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Old 06-19-2005  
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Default Can't Look people in the eyes

Hi.. i need someone's help very bad. Ive never been more depressed in my entire life right now and just lost my great job because of my problem. The other day i just left work with out telling anyone and called my boss's answering machine telling him i quit because im crazy and i need help. I can't look anyone in the eyes at all anymore. I lost all my friends because of it. My mother wants me to come visit her soon and i'm not going to go because i know i won't be able to look my own mom in the eyes. Every time i look at someone... it's like i dont look in to them normal, i look straight into their souls or something and it freaks them out. It feels like i forgot to look at them normally. Then when ever i try to do it i can never do it right, and it leaves me feeling with complete dread and stupidity. I have nothing anymore. I will never be able to meet a girl, new friends, and get another job if this goes on. This isn't me at all either... everyone used think i was the most awesome guy in the world and i was comfortable with anyone. This isn't just shyness.. this is hell.
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Old 06-19-2005  
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Yeh man i empathise with u
u should wear reflective sunglasses whenever possible. 8)
also practising staring at youself in the mirror.do it naked if possible so u feel free and unashamed.start lookin at the mirror for 5 minutes.the next day do 6,the next 7 etc.
within a couple of weeks you will be staring people out of it.
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Old 06-19-2005  
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Default Re: Can't Look people in the eyes

ooh my god!!!!

You r depicting the same thing which I have been going through since last 12 years. I have full sympathy with you. I myself don't know what to do. This really is hell. After this problem has started with me...all the beauty in this world has gone. Everyone even my own parents are strangers to me now. I have lost all my friends and people whom I loved. Now as days are passing I am getting more and more isolated.

When I speak to someone without looking into his eyes, i have to emphasize and over-emphasize myself to make myself heard. No body believes me. It is like shouting at the top of the voice and saying "WHAT I AM SAYING IS THE TRUTH" but no body cares. I say something else and my eyes says something else. I don't blame them. I wouldn't have been different if I would have been in their place. But I cannot participate in any activity I am not shared with any information I am treated like a liar, like a characterless fellow. It is like dying so many time before i actually die.

I am not able to believe that I have lived 12 years like this. Days have just passed struggling, suffocating, soulsearching in full of depression. I have not remained the person which I actually am. Who am I, where am I...I have lost my self and is always searching a meaning to live.

Sorry friend......since I am in the same boat as yours..............drown me also along with the boat when it sinks
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Old 06-19-2005  
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Thx for your guy's help so far i really appreciate it. Damn LonerSx.... 12 years yeah thats terrible. This has probably going on for me for about 3 years. If i figure a way out to fix this problem i keep you informed.
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Old 06-19-2005  
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By the way it feels good to finally meet someone who cares and has the same problem
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Old 06-20-2005  
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Cacophony...i have this problem too...looking into people's eyes...do you wear glasses? I now have a pair of transitions....they are tinted glasses and they help me a lot...i wear them all the time...maybe that will help you too 8) ..i hope
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Old 06-20-2005  
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I'm sorry you find it so hard to look people in the eye. I must admit I find it hard a lot of the time. I often give myself little exercises when I'm out. One is to look into the eyes of whoever is at the till of a shop when I buy something. It's usually right at the end of the transaction when I get my change. If it's that awkward that I can't do it then it won't matter too much, they won't be too offended. If you stare at them and it's too awkward then you just walk off and you probably won't see or recognise them again.

I'm never speaking up again, it only hurts me.
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Old 07-24-2005  
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when i was on a date with my ex glfrnd i spent the whole night staring into my pint glass.
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Old 07-24-2005  
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i cant look anyone in the eye, its too personal. It's also one of the symptons of having SP/SA so im sure lots of ppl experience it. If i do manage to look ppl in the eye i can't concentrate on what theyre saying!
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Old 07-24-2005  
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whoops just realised this is shyness only not SP! hmmmm sorry!
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Old 07-29-2005  
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To cacophony:
I have not your problem. I feel sorry.
Do the problem arise only if the other one is looking straight into your eyes ?
Or can't you look anyone in the eyes even if he's looking elsewhere ?
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Old 07-31-2005  
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I have that problem too. However I have tried several times to look people in the eyes but they usually turn away when we're talking or look somewhere else too. So then I just get confused and give up

These days I just look at a spot between there eyes or there ears . This way it may look like I'm looking in there eyes but actually I'm not.
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Old 08-07-2005  
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This is awful i know how you guys are feeling.

If we could wear sunglasses all the time it would be great, the confidence it gives me is amazing, i had a spell of wearing tinted glasses which i felt like i was hiding behind, which did give me added confidence.

But looking folk in the eyes is never something i like, i feel like they are seeing inside of me and seeing what a complete loser i am.

People that hold there gaze and never drop until you drop yours really freaks me out :x
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Old 08-07-2005  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I_Hate_Life

People that hold there gaze and never drop until you drop yours really freaks me out :x
Oh well then you would hate me :cry: no seriously I wouldn't deliberately make someone feel uncomfortable by staring at someone who I knew had social anxiety or other problems.
However, the other day I did it to a male neighbour who I had a confrontation with and don't speak to anymore and he was out on his balcony and I looked up and he was staring down at me and I kept staring up at him and actually gave him a wink, and kept staring until he looked away...Oh it was fun for me, because the idiot doesn't like me and goes by what another person has said about me. I dislike people when they don't even get to know you and make up their minds that you are a terrible person. I don't think anyone can beat me in this game....the staring game...what a hoot it was for me :wink: Oh I am bad

annie
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Old 08-07-2005  
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Quote:
This isn't me at all either... everyone used think i was the most awesome guy in the world and i was comfortable with anyone. This isn't just shyness.. this is hell.
caco i feel the same way 2, i used to be the funny 1 in the group. when im talking to people now i always look them in the eye but they can tell that i feel uncomftable, plus im only thinking what my facial expressions r like when im talking to them and not concentrating on what they are saying.

anyway all the best mate
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Old 08-07-2005  
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im suffering from tht eye contact too, i was told to look the person between the eyes .. i tried but forgot about it eventually ..
u gotta try it .. it mite help too ..
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Old 08-07-2005  
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yeah i know what that feels like for sure, gave me alotta neck problems from being so tense, i remember thinking people were staring at me

the other day i stared a girl straight in the eyes and boldly said "i know God is real"

before i couldnt look anyone in the eyes

please look under my topic to see where i come from, i have the ultimate compassion for everyone suffering from this, i know how hard it is, and hopeless it feels

CHRIST FOR LIFE
LIFE FOREVER

I LOVE YOU GUYS
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Old 08-09-2005  
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I've had this problem since elementary school. Because people used to comment about it. "Why don't you look at people when you talk to them?" (That's when they actually talked to me.) I thought it was weird at the time, but I didn't really take it seriously until years later.
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Old 08-11-2005  
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I used to have this bad to but realized one day its impossible for someone to look into your eyes and tell what kind of person you are unless there are a mind reader in all seriousness. When you actually do look in someones eyes do ever say this guys screwy hes weird probably not. people are so preoccupied when there talking half the time there thinking about something else. Just keep your head up and look them right in the eye and stop trying to figure out what there thinking.
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Old 08-17-2005  
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When someone is telling me something, I just don't know where to look. I can't look them in the eyes. I'm afraid they will think I'm staring at them.
Also, I never know where to look when I pass someone on the street.
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