to distract yourself from thinking about being with someone?

Oh boy do I know all too well what this is like. I have been obsessed with the idea of having a girl friend since I was about 10 years old. I have thought about it continually since then, and I am now 41. I can't shake this feeling that I need a woman in my life. I'm lonely and miserable and in no way can I find anything to distract me for any length of time. It always comes back to wanting and needing a love life and at my age it is very difficult to find anyone for a normal person, and then factor in SA and depression. Nobody wants a 41 year old guy who is depressed and has SA. Wanting and wishing my life away, and after 41 years no girl friend, not even a kiss... So much for having a passionate, caring, giving heart with nobody to give it to. ::(:
 

shore_of_glass

Well-known member
About what Square Eyes and Shore of glass just said there. About the bit about having a dream about being in a relationship and then waking up and feeling sad that the dream had ended and wasn't real.

I had the same kind of dream. I was only about 22 at the time. I had this really vivid dream that I was in a field with this girl and every time either of us said something the other one could just relate to it and we just clicked. She got cold and I gave her my jumper and we just talked for what seemed like ages. I felt so comfortable and happy. After i woke up I felt so sad. I really felt like I had lost a friend.

Days and weeks went by and it still stuck in my head. I dont think I've ever been so affected by a dream. In all my naivety I still kept going to bed hoping that I could get back into the same dream, but it didnt happen. Oddly enough I cant even remember what she looked like, it didnt really matter. We just got on so well and it was awful to wake up and realise that I was back on my own.

About two years later I was forced into going out coz of a relative's birthday. I tried evertything possible to get out of it. But I ended up going. That night I met the sweetest girl I've ever known and we fell in love. It hasnt been plain sailing, we broke up for a while and got back togetheter, but 5 years later now and I'd gladly die for her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. And I do everything I can to make her happy and she does the same in return.

Sometimes dreams do come true. The next time you have the opportunity to go to some party or some meet-up, just take it. Because you just never know.... :)


I'm really happy for you, seems like a fairy tale!

yeah man, I force myself to go everywhere, not much luck so far...

Suposing your social skills are as ****ty as mine, seemed like an impossible thing to happen before it did, no?
 

DarkSeeker

Well-known member
About what Square Eyes and Shore of glass just said there. About the bit about having a dream about being in a relationship and then waking up and feeling sad that the dream had ended and wasn't real.

I don't relate to the feeling sad thing. I rarely have those dreams, but when I do it makes me feel like an Angel walking amongst mortals for the next couple of days. I eventually come to realize that my vision of an ideal relationship is something that sounds really good in theory, but not in reality. In the end, this other person isn't me, unlike what my brain would try to trick me into. A realization that caused me tremendous anger, which I had to exorcise myself. It feels a lot better now and don't get mad anymore when my unrealistic expectations are not met, although I know I'll always be looking for them.
 

hidingfromtheworld

Well-known member
Yes,people need people i agree. Its just a matter of what level you need them on. I wholeheartedly agree that we need association,but,not longing and sadness for a lover to the point of depression/sadness. I should have made that clear. I did make it sound like you [we] should talk to no one,lol, sorry. i spaced.
 
i love hidingfromtheworld's first post.

i started having long conversations in writing with my imaginary girlfriend. it seems to be very therapeutic. i'm able to talk about anything in life that is bothering me, and actually get some resolution. more so than with any real girlfriend i've ever had.
 

T!GER

Member
My fantasies would commonly involve having a gf or attracting generous amount of female admirers.. but that was a long time ago, my mind is blank these days I think I have run out of generated scenes.

I used to get really sad and sometimes still do about not having someone, the only way I distracted myself from thinking about being with someone was to accept that I would always be alone. Not sure if it's a distraction by accepting my situation but it has made me stronger.... thou I miss my fantasies about gf's.

I watch movies now.. there's heaps of scenes I can use if I can ever get back to fantasizing.
 
Sometimes. I relate more to what you said the first time about fantasizing about having a boyfriend. When i do feel like you said, its because im inspired by something external to seek out someone tangible i can hold... If you are like me that's probably going to pass soon.

Sometimes I'm afraid of not feeling sad. Why am I just so okay with it? I think maybe i'm just getting used to it or something. I haven't been with a person i actually care about since i was so young. Now thats in the past and far away and i wonder why i dont seek that out more??? I wonder if ive become happy to relive it in my mind over and over. Its not healthy and i know it. I wonder if im afraid of it. I fantasize about everything though not just boyfriends. Its how i amuse myself.
 
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i love hidingfromtheworld's first post.

i started having long conversations in writing with my imaginary girlfriend. it seems to be very therapeutic. i'm able to talk about anything in life that is bothering me, and actually get some resolution. more so than with any real girlfriend i've ever had.

Thats a neat... I took a writing class once and they told me the best way to get to know your character was to have a looong conversation with them on paper.

Does your buddy stay in character ? whats he/she like? x)
 
About what Square Eyes and Shore of glass just said there. About the bit about having a dream about being in a relationship and then waking up and feeling sad that the dream had ended and wasn't real.

I had the same kind of dream. I was only about 22 at the time. I had this really vivid dream that I was in a field with this girl and every time either of us said something the other one could just relate to it and we just clicked. She got cold and I gave her my jumper and we just talked for what seemed like ages. I felt so comfortable and happy. After i woke up I felt so sad. I really felt like I had lost a friend.

Days and weeks went by and it still stuck in my head. I dont think I've ever been so affected by a dream. In all my naivety I still kept going to bed hoping that I could get back into the same dream, but it didnt happen. Oddly enough I cant even remember what she looked like, it didnt really matter. We just got on so well and it was awful to wake up and realise that I was back on my own.

About two years later I was forced into going out coz of a relative's birthday. I tried evertything possible to get out of it. But I ended up going. That night I met the sweetest girl I've ever known and we fell in love. It hasnt been plain sailing, we broke up for a while and got back togetheter, but 5 years later now and I'd gladly die for her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. And I do everything I can to make her happy and she does the same in return.

Sometimes dreams do come true. The next time you have the opportunity to go to some party or some meet-up, just take it. Because you just never know.... :)
Definitely!!
Take a chance everyday... Even if you have one conversation with a stranger and its awkward.. At least you can learn from it and little by little inch closer to freedom...
 
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