SocialPhobiaWorld.com  
     

Home Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
 
Go Back   SocialPhobiaWorld.com > Social Anxiety Disorder Forums > Social Anxiety Forum

Post New Thread Reply
 
Search this Thread
Old 03-04-2008  
Newbie User
shmiddy's Avatar
 

Default Beware: very long message: I can't be myself around anyone

Hey everyone!

I have been reading the forums for the past week or so and decided to register so I could make a post about my experiences with SA.

Okay, first of all I have a terrific family and I am very close with my parents and my sister. I have four best friends that I grew up with and did everything together with for pretty much all of my 21 years on this earth. My dad and sister are probably the most outgoing people I have ever met -- they have a million friends and can talk so easily with random strangers. They are just so good at socializing. On the other hand, my mother is extremely anxious and quiet in social situations when there are new people there. However, she is extremely outgoing and funny and smart when she is with her friends or obviously my family. It's so funny that my parents married each other - polar opposites - and had polar opposite kids too. Haha.

Anyway. I am SO loud, outgoing, talkative, and funny when I am with my friends. They all know I am the loudest and most talkative too - it's great when I am with my friends. And it all comes so easily and without thinking at ALL. In these situations I am 100% self-UNconscious. Haha. Like I don't analyze myself or be critical and never have awkward silences or whatever. I just feel like the greatest socializer in the world. And these times, when I am with my friends, I realize how freaking enjoyable it is to be social and converse with other people. But as soon as a person I am not familiar with is present, my body suddenly shuts down. I get extremely nervous, my brain puts so much pressure on me to continue being social and funny and everything, and meanwhile I can't think of A DAMN THING TO SAY! So the longer I go without saying anything, the more nervous I get and the less likely it is that I will say ANYTHING for the duration that this unfamiliar person is present. The second this person leaves though, I go back to being MY REAL SELF!

I hate that I am NOT MYSELF when I meet new people. I am incapable of acting like myself (which I KNOW is being talkative and outgoing). No matter what I do, I CANNOT act like myself and it pisses me off. I want to be myself - I want to be me when I meet new people or see strangers. I have a really tough time becoming comfortable enough with people to be myself around - but once I am comfortable with you, I am absolutely 100% comfortable to be loud and social - which is who I know I am. I am also incapable of smiling or expressing any sort of facial expressions around new people. Sometimes I will make an effort to smile at them but I can feel the muscles twitching in my face and I think they can probably see that which is why I rarely attempt to smile at new people. I just wish I could be my normal, social, funny, smart self around anyone and everyone, not just my friends and family.

Now I am going to tell you a little bit about my life growing up and how I know that I am not being myself when I am with strangers. This is probably going to sound stuck-up, but I am going to say it anyway because I am trying to figure out what my damn problem is. I know that I am really good-looking (I am a guy by the way). I have been told by so many girls that I'm hot, gorgeous, etc. (and I know I am by looking in the mirror) and I have been with more girls than I can count. Growing up I was really cute too and I was sooooo popular and outgoing in elementary school and middle school. I had all the prettiest girlfriends, I was the best at sports, I was the smartest, the funniest, and everyone loved me. I was exactly like my sister and father are - for what it's worth, my sister was the most popular in elementary school and middle school as well, only she didn't develop anxiety so she is still one of those girls that is so happy and everyone loves. I was always able to be funny and outgoing around EVERYONE until I hit high school.

I don't know what happened -- one minute I was in middle school being king of the school and the next minute I entered high school and suddenly became the most nervous kid around new people. I stopped being my true personality, which I know is like my father and sister. But this ****ing retarded anxiety is preventing me from being myself. I used to not think twice about any social awkwardness and didn't give a shit what people thought about me because I was so confident and happy. But suddenly I started giving a shit what people thought and this made me crawl into my shell whenever I was around new people. I was still able to be my real self around my friends, but I really couldn't function socially with new people.

So basically, for the last 7 years (junior in college) I have been trying to figure out WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME! I lost myself 7 years ago and have not been able to recover. I am angry and also extremely frustrated that I am not able to be myself. I can't enjoy the social events and just socializing in general at parties and sports games and stuff because I just can't function socially around anyone but my family and friends.

The thing I want most in this world is to get my old self back. I was so happy when I was able to be myself around anyone. I enjoyed every single second of life, and now I probably spend some of my time feeling that great, when I'm with my friends, and then the other half, when I am around new people, I just sit there, with no expression on my face, looking like an idiot, not saying a damn thing, basically just being a "creeper" if you're familiar with that slang.

