can't pull off friendly

Feeling guilty because when people are nice to me, I can't be nice back. I can talk fine, but I come off as cold and distant. only with adults though, i can be nice to kids at least! I just hate thinking im one more impersonal person sucking the soul out of life. i hate it.

Are you actually feeling cold and distant? Or are you just unable to express your emotions?

I'm guessing it's the latter. I have that problem, and it feels like kids are much less judgemental (or I perceive them to be - LOL, which is what really matters in my anxiety-ridden head).

no! i just act that way. totally not my nature! it sucks

I'm like that with my family, and it pisses me off. I feel like I can't express my emotions around them.. it makes me uncomfortable for some reason. I don't understand it. So they end up thinking I don't like them.

Im quite like that too...Im feel like shit nearly all of the time and depressed and cant pull off this fake oh Im so happy crap and as such can be friendly to an extent of what is necessary to be polite but past that I cant be bothered if that makes sense
I dont mean to be rude I just wont say more then I need to etc

I tend to be nice to adults but I'm distant towards kids.

I can't lie, I don't really like them. Usually I can't admit this because people tend to think I'm a selfish, vicious, monster because how dare I not like the "innocent ones" of humanity? I find them loud and annoying most of the time.

I don't really know how to have an "oh, how cute!" attitude towards people's kids.

There are a few times when I'm talking to adults and I feel like I'm not coming off as sincere. Sometimes I worry that they'll think I'm cold and aloof when really, I just can't express myself that well, verbally.

Lorraine Manca said:

Feeling guilty because when people are nice to me, I can't be nice back. I can talk fine, but I come off as cold and distant. only with adults though, i can be nice to kids at least! I just hate thinking im one more impersonal person sucking the soul out of life. i hate it.

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oh, i wondered why you didnt reply to me after my middle of the night walk.
it was great by the way, i love the smell of wet leaves in the scottish rain

FOR REAL said:

oh, i wondered why you didnt reply to me after my middle of the night walk.
it was great by the way, i love the smell of wet leaves in the scottish rain

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its ok shes appologised, bad internet connection X

I am the same way. People will try to treat me nice and stuff and I come of as arrogant and "too cool for you". This is the opposite of what I want but its how I come off.

It was especially noticeable in college at the beginning of the year. Everyone would try and be nice at the beginning and then by aboot 2-3 weeks into the year people would realize I was "unfriendly".

Its not that I wanted to be unfriendly, I just had anxiety and I dont really know how to socialize proper.

DillJenkins said:

I am the same way. People will try to treat me nice and stuff and I come of as arrogant and "too cool for you". This is the opposite of what I want but its how I come off.

It was especially noticeable in college at the beginning of the year. Everyone would try and be nice at the beginning and then by aboot 2-3 weeks into the year people would realize I was "unfriendly".

Its not that I wanted to be unfriendly, I just had anxiety and I dont really know how to socialize proper.

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yeah, i come off as arrogant too if i dont really make an effort, in part because of the voice thing, and being academic. being warm to people is the hardest thing. i try to make up for it karma wise by always leaving a gap to let people turn out in front of me or merge in traffic. kindness while preserving personal space

My dad constantly tells me that I'm a smartass and a know-it-all, but I'm NOT! I think it mostly has to do with the brusque tone of my voice.

I can attempt to be sociable but I, like OP, always come off as cold and aloof.

i feel extremely guilty for people who try to be friendly and cant be friendly back. There is only so many genuinely nice people yet you slap them in the face with your coldness which ofcourse you don't mean. Actually this is at the top of my list of what i hate about having anxiety, not being able to be nice back to someone who gives you the time of day

I've always liked just NOT TALKING with most people (ie silence)
Not exactly sure why .. just never FELT like talking much
In my middle age am gradually "chipping away" .. now am Ting that the reason why i've always been aloof (which could be easily INTERPRETED as "cold"/hostile by people, due my other issues which they JUST AS EASILY misinterpreted (people like them simply DON'T UNDERSTAND people like us (& v-v))) ... is not so much about THEm but about ME - i felt/feel uncomfotrable with warmth/intimacy
And the reason for this: cause i'm "****ed" emotionally-wise

As for how to resolve this stuff: I say BE HONSEST with yourself. If ya hate people ADMIT it to yarself .. if can't stand people-warmth .. ADMIT it ... At least its a "solid" place for you to start from iin attempting to resolve all this crap...

Gosh, yes, this is me. I don't mean to be aloof and distant, but things turn out that way when I'm around people. Especially people I don't know too well. I don't know how to act in a sociable way.
Distance is comfortable to me.

It's also hard for me to act friendly to other people. I think I'm a nice person, I don't bite, and I have no trouble being friendly to my parents. But when I'm in a public place (with lots of people), my insides start to freeze and I have difficulty breathing. I get so self-sconsious and so anxious that being friendly and chatting up with people is probably the last thing that I'll do. I remember when I was doing jury duty, the first day was particularly horrifying; with the lawyers, clerk and judge cosntantly observing us, I wasn't used to the attention so I started shaking uncontrollably. I also started looking around and gripping my hands so that I can stabilize myself. And of course, I can't smile genuinely. I must have come off as weird and crazy to people.

I come from a dysfunctional family, so I have trust and emotional issues. I've been lied to many times from time to time, and my family members aren't all people lovers, so it must be a genetic thing. That's probably why I come off as aloof and distant when itneracting with others; I can't seem to draw up the warmth and friendliness. I'm just not able to feel it for others.

I can pull off friendly, but I guess it starts with feeling good about myself. It's hard to let my guard down a lot of the times, like with many of you.

Also I don't really understand the dynamics and different levels of friendliness. It's like with friends, sometimes you like to act around snarky or playful with friends, but you don't mean it. You just joke around. With people you are more distant with, you can't really do that.

For me it's either you're a friend of mine and I act friendly and have my guard down, or I am distant and aloof. Such extremes...