Being nice

Hey ppl i want to share you about my transformation from rude to be nice. I hope it will useful to you all.
For a years i've been known as a rude girl.
Actually i've a problem with "shyness" (ppl just see me from outside appearance).


I don't have much close friends, i don't have much real friend. I know they just pretending to be nice, cause they scared of me. I pray for them...

Then I met someone, who don't see me as others.
And they teach me to be nice and polite with ppl.
Shortly, I tried to speak more polite and humble to ppl.
And it did work, they are more respect me and be truly kind to me.
Every single word is really meant (so we must think before we speak).
For example I want to complain about my friend hair.

1. Your hair really suck , cut it!
2. Your hair is not good .. cut it .
3. Celine, you're gonna be more pretty if your hair's short.


when rejecting something
Case: My friend Hendra asked me to join with organization in my uni, I'm too busy for that, so i'm going to reject it.
And this are the options for my answer to Hendra.
1. Sorry i can't
2.Sorry I'm too busy for that.
3. Hendra thankyou for asking me, i'm sorry but i couldn't.



See the differences ?

It's very hard for me to be nice to other people especially because I can't find a reason to. Why be nice when society treats me like sh-t? Also, I've seen betrayals before; someone can be very sweet and nice to you but have ulterior motives.

Sometimes, I can be very polite but come off as unlikeable because I don't smile. People probably don't think I'm being genuine, and many times, they're right. I find it very hard to smile to other people for some reason. I can't seem to establish deep meaningful connections with other human beings.

jaim38 said:

It's very hard for me to be nice to other people especially because I can't find a reason to. Why be nice when society treats me like sh-t? Also, I've seen betrayals before; someone can be very sweet and nice to you but have ulterior motives.

Sometimes, I can be very polite but come off as unlikeable because I don't smile. People probably don't think I'm being genuine, and many times, they're right. I find it very hard to smile to other people for some reason. I can't seem to establish deep meaningful connections with other human beings.

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I try to be nice to all people usualy. Even if they don;t with me If there rude to me I will still be nice most of the time but just wont go out of my way to talk to them or anything.

There's something my Mum said to me when we last ever met, at a shopping mall. She said "Mike! be nice to people!" I'm glad I remember it; she's gone forever. No more advice available. My belief about life was that we have to fight for ourselves. Don't bow down to people who control us or reject us.

Maybe I'm wrong. Being nice is a big challenge for me. I have been thinking about changing. Polite is respectful and sensible. Nobody has any sense of humour or level of tolerance. I felt OK at school - the person who had a very different opinion from everyone else. I think I didn't learn properly from those days. Gotta fit in. That is repulsive. DIY is my perspective. Be yourself. How can a person change theirself?

Good friends, after school, but most of them have disappeared now.

I would adapt if I found significant people. If anyone ever in my life told me I was ugly or need to change this or that; my hair... that is what I need. Anyone I interact with just turn the other way. Phone call with recruiter they hang up. Interview - I can tell straight away when they're disappointed with me - several in the room - they all show a manner of... looking at the floor... "oh... dear" I am not rude. I don't attack people. I act with an amiable approach, that's not good enough for them. What is it? I don't steal from their pockets. I don't bash anyone, picking up a chair to batter until dead, in a pool of blood, although it's how I feel that way inside. On exit, everyone acts friendly & courteous. It's a strict policy to shake hands and smile on departure. I ask "do you have any reservations?" That goes ignored. They're laughing at me, inside, without revealing it. That's a lie. My life is based on truth & honesty. I never lie.

That last bit you said about truth and honesty Mike, that's pretty much how I live. If you have to lie to have someone approve of you, then what's the point of being around them anyway?

I don't make a conscious effort to be nice to people, I don't help out at any charity or give money to the 2 homeless guys I walk past several times a day to get to and from class. I feel more like I live in a state of equilibrium, not being nice/generous but at the same time, not being nasty. I am however terribly selfish. That's the main reason I don't want children. I need to work on that but I do think I'm getting better. I spend a lot more time helping my parents when I go home for the weekends and I don't really have anyone else that I don't care being selfish towards.

I think i come across as overly nice in person, sometimes i worry that people will not think i am being genuine because im so agreeable. I can only seem to speak my mind to those close to me... or on here

I'm generally a nice person, even to people I don't know. I like to think that holding the door open for someone, or smiling helps make their day better, even if just a little bit. There's no reason to make everyone else feel like crud, even if you are dealing with a bunch of crap.

I am perceived as a nice person.

I am also perceived as too nice with no spine.

MikeyC said:

I am perceived as a nice person.

I am also perceived as too nice with no spine.

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I was a pushover. I used to be very nice to people but then I realize they're testing me and calling me "stupid" behind my back. People must have sensed I was nice and weak because they started bullying me. I got out of that bad situation now.

laure15 said:

I was a pushover. I used to be very nice to people but then I realize they're testing me and calling me "stupid" behind my back. People must have sensed I was nice and weak because they started bullying me. I got out of that bad situation now.

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That's good. I think there's a balance that needs to be achieved here, and I'm yet to get to it. Good on you for standing up for yourself.

xDreamseller said:

I am however terribly selfish. That's the main reason I don't want children. I need to work on that but I do think I'm getting better.

