Anyone else find it difficult to think good about themself?

planemo

Well-known member
I don't know why, but it just seems very hard for me to think anything positive about myself. If someone compliments me, or is kind to me, or if someone smiles at me, I always dismiss it as undeserved. My mind never holds on to it. However if anyone is harsh or critical, I find it very hard to let go of, and it further confirms that nothing about me is any good. It's almost like I'm programed not to like myself. I find really hard work to see myself as anything good.

Does any else feel the same?
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
Definitely. I find it hard to keep those positives and use them to think positive. I find it difficult accepting praise - because I don't know how to respond besides a shy smile and secondly I don't feel I deserve it if I've done something that my contemporaries could do with ease. I'd have to save someone's life to feel good about doing something positive!

Criticism or mistakes kill me at times. I just find it difficult to shrug off and it's even harder when you can't talk to someone about them and receive reassurance or try to conjure up some voice in your head as anti-dote to all the negativity from criticism or mistakes.
 

planemo

Well-known member
A previous therapist once told me I had a 'punitive superego'. Maybe it's related to that, I don't know. Or maybe that's just psychobabble... who knows?

The funny thing is I've always been this way. I'm usually very nice to most people, but very harsh to myself. I suppose it is related to my core belief that I am unworthy of anything good. Maybe we're so shy, we're even shy to feel good about ourselves? :eek:mg:

So I've been mulling this over, and I realised something. I always see the world through my worst fear, or a worst case scenario. A quick example: I'm interested in someone but my worst fear is that I'll be rejected, and she'll feel I'm someone who shouldn't even think he's worthy of being liked. So that's the reality I adopt. That's what my mind tells me is real.

I suppose it would then makes sense not to see any good in myself since seeing good isn't something I fear. Since being criticized is, I hold on those moments. Obviously dismissing compliments is most likely due to fearing that there's an ulterior motive or that it's not genuine.

I wonder if others can make sense of that...
 
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FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I don't know why, but it just seems very hard for me to think anything positive about myself. If someone compliments me, or is kind to me, or if someone smiles at me, I always dismiss it as undeserved. My mind never holds on to it. However if anyone is harsh or critical, I find it very hard to let go of, and it further confirms that nothing about me is any good. It's almost like I'm programed not to like myself. I find really hard work to see myself as anything good.

Does any else feel the same?

I think I'm pretty much those kinds of people that procrastinate and bring misery on to themselves. I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm the most happiest person or that I've lived many good days(in reality, it's very rarely.) When people say there should be more people like me, well, I honestly wouldn't think of myself as the best role model to look up to. Realistically, nobody in their right mind wants to become a miserable old oaf like me who has no future. I figured it's just best to be by myself because I'd be dragging down a lot of people with my depression, anxiety, and dreadful misery. And even the the thought of losing people because my own feelings caused them to drive away, will without a doubt, increase my misery even more. I've done a lot of crying over the years (which I'm now finally starting to desensitize myself), and even though I may still be somewhat depressed, it won't ever cause me to be suicidal. Ever. Even though those thoughts do occur in my mind, I would never actually make myself do it.

I know as soon as people first get to know me/look at me, I bet in their minds that they must assume that I've got myself together and that my life just can't be bad. I'll let you in on a secret: My life is no fairytale. Trust me, I didn't come from a royal rich family (infact it's a very dysfunctional one) who spoil me, I don't have many friends (which is okay to me I guess), I don't have a lot of people who can support me sadly, and to top it off I'm not really the ideal person that people would want to be friends with or just be around them. I will admit it myself, I'm a very messed up person who's lived a very messed up life. I'm not saying this to gain some attention, but if you want to know the truth about me, that's pretty much who I am. I'm no hero. I haven't done anything to help out in this community. I certainly don't want people to pity me either because of the predicament I'm in. It's not their problem and they shouldn't have to constantly worry or make me feel bad about my own lifestyle. To be honest, that only weighs down more burden for me to carry. If everyone was like me in this world, the world would sure be absolute place of misery and hatred to live in. No one wants to live like that, now do they?
 

