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Old 02-06-2008
alex29's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

do you have more confidence in your appearance or your intellect?

i know I'm intelligent, but I still lack confidence in it. I also don't think Im very pretty. actually sometimes I look in the mirror and wish I didnt know me. I have very low confidence in my appearance, and this affects my confidence in other areas of my life.

all of this together makes me a very shy and withdrawn person. I think if I were more confident with my appearance Id be less shy. is this the case for other people?
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Old 02-06-2008
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I think it helps to accept the way you are today. Be confident about that person first, and then decide if you want to change your appearance. One thing i've learned is that wanting to change your appearance for yourself is a much better feeling than believing you must change your appearance for anyone else. I used to think i was very unattractive and still sort of do but ive decided that i like smiling in the mirror anyway because it makes me feel good. Something I never allowed myself to do in the past. You should try something like that.
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Old 02-06-2008
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Yes it is the same for me too! I probably have more in my intellect, although I don't have much in either. I completely hate myself in most ways actually. With intellect sometimes I feel a little smart, sometimes not so smart, and more often than not I feel pretty stupid.

Appearance is so much worse though. I hate it so much that I am completely obsessed with it. I sepend hours a day looking in the mirror seeing what's wrong with me and how it needs to be fixed. I feel so so ugly, and my opinion on that never really changes. Sometimes I just with a could have a bag over my head and that no one could ever see my face!
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Old 02-06-2008
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is that ur pic on ur avatar? cuz if it is, i dont think u r ugly
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Old 02-06-2008
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I also struggle with confidence in my appearance, but I'm slowly learning to accept myself for the way I already am. I think that's the first step to overcoming a lot obstacles in my life. :oops:
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Old 02-08-2008
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I think I am a pretty good looking person, but I still have terrible self-esteem. I certainly have more confidence in my appearance than intellect.

I am pretty smart (though sometimes a slow learner), I had a 4.0 in HS and made Magna Cum laude in college. But, I suck at verbal communication, so I end up looking quite dumb at times because of it.
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Old 02-08-2008
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Urm both are pretty laaame for me, appearance im rarely happy with...suprising what a confidence boost you get when you do feel like you look good though.

And intellect, well im pretty good at the no common sense thing.....all in all i think im pretty slow, can usually come up with something alright if i'm given the time though. I'm better over the net but in person my most used words are likely "i dunno" but that's also sometimes to get the attention off me.
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Old 02-08-2008
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I can sometimes feel pretty confident if I'm wearing something decent...which is jeans...the only decent garment of clothing I have that makes me feel good...all my other clothes are old and outdated so yeah...wearing something nice might boost your confidence...it does for me.
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Old 02-09-2008
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I dont even know what looks good half the time, and when I do "dress up" I always worry that I didnt wear something the right way and people will laugh at me for it.

and make up? forget it! I tried putting on eye liner today and just didnt know how. it made me look like i had bags under my eyes haha

any attempt I make at improving my appearance usually just backfires
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Old 02-09-2008
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Hmm I don't think I have ever thought that I am good looking. Certainly not confident about my looks.

As for intelligence, well when I was growing up I thought I was not bad. Since I couldn't do sports either, being good at school studies was in fact one of the few things that made me feel good about myself.

But things started to change towards later in school years and particularly at uni. I don't know if its because other people started picking up their game (in terms of studies) or I just wasn't cut out for higher studies or maybe stress of adolescence/change to adulthood and SP particularly made things difficult.

Now with the work environment were I work I feel like a dumb *******. So now one of the few things that made me feel good about myself has gone. So no, I don't feel confident about my intellect or appearance and Yes I do think both of these things (well at least your perception of it) do affect your outlook in life and shyness.


-SS
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Old 02-09-2008
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I was always top of the class or grade at school. When new students started and they excelled I felt threatened. I made it my business to find out who they are,what they looked liked and how intellegent they are. Kind of check out the competition thing!

Little did I know the massive insecurity that goes with my so called intellegence. I did well, because I memorised and regurgitated material well. When it came to reasoning ability and learning new material, I found myself being very slow. I takes me a while to grasp concepts.University was my first eye opener and next job training. I could not grasp any of the new concepts let alone ask intellectual questions during lectures. I was green with envy for those who grasped things quickly and show their prowness by asking the right questions. I never allowed myself to learn at a pace that suits my capabilities. I forced things into memory at most times and it served its purpose at the time, but not anymore. I never learned what I am capable or give myself the time I need I to grasp new material. I could also never impart my knowledge to others, I did not have the confidence to assist them where they battled. How I wish I did that. It would have taught me so much about myself, that is,do you understand what you have memorise and not to talk about my confidence!
I could have made the material my own as they say.

It would have meant so much to me today. I moan I never get promoted, but I do not have the confidence to go on training and meetings and to communicate issues/material to others.

I regret today for not allowing myself to battle through material at school and learn my own capabilities, for not testing myself and build confidence. It would have been so valuable today. Instead, I sit with massive insecurity , fear of being tested and the fear of exposing my slowness in grasping things. I definitely know I am not stupid? Hope this does not sound arrogant. I just do not know myself well enough.
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Old 02-09-2008
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no coz I have loads of confidence in how I look but i am still a mess inside. I have confidence in my intellect but I am still a mess inside!! what do you make of that - strange isn't it! don't be fooled being pretty doesn't make any difference it's just the packaging and anyway you cant see yourself the way other people see you so you never truely appreciate the benefits of being pretty.
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Old 02-09-2008
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ripewithdecay
I think it helps to accept the way you are today. Be confident about that person first, and then decide if you want to change your appearance. One thing i've learned is that wanting to change your appearance for yourself is a much better feeling than believing you must change your appearance for anyone else. I used to think i was very unattractive and still sort of do but ive decided that i like smiling in the mirror anyway because it makes me feel good. Something I never allowed myself to do in the past. You should try something like that.
i agree..good post :!:
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