So as I wrote earlier in the post, my mother seems to be just like me - she loves to talk (and I must admit, I LOVE to talk - when I'm with friends and family) and be social and goofy and stuff when she's with the people she's comfortable with. But she just acts like me when she's around new people/strangers.

This is weird that I turned out exactly like my mom. I love my mom to death and she's the best person in the world but I really wish I didn't happen to be affected by the same issues that affect her. It seems like she passed SA on to me, but it didn't develop in me until high school.

Oh and one last note. Every single day I ask myself "Why can't I just be myself?" and it just makes my whole body ache with pain. In addition, a lot of people, especially girls (I do get with a lot of girls though, I am pretty good at talking with them if there aren't too many unfamiliar people around), tell their friends or my friends that they think I'm an ******* for being so cocky. I'm very intelligent and attractive and if I am at a party and don't have many friends there, I will go into my shell and have the expressionless face that looks like I hate the world and won't say a damn thing even if I am introduced to a bunch of new people. Naturally, you're going to think that a smart, attractive guy is a cocky ******* if he doesn't say anything to you and doesn't smile at you.

Not sure if a single one of you will read this whole message, and if none of you do, it doesn't matter because I feel pretty damn good that I just wrote down every single thing I could possibly think of about my current state. Hopefully it will help me figure shit out. Post whatever the hell you want on this thread, if you read this or not, don't care.
shmiddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2008  
Newbie User
shmiddy's Avatar
 

Default

Thanks, I already know that. That's why I'm on this website.

Edit: Oh, now you edited your post. Originally it just said "You have SA."
shmiddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2008  
Newbie User
shmiddy's Avatar
 

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by eambrausa
You have SOCIAL ANXIETY, SOCIAL PHOBIA, whatever you wanna call it.

You don't act like yourself because your mind doesn't let you do it, you are like millions of SA people....they TRY to act
like a normal person so they don't get embarrassed, the SA people`s mind is always trying to make them think that they are weird and need to change it urgently......and that's why you act weird, different from the rest of the people, you then get anxious by trying to fight with your mind etc and you now look a scared guy (literally), not been you (but an SA person) and that makes you noticeable to everybody......and you get more weird and they notice it and you get more weird and they notice it and cycle continues....

So, what SA people need to do is send that crap feeling to hell and just become themselves again...a normal person, without worry about what people are thinking of them. Its a daily fight between you and your (friendly) mind lol....

Take care, you will make it, just relax and keep trying.
Thanks for the response eambrausa. That's exactly what we have to do. Get rid of those stupid, illogical fears and thoughts. But I feel like those fears and thoughts are out of my control -- like they're ACTUALLY becoming my personality. These thoughts and fears become habitual, which is what makes SA get worse and worse as time passes. Every single bad thought or fear is stockpiled in our brains, so the more time that passes, the more cumulative negative thoughts or fears have been placed in our brains. It just sucks that our brains do this to us. I wish I could get inside my brain and stop all negative thoughts and fears. Going to have to find a different way to fix my problems though...
shmiddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2008  
Newbie User
Broken_Memory's Avatar
 

Default

I've always had trouble around new people. In school and at work (part-time) I pretty much avoid everyone, because all I can do is smile and nod and think about how nervous I am. The one overall feeling is "I've got to get away from this person right now, away from this conversation, its making me uncomfortable".

I face the same thing, where I can be totally myself around people I've had time to get close to. I have noticed that most of my friends are people that :

a) approached me first and took a leadership role in becoming friends
b) I'd met through somebody else and gradually got to know, because of the person that introduced us

When it comes to meeting new people and letting them get to know who I am, I make it pretty much impossible by seeming (unintentionally) uninterested.
Broken_Memory is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2008  
Newbie User
lilcharlie's Avatar
 

Default

some people just turn out unusual. i knew of a little boy that hated being stared at, he was 5, and every day, he would continuously yell to everyone, "what are you looking at, why are you staring at me"? and adults would laugh, stare at him some more, because they thought it was cute. my point is that people just turn out differently, and that's just the way you are. maybe you can fix it, i don't know too much on this subject, but probably it will be hard. my sister hated being looked at, stared at, she would sit around would paper bag over her head, no kidding. i cringe when people look/stare at me and smile, etc.

