Cant look people in the eyes..

Propulsion

Propulsion

New member
I have just been surfing forums and found that there are lots of people with similar problems to me. For the last 8 years or so I have found it very hard to maintain eye contact with people. I believe it was induced by MDMA , amphetamine and cannabis abuse which started at university a couple of years before. Another major factor is the fact that I have rarely had intimacy and have fallen in love many times but never had the love recipricated. I have an insecurity that I must be ugly or too weird to find a girlfriend although friends tell me I am good looking.
It has ruined my social life, I have never had a girlfriend and seem to crave attention and intimacy but find it very scary at the same time - Although I have no fear of large crowds ( I produce dance music and play in front of hundreds of people) I get anxious when having to look at someone in the eyes. Its as if I am scared of intimidating them - My face tenses up around my frown area and I in turn dont concentrate on the conversation. However the severity depends on how much sleep I have had an the amount of cannabis I have smoked the day/ night before.

I am quite intelligent, friendly and am very focussed but I spend lots of time on my own in my own world on my computer either producing music or surfing the net.

The only things that seems to reduce my symptoms are taking MDMA and the effect of falling in love (which I do too easily).

Have I got a form of OCD or social phobia??
 
BornAgain

BornAgain

Well-known member
Propulsion said:
I have just been surfing forums and found that there are lots of people with similar problems to me. For the last 8 years or so I have found it very hard to maintain eye contact with people. I believe it was induced by MDMA , amphetamine and cannabis abuse which started at university a couple of years before. Another major factor is the fact that I have rarely had intimacy and have fallen in love many times but never had the love recipricated. I have an insecurity that I must be ugly or too weird to find a girlfriend although friends tell me I am good looking.
It has ruined my social life, I have never had a girlfriend and seem to crave attention and intimacy but find it very scary at the same time - Although I have no fear of large crowds ( I produce dance music and play in front of hundreds of people) I get anxious when having to look at someone in the eyes. Its as if I am scared of intimidating them - My face tenses up around my frown area and I in turn dont concentrate on the conversation. However the severity depends on how much sleep I have had an the amount of cannabis I have smoked the day/ night before.

I am quite intelligent, friendly and am very focussed but I spend lots of time on my own in my own world on my computer either producing music or surfing the net.

The only things that seems to reduce my symptoms are taking MDMA and the effect of falling in love (which I do too easily).

Have I got a form of OCD or social phobia??
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Wow, dude, your story is just like mine. I have done almost every drug except for acid, meth, and heroin, and I used to be an avid pothead. Last summer, I used MDMA like 10 time sin one month, and soon enough, I developed a difficulty maintaining, or even making eye contact at all. I'd feel that people think I'm a freak or crazy or something, it sucks. And when I'm on coke, and when I used to use ecstasy alot, that feeling went away and I felt normal. I am not social phobic or anything like that, but I am quiet and shy at times, especially when I'm smoking bud.

I am also quite intelligent, friendly, and often find myself concentrated in my own world, which is college and hopefully this job I might be getting that pays $12 an hour. I'm only 18, and that's a shitload on money!

Hey Spearmint, don't you feel that people think you're weird for not looking at them, and don't you feel uncomfortable when they stare at you and you're just looking at the ground? I for one would rather suscribe to this unwritten rule because it was one that I used to follow, and when I did, I was way happier than I am now.
 
BornAgain

BornAgain

Well-known member
Well, what I don't understand is why isn't this thread one of the ones that are most filled with responses. Hey, to everyone reading this, reply even if you don't have this problem, we all want to know about it!
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
This is a problem for me too. It's not that I care about not looking people in the eyes as such, but I don't like the way it makes me feel. By that I mean I'm aware that I come across as sketchy and rude by not doing it. It's one of those basic things like fundamental manners and a good handshake, the kind of things that people remember when first meeting you. It's just too awkward to maintain eye contact though, and I could never really do it with strangers and service people, but I've also noticed I can't even do it very well with my family. I guess that's when you know it's pretty bad.
 
BornAgain

BornAgain

Well-known member
Kinetik said:
This is a problem for me too. It's not that I care about not looking people in the eyes as such, but I don't like the way it makes me feel. By that I mean I'm aware that I come across as sketchy and rude by not doing it. It's one of those basic things like fundamental manners and a good handshake, the kind of things that people remember when first meeting you. It's just too awkward to maintain eye contact though, and I could never really do it with strangers and service people, but I've also noticed I can't even do it very well with my family. I guess that's when you know it's pretty bad.
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why don't you people at to this post!!! I want to know, who has this problem with looking people in the eyes?!!!??!?
 
BornAgain

BornAgain

Well-known member
GODFUCKING DAMMNIT! WILL YOU PEOPLE POST ON THIS THREAD ALREADY OR WHAT! FOR FUCKS SAKE, IT'S A SIMPLE FUCKING GODDAMNED QUESTION!!!!! CAN YOU, OR CAN YOU NOT MAKE AND/OR MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(sorry, I'm in a really pissed of mood right now)
 
BornAgain

BornAgain

Well-known member
goldilocksrocks said:
chill out bornagain! why are you getting so wound up about nothing? the people that have said they find it hard to maintain eye contact are the ones that have posted on here!!! whats the big deal
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you know I honestly doubt it, but I was just in a bad mood. I'm sure close to 99% of people here have some difficulty making eye contact, or else they wouldn't be here.
 