planemo

Well-known member
^I see some similarities in what we've been through. Would you say you also only base your reality on your worst fears? Maybe we fear that people will be put off by our difficulties and then assume no one would tolerate being around us? Maybe in reality we wouldn't be as much of a burden on others as we think. Maybe our misery isn't as infectious as we fear.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
So I've been mulling this over, and I realised something. I always see the world through my worst fear, or a worst case scenario. A quick example: I'm interested in someone but my worst fear is that I'll be rejected, and she'll feel I'm someone who shouldn't even think he's worthy of being liked. So that's the reality I adopt. That's what my mind tells me is real.

Its like that with me too. I always expect the worse treatment from another person and am genuinely surprised when its not that way. Even if said person has shown multiple times that they dont dislike me. And its causing me a lot of trouble at the moment.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
^I see some similarities in what we've been through. Would you say you also only base your reality on your worst fears? Maybe we fear that people will be put off by our difficulties and then assume no one would tolerate being around us? Maybe in reality we wouldn't be as much of a burden on others as we think. Maybe our misery isn't as infectious as we fear.

To some degree, I'd have to say it's part of my worst fears, but not it's definitely not the overall problem. Too many people I've been around seem to have no interest in getting to know me and they're either hostile or overly critical. I've found these two main traits that many people have, and it's a shame because the chances of me finding anyone, or hell just one person even, who is sympathetic and understanding of me are extremely slim. Maybe I might get lucky if I ever did come across this type of person, but I can't see that possibly happening. See, I'm honestly a very nice person and there's not one time I recall in my life that I've done anything immoral (ex: rob a bank, killing someone, breaking into people's homes, ect.) I've never comitted any crimes, never snuck out to go to parties or whatever, I've never even sexually abused anyone. All my life, I did everything opposite and that was to stay out of trouble. What I really don't want is for my depression to turn me into being obssevive, controling, or clingy of other people.

These specific traits will eventually cause others to either feel that the person's depression is dragging them down with that depressed person, or that people will become annoyed and just give up on helping that person. I figured with my own depression and problems in life, wiill only push the people around me away, even though those weren't my intentions. I figured that they'd give up on trying to help me or that they'll place labels on me "She's a control freak." "She's obssessive" "She's whiny and irritating" Trust me, I don't try to be any of those things, infact that's pretty much the last thing I'd want to happen is for people to assume what kind of person I am judging by my emotions. Even though with my depression it MAY sound like that's how it comes across as, it's really not my intentions to bring down that other person.

By any means, I don't want to inflict my depression onto that person or make that person feel just as miserable as me. People would be better off not getting to know me anyways. Or I should say, they'd be better of not knowing who I really am. I have to say, I've been surprisingly doing quite well in putting a front for others, because I had no other choice but to use that as a shield. It's all an act, it's all a sham, all a lie. No matter what people have seen me as, no matter what they believe I am, that was all part of an act. People who have seen me have only seen how I've acted when I'm around them. Unfortunately, what they can't see is how I truly act like when no one's around or when they're not around me, meaning: not too many people will ever get a chance to see the true side of myself. And the true side of me is somebody whom a lot of people won't be sticking around with in the long run. My depression and shyness IS the true side of me. It's made me into who I am as a person. I know that many people don't like to waste their time or just see a person who constantly shows their emotions (especially if those emotions are negative or revolves around depression), and that's why I have to put up this front so that that won't happen. I don't think many people can accept seeing the true side of people if that person does finally start showing them who they really are. Not too many people can deal with being somone who's on the verge of depression and will give up on that person eventually. I'd rather not let my own problems/depression have me be put in the center of attention. I really do not want people to feel sorry for me.

