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Old 03-14-2010
Silentknight's Avatar
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I was curious as to whether anyone with AvPD or any type of Social Phobia has ever seriously considered suicide before. I've been thinking of it more and more my Social Phobia isn't the only problem but it the root of my problems if anyone has had thoughts of suicide I'd like to hear from you if only to know I'm not alone.
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Old 03-14-2010
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I don't have a personality disorder but I do have ADHD, Aspergers & SA. I hadnt had suicide thoughts in a really long time, but recently I've had a lot of stress and they've popped up again. I have kids now & wouldnt dream of actually doing it, but goes to show, they still pop up when things are rough. You are definitely not alone
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Old 03-14-2010
 

slightly more than a minute ago when i realized its daylight savings time this weekend


fuuck this cuunty planet
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Old 03-14-2010
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I do very occasionally. Usually when there is something bothering me more than usual, and when I get hit by depression. I only get depressed occasionally. I think suicidal thoughts can be strangely comforting. It gives a way out of thing if they really do become to much. I've never been as far as to act on these feelings though. Thankfully they don't last too long.
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Old 03-14-2010
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Yes, of course.
At one stage it got so bad that it was on my mind for many months, everyday, all day. I kept thinking of all the ways there were to do it... contemplating it... but somehow I'm still here. I got better, and then I got worse again.
Now I wish I could go to sleep, never wake up.
"I'm tired..."

But the doctor will just tell me to medicate.
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Old 03-14-2010
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It don't always count it as suicide, but I often think about throwing everything out the window and becoming a vagrant. Maybe like Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins.
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Old 03-14-2010
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Definitely. All the time. It will probably happen, unfortunately.
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Old 03-14-2010
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Several bouts with suicide, more than I can count really and one very serious and almost fatal. The long-term damage I've caused my body too is yet undetermined and will likely shorten my life. Don't do it. Thinking is one thing but anything else isn't worth it if you're going to change your mind or feel differently about it later and we always do especially as we get older and learn better ways of coping with the stresses and also find out that life isn't so bad and actually very wonderful if we can only make it to that stage in our development. It is all worth it in the long run. It doesn't have to be as painful, either, as we make it.
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Old 03-14-2010
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I would hope no one would go to this length. If you are alone in the world (no friends, no family) then I can understand but to kill yourself and leave people to morn over you is about as egotistical as one can get.
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Old 03-14-2010
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It isn't egotistical to want to end your pain. And in my case I didn't have anyone who cared so there was no one for me to think of who wanted or needed me which more caused me to fall apart and end up doing what I did.
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Old 03-14-2010
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All the time. Everyday of my life. Sometimes I wish I could but I don't have the guts to do it. Everyone is egoistical and sometimes I think my family is more selfish than me for wanting me to live such insurmountable pain rather than die in peace. Life is **** and so am I.
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Old 09-10-2010
 

for some reason i think about it all the time but I would never do it...
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Old 09-19-2010
 

Sometimes. I always end up talking myself down. If I'm going to commit suicide, I'm going to do it all the way. I'd make sure that it wouldn't be a "failed" attempt. I can find better ways to ask for help than pretending to commit suicide.
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Old 09-19-2010
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I don't contemplate suicide but like another person said I contemplate leaving it all behind, just running out the door right there and then and traveling penniless until I die of starvation or find a better place to live.
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Old 10-24-2010
 

This is literally heartbreaking to me. I was extremely Avoidant, to the point where I went almost two years (in middle school) without speaking to anyone outside of my family. I was so nervous talking that I had panic induced spasms in my vocal chords that made me sound like a transvestite. I hid in the gym during lunch so that no one would know I had no friends and I was too embarrassed to talk to my family about how isolated and desperately lonely I felt. I never thought things would get better, or that I would ever like myself, but I can honestly say that now I feel like a normal person and oddly enough some people tell me that I am gifted socially.

I look back on the time when I was avoidant and I do not blame anyone here for wanting to end their lives to escape the slow motion torment that is AvPD. I see so many supportive, intelligent, socially skilled, artistic people here, and it breaks my heart that so many of you feel that your lives are insignificant and always will be; or that some of you compare yourselves to the masses and feel inferior. Avoidant individuals are uncommonly bright, empathic, and deep and if we can overcome their fears we have so much to give.

I hope this helps
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Old 10-24-2010
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good on ya ketzel
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Old 11-07-2010
 

Thats a nice post Ketzel. Glad things got better for you.

I used to feel suicidal fairly often from the ages of 16 to 23. Age and anti depressants seem to have made things easier.
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Old 11-07-2010
 

O and finally talking to other people about how bad i was feeling also helped too.
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Old 11-07-2010
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sr_81 View Post
Thats a nice post Ketzel. Glad things got better for you.

I used to feel suicidal fairly often from the ages of 16 to 23. Age and anti depressants seem to have made things easier.
I would say that I was mostly obsessed about it until about 27. What saved me was anti-depressants and actively trying to change for the better. It was a long road to change that did happen and today I am happy to be here. I know that these feeling can come back easily because they have many times since I was 27. I have found that I am much more capable of actually ending myself. Came very close to succeeding once this century.
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Old 11-08-2010
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Suicide, slightly. Throw it out.
More often in past wanted to drop everything. Ram the Magnum into some building and cause as much chaos as possible. At least then I'd have a complete path in my way. Sure as hell felt right. Chaos inside so should there be chaos outside.
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