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Old 05-17-2010  
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Default Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

I keep obsessing over my past screw ups with co-workers, customers and bosses that lead me to lose my jobs. I can't seem to stop thinking about it all! It is just so stupid how I screwed up and yet I don't see how I could have responded any other way! I keep replaying various events over and over trying to figure out how I can stop being negative all the time. I know the squeaky wheel doesn't get the oil, they just replace you. I so wish something bad would to those people that canned me. I would never in a million years hurt anyone. I just hope Karma screws them over like they screwed me over. I did great work, they all said that... but they let me go without talking about why they are letting me go. I find out later it's because someone misinterpreted something I said as a negative or thought I was mean or wierd or whatever... Ugh, I wish the memories would just disappear so I can move on.
Please help! Does anyone have any advice?

Last edited by Marletta; 05-17-2010 at 09:10 PM.. Reason: mispelled words.
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Old 05-17-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

Forgive yourself. Imagine you are talking to a close friend and they were going through this, what would you tell them to help them feel better?

It really is about forgiving yourself though, and being your own best friend. If you love yourself, you owe it to yourself to forgive, learn from it, and move on. If you hang on to it you are letting it eat you away and defeat you, demoralize you, and then you let it win. I know it sometimes feels good to give in to those depressing, dark feelings of sadness and self-pity, but in the end that will only destroy you. Stay positive, forgive yourself, love yourself, and just keep trying. No one ever wins by giving up.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Worth and dignity in human beings in not earned or proved, it is innate and always there.

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.
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Old 05-17-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

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Originally Posted by powerfulthoughts View Post
Forgive yourself. Imagine you are talking to a close friend and they were going through this, what would you tell them to help them feel better?

It really is about forgiving yourself though, and being your own best friend. If you love yourself, you owe it to yourself to forgive, learn from it, and move on. If you hang on to it you are letting it eat you away and defeat you, demoralize you, and then you let it win. I know it sometimes feels good to give in to those depressing, dark feelings of sadness and self-pity, but in the end that will only destroy you. Stay positive, forgive yourself, love yourself, and just keep trying. No one ever wins by giving up.
You are right. I don't love myself. Sometimes, I cannot bare to look in the mirror. I am a failure because I cannot stop being angry. I have gotten to the point where I actually have starting picking at my skin (on my arms) I have lovely scars. I guess I need to see a shrink. You are right, in the end, no matter how I get there, I need to forgive myself.
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Old 05-17-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

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Originally Posted by Marletta View Post
You are right. I don't love myself. Sometimes, I cannot bare to look in the mirror. I am a failure because I cannot stop being angry. I have gotten to the point where I actually have starting picking at my skin (on my arms) I have lovely scars. I guess I need to see a shrink. You are right, in the end, no matter how I get there, I need to forgive myself.
I struggle with those very things. I find it hard to love myself or think I am anything but a failure. I have noticed though that when I make an effort not to worry and although this is difficult, I find it easier to accept myself.

It's almost as if 'yourself' becomes another person. If there was another person who is always negative and is always complaining, blaming, feeling upset and bitter, you would probably not like that person or want to be around him/her. Now you become that person when you are in that negative state. So you do not like yourself. So a good thing to do is to involve yourself with things you like and things you are good at. Things that lift your mood, and you will find it easier to like yourself.

The difficulty though comes when your negative tendencies return and you have to force yourself not to be influenced by them. This I struggle with too, but I'm trying. It's hard to forget but you just have to.
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Old 05-18-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

....................

Last edited by BlueDays; 08-13-2010 at 08:27 AM..
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Old 05-18-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

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Originally Posted by MandyMouse View Post
I would actually write down in a notebook each circumstance I could not stop thinking about, and then underneath I wrote what I thought I should have said or done.
Then each time I thought about it again, instead of obsessing about solutions over and over in my mind, I just got out the notebook and read what I had already came up with.
That put an end to it.
Thanks MandyMouse. Good advice.
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Old 05-18-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

I used to obsessively over-think things I had done wrong.
There's no point doing that though. Learn from it, forget it, and move on.

Try to put it in perspective, if other employees had put in complaints and so forth, then it is the boss's job change things, to make their staff as cohesive as possible. They're just doing whats right for their business, and unfortunately, workers are just way too replaceable these days.

I think you should speak to a counselor. Hurting yourself is not okay.
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Old 05-18-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

I have been having the same problem myself lately. I was just fired from a job for the first time in my life about 1 month ago. I can't stop over analyzing the what-ifs. But it is not just confined to that because I have started to obsess in thinking about all the different decisions I should have made in life with regards to past relationships with girlfriends and guy-pals and even my course of studies in school and career choices. I have tried my best to forgive and forget. But I can't seem to really forget or get over any of it...so then I think to myself...well have I ever really forgiven anybody including myself??
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Old 05-18-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

I have been there, the only advice I can give is to not fixate on it. The past is the past.
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Old 05-18-2010  
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Default Re: Can't stop obsessing over past failures.

When I go out... that is all I think about. Whether I messed up or not. Usually something Im embarrassed about

For every time you pray about me, I become more cursed.
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