It'd be exaughsting and emotionally draining for me to talk about my own problems/feelings to that person because it was quite a lot I went through in my life, and to be honest, I'd actually expect that person to be driven away by me. I've now grown to expect that no matter who I'm with, my own problems will be the major negative impact on that person and will do no good but to push them out of my life. My own problems can destroy the relationship I have with other people. I don't want people to feel bad for me at first, and then a couple days or weeks after, they start to avoid me and with handling my emotions. I don't want to be seen as a misunderstood recluse anymore...
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
So I've been mulling this over, and I realised something. I always see the world through my worst fear, or a worst case scenario. A quick example: I'm interested in someone but my worst fear is that I'll be rejected, and she'll feel I'm someone who shouldn't even think he's worthy of being liked. So that's the reality I adopt. That's what my mind tells me is real.

I suppose it would then makes sense not to see any good in myself since seeing good isn't something I fear. Since being criticized is, I hold on those moments. Obviously dismissing compliments is most likely due to fearing that there's an ulterior motive or that it's not genuine.

I wonder if others can make sense of that...

Yep! I'm always seeing things as worse case scenario, rather than being positive. Though, it's no so much the rejection ah fear, more just know that people will get bored of me, eventually.

I think I'm pretty much those kinds of people that procrastinate and bring misery on to themselves. I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm the most happiest person or that I've lived many good days(in reality, it's very rarely.) When people say there should be more people like me, well, I honestly wouldn't think of myself as the best role model to look up to. Realistically, nobody in their right mind wants to become a miserable old oaf like me who has no future. I figured it's just best to be by myself because I'd be dragging down a lot of people with my depression, anxiety, and dreadful misery. And even the the thought of losing people because my own feelings caused them to drive away, will without a doubt, increase my misery even more. I've done a lot of crying over the years (which I'm now finally starting to desensitize myself), and even though I may still be somewhat depressed, it won't ever cause me to be suicidal. Ever. Even though those thoughts do occur in my mind, I would never actually make myself do it.

I know as soon as people first get to know me/look at me, I bet in their minds that they must assume that I've got myself together and that my life just can't be bad. I'll let you in on a secret: My life is no fairytale. Trust me, I didn't come from a royal rich family (infact it's a very dysfunctional one) who spoil me, I don't have many friends (which is okay to me I guess), I don't have a lot of people who can support me sadly, and to top it off I'm not really the ideal person that people would want to be friends with or just be around them. I will admit it myself, I'm a very messed up person who's lived a very messed up life. I'm not saying this to gain some attention, but if you want to know the truth about me, that's pretty much who I am. I'm no hero. I haven't done anything to help out in this community. I certainly don't want people to pity me either because of the predicament I'm in. It's not their problem and they shouldn't have to constantly worry or make me feel bad about my own lifestyle. To be honest, that only weighs down more burden for me to carry. If everyone was like me in this world, the world would sure be absolute place of misery and hatred to live in. No one wants to live like that, now do they?

Spoiled by a dysfunctional family, procastination, misery? As well as anxiety and depression? Aye, add in a disabilty and that's ma life in a nutshell.

Sorry, ah know it's not great knowing that some can relate to how ye feel or had a similar upbringing. :sad:

To some degree, I'd have to say it's part of my worst fears, but not it's definitely not the overall problem. Too many people I've been around seem to have no interest in getting to know me and they're either hostile or overly critical. I've found these two main traits that many people have, and it's a shame because the chances of me finding anyone, or hell just one person even, who is sympathetic and understanding of me are extremely slim. Maybe I might get lucky if I ever did come across this type of person, but I can't see that possibly happening. See, I'm honestly a very nice person and there's not one time I recall in my life that I've done anything immoral. All my life, I did everything opposite and that was to stay out of trouble.

These specific traits will eventually cause others to either feel that the person's depression is dragging them down with that depressed person, or that people will become annoyed and just give up on helping that person. I figured with my own depression and problems in life, wiill only push the people around me away, even though those weren't my intentions. I figured that they'd give up on trying to help me or that they'll place labels on me "She's a control freak." "She's obssessive" "She's whiny and irritating" Trust me, I don't try to be any of those things, infact that's pretty much the last thing I'd want to happen is for people to assume what kind of person I am judging by my emotions. Even though with my depression it MAY sound like that's how it comes across as, it's really not my intentions to bring down that other person.

