Are they better than me

noonecares86

noonecares86

Well-known member
I'm tired of feeling like i'm not good enough. I spent years feeling like no matter what do to make myself be attractive it's never enough, i never get attention for guys and if i do i miss out because i feel bad about myself. I always feel like i need to be someone else to be treated nice. I feel like i need to look like someone other girl to be treated nice, i spend tme thinking of what it's like to be treated like a special person by guys and other people. I see girls that are not anything special and not nice people get checked out and people smile at them they don't give them dirty looks or stare at them in a bad way they get to live and people make them feel good, it makes me sad that i'm treated the opposite of them. I feel like that makes them better than me even if i don't think they are guys do so what does it matter what i think, i've spent a long time feeling this way and i don't want to do it anymore but i will never be them and never be treated like they are and its not right. Any advice
 
grapevine

grapevine

Well-known member
Well I just want to give you a huge hug and tell you I feel just the same. I'm so ill from feeling like I'm devalued around people. But I'm finding out slowly that the truth is that I devalue myself so much even to the extent of subconsciously that I seek out people that are not serving me - my value/s in any way. I mean here I am this week 3-4 times I've been sleeping over this guys place I've had a crush on for a year - (on the couch nothing else) and even though nothing is said I know he is not into me and doesn't find me attractive and yet we sit rugged up on the couch together watching films and to me it feels sort of romantic - yet it really hurts to know that because you don't look a certain way or fit that persons ideal that your not even considered, or you don't feel special. What I'm saying is that we settle for less, so much less in the people we seek because we are not true to ourselves, not valueing ourselves. If that makes any sense.
I'm leaning to just let go at the moment - not to try anymore - we can't make anyone like us - well we can but that means loosing ourselves. I'm pretty sure that just letting it all go and just doing things you like to do and taking care of yourself life gets more allined to your values and the right people may appear that fit.
But yeah, it's really hard to get through all this junk society throws out at us. A good read I recently bought today called 'Mastering your mean girl' is good.
 
Jungle

Jungle

1
Hello,

I would say the same thing as grapevine did, you are underestimating yourself and valuing yourself according to people's perspective, this is not how it should be.

Being a man myself, I'd assure you that I'd be more attracted to a self-confident woman rather than a very good looking one, and believe it or not, these two don't necessarily go together.

In my opinion, people who try to fit in are boring, they usually all have the same haircuts, listen to the same music, dress the same way, behave in the same manner...etc.

The message I am trying to convey here is, be yourself, relationships can't be built on lies, if they are,well they wouldn't be lasting very long, would they?

Having peace with yourself is the first thing that should matter to you.

Personally, I never had any girlfriend, for the following reasons :
Lack of confidence, I thought I'd never be worth anyone's while. (before my SA has diminished).
Not finding a person that stands out, and that is not superficial. (Now)

And believe me, there are tons of gorgeous women out there, but personally that's not the most important thing I would want in a woman.

I am sure you can do something about it noonecares86, it's all in your head.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
 
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R

RegalSin

Well-known member
A. People in general like when your upbeat and cheery. You return the favor and they return as well.

B. Girls ( even the older women ) prefer men when they are slim like a stick or tall ( sick father fetish ). Girls ( dumb or smart ) prefer the military looking guys. Women prefer men to be self-servant ( money making ).

C. Go on a diet, then plan to get big Simpliest of answers. In some religions/cultures they have arranged marriages. Like in Judaism and India. However that man is now at his job 24/7 to support his wife.

D. Stop supporting your enemies. Like I stop buying fiction material ( unless it is from small starter ups ), or stop buying fast-food, or stop buying from places that violates peoples rights ( like Target or Starbucks ). Focus on your primary goal of the women. This way you can save your money. Saving and investing is better. I know a guy who was dumped by his model girlfriend and now he is 40 years old and made it with a girl that is half his age and is married to her after having his success, living inside of a house doing what he attempted to do for a living. Models will come and go, they are all the same,

E. Do not be afraid to say things to girls, or make a scene or anything.
 
Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
A lot of guys wont make a move unless they get some sort of sign that the woman might give them a chance. What that is depends on how confident or crazy that dude is. Some all you have to do is be nice to them and they start making marriage plans. While others you'd have to practically write it on the sky before they'd get the hint.
 
R

RegalSin

Well-known member
I am going to be honest, with all the bs from the government men do not want to be men anymore. You need to go on youtube or protest and tell me to take the chance, take advantage of women, and do not stop to what they think. The guy your with ( or any guys out there are not making the move because of discrimination/bias against the male gender/sex.

It has affected my life with women in the past I would have otherwise impregnated already. I have seen tons of girls give me signs but because of my stupidity I am unable to do anything at all.

