are people REALLY staring?

Re: Are they really staring?

Jennie said:

It was so bad my senior year of high school, that I missed 87 days of school and had to go to summer school to get my diploma. All because I was so afraid that people were talking about me.

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I know what you mean. When I'm walking on the street or surrounded by strangers, every time a group or couple laughs I wonder if they are laughing at me. I instantly give them a dirty look and try to check my appearance.

When I'm walking on the street or surrounded by strangers, every time a group or couple laughs I wonder if they are laughing at me. I instantly give them a dirty look and try to check my appearance.

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i hate this. i always do it. whenever a group of people laugh i start to panic and get very upset. if they're behind me i ask one of my friends if there's anything on my back. then i start thinking how weird i must look when i walk or if my hair's all messed up or if there is anything on my face. it can go on for hours.

WOW! I feel great that I am not alone. I guess I started to feel ugly then I read your posts. I go to this big Univeristy and I hate walking around campus because I feel people are staring. Well sometimes I do feel they are actually staring, but other times they may not be.
Oh Maggie I so looooove your avatar. Too damn cute!

people look at me like im a werid alien.

I always feel like when I look around (I usually try to avoid looking at the people around me directly) I see people looking at me and then I get paranoid and embarassed and I start to wonder why they are looking, like is it my outfit, is it because my outfit stupid or cuz it is cute? Do I look funny? Or is it because I am acting stupid or do they notice that I am uncomfortable and maybe thats why. I hate it so much

Yes I stared at people down a subway car today, purposely twisting my torso so they knew I was staring, sorry if any of them were you. Some of the interesting sites included an old man who couldn't help but look at a poster on the wall of a half-naked lady, a woman who was scanning and staring at others until I stared her down, and a lot of uncomfortable people who had their heads down, looking blankly through a window, or were pretending to think about something.
I was dressed like an extra-terrestrial would if it tried to fit in, so I'm sure people were staring at me too, but I was prepared, prepared in case they tried to lynch me because of their group mentality. Yeah, bloody group mentality, I can sense it quite often in public, if I ever see them pick on the little guy I'll just go berserk I think.

moog said:

I always feel like when I look around (I usually try to avoid looking at the people around me directly) I see people looking at me and then I get paranoid and embarassed and I start to wonder why they are looking, like is it my outfit, is it because my outfit stupid or cuz it is cute? Do I look funny? Or is it because I am acting stupid or do they notice that I am uncomfortable and maybe thats why. I hate it so much

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This sounds nuts, but sometimes I could SWEAR people can 'feel' me in a room... they can feel that I'm uncomfortable and they're drawn to look at me. It's not that far-fetched, I think; I mean, I can detect other people's discomfort a mile away... like if someone's giving a speech and I can tell by their voice and body-language that they're uncomfortable, I empathise and start feeling uncomfortable as well. It's weird.

i know exactly what you mean! i think sometimes people do notice sub-consciously (is that the word?) when other people are feeling nervous/uncomfortable. when i had to do a presentation thing in english a while ago, i panicked really badly when i got up there, but even when i sat down, looking at the other people having to speak made me just as nervous, i couldn't breathe properly the whole way through because it still felt like i was the one up there.. it was really weird but i think that's sort of the same thing, and i thought if i could tell when they were nervous, they could all tell when i was. well i know they could because it went so badly but oh well..[/quote]

Yeah that also happens to me. But I'll get back to the topic: in public places I do feel that people are staring. I don't know exactly if someone's staring because most of the time I'm looking down ie on the floor or something. But in school on the contrary it feels like people never look at me. As if I'm invisible.

I tend to stare intensely but I don't mean too, it's just because I am overthinking the whole eye contact process! Grrrrrrr I hate my stupid mind!!!

Fredscars said:

hehe. i do that so bad. Sometimes i stare at the ground, then ill kinda try and appear confident so i straighten up, and stare..and i get people going "wtf you starting at bitch?" and "**** off wanker" stuff like that lmao..i think im better staring at the ground, like the person up there said^^ trying to remember how to walk.

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Happened to me a couple of times. If I look at the ground, I will give off the impression that I'm unconfident, sad, bitter, etc. If I look at people, I fear I will end up staring at them. I just don't know where to look anymore.

Chilling__Echo said:

i always think about it way too much. i tell myself that people aren't staring at me. like on the bus (i have to ride it all the time at college), the seats face each other. and i always feel like the people will know i'm feeling uneasy by the pattern my eyes go or that i'm blinking too much trying not to look at anyone else in the eye, like they know i'm trying too hard to stare between peoples heads outthe other window rather than casually looking around thinking in another world...

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This is one of the worst scenarios that I wouldn't want to be in. It's hard not to stare at people, when people are right in front of you! It's like sitting in a round table where everybody can see each other. In these types of situations, I just bow my head down and either play with my cell phone, read something, or scribble some random stuff onto my notepad.

When I had jury duty, I was forced to sit in a ovalish table with the other jurors. It was very uncomfortable. I tried not to look at the guy in front of me, but he must have noticed my discomfort because he told the other jurors (behind my back, of course) about me. Then, the other jurors would walk in and avoid eye contact with me. One time he switched seats but for some reason, he sat back at his original position. I tried to talk to him to look normal and ease off the tension, but that didn't happen at all. He kept on talking about me to other people. I don't want to sound like a bad citizen of my country, but this experience gave me a bad impression of jury duty.

thelostworld said:

i hear you guys say all the time "i always feel like people are staring at me", but are they really?...for me, they are. i just love walking into a room and everyone is smiling and laughing and they stop and look at me and their face falls, that always gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling. have you looked around and actually seen them staring? for me, when i see them, it just fuels my anxiety

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I think peole with SA/SP are so self conscious that it is the norm for them to think that people are staring at them when in reality the majority of people are not really noticing them, or just looking at them briefly.