By any means, I don't want to inflict my depression onto that person or make that person feel just as miserable as me. People would be better off not getting to know me anyways. Or I should say, they'd be better of not knowing who I really am. I have to say, I've been surprisingly doing quite well in putting a front for others, because I had no other choice but to use that as a shield. It's all an act, it's all a sham, all a lie. No matter what people have seen me as, no matter what they believe I am, that was all part of an act. People who have seen me have only seen how I've acted when I'm around them. Unfortunately, what they can't see is how I truly act like when no one's around or when they're not around me, meaning: not too many people will ever get a chance to see the true side of myself. And the true side of me is somebody whom a lot of people won't be sticking around with in the long run. My depression and shyness IS the true side of me. It's made me into who I am as a person. I know that many people don't like to waste their time or just see a person who constantly shows their emotions (especially if those emotions are negative or revolves around depression), and that's why I have to put up this front so that that won't happen. I don't think many people can accept seeing the true side of people if that person does finally start showing them who they really are. Not too many people can deal with being somone who's on the verge of depression and will give up on that person eventually. I'd rather not let my own problems/depression have me be put in the center of attention. I really do not want people to feel sorry for me.

It'd be exaughsting and emotionally draining for me to talk about my own problems/feelings to that person because it was quite a lot I went through in my life, and to be honest, I'd actually expect that person to be driven away by me. I've now grown to expect that no matter who I'm with, my own problems will be the major negative impact on that person and will do no good but to push them out of my life. My own problems can destroy the relationship I have with other people. I don't want people to feel bad for me at first, and then a couple days or weeks after, they start to avoid me and with handling my emotions. I don't want to be seen as a misunderstood recluse anymore...

Speaking from ma own experience, most people would rather label ya to avoid deal with the problem, at that how ma family dealt with my anxiety and depression. Not the best way to deal with problems, but I've been so desensitised that I've become an devoid of emotion.

Also, ah don't really huv sympathy for folk who calm to know how ah feel, yet refuse to understand why ah feel the way ah do. Sorry if that seems harsh, but to me, it's only fair, like.
 

planemo

Well-known member
Its like that with me too. I always expect the worse treatment from another person and am genuinely surprised when its not that way. Even if said person has shown multiple times that they dont dislike me. And its causing me a lot of trouble at the moment.

I've never truly reciprocated with family and past friends due to that very reason. I've also lost out on other potential friendships and relationships as well. Is it causing you similar difficulties?
 

Megaten

Well-known member
I've never truly reciprocated with family and past friends due to that very reason. I've also lost out on other potential friendships and relationships as well. Is it causing you similar difficulties?

Yeah i tend to be kind aloof and as a result in not all that close to anyone that isn't in my immediate family. I can start friendships and relationships, but I've damaged a lot of them over the years.
 

planemo

Well-known member
To some degree, I'd have to say it's part of my worst fears, but not it's definitely not the overall problem. Too many people I've been around seem to have no interest in getting to know me and they're either hostile or overly critical. I've found these two main traits that many people have, and it's a shame because the chances of me finding anyone, or hell just one person even, who is sympathetic and understanding of me are extremely slim. Maybe I might get lucky if I ever did come across this type of person, but I can't see that possibly happening. See, I'm honestly a very nice person and there's not one time I recall in my life that I've done anything immoral (ex: rob a bank, killing someone, breaking into people's homes, ect.) I've never comitted any crimes, never snuck out to go to parties or whatever, I've never even sexually abused anyone. All my life, I did everything opposite and that was to stay out of trouble. What I really don't want is for my depression to turn me into being obssevive, controling, or clingy of other people.

