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Old 01-28-2014  
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Does being a loner, or liking to spend most of your time alone, mean that your selfish?
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Old 01-28-2014  
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I donít think so, itís more of a self-preservation thing for me.

People drain me very fast, even family and friends.

I have to recharge my batteries in a cool, dark, place.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by planetweirdo View Post
Does being a loner, or liking to spend most of your time alone, mean that your selfish?
How do you define selfish?

Ultimately, everything anyone does could be defined as selfish--including charity.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
I donít think so, itís more of a self-preservation thing for me.

People drain me very fast, even family and friends.

I have to recharge my batteries in a cool, dark, place.
I agree, but I guess I just feel guilty sometimes about not wanting to be more social with other people.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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I don't think I am really depriving anyone of my company by choosing to be alone.
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Old 01-28-2014  
 
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^Exactly. In order to be selfish, somebody has to yearn for my company.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Depends on how lonely you are.

You might be depriving the world of your awesomeness though. That cannot do. Absolutely not!
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Selfish is a term that describes a focus on one's own gain and well-being without consideration for others, possibly even at their expense. Just wanting to be alone isn't harming anyone.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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I don't think loners are selfish, but if you spend a lot of time you're not under a lot of pressure to be considerate or to make sacrifices or any of those things that 'normal' people have to do... and I think it shows whenever you do interact with others.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by planetweirdo View Post
I agree, but I guess I just feel guilty sometimes about not wanting to be more social with other people.
Donít beat yourself up about it too bad. Youíre not being sadistic.

If it bothers you, maybe you could find some small, safe, ways to share your company with people that wonít stress you out so bad.

You may have to get creative though.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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In some cases I am probably doing the world a favour by not inflicting myself on it.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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In some cases I am probably doing the world a favour by not inflicting myself on it.
Be careful what you ask for, right? ha ha

I’ve been in situations where people wanted me to show up, and then when I did, you can just see the look on their faces go from “It’s great to see you after all this time!” to “Holy shit, they weren’t kidding, he’s a weirdo now.” in very short order.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Originally Posted by planetweirdo View Post
Does being a loner, or liking to spend most of your time alone, mean that your selfish?
Not at all. For me, it means I got tired of being lost in the crowd, of having my ideas ignored and my input ridiculed. Basically, I got tired of being treated as if I was invisible. It's just much easier and simpler for me to be independent (a loner) and I find that I am happier for it. I think it would be selfish of anyone to expect me to hang out with them or their group if all they are going to do is treat me like I'm a non-factor. I have better ways to spend my time.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
Be careful what you ask for, right? ha ha

Iíve been in situations where people wanted me to show up, and then when I did, you can just see the look on their faces go from ďItís great to see you after all this time!Ē to ďHoly shit, they werenít kidding, heís a weirdo now.Ē in very short order.
Yep, I've been to one or two parties where no one was pleased to see me, and the mood plummeted. One party in the block of flats I live in was a great example. Since then I have performed a public service and abstained.
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Old 01-31-2014  
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Some people are just really introverted and that's okay. It's just their personalities. It's not selfish to be true to yourself. It can be a little selfish in some situations though. If you refuse almost every invitation to a get-together and ignore your family, that's getting selfish. I mostly prefer to be alone and I hate parties but sometimes I just go anyway so that I'm not seen as the bitch that never shows up to anything. It would be selfish to skip every cousin's wedding because I don't enjoy them. I just go and deal with the discomfort. Now, if I was getting invited out often, I'd probably have to say no sometimes because at some point it would be too much.
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Old 01-31-2014  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kihira View Post
Made me think of this:
The Four Faces of Introversion
1. Shy-secure people: Donít have a strong need to be around people, and donít tend to worry about talking to new people. They can soc.i.a.l.i.se if they need to, but they general prefer to be by themselves and to do things on their own.

2. Shy-withdrawn people: Suffer from social anxiety. They are highly sensitive to perceived rejection, are anxious of negative evaluation, and are afraid of doing something embarrassing. They suffer more anxiety than people who are shy-withdrawn.

3. Shy-dependent people: Are overly helpful, accommodating, self-effacing and compliant. They have a strong need to be with other people but they feel they are inferior or ďnot good enoughĒ. They have good social skills and are pleasant company Ė but they give up their true self in their desire to fit in.

4. Shy-conflicted people: Vacillate between wanting to be around other people and then pulling back (as social situations are a real source of stress). This group of people experience the most stress and anxiety.
Which one are you?
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Old 01-31-2014  
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Are abalone shellfish?
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Old 01-31-2014  
 
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I exhibit all 4 types of introversion in different social situations.
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Old 01-31-2014  
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I don't think being a loner automatically means that you are a selfish person. There are a number of other likely reasons that a person may end up being a loner, or even prefer being one. Plenty of highly sociable people are selfish too, just as I'm sure some loners are. Everyone is selfish at least to some degree.
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Old 02-01-2014  
 
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plenty of extroverted people are selfish as they demand your time and attention and they always for some reason believe everything they say is interesting and worth talking about..

i have always had the programming to be on my own, but past experiences have just strengthened my desire to be a loner..
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