about you, since you are good looking, you probably got a lot of attention. unlike your sister, who flew with the attention, you probably can't stand it? i don't know, or can you? or maybe the attention is making you self conscious. or maybe, that's just the way you are.

i used to act really nervous self conscious around hot guys, and i would act really normal around average looking guys. i was a girl with little experience. then i got to know hot guys lol and they were just normal people with different layer of skin and bones, and then i wasn't attracted to guys hot or not. but some good looking people act normal/nice, some act a bit "off."

well, you're not going to be a quick fix. i'm not sure if you're self conscious when you meet people. if you meet people, think about them, say hi how's it going? etc. don't think about yourself. i dont' know. but it's hard if people are hung up on your looks. send me your picture and i will personally rate you. then you can rate me. haha.
lilcharlie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2008  
Newbie User
thaili's Avatar
 

Default u r not alone....

i read ur long post & felt tht i can relate my probs... with ur's .hi i m frm india & learnt tht i have been suffering frm SA[as they call] for last 4-5 yrs but earlier ironically i was very social,evryone' favourite,flirting with girls,entertaining guests........but damm shit i dont know what has happened now.i have all the symptoms tht all other SA sufferers mention. as a result of my SA i m not able 2 conc. on my studies i have failed twice in competitive exams but luckily passed my 12 class board exams.earlier i used to be among the toppers but now i just strive to get the minimum passing marks &thts a matter of concern .1 month ahead i have my exams ....dont know whether i should study or get treated for my SA .please reply :(
thaili is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2008  
Newbie User
shmiddy's Avatar
 

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilcharlie
some people just turn out unusual. i knew of a little boy that hated being stared at, he was 5, and every day, he would continuously yell to everyone, "what are you looking at, why are you staring at me"? and adults would laugh, stare at him some more, because they thought it was cute. my point is that people just turn out differently, and that's just the way you are. maybe you can fix it, i don't know too much on this subject, but probably it will be hard. my sister hated being looked at, stared at, she would sit around would paper bag over her head, no kidding. i cringe when people look/stare at me and smile, etc.

about you, since you are good looking, you probably got a lot of attention. unlike your sister, who flew with the attention, you probably can't stand it? i don't know, or can you? or maybe the attention is making you self conscious. or maybe, that's just the way you are.

i used to act really nervous self conscious around hot guys, and i would act really normal around average looking guys. i was a girl with little experience. then i got to know hot guys lol and they were just normal people with different layer of skin and bones, and then i wasn't attracted to guys hot or not. but some good looking people act normal/nice, some act a bit "off."

well, you're not going to be a quick fix. i'm not sure if you're self conscious when you meet people. if you meet people, think about them, say hi how's it going? etc. don't think about yourself. i dont' know. but it's hard if people are hung up on your looks. send me your picture and i will personally rate you. then you can rate me. haha.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I have always gotten tons of attention -- adults, my friends, my sister's friends, teachers have always focused on me instead of other kids or my sister. My sister has loved attention her whole life, possibly because I got so much when we were younger, and she has sort of made it her mission to make sure that no matter when, where, with whom, that she is the center of the party or the center of attention. I, on the other hand, am perfectly content NOT being the center of attention - I just wish I could be a normal, social human like everyone else. However, since I am really quiet and shy now it makes it kind of awkward because even today, no matter where I am, people always seem to focus on me, I guess because of the way I look or something. If I am with my friends or even my sister and we are meeting new people, the new people ALWAYS look at me first like I should be the dominant/outgoing/loud one of the group just because I am good looking. I think I have put too much pressure on myself over the years, knowing that everyone is always looking at me and expecting me to be outgoing and shit that I have just sort of tried to let other people take the reins, and in doing so I have lost my ability to be social at all around the new people.
shmiddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2008  
Newbie User
lilcharlie's Avatar
 