These specific traits will eventually cause others to either feel that the person's depression is dragging them down with that depressed person, or that people will become annoyed and just give up on helping that person. I figured with my own depression and problems in life, wiill only push the people around me away, even though those weren't my intentions. I figured that they'd give up on trying to help me or that they'll place labels on me "She's a control freak." "She's obssessive" "She's whiny and irritating" Trust me, I don't try to be any of those things, infact that's pretty much the last thing I'd want to happen is for people to assume what kind of person I am judging by my emotions. Even though with my depression it MAY sound like that's how it comes across as, it's really not my intentions to bring down that other person.

By any means, I don't want to inflict my depression onto that person or make that person feel just as miserable as me. People would be better off not getting to know me anyways. Or I should say, they'd be better of not knowing who I really am. I have to say, I've been surprisingly doing quite well in putting a front for others, because I had no other choice but to use that as a shield. It's all an act, it's all a sham, all a lie. No matter what people have seen me as, no matter what they believe I am, that was all part of an act. People who have seen me have only seen how I've acted when I'm around them. Unfortunately, what they can't see is how I truly act like when no one's around or when they're not around me, meaning: not too many people will ever get a chance to see the true side of myself. And the true side of me is somebody whom a lot of people won't be sticking around with in the long run. My depression and shyness IS the true side of me. It's made me into who I am as a person. I know that many people don't like to waste their time or just see a person who constantly shows their emotions (especially if those emotions are negative or revolves around depression), and that's why I have to put up this front so that that won't happen. I don't think many people can accept seeing the true side of people if that person does finally start showing them who they really are. Not too many people can deal with being somone who's on the verge of depression and will give up on that person eventually. I'd rather not let my own problems/depression have me be put in the center of attention. I really do not want people to feel sorry for me.

It'd be exaughsting and emotionally draining for me to talk about my own problems/feelings to that person because it was quite a lot I went through in my life, and to be honest, I'd actually expect that person to be driven away by me. I've now grown to expect that no matter who I'm with, my own problems will be the major negative impact on that person and will do no good but to push them out of my life. My own problems can destroy the relationship I have with other people. I don't want people to feel bad for me at first, and then a couple days or weeks after, they start to avoid me and with handling my emotions. I don't want to be seen as a misunderstood recluse anymore...

I often feel the same way; that my problems with anxiety, depression, shyness is something people will be completely put off by. Yes, there have been people who haven't treated me well because of this, but I think it's still an assumption to think everyone will run for the hills if they got to know the real you. I went for group therapy once, and even though people got to see less of my act and more of the real me, they were not put off by it at all. If anything since they too had problems they bonded with me even better. I still think even though we may think we're too weird due our problems, for people to stick by our sides, that in fact we're people who others will actually see a lot of good in. I'm slowly beginning to realise this, and I think the main thing that keeps us as recluses is the fact we feel we're too different to be accepted by the rest of society. In essence being reclusive is actually what we become because we don't feel good enough to fit in with the rest. It stems from a belief and ends up in a lifestyle.
 

planemo

Well-known member
Yep! I'm always seeing things as worse case scenario, rather than being positive. Though, it's no so much the rejection ah fear, more just know that people will get bored of me, eventually.

Spoiled by a dysfunctional family, procastination, misery? As well as anxiety and depression? Aye, add in a disabilty and that's ma life in a nutshell.

Sorry, ah know it's not great knowing that some can relate to how ye feel or had a similar upbringing. :sad:

Speaking from ma own experience, most people would rather label ya to avoid deal with the problem, at that how ma family dealt with my anxiety and depression. Not the best way to deal with problems, but I've been so desensitised that I've become an devoid of emotion.

Also, ah don't really huv sympathy for folk who calm to know how ah feel, yet refuse to understand why ah feel the way ah do. Sorry if that seems harsh, but to me, it's only fair, like.


