There is none and that is the beauty of it. As soon as you stop looking for a cure, you are cured. Pure acceptance is the key. You have to get proactive and this is what i have done!
Please read on, even the sceptics! I feel like this is good info and i am purely trying to help people here. I have felt all of your pain and i hope this can open some eyes...
Quick background: 25 year old male, physical therapist who constantly sees new patients every single day. Non stop blusher, imagine treating a young girl for groin pain and being terrified of blushing! Okay, well now you know my day to day terror of the last 3 years.
About a month ago i got sick of it and decided enough was enough. I heard that the definition of insanity is to do what you've always done and expect different results. I needed to actively do something. So i started to take back control.
Step 1. see a psych. Now i have been 3 times and it has been great, not because of anything she has told me, but because she's basically the only person i have ever talked to about it. This felt good. Now i know that admitting you have a blushing problem is fearful and embarrassing, but once you tell someone it takes away some of the power the blushing holds over you. You start to feel a bit freer. Try telling 1 to 2 people about your problem, even if they don't understand. Talking about it helps to let go of your fear of it. You are announcing it to the world. You have been sooo scared, so driven by hiding this fear...but opening up and announcing it takes some of it's power away. IT tells your brain that you aren't afraid, you are accepting, you are who you are and you are okay that way.
Step 2. Meditate. Just 15 minutes a day, to help relax! This again helps me feel like im taking back control.
Step 3. Stop avoiding. Fear avoidance feeds into my fear. I am not going to feed my fear. Two wolves are circling a campfire, one good, one bad. You can only feed one wolf. Which wolf do you feed?.....I need to stop feeding the bad wolf, stop letting it control me.
Step 4. Realise how f#@king brave i actually am. I have gone from feeling shameful, useless, and pathetic....to realising how courageous i actually am to start standing up to this. I look my biggest fear in the eye every single day. I used to run, now i stand my ground and fight. I have made myself not leave any situation, no matter how uncomfortable. I am not afraid of the blush. The blush is still there slightly, but if im not afraid of it then it has no power over me, it cannot survive. It recedes quickly. I copied this off someone else, but it's exactly what i do put into words....
" Blushing used to cause me untold terror, so I saw it as an insurmountable problem that was too big to handle. I saw a blush as proof that I was useless, pathetic and stupid. Anyhow, I started to reduce it's power in my mind by seeing it as no big deal, even though i still blushed like crazy. I figured that if i didn't care less if i blushed or not, it lost much of it's power over me.
So rather than running for the hills if i blushed, like i usually did, i stayed in the situation and the blush died down naturally. This proved that a blush can't kill me, harm me or dictate to me. It only had the power i allowed it to have. In essence, i belittled the blush in my mind to inconsequencial, and when i did that it lost it's grip on me.
It was like ... i blushed ... but so what? Rather than i blushed so i'm useless, get me out of here. I also figured that i blushed when i was coming up against my boundaries and limitations. These things are uncomfortable, so cause anxiety and a blush results.
What i did was turn it around in my mind so that i saw a blush as a symbol of me confronting my boundaries and breaking through them, so it symbolised success rather than failure. This meant i feared a blush coming on a whole lot less.
In a nutshell, i turned it on it's head and in doing so i neutraliseed much of the power blushing had over me. Pushing boundaries causes me discomfort, and when i'm in social discomfort i blush, but if i stay in the situation and deal with it i've broken through a perceived boundary, so a positive outcome is achieved. This then could be twisted around in the mind to then view pushing through the discomfort and letting the blush burn itself out, as a victory and a gain."
If you try that you cannot lose. Whether you blush or not is not the problem, it's whether you stand up to the blush. If it happens, good....becuase you have stood your ground and copped it. Yes, it's uncomfortable but standing your ground says you are not afraid. I constantly say to myself "You have no power over me, i'm not afraid of you no more."
