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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Are loners selfish?

Does being a loner, or liking to spend most of your time alone, mean that your selfish?
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

I don’t think so, it’s more of a self-preservation thing for me.

People drain me very fast, even family and friends.

I have to recharge my batteries in a cool, dark, place.

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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by planetweirdo View Post
Does being a loner, or liking to spend most of your time alone, mean that your selfish?
How do you define selfish?

Ultimately, everything anyone does could be defined as selfish--including charity.

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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

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Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
I don’t think so, it’s more of a self-preservation thing for me.

People drain me very fast, even family and friends.

I have to recharge my batteries in a cool, dark, place.
I agree, but I guess I just feel guilty sometimes about not wanting to be more social with other people.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

I don't think I am really depriving anyone of my company by choosing to be alone.

A storm is comin, but storms need not be feared, when they pass, they may bring a change for the better.

Every now and again I step outside of the prison inside my head and I see how beautiful this world really is.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

^Exactly. In order to be selfish, somebody has to yearn for my company.

“PLEASE ALL, AND YOU WILL PLEASE NONE.” ~ Aesop
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

Depends on how lonely you are.

You might be depriving the world of your awesomeness though. That cannot do. Absolutely not!
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

Selfish is a term that describes a focus on one's own gain and well-being without consideration for others, possibly even at their expense. Just wanting to be alone isn't harming anyone.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

I don't think loners are selfish, but if you spend a lot of time you're not under a lot of pressure to be considerate or to make sacrifices or any of those things that 'normal' people have to do... and I think it shows whenever you do interact with others.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

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Originally Posted by planetweirdo View Post
I agree, but I guess I just feel guilty sometimes about not wanting to be more social with other people.
Don’t beat yourself up about it too bad. You’re not being sadistic.

If it bothers you, maybe you could find some small, safe, ways to share your company with people that won’t stress you out so bad.

You may have to get creative though.

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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

In some cases I am probably doing the world a favour by not inflicting myself on it.

A storm is comin, but storms need not be feared, when they pass, they may bring a change for the better.

Every now and again I step outside of the prison inside my head and I see how beautiful this world really is.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

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In some cases I am probably doing the world a favour by not inflicting myself on it.
Be careful what you ask for, right? ha ha

I’ve been in situations where people wanted me to show up, and then when I did, you can just see the look on their faces go from “It’s great to see you after all this time!” to “Holy shit, they weren’t kidding, he’s a weirdo now.” in very short order.

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Last edited by FountainandFairfax; 01-28-2014 at 07:16 AM..
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

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Originally Posted by planetweirdo View Post
Does being a loner, or liking to spend most of your time alone, mean that your selfish?
Not at all. For me, it means I got tired of being lost in the crowd, of having my ideas ignored and my input ridiculed. Basically, I got tired of being treated as if I was invisible. It's just much easier and simpler for me to be independent (a loner) and I find that I am happier for it. I think it would be selfish of anyone to expect me to hang out with them or their group if all they are going to do is treat me like I'm a non-factor. I have better ways to spend my time.
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Old 01-28-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
Be careful what you ask for, right? ha ha

I’ve been in situations where people wanted me to show up, and then when I did, you can just see the look on their faces go from “It’s great to see you after all this time!” to “Holy shit, they weren’t kidding, he’s a weirdo now.” in very short order.
Yep, I've been to one or two parties where no one was pleased to see me, and the mood plummeted. One party in the block of flats I live in was a great example. Since then I have performed a public service and abstained.

A storm is comin, but storms need not be feared, when they pass, they may bring a change for the better.

Every now and again I step outside of the prison inside my head and I see how beautiful this world really is.
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Old 01-31-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

Some people are just really introverted and that's okay. It's just their personalities. It's not selfish to be true to yourself. It can be a little selfish in some situations though. If you refuse almost every invitation to a get-together and ignore your family, that's getting selfish. I mostly prefer to be alone and I hate parties but sometimes I just go anyway so that I'm not seen as the bitch that never shows up to anything. It would be selfish to skip every cousin's wedding because I don't enjoy them. I just go and deal with the discomfort. Now, if I was getting invited out often, I'd probably have to say no sometimes because at some point it would be too much.

I put the "wkw" in awkward.
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Old 01-31-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kihira View Post
Made me think of this:
The Four Faces of Introversion
1. Shy-secure people: Don’t have a strong need to be around people, and don’t tend to worry about talking to new people. They can soc.i.a.l.i.se if they need to, but they general prefer to be by themselves and to do things on their own.

2. Shy-withdrawn people: Suffer from social anxiety. They are highly sensitive to perceived rejection, are anxious of negative evaluation, and are afraid of doing something embarrassing. They suffer more anxiety than people who are shy-withdrawn.

3. Shy-dependent people: Are overly helpful, accommodating, self-effacing and compliant. They have a strong need to be with other people but they feel they are inferior or “not good enough”. They have good social skills and are pleasant company – but they give up their true self in their desire to fit in.

4. Shy-conflicted people: Vacillate between wanting to be around other people and then pulling back (as social situations are a real source of stress). This group of people experience the most stress and anxiety.
Which one are you?

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Confucius
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Old 01-31-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

Are abalone shellfish?

A storm is comin, but storms need not be feared, when they pass, they may bring a change for the better.

Every now and again I step outside of the prison inside my head and I see how beautiful this world really is.
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Old 01-31-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

I exhibit all 4 types of introversion in different social situations.

“PLEASE ALL, AND YOU WILL PLEASE NONE.” ~ Aesop
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Old 01-31-2014  
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I don't think being a loner automatically means that you are a selfish person. There are a number of other likely reasons that a person may end up being a loner, or even prefer being one. Plenty of highly sociable people are selfish too, just as I'm sure some loners are. Everyone is selfish at least to some degree.
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Old 02-01-2014  
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Default Re: Are loners selfish?

plenty of extroverted people are selfish as they demand your time and attention and they always for some reason believe everything they say is interesting and worth talking about..

i have always had the programming to be on my own, but past experiences have just strengthened my desire to be a loner..
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