Maybe we shouldn't label ourselves as depressed, dysfunctional, anxious, etc. Yes, those are characteristics of us, but I think we've fallen into the trap of making it define everything we are. If we show people that's all we are, perhaps we shouldn't be surprised if they end up looking elsewhere. As FreindlyShadow said she's a model citizen who hasn't harmed anyone. And I'm sure there are plenty of good characteristics you too have Graeme, and can define yourself by. I know I only define myself by my problems and never acknowledge other things. Perhaps that's why people think I'm boring or too dull.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Maybe we shouldn't label ourselves as depressed, dysfunctional, anxious, etc. Yes, those are characteristics of us, but I think we've fallen into the trap of making it define everything we are. If we show people that's all we are, perhaps we shouldn't be surprised if they end up looking elsewhere. As FreindlyShadow said she's a model citizen who hasn't harmed anyone. And I'm sure there are plenty of good characteristics you too have Graeme, and can define yourself by. I know I only define myself by my problems and never acknowledge other things. Perhaps that's why people think I'm boring or too dull.

It's marginally more difficult for me, since I seem to huv been definied by ma appearance, my disability and social ineptitude. Ah mean once yer family label ye as anti-social cuz ye don't hang out with them and autistic because you don't particularly enjoy having to talk to them or about yersel' - what'cha do then, eh?
 

planemo

Well-known member
It's marginally more difficult for me, since I seem to huv been definied by ma appearance, my disability and social ineptitude. Ah mean once yer family label ye as anti-social cuz ye don't hang out with them and autistic because you don't particularly enjoy having to talk to them or about yersel' - what'cha do then, eh?

We're defining ourselves by how others define us. I suppose the only thing we can do is put aside their definition and define ourselves by our good traits. I know it's easier said than done, but what do we have to lose? :perfect:
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I often feel the same way; that my problems with anxiety, depression, shyness is something people will be completely put off by. Yes, there have been people who haven't treated me well because of this, but I think it's still an assumption to think everyone will run for the hills if they got to know the real you. I went for group therapy once, and even though people got to see less of my act and more of the real me, they were not put off by it at all. If anything since they too had problems they bonded with me even better. I still think even though we may think we're too weird due our problems, for people to stick by our sides, that in fact we're people who others will actually see a lot of good in. I'm slowly beginning to realise this, and I think the main thing that keeps us as recluses is the fact we feel we're too different to be accepted by the rest of society. In essence being reclusive is actually what we become because we don't feel good enough to fit in with the rest. It stems from a belief and ends up in a lifestyle.


I understand what you mean about people being avoidant to you if you show any sign of feelings of depression/anxiety/shyness. Although, maybe I made a small error in what I wrote when I said everyone will be put off by someone who constantly shows their emotions. I didn't mean to generalize like that, but unfortunately, not too many people in this world are sympathetic/caring of others when it comes to their needs. I think only fewer people in this world's population seem to have those good qaulities in themselves, are either very rare or they've befriended people who aren't as nice and genuine. I think that, in a way, the nature we live in is just full of ironies and confusion.

I mean, people like us, somehow for I don't know any reason that can be explained as to why this happens to us, people like us attract others who aren't on the same level as us. We almost always seem to attract others we're not compatible with, and this sort of thing frustrates me because the people I've attracted to so far are the types of people who are controlling, bossy, or downright hostile. I don't understand it because I've tried all I can to be nice and friendly, it's not in my nature to rude to others. That would be out of my character. I don't know if maybe coincidentally, that it could be some kind of reverse pyschology where the people we aren't attracted to, are attracted to us.

People who are our opposties, just somehow tend to gravitate torwards us, especially those without social anxiety. To be honest, I really could not be around people I wasn't compatible with if that person sees me expressing my emotions automatically labeled as clingy or whiny. If the person honestly saw me in that way, whether that be if it's a friendship or relationship, I'd end up leaving that person. If me being emotional for alll these years because of the problems I went through is too much for them to handle, then I'd have to just leave them because I know I'd just be wasting people's time and my own energy in having to explain my own feelings. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh like that, but I think I'd be even more miserable to have somebody who isn't sympathetic of my needs than to have no one at all. Although that's not easy to do so, it would be the best thing that would be needed to be done. I wouldn't just do it for my own sake, but theirs too. I don't know, I guess maybe the best option to go by would to be alone and not bother anyone with my problems/depression. I would take part of the blame on myself if I'd ever drag that person down along with my depression. It just wouldn't be fair, I guess.

