Being the blacksheep.

is anyone else here the blacksheep of their family?

my entire life i'v been the blacksheep...im my parent's least favorite child and always have been ever since i was a kid..my brother and sister have always acted like im just an annoyance and problem for them...they dont want to admit that they are shitty siblings and have NEVER looked out for me so instead when asked about me they find ANY way to devalue me..idk if they do it so much anymore but they did it for quite a while. I dont really ever remember my brother giving me any advice or pointers on anything...he just ALWAYS wanted me to leave him alone..so i did.....it was just like I was a nuisance to him and my sister so they just avoided me as much as possible..but no one ever judged them for it...but on the other hand, if I avoid THEM I get guilt tripped by my mom...


the thing is no one knows about this and I would never tell anyone because it would just provoke a flurry of ad hominem judgements about me...so basicaly its like everyone will always just consider me to be the douchebag younger brother and i'll never be able to come out from under that slanderous title....its really demeaning..I had a hard time in my younger years and no one who really understood or tried ot give me any good guidance or advice...instead I just got judged by everyone and I think alot of shit was talked among extended family and family friends ...my past is behind me but im still trying ot figure out where ot go with the next chapter of my life. im not the kind of person to ask for help for something because Im too old for that and I like to do things on my OWN anyway.... but all I'd really want is not to be judged harshly on mistakes Iv made in the past that are actually completely forgivable...

Im in the same position, I get treated like Im some naughty child because I got into trouble when I was younger. No one gives me a chance to show that im not the same as I was when I was 15.

Im an only child and there are a few black sheep in my family, but im definitely one of them.

Aye, very much so.

Though, ah've always felt that ah came along at a point in ma mum's life when she had enough to deal with - huvin 2 daughters to raise on her own by tha time ah wus born.

Also, ah wus tha youngest so it kinda meant ye got treated differently by default, y'know? Like never being taken seriously, being mercily pick on, and so on.

From an education standpoint, ah wus definitely tha blacksheep o' ma family, high school dropout, didnae go tae college or university like ma older sisters or some of ma cousin hud done.

Ah didnae feel like ah fit in wi' ma family, still don't. We're aw so different. Different tastes in music, different senses o' humour, different personalities. Ah've always felt ah wus never good enough or intellectually smart enough to hing aboot wi' them to feel more than a basic connect wi' them - ie being related. And ma family tend to be loud, annoyin', at times.

And ah think ah wrongly craved oot a reputation since everybuddy in ma family would always mention that ah always made 'em laugh. So ah kinda felt pressure to up hold that. Or it wus expected o' me tae funny everytime ah wus in their presence. As a result in makes being taken seriously aw tha mair difficult. So ah rarely open up aboot ma struggle wi' depression or ma anxiety issues coz that tend tae provoke an argument in ma family.

Anyway, long story short... The end. :bigsmile:

I'd be quite surprised if someone with anxiety didn't have black sheep syndrome?

I rarely see any of my family and have not since my late teens. The essential problem is that I had a very violent upbringing and thus have never considered it wise to spend time with them. I met my mother after an 18 year gap and would only do so in a public place (this was after my fathers funeral). I have two sisters and I have seen the elder one twice in 25 years, she has two children (this makes me their uncle) and I have never met them. I cannot get over the revulsion of my family life and I think my safety comes first. I will not meet with my sisters due to the possibility of violent crime and I have never regretted this. All I ever thought is they must've married a sick **** who would put up with such a vile past as theirs.
People think that since many years have passed it can all be forgotten about but this is not so, and it is not wise to forget. Did the free West forget about Nazi Germany? Of course not and they made them pay for it.

NamiraWilhelm said:

I'd be quite surprised if someone with anxiety didn't have black sheep syndrome?

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well idk what you mean by calling it a syndrome. Im saying I literally AM and always have been the black sheep.

I've always been the black sheep of the family.. and of the earth.

AtTheGates said:

well idk what you mean by calling it a syndrome. Im saying I literally AM and always have been the black sheep.

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I just think it goes hand in hand with social anxiety.

I'd be quite interested to know if there's anyone here that has social anxiety, yet always fit in and didn't feel like a black sheep at all? Can that happen? I suppose there is an element of irrationality to our problem so I suppose it's possible?

