Bad decision...

Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
I managed to get talking to a girl online recently, we caught up for a coffee which ended up lasting a few hours, we have caught up a couple of times after and we were getting closer slowly, I even somehow managed to kiss her goodnight the last time we met..

But yesterday I called her to call it all off, I said we weren't connecting.. now I have no idea why I did this and it is eating me up inside, I feel I have made a big mistake even though it felt right at the time.. the reality of it was the situation in general was causing me a lot of stress, on top of university stress and work stress it was too much to handle and it ended up feeding my insecurities. Now hindsight being 20/20 I realise I was just reading it all wrong in my state of anxiety. I wish I just told her how I felt and let her decide what to do with it before jumping off the ship.. I guess a hard lesson learned.

It is too late now, I haven't slept, I want to message her and say I was wrong, I really liked her too much.. but it wouldn't fix anything....*sigh*
 
Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
I think that is the only option really Coyote, I need to buy her a new Merc :). I just know I do like her enough to go above and beyond my anxiety.

I agree HermitCrab.. I keep looking at it from a doomed perspective. There is at least a small chance she will talk to me, and just maybe all is not lost. If she won't talk to me or tells me to get lost I know I have tried all I could and at least I can get some peace.
 
Deus_Ex_Lemur

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
Obstacle 1 said:
I managed to get talking to a girl online recently, we caught up for a coffee which ended up lasting a few hours, we have caught up a couple of times after and we were getting closer slowly, I even somehow managed to kiss her goodnight the last time we met..

But yesterday I called her to call it all off, I said we weren't connecting.. now I have no idea why I did this and it is eating me up inside, I feel I have made a big mistake even though it felt right at the time.. the reality of it was the situation in general was causing me a lot of stress, on top of university stress and work stress it was too much to handle and it ended up feeding my insecurities. Now hindsight being 20/20 I realise I was just reading it all wrong in my state of anxiety. I wish I just told her how I felt and let her decide what to do with it before jumping off the ship.. I guess a hard lesson learned.

It is too late now, I haven't slept, I want to message her and say I was wrong, I really liked her too much.. but it wouldn't fix anything....*sigh*
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DUDE. I did this before. I 1000000% ****ing regret it yes, but I 10000000000000000% regret NOT trying to reverse it and wallowing in my own self-pity (sorry if I come off strong =). I just thought of this tonight. Before reading this. ITS NOT TOO LATE - you make an assumption based ON your anxieties/insecurities; AND IF IT IS - it doesn't matter anyways right? If you do message her and say these things, from your heart... if you think it's lost anyways, why not do this? You're just caught up in the emotions of the moment, and it can be overwhelming feel like you're swept away but you aren't, relax, and message her if you feel this strongly about regretting it. Nothing to lose... lose far more wondering two years later or whatever what could have been.

Cheers. Yada yada mahahsduioewi good luck and dont worry whatever happens; you still have fought a lot through SA to get to that point.
 
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Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
Deus_Ex_Lemur said:
DUDE. I did this before. I 1000000% ****ing regret it yes, but I 10000000000000000% regret NOT trying to reverse it and wallowing in my own self-pity (sorry if I come off strong =). I just thought of this tonight. Before reading this. ITS NOT TOO LATE - you make an assumption based ON your anxieties/insecurities; AND IF IT IS - it doesn't matter anyways right? If you do message her and say these things, from your heart... if you think it's lost anyways, why not do this? You're just caught up in the emotions of the moment, and it can be overwhelming feel like you're swept away but you aren't, relax, and message her if you feel this strongly about regretting it. Nothing to lose... lose far more wondering two years later or whatever what could have been.

Cheers. Yada yada mahahsduioewi good luck and dont worry whatever happens; you still have fogutn a lot through SA to get to that point.
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Dude, you rock..
Those are exactly the warring words I needed.. I am already wallowing in my self pity: if she feels anything she will listen, if not then she was already lost and I can begin to get over it knowing this.
 
Deus_Ex_Lemur

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
Obstacle 1 said:
Dude, you rock..
Those are exactly the warring words I needed.. I am already wallowing in my self pity: if she feels anything she will listen, if not then she was already lost and I can begin to get over it knowing this.
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Seriously dude... DO IT. Not to add pressure but just doing this regardless the result, would make me feel happy and really happy for you. And YOU'LL feel better, esp later, trust me - I dont know you lol but can 100% relate to your feelings right now and situation. Do it mate. And dont look back. Charge! ::p:
 
MsBuzzkillington

MsBuzzkillington

Well-known member
I agree with the posts above. Just be honest with her and tell her how you are feeling.

No matter what happens at least you will know you tried your best to make it work.

If you don't do it, there will always be that "what if" going around in your head.

The sooner the do it, the better it will be.
 
Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
Thanks for the posts everyone.

After consulting with a good friend, he recommended I wait a few days to a week before I do anything as he thought doing it today, not even 24 hours later would be too soon.. and would be coming on too strong, like I am fickle.

I decided I will give myself atleast a couple more days to recover.. mainly because I am still in "post-act -of-sillyness" anxiety, I have had little to no sleep, I am in no state to think clearly or get my point across. After a couple of days I will see if I still feel the same after a good nights sleep and some other distractions. But if I do, I will definetly act on it.
 
Deus_Ex_Lemur

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
Obstacle 1 said:
Thanks for the posts everyone.

After consulting with a good friend, he recommended I wait a few days to a week before I do anything as he thought doing it today, not even 24 hours later would be too soon.. and would be coming on too strong, like I am fickle.