I do agree as well, that maybe part of the reason people seem to be put off by us is how we carry ourselves. Now, I won't deny that I'm a weirdo. I've done incredibly strange things, whether I'm around people or alone. I mean, I've seen a lot of pretty bizzare things in my life as well, some that have sadly led a distressing impact on me. However, that's besides the point.

I know I'm one of those people that will probably never seem to fit in with everyone else (don't mean to sound like a boring cliche, but I guess it's what it is), but I don't mean to be different because i want to prove others that I'm better than everyone else. I'm tryng hard not to do that. I don't mean to come across as being different because I want to make others feel jealous (guys or girls) or that I want to be treated like God's gift just because I may have some interesting qaulities about myself. It doesn't make me that special. I'm sure many other people possess the same exact qualities and traits that I have so there's no reason why anyone should praise me because I have things that some people around me don't have. You know, funnily enough, I go as far as to question my own sexuality, even though that's a little off subject of what we're talking about. I like to look into learning about things such as that (gay people, androgonyus people, asexuals, ect.)Somehow, I guess that intrigues me to learn about what kind of gender sexualities there are out there. I've even felt myself become attracted to some women whom I've found attractive. I'm also interested in learning to play different instruments like the guitar or piano, but I know that many people have that talent as well. If only everyone in this world was acceptive of others and didn't care about what they do in their lifestyles, I honestly think the world would not entirely be in the mess that its in now. It's just that there's too many people (not all of them, but very many) in this world lack these qaulities of supportiveness, careness, kindness, thoughtfulness, and so on. I think if it hadn't been for the media and society, I don't know how else people could get their own perspective/view on how things should be, even though the things they say or do can harm other people or the environment as well. Sorry, this sounds confusing to read. Maybe there'll possible come a time in the future where things will slowly start to progress better, but I guess in the mean time, we'll just have to take each day as it comes as they say.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
We're defining ourselves by how others define us. I suppose the only thing we can do is put aside their definition and define ourselves by our good traits. I know it's easier said than done, but what do we have to lose? :perfect:

Good point. Harder to put other people's definitions aside for me, though.
Y'know, since ma family seem determined to constantly remind me of how they perceive me, except on ma birthday, of course. :kickingmyself:

Worse still is the fact, ah only huv a very few good traits. Ah mean apart from being polite to others, in fact, overly nice. I'm quite unassuming, selfless and sensitive. Though, I don't if that last one's good or bad for guys? :thinking: :idontknow:
 

planemo

Well-known member
I understand what you mean about people being avoidant to you if you show any sign of feelings of depression/anxiety/shyness. Although, maybe I made a small error in what I wrote when I said everyone will be put off by someone who constantly shows their emotions. I didn't mean to generalize like that, but unfortunately, not too many people in this world are sympathetic/caring of others when it comes to their needs. I think only fewer people in this world's population seem to have those good qaulities in themselves, are either very rare or they've befriended people who aren't as nice and genuine. I think that, in a way, the nature we live in is just full of ironies and confusion.

I mean, people like us, somehow for I don't know any reason that can be explained as to why this happens to us, people like us attract others who aren't on the same level as us. We almost always seem to attract others we're not compatible with, and this sort of thing frustrates me because the people I've attracted to so far are the types of people who are controlling, bossy, or downright hostile. I don't understand it because I've tried all I can to be nice and friendly, it's not in my nature to rude to others. That would be out of my character. I don't know if maybe coincidentally, that it could be some kind of reverse pyschology where the people we aren't attracted to, are attracted to us.

