Break ups!

Pink_Paula

Well-known member
If the person you're with says they need time to think do you think it's worth waiting for them to make a decision? My bf said that to me yesterday but i'm not sure if i can be bothered to wait! I know that sounds heartless but i've been messed around in the past and i just don't want to be left hanging while he makes up his mind :confused:
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Oh. ::(:

I think relationships are about feeling, not thinking. What's he need to think about? Then again, I suck at them. Did he say how long he needs?
 

market.garden

Well-known member
Yep, I agree. You shouldn't need to *think*, but rather go with what you feel.
I hope it works out for you to Paula :)
 

Pink_Paula

Well-known member
Oh. ::(:

I think relationships are about feeling, not thinking. What's he need to think about? Then again, I suck at them. Did he say how long he needs?

He said he needs a few days, but i don't know if i want to wait that long! I know that sounds really bad but we haven't been together for that long and he is so different to me, he goes out almost every night where as for me going out once a week does my head in! I do really like him but i think we are just too opposite to make it work :confused:
 

Ignace

Well-known member
He said he needs a few days, but i don't know if i want to wait that long! I know that sounds really bad but we haven't been together for that long and he is so different to me, he goes out almost every night where as for me going out once a week does my head in! I do really like him but i think we are just too opposite to make it work :confused:

Totally diffirent people can work out too ! I would just say, give him a few days and see what he's coming up with. Maybe he needs some men-only time.:D
 

Pink_Paula

Well-known member
Totally diffirent people can work out too ! I would just say, give him a few days and see what he's coming up with. Maybe he needs some men-only time.:D

I know that opposites can attract and stuff, just i don't know if we will work out, he is out and about all the time whereas it kills me to go out once a week lol i think i'll just tell him to move on he needs to be with someone that enjoys life as much as he does!
 

Ignace

Well-known member
I know that opposites can attract and stuff, just i don't know if we will work out, he is out and about all the time whereas it kills me to go out once a week lol i think i'll just tell him to move on he needs to be with someone that enjoys life as much as he does!

Don't say that, if he is not happy because you won't go out as much as he does, then he should really think what he wants. If I was him I would prefer you above everything, also going out. Anyway, don't give up your relationship, fight for it till the bitter end !
 

Pink_Paula

Well-known member
Hey Paula, sometimes opposites attract and sometimes it causes problems. I can tell you being in a relationship in the past with someone VERY different than me does cause problems. There are guys who like to party a lot and there are guys who can stay in AND go out. The tricky part is can you accept him going out that much because you are left worrying about what he's doing when you aren't around. It is more of a trust thing really. You can both try and make it work, but usually that requires a mutual understanding...better yet a lot of communication. I don't think you should give up too quickly, as he might be a really cool guy but at the same time don't invest too much into someone you are not sure about yet. Just be clear on some things and have open communication. You're a hot chick so I wouldn't worry about if it doesn't work out, a lot of more opportunities out there.

Thankies hun *hugs*

I was totally honest with him from the very start, i didn't want to go into this without him knowing about me, and he seemed to understand at first but by me not going out as much as him seems to be really bugging him. We had a big long talk yesterday but all we seemed to do was butt heads :(

I don't want to hold him back, he needs to be with someone that enjoys life as much as him so they can enjoy it together! I think i'll just end it with him, i mean, yes i do really like him, but i don't want to hold him back...grrrrrrr it's all confuzzling lol
 

Emily_G

Well-known member
I'm more into "talking" than "thinking". Communication is soooooo important in a relationship.
 

Pink_Paula

Well-known member
Don't say that, if he is not happy because you won't go out as much as he does, then he should really think what he wants. If I was him I would prefer you above everything, also going out. Anyway, don't give up your relationship, fight for it till the bitter end !

I wish i could do that, i'm just not strong enough to fight. With me if i feel someone isn't happy with me then i just give up, i don't want to force myself onto people. If he wants to be with me then he would accept me as i am, i have made the effort to go out more for him even though it killls me to do it, but it's not enough :(

I think i'll stay single for a while...it's a lot less confusing hehe
 

Ignace

Well-known member
I wish i could do that, i'm just not strong enough to fight. With me if i feel someone isn't happy with me then i just give up, i don't want to force myself onto people. If he wants to be with me then he would accept me as i am, i have made the effort to go out more for him even though it killls me to do it, but it's not enough :(

I think i'll stay single for a while...it's a lot less confusing hehe

Why do you think he doesn't accept you ? Tell him you make a lot of efforts for him, maybe he doesn't understand it's that hard for you.
 

