AvPD role in Love Addiction

Characteristics of a Love Avoidant - Orlando Couples Counseling | Suzanne Rucker

Love Addicts have an extremely unhealthy relationship dynamic with Love Avoidants. When a Love Addict and a Love Avoidant come together the push-pull cycle begins and an unhealthy emotional roller coaster ensues.


I understand that not all AvPD are love avoidants but there is some overlap that cannot be overlooked. I also understand that some AvPD can be Love Addicts themselves.

Do people with AvPD just happen to attract these unhealthy individuals who are obsessed with obtaining attention and gaining love from Avoidants? Have you ever played a role in this unhealthy dynamic either as the Addict or as an Avoidant?

Hi there

From my experience of it, I do believe that Love Avoidants attract Love Addicts until their internal conflicts are resolved. There are all sorts of unconscious dynamics that take place when an individual is choosing a potential partner. A Love Addict will strive to win over a Love Avoidant (from my understanding of it, mostly for the challenge). However, I also think that the Love Avoidant plays a role in this. For example, they say they are available, yet their actions tell another story (as all human beings, they'd like to be loved but are afraid of being controlled/overtaken by someone else).

I have only ever been in one long-term relationship but have found that I have always attracted Love Addicts (it got me in some dangerous situations with stalkers and blackmailers). I am rather clear with myself about my Love Avoidant personality, and hence refrain from leading on anyone yet the situation has been on repeat ever since I can remember.

So to answer your questions: AvPD attract unhealthy individuals who clearly get obsessed from the idea of gaining some sort of love from the Love Avoidants. And as much as I'd like to tell myself I don't do anything wrong, I must give out the wrong signals. Relationships in which Love Avoidants and Love Addicts can take place range from family members/spouses to friends. It is also important to underline that an individual may present as a Love Avoidant in one relationship (or type of relationship) yet become a Love Addict later (or in another relationship).

Hope this answers your questions.

I think I was both a love addict and avoidant. I used to fantasize about this guy who was clearly love avoidant. I reached out to him but he kept rejecting me. I also didn't want to get into an actual relationship so I did a lot of fantasizing. It took me about 2 years to get over him, but I learned a lesson.

Thank you guys. both your answers have been helpful.

Don't want to sound disrespectful, but I did feel like everything been given a label nowadays?

I bet in the old days someone was just labelled a romantic or womanizer or clingy and someone who doesn't care for love a stiff, but nowadays it's a love addict and love-avoidant and it's some form of a disorder.
I don't think anyone can truly be labelled a love avoidant. Don't we all want love as a basic human need, some in more degrees than others, but some are just less easygoing with it for a number of reasons (like trust-issues, abandonment fears, maybe not fully having found the right person, feeling insecure about themselves, unworthy of love, attracting the wrong people, etc.) Doesn't mean like they completely want to avoid love, they're just in the wrong circumstances.

I guess I also feel this way because I'm just one of those people who views love as a somewhat mysterious and sacred thing, not something that must be rationalized and ****ysed. I do love that first stage in which dysfunctions have not yet appeared, but it's still just fun. I guess I did at one point fall under the label love addict, though I try not to be obsessive about it anymore, and am generally a bit more careful in giving my feelings about another person away. Maybe I've become a love avoidant.

Zod said:

Don't want to sound disrespectful, but I did feel like everything been given a label nowadays?

I bet in the old days someone was just labelled a romantic or womanizer or clingy and someone who doesn't care for love a stiff, but nowadays it's a love addict and love-avoidant and it's some form of a disorder.
I don't think anyone can truly be labelled a love avoidant. Don't we all want love as a basic human need, some in more degrees than others, but some are just less easygoing with it for a number of reasons (like trust-issues, abandonment fears, maybe not fully having found the right person, feeling insecure about themselves, unworthy of love, attracting the wrong people, etc.) Doesn't mean like they completely want to avoid love, they're just in the wrong circumstances.

I guess I also feel this way because I'm just one of those people who views love as a somewhat mysterious and sacred thing, not something that must be rationalized and ****ysed. I do love that first stage in which dysfunctions have not yet appeared, but it's still just fun. I guess I did at one point fall under the label love addict, though I try not to be obsessive about it anymore, and am generally a bit more careful in giving my feelings about another person away. Maybe I've become a love avoidant.

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you are absolutely right in your assessment. they do have a label for everything. all these new theories coming out and labeling systems. changes all the time.

love avoidants are tricky. they are also love addicts in their own right. but they behave in such a way that pushes love further rather than bringing it closer. although they do desperately also seek love, they can't seem to be able to grasp it due to whatever reason that causes them to feel enmeshed. and feeling enmeshed is like suffocation to them so they have to push it away in order for their own survival.

now that's just scary for the love addict who's going to pursue the love avoidant even harder when the avoidant runs.

it's a sad sad existence for both parties involved.