If I'm talking to someone and i feel a blush and if i think they notice i say this to myself. "At the moment, I'm standing up to my BIGGEST fear, and it's losing it's grip on me. What are you doing!?" We all have to realise how brave we are! For having this condition and standing up to it, to not let it dictate us. Yes, some will see us blush, accept that. It will happen. But when we aren't afraid of people seeing us blush, we are free and we no longer will. "The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
Lastly, as you may have realised. I use quotes. Some of my favourite include:
- "Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die".
- "Sometimes the only way to get what you desire is to give up what you desire in the first place." I've given up the desire to stop blushing and i know in doing this it will be gone.
- "I'm the guy who stood up to it and won." I constantly read about people who have had this for 20 years! I will not let this beat me. These people are pathetic. Not because they blush (that part of them is fine), because they have let it beat them! THey have never even tried to accept this and have let it hold them back. I will be the one to stand up and fight.
- " First i'll seek ye, then i'll find ye, then i'll hunt ye, then i'll crush ye."
This is a silly quote i sing to myself (in a weird accent haha) about seeking out the blush, finding it, then hunting it down and finally crushign it. Doesn't make sense but i like it!
- "You gain courage, strength and confidence in every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the eye. You MUST do the thing you think you cannot do.
- "The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - never knowing." This really resonates with me. I have so much potential and i know what i want. this will not stop me anymore
The fact is you have to get comfortable with blushing. It is a part of you. If you can accept this and be content with this, how can anyone else possibly not accept this part of you? Once you fully accept, fully acknowledge and fully take this on...there is no fear. and this changes from a blushing fear to just blushing. And then the blushing will diminish.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, talking about this does help! And you have to be proactive, dont let it dictate you. Stop searching for a cure! Be brave fellow blushers, we are the bravest people on this earth because we look fear in the eye every day. Be so proud of yourself every time you stand up to it and are comfortable with a blush, for that is looking your biggest fear in the eye. Don't think of that as a failure, think of that as a success adn you cannot lose! Now you make the decision, to stand up to that fear. Or to flee. Get busy living or get busy dying.
I know how hard this condition is! For your own sake, please start to take control back of your life, you will realise how good life can be. May i say, i am still blushing (nowhere near as much), and it doesn't bother me. I am okay with it, i have no fear of it....it's losing its power over me and then it is no issue.
Cheers, guys
Please read on, even the sceptics! I feel like this is good info and i am purely trying to help people here. I have felt all of your pain and i hope this can open some eyes...
Quick background: 25 year old male, physical therapist who constantly sees new patients every single day. Non stop blusher, imagine treating a young girl for groin pain and being terrified of blushing! Okay, well now you know my day to day terror of the last 3 years.
About a month ago i got sick of it and decided enough was enough. I heard that the definition of insanity is to do what you've always done and expect different results. I needed to actively do something. So i started to take back control.
Step 1. see a psych. Now i have been 3 times and it has been great, not because of anything she has told me, but because she's basically the only person i have ever talked to about it. This felt good. Now i know that admitting you have a blushing problem is fearful and embarrassing, but once you tell someone it takes away some of the power the blushing holds over you. You start to feel a bit freer. Try telling 1 to 2 people about your problem, even if they don't understand. Talking about it helps to let go of your fear of it. You are announcing it to the world. You have been sooo scared, so driven by hiding this fear...but opening up and announcing it takes some of it's power away. IT tells your brain that you aren't afraid, you are accepting, you are who you are and you are okay that way.
Step 2. Meditate. Just 15 minutes a day, to help relax! This again helps me feel like im taking back control.
Step 3. Stop avoiding. Fear avoidance feeds into my fear. I am not going to feed my fear. Two wolves are circling a campfire, one good, one bad. You can only feed one wolf. Which wolf do you feed?.....I need to stop feeding the bad wolf, stop letting it control me.
Step 4. Realise how f#@king brave i actually am. I have gone from feeling shameful, useless, and pathetic....to realising how courageous i actually am to start standing up to this. I look my biggest fear in the eye every single day. I used to run, now i stand my ground and fight. I have made myself not leave any situation, no matter how uncomfortable. I am not afraid of the blush. The blush is still there slightly, but if im not afraid of it then it has no power over me, it cannot survive. It recedes quickly. I copied this off someone else, but it's exactly what i do put into words....