Pink_Paula

Well-known member
Why do you think he doesn't accept you ? Tell him you make a lot of efforts for him, maybe he doesn't understand it's that hard for you.

I think he does like me...a lot! just i don't think he realised how insular and insecure i am, i did tell him from the get go that i have issues, i just don't think he realised how much it would affect his life! He wants me to go out more, as much as he does which is basically every night, but i'm just not ready to do that yet :( i wish he could be happy with just staying at home with me every now and then, we have tried that but he is constantly on his phone or laptop checking up on what other people are doing! He needs to be with someone who will go out as much as him, i feel like i'm totally stifling him right now and that's a horrible feeling :(
 

Ignace

Well-known member
I think he does like me...a lot! just i don't think he realised how insular and insecure i am, i did tell him from the get go that i have issues, i just don't think he realised how much it would affect his life! He wants me to go out more, as much as he does which is basically every night, but i'm just not ready to do that yet :( i wish he could be happy with just staying at home with me every now and then, we have tried that but he is constantly on his phone or laptop checking up on what other people are doing! He needs to be with someone who will go out as much as him, i feel like i'm totally stifling him right now and that's a horrible feeling :(

Ask him how he feels with staying home. Maybe you could say: I'll go out with you once a week, you stay home with me once a week and the rest you see for yourself. Put him for the choice: going out alone or you. I think he should be with you, but if he's really addicted to going out, let him go alone. You told him more details of your problems ? He can't understand why you're not going out alot with him if he doesn't know the whole story. I would say, tell him what you hate and how you feel etc.. If you have not done already offcourse. I wouldn't know how I can help with this.:confused:
 

coyote

Well-known member
One other thing to keep in mind, paula - it might not be about you at all.

It could be that he is totally into you - and that could be unnerving to him. He may need to think about how he wants to proceed, because he's got his own stuff to sort out.

If you want to be with him, I would say give him the time he asked for, but also make sure he gets back to you and doesn't leave you hanging indefinitely.

And, like Emily said - talk to him - try to get him to talk to you about what he's thinking. Communication is key.

Good luck.
 

Damaged

Well-known member
My ex said this before he went away on holiday for ten days, and said when he came back he'd talk to me.
In those ten days I decided to make myself better and go on a bus/train for the first time in 8 months, just to show him i could get better. When he came back he saw that i was a new happy person and loved it but he still didn't want me. Torn me apart.

I don't like when people say they need to think or want a break, you should know if you love someone or not :(
 

Bama_Heath

Well-known member
If someone tells me they need time to 'think'...I say think about it while the door hits your can on the way out...bye. But I'm conceited and think I am better than everyone else anyway...so don't listen to me.
 
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Uber Schnitzel

Well-known member
I sort of second the last couple of posts here. Anytime I or a friend has been told the "need time" line, it has always splt the end, only the person involved never had the balls to end it. Hope this is not the case for you though. I'd at least give him the 3 days or whatever it was but be prepared for the worst. I wouldn't let it drag any more than this though, there's nothing worse than relationship limbo, trust me. We're all here for ya though :)
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
I know that opposites can attract and stuff, just i don't know if we will work out, he is out and about all the time whereas it kills me to go out once a week lol i think i'll just tell him to move on he needs to be with someone that enjoys life as much as he does!

You don't deserve to get ditched just because you don't enjoy life as much as he does... I hate it when people "need time to think". There's nothing to think about... you either love someone or not. Simple. But that's my opinion... and i could be wrong. So don't listen to me much.
 

mrb

Well-known member
hmmm lots of good answers here , at the end of the day you know him better than us pink , its down to you what you do , but for my own experiences with relationships , its better if you can find someone that enjoys doing the same things as you do , me and my ex wife were very diff in our interests , she was a party gal , i was a family man , its all about doing and enjoying the same things together , that keeps you together , having said that , it can work if you love each other , but my current gf had the same problem with her ex husband , he just wanted to go to the pub all the time , she didnt , same as me and my ex , as i said im and shes a family orintated person , our exs wasnt ... as as i said you know him better than us im sure you will make the right desicion ... good luck and i hope it works out what ever you decide to do pink :)
 
I think paula that you already know how this relationship will turn out if you both carry on. You have recognised that your two different people who need different things. I think your showing unbelievable strength by seeing it all for how it is and maybe you just needed confirmation of your thoughts.

I hope your ok :)
 
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