Bronson99
Well-known member
Time and time again with me, it simply comes down to the fact that whatever it is I'm looking for... requires some level of real-life socializing to acquire. Attempting to fill this void by socializing online does not work for me, or at best, is an incomplete "fix." The facade of fulfillment via online means inevitably breaks down and leads to depressive episodes, where again I realize--once more--real-life activity is where it's at.
I recently had an online acquaintance (not from here, but another forum) cut me down a bit and say "quit hiding behind that computer screen." Their advice was I can find the things I want, but not on a monitor--I have to get out there and join groups, functions, local society, whatever.
The problem is, of course as mentioned in the topic line, I effin' hate, loathe, detest socializing within groups. Why? Simple. Deeply introverted and awkward and "unlike most" (whatever that really means), I just don't mesh. Either that or I am always and without fail the "third wheel" or just deemed unnecessary; just someone who can be brushed off or forgotten about. I'm also 95% certain this would be the same whether I had social anxiety or not: quite simply my neurological functioning is not "mainstream" and you cannot force "unorthodox" into the mainstream box. Things you would find in my own brand of neurological stew might be sensory sensitivity, delayed response time, inattention, lack of interest in things taken for granted by most. But don't consider that my "pity party," please.. let's just be honest and take for what it is, which is basically "here I have this obstacle I didn't ask for; let's all help me find a way around it."
So that's the problem. IF INDEED "getting out there" requires that one has to function within group dynamics AND win (as in, "mesh")... then, quite logically, it's not going to work for me.
It thus leads to this question: Is there another kind of "get out there in the world" that can allow one to socialize, make progress, and get the things they want... without falling victim to group dynamics, and being treated with indifference by everyone? Shouldn't I be allowed to get some of the same things everyone wants and (almost) everyone gets?
I recently had an online acquaintance (not from here, but another forum) cut me down a bit and say "quit hiding behind that computer screen." Their advice was I can find the things I want, but not on a monitor--I have to get out there and join groups, functions, local society, whatever.
The problem is, of course as mentioned in the topic line, I effin' hate, loathe, detest socializing within groups. Why? Simple. Deeply introverted and awkward and "unlike most" (whatever that really means), I just don't mesh. Either that or I am always and without fail the "third wheel" or just deemed unnecessary; just someone who can be brushed off or forgotten about. I'm also 95% certain this would be the same whether I had social anxiety or not: quite simply my neurological functioning is not "mainstream" and you cannot force "unorthodox" into the mainstream box. Things you would find in my own brand of neurological stew might be sensory sensitivity, delayed response time, inattention, lack of interest in things taken for granted by most. But don't consider that my "pity party," please.. let's just be honest and take for what it is, which is basically "here I have this obstacle I didn't ask for; let's all help me find a way around it."
So that's the problem. IF INDEED "getting out there" requires that one has to function within group dynamics AND win (as in, "mesh")... then, quite logically, it's not going to work for me.
It thus leads to this question: Is there another kind of "get out there in the world" that can allow one to socialize, make progress, and get the things they want... without falling victim to group dynamics, and being treated with indifference by everyone? Shouldn't I be allowed to get some of the same things everyone wants and (almost) everyone gets?