It's progressing.

It might be my thoughts and inner circle of perspective of the world that's caused this

OR

I'm projecting a strange image or behaviour towards others
OR THE GLOBAL ECONOMY is making people different or because it's cold :sad:

Nothing of the above paragraph affects me. I cope with ANYTHING and find a way. I haven't changed since I was 17. Heading to an organised bar last night, a bit late due to good chat with an old friend I headed past my usual small corner supermarket which closes at 2300. Having screwed into the cork of wine, I left it because I only had until 0100 the party would finish. The mart sliding doors were brought together by a staff man as I approached. I pulled 'em full open with my fingers. I went in to grab one drink ASAP, stared at by customers in a queue, and staff. I said do you want to make a quick sale? They pushed me out, not physically, showing me the way out. The way out is the WORST BEAST of my life. I see everyone as a fool

My default course of action to any stares (only just remembering about friendly attention or praise) although I never think it's real) is to stare hard, coldly, locked onto their eyes, while either of us moves or are still; and I divide my focus around a group. Without words, I mean: WHAT!?

Got to the bar. Stared at by staff. I expected a fee (as a threat) but I was right. Thru the doors. Big efforts - planning my approach beforehand. Not one person I knew. 30 years ago I knew every person in town. Dawdling by the bar to get a beer. One person who organises this, shaking hands,staring at me, worrying, eyes away, as he rolls his cigarette, introduced me to an old hag, seated. He said something about me I couldn't hear and everyone laughed. She grabbed my hands in hers with her burgundy nails, muttering, rolling her wrists to embrace my hands round. Unusual. I asked if she thought my hands were cold. Cold journey there. Could not hear one word from anyone. Music was rubbish. I could have brought my records to play, but too late. I checked the bar. It was too busy. Disappointed I walked home. Good decision. Gym this morning. Stares everywhere. Waiting for it to open. Some girlies giggling. Sound like animals to me. Chimps. My only possible way to react would be to approch the main giggler, smash her in the face and say SHUT UP? What's wrong with you? Of course I did not. There were others sitting around looking very miserable. Why?
During the session and after leaving there were horrific stares. Old biddy looking at me, etc.. All the girls at the gym today were Chinese or Korean as usual. I love that.

I am feeling quite a breakdown now. If you never see anything from me, I may be out of action :idontknow:

I know they are. When i was out with a friend she actually said to me, "why are people always staring when i'm out with you?".

For me I think they are, 90% of everyone in my office is white and I am Black which is like bam look at me, throw in that I am fairly attractive and it's like they go haywire. If i'm out and about I can spot at least 2-3 people staring intently at me and for some reason I become very fixated on my breathing and end up holding my breath and then not wanting to do a huge exhale and bring attention to myself I leave whatever i' m doing...thats why I have an online shopping problem lol. Or I'll see some good looking guy staring and no matter how handsome I think he is, I begin staring at everything else in the UNIVERSE except him at which point he loses interest and i'm like dammit why am I such a spaz?

Stphy1127 said:

For me I think they are, 90% of everyone in my office is white and I am Black which is like bam look at me, throw in that I am fairly attractive and it's like they go haywire. If i'm out and about I can spot at least 2-3 people staring intently at me and for some reason I become very fixated on my breathing and end up holding my breath and then not wanting to do a huge exhale and bring attention to myself I leave whatever i' m doing...thats why I have an online shopping problem lol. Or I'll see some good looking guy staring and no matter how handsome I think he is, I begin staring at everything else in the UNIVERSE except him at which point he loses interest and i'm like dammit why am I such a spaz?

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Well, talking about race, something similar is happening in china with foreigners (especially in rural areas), they'd stare the hell outta them, even ask them to take pictures with them.

Curiosity really is a bad thing in these cases.

Source : Serpentza from youtube.

In psychology there's a phenomenon called the Spotlight Effect where it's been tested to show that people will routinely overestimate the degree to which they believe others notice them. It's a natural bias in our brains, that leads us to believe that other's notice us more than they actually do.

This guy explains it really well [@15m57s]
https://youtu.be/jsrB5m3mL-A?t=15m57s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsrB5m3mL-A

Yes, people really do stare at me. I am a masculine female, so I get people who stare at me and whisper, "is that a boy or a girl?" Hell, some people don't even attempt to whisper. i can't even tell you how many times I have heard people ask their friend that question within ear shot of me. It's actually quite fascinating the way people will think about the gender of a stranger that they will never see again in their entire life.

Chilling__Echo said:

i always think about it way too much. i tell myself that people aren't staring at me. like on the bus (i have to ride it all the time at college), the seats face each other. and i always feel like the people will know i'm feeling uneasy by the pattern my eyes go or that i'm blinking too much trying not to look at anyone else in the eye, like they know i'm trying too hard to stare between peoples heads outthe other window rather than casually looking around thinking in another world...

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I feel the same way all the time, i take the train every day so i have to sit across from people all the time. What works for me is just not caring what people think of me. Even if you look nervous or uneasy because your trying not to stare at people, you should be proud of yourself for at least trying. and believe it or not people respect that. keep doing what your doing.

People stare at you in the same amount you stare at them. Often times they're not even judging, they're just looking because you're a new presence in the room/area.

They do with me. I'm not imagining it either because (a) I have eyes, and (b) people have mentioned it to me multiple times. It's because I'm really ugly, like way below average to the point it's distracting.

And for those of you who don't believe you can be stared at for looking different. Check this out: https://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/2013/02/14/stares-sneers-and-snickers/ It's one woman's experience of being stared at for being fat and different, along with the photos to prove it. I get similar reactions from people, right down to their facial expressions of disgust.