SocialRetahd

SocialRetahd

Well-known member
BornAgain said:
GODFUCKING DAMMNIT! WILL YOU PEOPLE POST ON THIS THREAD ALREADY OR WHAT! FOR FUCKS SAKE, IT'S A SIMPLE FUCKING GODDAMNED QUESTION!!!!! CAN YOU, OR CAN YOU NOT MAKE AND/OR MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Is this the internet equivalent of a temper tantrum? Do you need to be put in your playpen? How childish.
 
Y

Y

Well-known member
BornAgain said:
goldilocksrocks said:
chill out bornagain! why are you getting so wound up about nothing? the people that have said they find it hard to maintain eye contact are the ones that have posted on here!!! whats the big deal
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you know I honestly doubt it, but I was just in a bad mood. I'm sure close to 99% of people here have some difficulty making eye contact, or else they wouldn't be here.
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Lol, how are you so sure about that? Well i for one, dont have much problem with looking at people in the eyes, i mean yes i dont feel very comfortable when i do but i almost always look at people in the eyes, i force myself to do.

So thats not my number 1 concern as you think it must be :/
 
BornAgain

BornAgain

Well-known member
Y said:
BornAgain said:
goldilocksrocks said:
chill out bornagain! why are you getting so wound up about nothing? the people that have said they find it hard to maintain eye contact are the ones that have posted on here!!! whats the big deal
Click to expand...

you know I honestly doubt it, but I was just in a bad mood. I'm sure close to 99% of people here have some difficulty making eye contact, or else they wouldn't be here.
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Lol, how are you so sure about that? Well i for one, dont have much problem with looking at people in the eyes, i mean yes i dont feel very comfortable when i do but i almost always look at people in the eyes, i force myself to do.

So thats not my number 1 concern as you think it must be :/
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see, you do have the problem! Whether or not it is your major concern is another matter. For me, it is a major concern because I used to be normal and this is very frustrating.


yeah, yeah, you people say I'm "childish" and what-not. I was just pissed off people, everybody gets pissed off and there's nothing childish about that. To deny that one feels rage at times is preposterous.
 
SocialRetahd

SocialRetahd

Well-known member
BornAgain said:
yeah, yeah, you people say I'm "childish" and what-not. I was just pissed off people, everybody gets pissed off and there's nothing childish about that. To deny that one feels rage at times is preposterous.
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Oh thats fine, but to throw a crybaby fit over something is childish.
 
S

se7

Member
I can't make eye contact either, I bought this up by accident with my therapist. She asked me something and like normal while I was answering I was staring out the window and I actually said sorry. She asked what for and I told her why. I think I must come across as quite rude not looking at someone when I'm speaking to them.

But she said she had never noticed. I thought she must've been joking but she seemed really genuine and suprised that I'd bought it up. Her exact words were, "If I didn't notice and I'm suposed to be trained in reading people's body language, then I doubt any other people will notice"

Which was nice of her to say, but now as I still think it must be so ridiculously obvious i'm starting to think that maybe this terapist ain't all that
 
BornAgain

BornAgain

Well-known member
se7 said:
I can't make eye contact either, I bought this up by accident with my therapist. She asked me something and like normal while I was answering I was staring out the window and I actually said sorry. She asked what for and I told her why. I think I must come across as quite rude not looking at someone when I'm speaking to them.

But she said she had never noticed. I thought she must've been joking but she seemed really genuine and suprised that I'd bought it up. Her exact words were, "If I didn't notice and I'm suposed to be trained in reading people's body language, then I doubt any other people will notice"

Which was nice of her to say, but now as I still think it must be so ridiculously obvious i'm starting to think that maybe this terapist ain't all that
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so this lady didn't even notice? that's strange, eye aversion is easily noticeable for anyone, trained or not. You sure this lady was licensed, or maybe she was just in training? Since I kinda have this problem, I would make that the number one concern, regardless of the fact that nobody notices it. If I notice, that's enough!
 
Mary

Mary

Well-known member
I have this problem too and it's what I think makes my Sp be noticeable to other's. At least in my mind. It makes me think everyone wonders what is wrong w/me and why can't I make eye contact. But I also think it may be due more to being verbally abused by my father and having low self esteem rather than related to the Sp. Because even though I didn't want to let it get to me his words did and I struggle to believe other people won't see me as my father did. But it also probably has to do w/sp as well. What a combination, low self esteem and sp!
But I am working on changing the self esteem and maybe then the sp will go as well.
 
S

se7

Member
lol nope she's the real thing, as far as i know anyway. I think I might bring it up again when I next see her, just because I really can't believe that she didn't notice.
 
cobalt_bluester

cobalt_bluester

Well-known member
Hi there. I can fully relate to the problem you experience in making eye contact. For me, this is an ongoing problem and has been since I was in my mid teens. I feel that I should be able to make eye contact naturally and almost automatically, but because I am aware of this eye contact has become difficult, unatural and forced. Because this has been going on for many years now, it has become automatic and I cannot seem to correct it. The result is that I have become very nervous, sometimes quite 'aloof' and generally lonely person. I also have depression and feel much of the time people ignore me because of this. I am desperate to be different but my mind will not let me be different.
Richard
 
X

xkiss_me_nowx

Well-known member
i found it hard to make eye contact.
i mean, really hard. i would always look away.
but it one day, i FORCED myself to do it.
and gradully i just got better.
and now i dont feel as weird when i give eye contact without looking away.
youve just gotta try force yourself to.
 
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