People who are our opposties, just somehow tend to gravitate torwards us, especially those without social anxiety. To be honest, I really could not be around people I wasn't compatible with if that person sees me expressing my emotions automatically labeled as clingy or whiny. If the person honestly saw me in that way, whether that be if it's a friendship or relationship, I'd end up leaving that person. If me being emotional for alll these years because of the problems I went through is too much for them to handle, then I'd have to just leave them because I know I'd just be wasting people's time and my own energy in having to explain my own feelings. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh like that, but I think I'd be even more miserable to have somebody who isn't sympathetic of my needs than to have no one at all. Although that's not easy to do so, it would be the best thing that would be needed to be done. I wouldn't just do it for my own sake, but theirs too. I don't know, I guess maybe the best option to go by would to be alone and not bother anyone with my problems/depression. I would take part of the blame on myself if I'd ever drag that person down along with my depression. It just wouldn't be fair, I guess.

I do agree as well, that maybe part of the reason people seem to be put off by us is how we carry ourselves. Now, I won't deny that I'm a weirdo. I've done incredibly strange things, whether I'm around people or alone. I mean, I've seen a lot of pretty bizzare things in my life as well, some that have sadly led a distressing impact on me. However, that's besides the point.

I know I'm one of those people that will probably never seem to fit in with everyone else (don't mean to sound like a boring cliche, but I guess it's what it is), but I don't mean to be different because i want to prove others that I'm better than everyone else. I'm tryng hard not to do that. I don't mean to come across as being different because I want to make others feel jealous (guys or girls) or that I want to be treated like God's gift just because I may have some interesting qaulities about myself. It doesn't make me that special. I'm sure many other people possess the same exact qualities and traits that I have so there's no reason why anyone should praise me because I have things that some people around me don't have. You know, funnily enough, I go as far as to question my own sexuality, even though that's a little off subject of what we're talking about. I like to look into learning about things such as that (gay people, androgonyus people, asexuals, ect.)Somehow, I guess that intrigues me to learn about what kind of gender sexualities there are out there. I've even felt myself become attracted to some women whom I've found attractive. I'm also interested in learning to play different instruments like the guitar or piano, but I know that many people have that talent as well. If only everyone in this world was acceptive of others and didn't care about what they do in their lifestyles, I honestly think the world would not entirely be in the mess that its in now. It's just that there's too many people (not all of them, but very many) in this world lack these qaulities of supportiveness, careness, kindness, thoughtfulness, and so on. I think if it hadn't been for the media and society, I don't know how else people could get their own perspective/view on how things should be, even though the things they say or do can harm other people or the environment as well. Sorry, this sounds confusing to read. Maybe there'll possible come a time in the future where things will slowly start to progress better, but I guess in the mean time, we'll just have to take each day as it comes as they say.

At the moment I'm at the cross road in deciding what's more important... self improvement or just needing more kinder, normal, considerate people around me. I guess a bit of both is needed. We need to play our part by trying to see good in ourselves, and to stop defining ourselves by our problems and/or flaws, but we need to attract some decent people towards us as well. It can be a bit overwhelming to overcome this situation, and sometimes it just feels easier to give up.


Good point. Harder to put other people's definitions aside for me, though.
Y'know, since ma family seem determined to constantly remind me of how they perceive me, except on ma birthday, of course. :kickingmyself:

Worse still is the fact, ah only huv a very few good traits. Ah mean apart from being polite to others, in fact, overly nice. I'm quite unassuming, selfless and sensitive. Though, I don't if that last one's good or bad for guys? :thinking: :idontknow:

Yeah that makes things harder for sure. But polite, selfless, sensitive people are hard to come by these days. I'm sure most people would see having those traits as a huge positive, even for a guy. Sometimes people just want to be around people who aren't a pain to be around. I don't think those are characteristics of someone who is best avoided.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
kind of....but I rarely get any kind of compliment... so thats usually not even on my mind.


my problem is always thinking that someone will lie about me, deceive me , try to manipulate me, or just screw me over in one way or another....i wish i could say thats its irrational for me to think that way..but it isn't..its based on experience.

I'm exactly same. Though, I've had all of the above which you described, and worse, done to me by ma own family. It's hardly irrational to be more inclined to keep people at a distance.

As far as compliment go, with me, I feel they are undeserved. Even when they're not. Or I'll wonder if person saying it genuinely means it.
 
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