NamiraWilhelm said:

I just think it goes hand in hand with social anxiety.

I'd be quite interested to know if there's anyone here that has social anxiety, yet always fit in and didn't feel like a black sheep at all? Can that happen? I suppose there is an element of irrationality to our problem so I suppose it's possible?

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well im not an irrational person at all...I realize there is a margin of error in what im saying but the point im making is pretty solid and its based on things that actually happened, not things imagined .. like being left outside by my older siblings in a thunderstorm when I was 5..and thats just ONE reason out of many other reasons throughout my youth that have led me to draw the rational conclusion that I am the blacksheep.

All my life and especially now.

AtTheGates said:

well im not an irrational person at all...I realize there is a margin of error in what im saying but the point im making is pretty solid and its based on things that actually happened, not things imagined .. like being left outside by my older siblings in a thunderstorm when I was 5..and thats just ONE reason out of many other reasons throughout my youth that have led me to draw the rational conclusion that I am the blacksheep.

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You don't think social anxiety is at all irrational? I absolutely do. I suppose it could be evolutionarily justified in its being an overly active threat detection system, but there is a great deal going on in our heads that is exactly that; in our heads.
And take note I'm saying social anxiety is irrational, not necessarily you. Of course you were the black sheep, we all are. It's what leads us to have these complexes.

NamiraWilhelm said:

You don't think social anxiety is at all irrational? I absolutely do. I suppose it could be evolutionarily justified in its being an overly active threat detection system, but there is a great deal going on in our heads that is exactly that; in our heads.
And take note I'm saying social anxiety is irrational, not necessarily you. Of course you were the black sheep, we all are. It's what leads us to have these complexes.

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I think in some cases/for some people it CAN be irrational but personally I think (and im NOT bragging) im a bit too intelligent to give into the irrational side of anxiety...Im not saying im a genius or anything but I come to conclusions more through deductive reasoning than emotion or anything else.....better safe than sorry but I guess being TOO safe can also be a bad thing.

I think alot of my anxiety comes from just KNOWING too much and being proven RIGHT about my assumptions time and time again...

you just gotta embrace it and love it for what it is... you're not gonna be able to reverse decades of an entire social group's opinion of you. just be yourself and if they don't like it tell them to (insert derogatory phrase).

i'm hardcore the blacksheep of my family. a few years ago when someone'd ask me what I want for xmas or birthday, i'd tell them I don't want anything. so they'd just send dumb 10$ gift cards or w/e, and I started sending less and less to them, now nobody sends me shit and me them. every1 saves $ :applause:

everyday i'm cursing on facebook about this and that, ripping into politicians and just completely ahole status about everything. I gotta tell you, once you embrace the blacksheep title and stop stressing over everyone else's insignificant ideas about sh*t... life is so much better.

NamiraWilhelm said:

You don't think social anxiety is at all irrational? I absolutely do. I suppose it could be evolutionarily justified in its being an overly active threat detection system, but there is a great deal going on in our heads that is exactly that; in our heads.

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It's a fact, most of the anxiety we feel is injustified, a process stemming from thousands of years ago when we were all cavemen and needed the fight or flight response to assess potentially dangerous situations. Nowadays our minds keep warning us about potential dangers, but in a different, pointless way ("they're judging you", "you're not funny and should leave because it'll go badly", "this job interview is gonna be embarassing for you", etc).

Nowadays, we create most of our anxiety. Sure, a lot of us were bullied when we were younger, bla bla bla, but is that really a good justification for all the anxiety we feel today? I'm sure it sucked at first, but it gets to a point where you're just doing it to yourself, not only by reacting badly to your own anxiety (struggling vs acceptance/breathing it in), but by choosing to believe bad thoughts over good (I'm worthless vs I matter and I deserve to pursue my own happiness).

im not trying to justify being anxious. I actually WISH I was wrong...but When you grow up as the black sheep of your family eventually the idea that no one wants you around just becomes solidified into your mind...and then not being able to fit in anywhere else really just further engrains it into your psyche...trust me I would LIKE to have ANY reason to believe that I'll eventually find somewhere to belong but right now I cant think of any and its based largely on the fact that i'v never fit in ANYWHERE (including with my family)....my only real hope is to lie to myself and try to grab some confidence out of thin air.