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I'm mother effing selfish too, but I find that it helps me move forward in life so I don't think I want to change. At least not until it becomes troublesome.

mikebird said:

Anyone I interact with just turn the other way. Phone call with recruiter they hang up. Interview - I can tell straight away when they're disappointed with me - several in the room - they all show a manner of... looking at the floor... "oh... dear" I am not rude. I don't attack people. I act with an amiable approach, that's not good enough for them. What is it? I don't steal from their pockets. I don't bash anyone, picking up a chair to batter until dead, in a pool of blood, although it's how I feel that way inside. On exit, everyone acts friendly & courteous. It's a strict policy to shake hands and smile on departure. I ask "do you have any reservations?" That goes ignored. They're laughing at me, inside, without revealing it. That's a lie. My life is based on truth & honesty. I never lie

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I find "the flock" to be EXTREMELY fussy about the SMALLEST of things, eg sby who is just a tad different or "wierd". They're intolerant of anything out of the ordinary that is they are closed/narrow-minded. Don't appreciate true individuality, hence why i think you are constantly rejected. And also they can read your vibe, and if that vbe is anything at all different from "the normal" vibe that they're used to, it weirds them out, hence another reason for rejection.
From my experience, i'm afraid to say that unless you can change your INNER thoughts/feelings about people, you are doomed in this area. Its not enough to just "try to act nice", as people can see thru it, & maybe its even more off-putting to sheep than if you hate people but show it??

Connor & MikeyC

You're right about these things. As I mentioned Mum, I remember about homeless people - can't recall if this issue was touching a nerve for her or for me when we thought about homelessness, as it was new to us after I moved away from my parents' home. She said everyone has family & friends to rely on, and shouldn't come to nothing, but if it does, the reason could be generated by bad actions. Well, I had a huge set of family on Mum's side, uncles and aunties who are now deceased, due to my timing of birth among them I remember one auntie, after her husband was gone, and sad, she said "don't worry about us, Mike! We are the oldies. You are the new. You have nothing to worry about"

Charity buckets in the street have become something I walk boldly away from. A recent befriending with an old friend in the area happened because we're both single. He was seperated from his missus and his two daughters. I was left behind by a crucial, pivotal social leader, who brought us all together. She's married with a son; she's now a schoolteacher, and she gave me a good signal to remember. It was the mighty point in life to be aware of SA, just after my best time with my peak of social life, due to her. She did buy a Burger King meal for a homeless person in the street. There's nothing wrong with niceness! She told me, when visiting her bunches of mates, that I was always negative in my comments. I know that was outright my dark, sarcastic sense of humour. That inspired me for all my best times, when most people pick up on it and appreciated it. Some don't get it. A lovely girl sent her a text which I saw, that she was spending too long with Mike. I spotted the signal, although subtle.

The two of us blokes are trying dating girls. I have had some great success over the years, but it never lasts very long. We do agree we are a bit spineless. Too soft and nice, doing anything to please - which goes for my next prospective employer. The stick & carrot of girls to play us.

There will eventually be something good all round. We just need to get the balance right

you're right. this is something i need to work on.

Recently I came to the conclusion that there isnt a place for nice people,you have to stand up for yourself at times,which makes you to be not so nice,its also harder than being nice,I am not an angel,but I have been nothing but nice in my job,there are people who will step over you just because they think they can,unhappy people who put other people down to raise their self steem,people who are just looking for a chance to betray others,other people actually find this beautiful thus rewarding this behavior,it seemed really irrational to me that people would like and reward this,but I guess its just the way natural selection goes.
People say to be nice without expecting anything in return,this works until you find those kinds of people that I mentioned,who are always ready to betray,put others down and generally hurt others,I dont think anybody like to have that happen to them.

It's hard for me to be nice in casual situations because of the anxiety and depression. Most days I'm pretty miserable and just can't find the mental energy to even instigate a simple conversation like "how are you?".

That said, today we had a bit of a flooding situation in my house and I helped someone clean up the mess in front of her room. People I normally rather avoid or don't talk to, I was there helping and the person thanked me. It's sad that it takes a situation like that for me to be nice and helpful.

With total strangers I normally have no problem helping them (like helping a woman with her baby carriage in the bus and stuff like that). I guess it's because they don't know me and I don't feel judged, observed and I don't have a history with them.

The world is full of mean-spirited, nasty, egotistic, floor-spitting, stink-eying, arrogant people enough as it is, I think being nice even to them (turning the other cheek, trying to dissolve the need to retaliate) is the ultimate remedy. Ultimately I think these people are deeply unhappy themselves.

Olhos Abertos said:

Recently I came to the conclusion that there isnt a place for nice people,you have to stand up for yourself at times,which makes you to be not so nice,its also harder than being nice,I am not an angel,but I have been nothing but nice in my job,there are people who will step over you just because they think they can,unhappy people who put other people down to raise their self steem,people who are just looking for a chance to betray others,other people actually find this beautiful thus rewarding this behavior,it seemed really irrational to me that people would like and reward this,but I guess its just the way natural selection goes.
People say to be nice without expecting anything in return,this works until you find those kinds of people that I mentioned,who are always ready to betray,put others down and generally hurt others,I dont think anybody like to have that happen to them.

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I agree with this. I think it's a waste of time being nice to people who don't care for it and are only looking to take advantage of you. That's when it's time to turn the b**** switch on.

I try to be humble but at certain times it irritates the hell out of me when people ask"oh why you so quiet" I know they are just asking and the don't know whats wrong with me but still. but though I try to be nice!

BEING NICE IS SO MUCH BETTER, for example:

Yesterday i took the bus that goes to my college, i had to sit next a hot girl! i was nervous and anxious about it, and i started to make some noise with my feet cause of the anxiety ( i wasnt aware), than this girl turns to me and said (very rude) "THIS SOUND IS STARTING TO PISS ME OFF", i was like "WTF, what?" ... than i noticed what she meant and i said "Oh, sorry... you could asked me to stop before...", she smiled.
Than, i said the best thing hahahaha "Sorry, i get nervous when i'm next beautiful girls..." and she laughed! THAT WAS A SLAP ON HER FACE ahahahaha

i could answer rude too! But i feel better this way...

I always try to be gentle and nice, but sometimes the time goes 4x LOL and i cant think in the options