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Old 12-11-2005
Zipper's Avatar
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Any guys out there who had mothers that acted like men? Cold, distant, unaffectionate, domineering, puritanical, strict-regulating martinets? Do you blame your social anxiety and timidity on her?
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Old 12-11-2005
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My Dad is very cold and domineering. Has a terrible temper! and my mum just agrees with everything he says like a puppet. Thus a relationship is near impossible because all my dad does is criticise and nag! in a very negative way too the point where i just feel ill talking to him.
Because i am not everything he wants me to be i am disliked. He has even said "I dont like you" to me on several occasions.
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Old 12-11-2005
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Weeellll...after a certain point you can't really blame anybody, but people can certainly contribute. And that description you posted fits my mother to a T.
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Old 12-13-2005
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My mother was not very affectionate and did not touch me very much. She didn't sympathize with me when I was sad but just "gave advice." She had a very puritanical morality and would tell me how evil it was to be affectionate with girls. It's really not a wonder I am the way I am.
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Old 12-13-2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zipper
Any guys out there who had mothers that acted like men? Cold, distant, unaffectionate, domineering, puritanical, strict-regulating martinets? Do you blame your social anxiety and timidity on her?
Yep but i live with my stepmother. She's not masculine she's just a bitch. I'm moving out of the house soon so i am really excited to be away from my parents.
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Old 12-13-2005
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Hmm. my mom was pretty much the inverse. but I guess she was controlling in her own way. She was really really over protective and I think that may have contributed to my SA. though I'm not going to lay blame on her. I had some pretty traumatic stuff happen as a kid that I think had more to do with it than anything else.
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Old 07-25-2011
 

definately, my mother was all that you describe and more, she passed away 2 years ago now and was the same right till the end, and even at my age and after the 2 years since she went I still struggle, my dad was no help, as nice as he was, he never interfered with the way I was treated. I definately beleive the way i am, my sa and timidity is down to her. It would definately not be tolerated in todays world, but back in the day, Oh well different times I spose
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Old 07-25-2011
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Originally Posted by Zipper View Post
Any guys out there who had mothers that acted like men? Cold, distant, unaffectionate, domineering, puritanical, strict-regulating martinets? Do you blame your social anxiety and timidity on her?
Yes and no. My mum was occassionally cold and distant during my childhood, which I think was a factor in me developing social anxiety. I suppose my mum can still be quite distant, especially when I try talking about my depression and social anxiety. As a result my relationship with my mother is difficult at times.

I wouldn't call her domineering though, more overprotective than anything else. But I don't hate her.
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Old 07-25-2011
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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My mother's definitely got issues. Having a conversation with her is near impossible because she's so opinionated and sensitive to being questioned that you end-up just sitting there and nodding your head. If your view differs from hers, she takes it as an insult, like you're saying she's stupid or something. It's not long before the conversation degenerates into name-calling and shouting. So you either go along with what she says and feel like a worm for not speaking-up and just paying lip-service, or you voice your opinion like a normal human being and get berated for it. It's very oppressive, it taught me that I didn't know anything and that I was a terrible person for questioning my mother's stance on things. It's a big part of the reason why I have self esteem problems.
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Old 07-25-2011
 

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Originally Posted by lostboi View Post
Hmm. my mom was pretty much the inverse. but I guess she was controlling in her own way. She was really really over protective and I think that may have contributed to my SA. though I'm not going to lay blame on her. I had some pretty traumatic stuff happen as a kid that I think had more to do with it than anything else.
Inverse - yep. My patents were 50 when I was born, and therefore I didn't see their good years. They were beyond retirement before I arrived, so they didn't care about anything and left me to myself - no companionship or direction. I spotted that when I was a teenager. If your folks never tell what to do, or give any advice, that's bad. My auntie was younger, and had military discipline in her family, and her kids flourished through her commandment! I only met her every so often, and she was clearly kinda mean to me, so didn't like it, but could see the advantage of that.

I just ended up directionless far too early in life. I think she always had a go at my mum for not caring about anything... Well - that auntie died many years ago. Mum & brother are dead. My parent just gave me little bits of money so they didn't have to bother with me.

