Being a "tough guy"

AtTheGates · Apr 18, 2015

nm..................

but in a nutshell basically this post was about guys having this unspoken pressure to be tough/overly masculine and some kind of stereotype and i was just ranting on how I really can't stand when people think being an ******* makes you look tough...

..but then I deleted it.

planemo · Apr 18, 2015

Maybe there's this pressure that if you're not the bully, then prepare to be bullied, amongst us males? I saw it a lot when growing up. I was bullied and seen as inferior and thus treated as a lower by people, who when amongst certain others, seemed to feel like they were inferior. I guess when they got the chance to kick downwards I was a convenient target, because I was seen as a push over.

Maybe in order to show others that we're not a target to some type of dominance, we need to show ourselves as dominant?

I don't like being a push over but I wouldn't like to be someone who is so "macho" people feel like avoiding them. I guess a middle path is best.

But I know where you're coming from, when people think being rude or obnoxious is the same as being authoritative, when clearly it's not. The same goes for bullying. Bullying seems to lead others to believe they're superior or it gives them the ability to have authority. Being manly doesn't mean being mean or a bully. There is a difference, which people seem to be unaware of.

OceanMist · Apr 18, 2015

I don't really think it matters how tough you are when you look at the big picture.

It's about being seen as a social person. Either you are seen as a social guy or you aren't.

Most guys are seen as social guys. They get treated with a lot of respect and attention. Unfortunately i'm seen as a loner and get treated accordingly.

I do want to mention I've seen very insecure guys get treated "alpha" so it's not necessarily about "toughness," but more social congruence.

Megaten · Apr 18, 2015

Oh you mean like the whole "man up" phrase that some throw around when they think you're not acting a way they think you should? I usually stop associating with someone the minute they even consider using that phrase. I know amongst my race, African American men are the least likely to seek help for mental illness while trying to man up. Its destructive as hell tbh.

BlueDays · Apr 18, 2015

planemo said:
I was bullied and seen as inferior and thus treated as a lower by people, who when amongst certain others, seemed to feel like they were inferior. I guess when they got the chance to kick downwards I was a convenient target, because I was seen as a push over.

^This is so true in many cases of bullying.
When I had the realisation (a few years later) that this was the reason I was bullied for so long, it was like a huge load had lifted off my shoulders.
I realised I was not inferior to them, they just needed someone to "push down" to build themselves up, and I was just an "easy" target.

PugofCrydee · Apr 18, 2015

I like being a man (as in the masculine sense). But I can't stand stereotypes about what it is to be a 'man'.

i can't stand people bullying others no matter what or who they are. No offense to the fairer sex, but when a woman says to a man 'man up' it's like.. what the hell would you know about being a man?.. lol.

Anyways, bullies suck balls. Big ones. Be yourself.

ryan2022 · Apr 20, 2015

I've always liked the phrase, "walk softly, and carry a big stick"

There is never a need to be a **** to prove yourself, but know when to stand up and push back. Find the balance...but be nice.

Sometimes easier said than done.

Opaline · Apr 20, 2015

If everyone fit the macho stereotype, the world would be a very boring (and even more violent?) place. Of course if everyone fit it there wouldn't be pressure to be that way in the first place, but you get my point.

Not a man but I can appreciate the pressure to act a certain way according to gender expectations. I think only insecure guys probably try to overcompensate with hypermasculinity, no? Most men aren't that macho and are fine with it it seems.

planemo · Apr 20, 2015

I wonder what the world would be like if everyone was similar to Gordon Ramsay? :thinking:

Kiwong · Apr 20, 2015

I like not to be seen, by getting away by myself somewhere. Then I can be myself. And sometimes even forget the concept of self, which weighs me down like concrete boots.

Graeme1988 · Apr 20, 2015

planemo said:
I wonder what the world would be like if everyone was similar to Gordon Ramsay? :thinking:

That'd be a short tempered, sweary world, just like Scotland. :bigsmile:

FountainandFairfax · Apr 20, 2015

Graeme1988 said:
That'd be a short tempered, sweary world, just like Scotland. :bigsmile:

But think of the glorious foooooooooooood... it's a tough call. :thinking:

Bronson99 · Apr 20, 2015

Graeme1988 said:
That'd be a short tempered, sweary world, just like Scotland. :bigsmile:

I think Scotland has more bullies than England, Wales, and Ireland, put together.

Graeme1988 · Apr 21, 2015

FountainandFairfax said:
But think of the glorious foooooooooooood... it's a tough call. :thinking:

Haggis wrapped in batter an' served wi' chips - it's better than it sounds, seriously.

Bronson99 said:
I think Scotland has more bullies than England, Wales, and Ireland, put together.

R3K · Apr 21, 2015

OceanMist said:
It's about being seen as a social person. Either you are seen as a social guy or you aren't.

guys who act tough are usually not very social and are trying to compensate by projecting anger outward around them. anger is supposed to get us out of tough situations. I guess being unsocial is a tough situation.

planemo · Apr 22, 2015

Graeme1988 said:
That'd be a short tempered, sweary world, just like Scotland. :bigsmile:

Scotland sounds nice. :bigsmile:

gustavofring · Apr 22, 2015

One thing I hate the most is when "guys are being guys" among each other and the social pressure that comes with it. You have to be a loudmouth misogynist car/soccer obsessed macho **** all the time or you don't fit in in certain circles.
Being a naturally more timid and reserved guy, with a more cynical sense of humor and a general aversion of sports, I always feel uncomfortable in situations where you constantly have to interact with those sorts of guys. The low-brow humor, the loudness, the constant "challenging each other", the taking themselves too seriously...Blugh.

Graeme1988 · Apr 22, 2015

gustavofring said:
One thing I hate the most is when "guys are being guys" among each other and the social pressure that comes with it. You have to be a loudmouth misogynist car/soccer obsessed macho **** all the time or you don't fit in in certain circles.
Being a naturally more timid and reserved guy, with a more cynical sense of humor and a general aversion of sports, I always feel uncomfortable in situations where you constantly have to interact with those sorts of guys. The low-brow humor, the loudness, the constant "challenging each other", the taking themselves too seriously...Blugh.

Ah know how ye feel, mate. All the pressure to be like them. Though, I don't mind low-brow humour when it's done right - in other words actually funny. Ah do wish ah hud the confidence of those loudmouth misogynist eejit.

Graeme1988 · Apr 22, 2015

planemo said:
Scotland sounds nice. :bigsmile:

It does, doesn't it?

Kiwong · Apr 23, 2015

I'm not social, I'm OK with it, I don't care what anyone else thinks.

Being a "tough guy"

Banned

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You want to know how I got these scars?

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Hie yer hence from me heath!

in a VAN down by the RIVER

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Hie yer hence from me heath!

Hie yer hence from me heath!

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