Default

it can be annoying getting attention in regards to the way you look, even if people mean it in a good way/ mean no harm. you can use your looks to make your life or this earth better in some way; use your looks to help yourself/ help people/ help a cause/ use it to your advantage, go into modeling/ acting/ singing [if you like it that is]; pick 1-3 things you'd like to do/ enjoy/ interested in/ get good at, whatever it is you like. it might be a double edged sword, because you might get even more attention! but doing things you enjoy, exercising, whatever you wanna do will relieve stress in general, and take your mind off of things. there were times i felt belittled when people think i go out all the time do drugs can't study because of how they perceive me. sometimes it can make you feel undervalued because you think things are so shallow. if you're a guy, you must look good, since you don't have to wear make up, dress up, do your hair, etc, you just look naturally good. and if you look better than girls [your sister], that is not a good thing, at least for her; girls are supposed to look better than guys haha. sounds like she's trying to compete with you. i have a brother and he don't look too shabby. he has gotten a lot of attention growing up. he hated it. me being a girl sometimes i like to wear makeup, hair, dress, etc but i find sometimes i can't do that because i cannot stand the looks so i dress like in sweat pants and look like i just woke up. when i had a boy haircut, then, the lesbians started hitting on me. haha oh well, such is life. ANYWAY. you will always get attention. be as polite and humble as you can. if you fake it enough, maybe one day you will feel blessed god gave you good exterior genes. like i said even if people are hung up on your looks, think about them and how they are doing, their interests, what they like; learn about them. rich people got problems, poor people got problems. i rather be rich with problems. attractive people got problems, unattractive (sorry that sounds awful) people got problems. who would you rather be? i know you are saying, i just want to be the guy in between, normal looking without all the attention! blame it on your parents. kidding. good luck and feel better okay.
lilcharlie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2008  
Newbie User
nikki_marie's Avatar
 

Default

your story sounds near enough the exact same as mine!! its wierd! i was always popular at skool and had a group of proper close mates etc even the people who hated me still respected me, and even told me an all! my mate told me that everyone respected me. but i dunno somewhere down the line i lost that aura i guess, and i really struggle sometimes to get on. i wouldnt say im SA but im well paranoid and it really effects my life because even tho i know im only being paranoid, i think people think nasty things about me all the time, which then makes me stand still. Ive had to quit drinking now due to a recent smashed paranoia trip, the worst ive ever had! and im really good at hiding it (well the severity of it) but this was so bad people asked me friend what my problem was...now thats bad, alcohol did not helpp, actualy it caused it and now i dont wanna go back to my regualar club for a very long time coz i feel ashamed of my self. i dont care if people hate the real me, but not someone im not coz thats even worse.
i guess things change mate
nikki_marie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2011  
Advanced User
Diend's Avatar
 

Default Re: Beware: very long message: I can't be myself around anyone

Story of my life bro. I was uninhibited before 8th grade and was a little cocky because I got good grades at school. I was the worst athlete in my middle school so I think a part of that "crawling into my shell" stemmed from that. I was also a study-freak so I didn't do much besides study, so that added to it. I also got addicted to Maple Story. I also didn't feel confident because I didn't think I dressed fashionably. This all culminated to me having paralyzing SA in high school.

Sometimes at school, I feel like everything is out of control, and that I'm inhibited and ugh! I hate these feelings. I started to develop crutches for my SA like playing "magic the gathering" trading cards. My grades slumped because I felt I was inadequate in other areas of my life. My personality is probably the culprit. I feel insecure if I'm not at least above average among my peers. When I'm below average in practically everything, I feel depressed. If I have ONE thing that I'm the best at among my peers, I think I will definitely be a brighter person. I realized the one thing that I had before high school was my good grades. I thought I was top of my class.

I think what I have to do is dress fashionably enough for myself that I can be confident. No, I don't have time to be a fashion front-liner. I want to force myself to follow sports a little bit. Work out and play sports so I'm physically fit. Consciously notify myself that I should act like myself even when around acquaintances.

I think it is an age thing. Somehow I was not able to analyze this before because my brain wasn't mature enough, and I took a bit of mental scarring. But I am very grateful that I was able to process these thoughts today. I feel a more free.

During my worst moments, I thought I couldn't get through life. I was utterly down. Who could I say made me depressed like this? An overprotective/sheltered childhood? a delusional childhood? A childhood where I always thought I was the best?
Diend is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads to Beware: very long message: I can't be myself around anyone
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Welcome message webmaster Social Anxiety Forum 20 05-29-2011 12:52 PM
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Beware, spoliers!) IceLad Adults Only 8 08-01-2009 10:15 PM
beware of your word people ridzuan Social Anxiety Forum 5 01-12-2009 11:04 AM
my last message mushawah Social Anxiety Forum 1 07-11-2008 01:32 AM
Message from Everyone Warlock Off-Topic 5 12-23-2006 09:50 PM


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:08 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2