cant talk to people

When ever I talk to people I can never think of things to say. People never really want to talk to me because its aukward for them when they do talk to me there is always long silances in conversation and I panic. In some social situations where people ignore me I feel so bad I get chest pains and my mind goes all fuzzy and if anyone asks if im alright i burst into tears or run away. I am not unfriendly I just have no understanding of socialising. I have always had a habit of grinning stupidly when im nervous. some days Im fine and happy and others I feel so awfull i wish i could dissapeare.
I only resently left home aswell and my mum worries about me so I dont want to tell her when im unhappy because i dont want to upset her but i get so lonley and afraid and have no one to tell.

i just wondering if anyone knows anything about attention defiste dysorder I was told i might have it and that it is often linked to lack of social skills.

I am very bad at talking and writing what I mean! It would be nice to get a reply I am new to the forum and dont really know what to say as i dont usually ever disguss my problems with any one well ever but hello to anyone who reads this and hope your ok!

Hi Arrina and welcome to the forum. I have had similar situations as you when it comes to talking to people I don't know. I usually just don't know what to talk about if the other person isn't very talkative and I don't know anything about them. When I do try to talk I'll usually just keep laughing stupidly and the other person probably thinks I'm an idiot or something. Sometimes I'll kind of stutter a bit. Yeah, I'm not big on social skills. It sounds like you do suffer from Social Phobia. I have a friend who was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, whether or not he has it, its hard to say. I think he does have a mild form of it. He also seems to have a lack of social skills. There are many causes for lack of social skills. I've never been big on labels anyway. Maybe you should try talking to your mom in a way that won't upset her. Maybe tell her you just miss having her or others around, maybe she could come up with ideas to help you.

Anyone ever become really nervous where you start talking complete incoherence?

That just makes it worse.

Wow i can relate big time to your post

I can really relate to what your saying, i also find it difficult in knowing what to say when i talk to strangers.Its like im forcing myself to say something cause i hate the silence.Take for example i took a taxi down to the exployment place in town.I get in and i make a few comments about the weather and such, but i feel obligated to make conversation or something *shrugs*.I guess if i dont talk i feel people will reject me, hence the social phobia means fear of peoples dissaproval/rejection.Its strange how your internal dialog with yourself can make you feel bad about yourself.

Hi arrina, yes I can completely relate to you. Talking to strangers is my main weakness, I just can't do it. Or if I do it's forced and I'm not really connecting with the other person.

I have the same problem even with people I know, but at least if I know the person then it's not quite as uncomfortable.

Re: Wow i can relate big time to your post

rko74 said:

I can really relate to what your saying, i also find it difficult in knowing what to say when i talk to strangers.Its like im forcing myself to say something cause i hate the silence.Take for example i took a taxi down to the exployment place in town.I get in and i make a few comments about the weather and such, but i feel obligated to make conversation or something *shrugs*.I guess if i dont talk i feel people will reject me, hence the social phobia means fear of peoples dissaproval/rejection.Its strange how your internal dialog with yourself can make you feel bad about yourself.

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Yeah smalltalk sucks, and I suck at it! I'm constantly amazed when I see other people meet for the first time and strike up a conversation like they've known each other for years. Why can't I do that? It just seems so natural to everyone else.

I guess if helps if you are genuinely interested in the other person. I rarely am interested in people I meet. Most people are like aliens to me, and it's only very few who I actually 'click' with. Normal people seem to be able to connect with a wider range of people, even if they might only be good friends with a select few.

Welcome Arrina, Yep, I hear what your saying, making that small talk is really hard. I also have a problem where I don't see the point in making small talk or talking just for the sake of it so I usually don't bother. Anyone else feel the same?.

I have a lot of troble making small talk, I just don't know what to say.

Listen not having something to say isnt really an issue. You react to not having something to say badly! Which can affect your confidence the wrong way. Even the most social of people seem to babble crap! until something witty comes out.

Just remember to keep active and set goals for yourself and you'll find that people who are chatty! will like you even if you dont talk alot. Some people like to have friends who listen to them and are more calculated in terms of chatting.

One of the problems about SA is the fear of not being able to hold a conversation or add something witty to a conversation or being outspoken. I have recently found that just adding anything to a conversation even it sounds lame can get a reaction and can widen the subject content! to something that becomes more interesting but even if it doesn't end up an interesting conversation do you think the person you are interracting with is going to hate you?

They may not like the way you communicate but if they realise that you are behave in a shy way then they are more likely to help you then think badly of you.

Richey, you're right I just think I don't have anything to say and I react badly to it.

I'm definitely the same...I can only say hello to strangers and that's it. I have zero awareness of what I can or should say to hold a conversation.

I always make sure I have a specific goal in mind, whenever around others (& remain goal-oriented at all times when around people). Or, if not that, then at least I have something specific in my mind which I could "mention" (& they can hopefully then construct from that, a little bit of conversation).

Otherwise (as I have learnt from experience) I will have absolutely nothing to talk about.

The same goes for using the telephone. Sometimes I even write down a number of points that I can talk of. Otherwise - silence, boredom, blabbering/stuttering, bad feeling, boring them (& feeling bad about that, & feel like a boring person,...), etc, etc.

The quote "Empty mind is devil's playground". Well I say, for SAers anyway, "Empty gaps in conversation are the devil's playground", as there's then the "space" (opportunity) for sh*t to happen, and for us it readily does, at the SLIGHTEST of "provocation".
Or "Don't talk with your mouth closed" (that is, talking is talking, and silence is silence, but talking ain't silence, and silence ain't talking)