" Blushing used to cause me untold terror, so I saw it as an insurmountable problem that was too big to handle. I saw a blush as proof that I was useless, pathetic and stupid. Anyhow, I started to reduce it's power in my mind by seeing it as no big deal, even though i still blushed like crazy. I figured that if i didn't care less if i blushed or not, it lost much of it's power over me.
So rather than running for the hills if i blushed, like i usually did, i stayed in the situation and the blush died down naturally. This proved that a blush can't kill me, harm me or dictate to me. It only had the power i allowed it to have. In essence, i belittled the blush in my mind to inconsequencial, and when i did that it lost it's grip on me.
It was like ... i blushed ... but so what? Rather than i blushed so i'm useless, get me out of here. I also figured that i blushed when i was coming up against my boundaries and limitations. These things are uncomfortable, so cause anxiety and a blush results.
What i did was turn it around in my mind so that i saw a blush as a symbol of me confronting my boundaries and breaking through them, so it symbolised success rather than failure. This meant i feared a blush coming on a whole lot less.
In a nutshell, i turned it on it's head and in doing so i neutraliseed much of the power blushing had over me. Pushing boundaries causes me discomfort, and when i'm in social discomfort i blush, but if i stay in the situation and deal with it i've broken through a perceived boundary, so a positive outcome is achieved. This then could be twisted around in the mind to then view pushing through the discomfort and letting the blush burn itself out, as a victory and a gain."
If you try that you cannot lose. Whether you blush or not is not the problem, it's whether you stand up to the blush. If it happens, good....becuase you have stood your ground and copped it. Yes, it's uncomfortable but standing your ground says you are not afraid. I constantly say to myself "You have no power over me, i'm not afraid of you no more."
If I'm talking to someone and i feel a blush and if i think they notice i say this to myself. "At the moment, I'm standing up to my BIGGEST fear, and it's losing it's grip on me. What are you doing!?" We all have to realise how brave we are! For having this condition and standing up to it, to not let it dictate us. Yes, some will see us blush, accept that. It will happen. But when we aren't afraid of people seeing us blush, we are free and we no longer will. "The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
Lastly, as you may have realised. I use quotes. Some of my favourite include:
- "Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die".
- "Sometimes the only way to get what you desire is to give up what you desire in the first place." I've given up the desire to stop blushing and i know in doing this it will be gone.
- "I'm the guy who stood up to it and won." I constantly read about people who have had this for 20 years! I will not let this beat me. These people are pathetic. Not because they blush (that part of them is fine), because they have let it beat them! THey have never even tried to accept this and have let it hold them back. I will be the one to stand up and fight.
- " First i'll seek ye, then i'll find ye, then i'll hunt ye, then i'll crush ye."
This is a silly quote i sing to myself (in a weird accent haha) about seeking out the blush, finding it, then hunting it down and finally crushign it. Doesn't make sense but i like it!
- "You gain courage, strength and confidence in every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the eye. You MUST do the thing you think you cannot do.
- "The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - never knowing." This really resonates with me. I have so much potential and i know what i want. this will not stop me anymore
The fact is you have to get comfortable with blushing. It is a part of you. If you can accept this and be content with this, how can anyone else possibly not accept this part of you? Once you fully accept, fully acknowledge and fully take this on...there is no fear. and this changes from a blushing fear to just blushing. And then the blushing will diminish.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, talking about this does help! And you have to be proactive, dont let it dictate you. Stop searching for a cure! Be brave fellow blushers, we are the bravest people on this earth because we look fear in the eye every day. Be so proud of yourself every time you stand up to it and are comfortable with a blush, for that is looking your biggest fear in the eye. Don't think of that as a failure, think of that as a success adn you cannot lose! Now you make the decision, to stand up to that fear. Or to flee. Get busy living or get busy dying.
I know how hard this condition is! For your own sake, please start to take control back of your life, you will realise how good life can be. May i say, i am still blushing (nowhere near as much), and it doesn't bother me. I am okay with it, i have no fear of it....it's losing its power over me and then it is no issue.
Cheers, guys