So the bottom line if he is not going to do it then your going to have to take advantage of him. It is like this.

In junior high these girls would rub against me and the idea of sex was there. However if I got "the chance" to be with her I would have otherwise have said nothing.

The same bs happens in college. Girl turns to talk to me, and I have nothing to say at all.
I become so sterile in conversation because I am focused on work so instead of being my happy go lucky crazy self boom, I crash out of fear of "MAKING A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF". Even if it is HER fAULT for not really caring or giving a darg about me.
 
Bronson99

Bronson99

Well-known member
RegalSin said:
I am going to be honest, with all the bs from the government men do not want to be men anymore. You need to go on youtube or protest and tell me to take the chance, take advantage of women, and do not stop to what they think. The guy your with ( or any guys out there are not making the move because of discrimination/bias against the male gender/sex.

It has affected my life with women in the past I would have otherwise impregnated already. I have seen tons of girls give me signs but because of my stupidity I am unable to do anything at all.

So the bottom line if he is not going to do it then your going to have to take advantage of him. It is like this.

In junior high these girls would rub against me and the idea of sex was there. However if I got "the chance" to be with her I would have otherwise have said nothing.

The same bs happens in college. Girl turns to talk to me, and I have nothing to say at all.
I become so sterile in conversation because I am focused on work so instead of being my happy go lucky crazy self boom, I crash out of fear of "MAKING A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF". Even if it is HER fAULT for not really caring or giving a darg about me.
Click to expand...

Please quote or name the user you are replying to, otherwise it's hard to interpret your posts.
 
noonecares86

noonecares86

Well-known member
I've been having a really bad two weeks with my social phobia. I been fighting with my family over financial stuff and they made me feel bad about not being useful and not being able to work now because of my anxiety. I get social security and pay rent but still they make me feel bad,i actually feel like i'm nothing when that comes up. It's bad enough to feel bad about not being able to do things but to have people who are family attack me on it and make me feel bad is even worse. I also really can't deal with people everywhere i go a lot of people just stare at me and give me dirty looks it's really just ruining my life. I hate that when i tell my family they don't believe me or they will say if someone looks at me that it wasn't in a bad way, i know for a fact it's not a good way. I don't know what to i feel so bad about myself and don't know how to fix it. I don't understand why there aren't any nice people around me, there all just a**holes. I don't see how i'm so different looking that everyone has a problem with me and won't let me exist. If i go out i never enjoy it because i made to feel like a freak that should never show her face. I don't know how i will ever find a guy when they are all just dicks and won't even give me a chance, i'm tired of feeling not good enough and having other women chosen over me when they are not better in any way why do i always get turned down, why do i have to be made fun of? I want to be seen as a woman guys are attracted to i want to be looked at like i look good, like i'm worth something and be able to live my life without people trying to make me feel like i'm nothing.
 
Jungle

Jungle

1
noonecares86 said:
I've been having a really bad two weeks with my social phobia. I been fighting with my family over financial stuff and they made me feel bad about not being useful and not being able to work now because of my anxiety. I get social security and pay rent but still they make me feel bad,i actually feel like i'm nothing when that comes up. It's bad enough to feel bad about not being able to do things but to have people who are family attack me on it and make me feel bad is even worse. I also really can't deal with people everywhere i go a lot of people just stare at me and give me dirty looks it's really just ruining my life. I hate that when i tell my family they don't believe me or they will say if someone looks at me that it wasn't in a bad way, i know for a fact it's not a good way. I don't know what to i feel so bad about myself and don't know how to fix it. I don't understand why there aren't any nice people around me, there all just a**holes. I don't see how i'm so different looking that everyone has a problem with me and won't let me exist. If i go out i never enjoy it because i made to feel like a freak that should never show her face. I don't know how i will ever find a guy when they are all just dicks and won't even give me a chance, i'm tired of feeling not good enough and having other women chosen over me when they are not better in any way why do i always get turned down, why do i have to be made fun of? I want to be seen as a woman guys are attracted to i want to be looked at like i look good, like i'm worth something and be able to live my life without people trying to make me feel like i'm nothing.
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I too used to be very irritated when people would stare at me for no reason, the trick is to not give them any consideration, they'll stop eventually. In other words "don't feed the troll".

For what you described, there aren't that many ways to solve your problem.

You can either get a prescription and/or do work on yourself (practice sports, listen to music, meditate, set goals..etc.)

My shrink prescribed me a drug called deroxat which I take once a day. It worked out pretty well, I am constantly in a thoughtful state and don't get irritated by what used to get me freaked out.


That's either up to your will, or to medication. You choose.

I am sure you are a handsome woman, people just might not see it and that's too bad for them.

Hang in there!
 
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