Main component of the make-up of my character and attitude is: family doesn't matter. Just do what you like. That's terrible
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Old 07-25-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
My mother's definitely got issues. Having a conversation with her is near impossible because she's so opinionated and sensitive to being questioned. If your view differs from hers, she takes it as an insult, like you're saying she's stupid or something. It's not long from there before the conversation degenerates into name-calling and shouting. So you either go along with what she says and feel like a worm for not speaking-up and just paying lip-service, or you voice your opinion like a normal human being and get berated for it. It's very oppressive, it taught me that I didn't know anything and that I was a terrible person for questioning my mother's stance on things.
Has she got a disease? Do you know what it is? I ask that because I know one person like your mother: canīt talk just shouts.
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Old 07-25-2011
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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Has she got a disease? Do you know what it is? I ask that because I know one person like your mother: canīt talk just shouts.
She's never been diagnosed with anything. I know that my grandparents were very strict when she was young and that questioning what they said was a big no-no though. She also had three brothers, so she may have felt like an "odd- man-out", in addition to probably feeling like she wasn't getting the attention she needed because of the crowded house.
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Old 07-25-2011
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
My mother's definitely got issues. Having a conversation with her is near impossible because she's so opinionated and sensitive to being questioned that you end-up just sitting there and nodding your head. If your view differs from hers, she takes it as an insult, like you're saying she's stupid or something. It's not long before the conversation degenerates into name-calling and shouting. So you either go along with what she says and feel like a worm for not speaking-up and just paying lip-service, or you voice your opinion like a normal human being and get berated for it. It's very oppressive, it taught me that I didn't know anything and that I was a terrible person for questioning my mother's stance on things. It's a big part of the reason why I have self esteem problems.
Whee, are you my brother ?
I have pretty much the same experiences, it is impossible to ever debate anything, I am always wrong, even if I read what's written and I show her, stupid little things like frozen vegetables which do not need to be defrozen before cooking, I show her what's written on the package, "No! Get away from me, I don't even need it anymore! Eat it all yourself" .... "But mom, it's written here." .... "Get away, don't call me mom, you *******!" ..... all day long, and when I try living alone, she's constantly on the phone "How are you, don't you have any hunger, you're not cooking for yourself, aren't you? Why don't you come back over" .... and then the whole story repeats itself, endlessly it seems....

But still I wonder, perhaps she's right after all, perhaps something IS wrong with me or is it all just a game for someone ?....
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Old 07-25-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Richey View Post
My Dad is very cold and domineering. Has a terrible temper! and my mum just agrees with everything he says like a puppet. Thus a relationship is near impossible because all my dad does is criticism and nag! in a very negative way too the point where i just feel ill talking to him.
Because i am not everything he wants me to be i am disliked. He has even said "I don't like you" to me on several occasions.
Wow, sorry but I really hate people like that. They push and nag and push cause there lives are so unfulfilled and they have nothing better to do. I get that some parents raise they children stricked cause they want them to be stronger and do better in life but there is a flaw with that most people who are brought up like that just become complete D.I.C.K.S. and like to make everyone's lives complete hell cause there lives suck and then it's an on going circle of hate and distrust. It's just retarded.
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Old 07-26-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FountainandFairfax View Post
My mother's definitely got issues. Having a conversation with her is near impossible because she's so opinionated and sensitive to being questioned that you end-up just sitting there and nodding your head. If your view differs from hers, she takes it as an insult, like you're saying she's stupid or something. It's not long before the conversation degenerates into name-calling and shouting. So you either go along with what she says and feel like a worm for not speaking-up and just paying lip-service, or you voice your opinion like a normal human being and get berated for it. It's very oppressive, it taught me that I didn't know anything and that I was a terrible person for questioning my mother's stance on things. It's a big part of the reason why I have self esteem problems.
I felt as I read this you have just summed up an exact description of what my mother does. If it's not her way, it's no way. It's absolutely frustrating at times. I just know that if I ever have kids this won't be an issue.
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