I decided I will give myself atleast a couple more days to recover.. mainly because I am still in "post-act -of-sillyness" anxiety, I have had little to no sleep, I am in no state to think clearly or get my point across. After a couple of days I will see if I still feel the same after a good nights sleep and some other distractions. But if I do, I will definetly act on it.
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Good idea. I agree. I missed that it wasnt even 24 hours yet. =)
 
Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
Today after 10 hours of much needed sleep I feel a little better, like I am able to THINK again rather than just feel intensely. We were meant to catch up TONIGHT for some dancing which would have been great so that knowledge doesn’t help at all. Tomorrow I have a bonfire to go to as a much needed distraction with a good friend.

I plan to send her a message through FaceBook mail, either tomorrow or the day after to allow for passage of time and to be sure myself, I am drafting it now. She never deleted me after my call and subsequent FB email on the day (bah) and this is how we normally communicated. I was thinking of calling but in writing I know I will not miss anything I want to say unlike calls under pressure. She may never read it, just like she could avoid my calls, at least I would say what I had to say.
 
W

whattodo1

Active member
Tell her today, dont tell her over facebook. Tell her on the phone. Even texting is better than facebook.
Good luck, let us know how it goes!
 
Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
I agree there is no need to wait too long.. I need time to clear it all in my head, that is more what the time is for, plus it is late here 11pm so not tonight.
I need to be 200% sure that if I do say anything then it isn't clouded by my insecurities e.g. being alone/not being able to connect with someone/not finding someone as good. It has to be because I think that she is so special that I will potentially go through whatever it takes to try again, and I cannot have any doubts as I have called it off once already.
 
Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
Ok it is 2am here but I wanted to write this up now so that this topic has a sense of closure to it..

I messaged the girl, I told her basically that we did have a connection and I did like her, the stress of everything caused me to cave and I said what I did. I should have waited until I graduated before pursuing anything, hopefully we can keep in contact.

I messaged her potentially to become friends and not to get her back. She has not deleted me after I sent it, so after I give it some time maybe we can talk again.

This has made me feel better.. I now can focus on my own situation which I didn't do while dating. I was falling behind at work, study, with other people.. but it was all fine because we were making progress. Well the reailty is I have 2 months till my last ever exams to get my degree which is linked to a lot of my life plans.. It has taken 6 years of hard slog to get this far with many bad lows along the way so I need pure focus.

I was driving home from the bonfire tonight and I actually felt content, like everything will work out and I can now relax.. When I am ready I will try again with someone else, clean slate.

The End.
 
Deus_Ex_Lemur

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
Obstacle 1 said:
Ok it is 2am here but I wanted to write this up now so that this topic has a sense of closure to it..

I messaged the girl, I told her basically that we did have a connection and I did like her, the stress of everything caused me to cave and I said what I did. I should have waited until I graduated before pursuing anything, hopefully we can keep in contact.

I messaged her potentially to become friends and not to get her back. She has not deleted me after I sent it, so after I give it some time maybe we can talk again.

This has made me feel better.. I now can focus on my own situation which I didn't do while dating. I was falling behind at work, study, with other people.. but it was all fine because we were making progress. Well the reailty is I have 2 months till my last ever exams to get my degree which is linked to a lot of my life plans.. It has taken 6 years of hard slog to get this far with many bad lows along the way so I need pure focus.

I was driving home from the bonfire tonight and I actually felt content, like everything will work out and I can now relax.. When I am ready I will try again with someone else, clean slate.

The End.
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The End. You have closure, that's more important than anything. Clean slate to move on, congrats mate, whatever does happen, you did something you weren't going to do because of SA/issues; --- big progress; you can relax and focus on what you need to. Whatever happens you did something instead of nothing - awesome, mate.
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
Obstacle 1 said:
Ok it is 2am here but I wanted to write this up now so that this topic has a sense of closure to it..

I messaged the girl, I told her basically that we did have a connection and I did like her, the stress of everything caused me to cave and I said what I did. I should have waited until I graduated before pursuing anything, hopefully we can keep in contact.

I messaged her potentially to become friends and not to get her back. She has not deleted me after I sent it, so after I give it some time maybe we can talk again.

This has made me feel better.. I now can focus on my own situation which I didn't do while dating. I was falling behind at work, study, with other people.. but it was all fine because we were making progress. Well the reailty is I have 2 months till my last ever exams to get my degree which is linked to a lot of my life plans.. It has taken 6 years of hard slog to get this far with many bad lows along the way so I need pure focus.

I was driving home from the bonfire tonight and I actually felt content, like everything will work out and I can now relax.. When I am ready I will try again with someone else, clean slate.

The End.
Click to expand...

Did she write back? Just curious!!
 
Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
Deus_Ex_Lemur said:
The End. You have closure, that's more important than anything. Clean slate to move on, congrats mate, whatever does happen, you did something you weren't going to do because of SA/issues; --- big progress; you can relax and focus on what you need to. Whatever happens you did something instead of nothing - awesome, mate.
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Indeed, thanks for sharing your thoughts throughout, I may have still been wallowing otherwise :)

Thanks to everyone who replied! You have all helped.

LazyHermitCrab said:
Did she write back? Just curious!!
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No she hasn't at this stage, and probably won't. My message didn't have any questions to answer it was more a statement. But it is clear she has moved on which I am ok with. She hasn't removed me from FB so maybe one day I will try and talk, or maybe not, the option is there :)
 
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