Chasing Happiness?

Luka

Well-known member
Does anyone else constantly strive to be happy but never actually achieve it? Can we ever be happy?

I go through ups and downs with my mental state, mostly downs. It's not like my life is even that hard; I'm financially secure due to living at home with my mother, have a part time job and made friends there, I'm dating someone, go out as much as possible with friends, due to start volunteering at a hospital in the hopes to progress my career... you get the picture. Yet, none of it actually makes me happy. And if it does, then it's certainly temporary.

I want to live life on adventure, I hate feeling like I'm going through this constant cycle of working from Mon-Fri then having the weekend. I hate going home at night feeling alone. I hate that my friends are going off to uni without me. I hate that my hobbies don't make me feel engaged anymore. I hate that I can barely touch my meals as I have no appetite. I hate going out and feeling like the whole world is judging me. I hate looking at myself and seeing pure ugliness. I feel like my negative thoughts are on loop and I just want to suppress them and realise I have happiness, I'm just blinded from it by what feels like depression.

In fact, my social anxiety is at a minimum as of late. I can so******e with people and pretend I'm okay at it. I feel anxious all the time but generally just about the future and other worries. I don't even know what this post is - I just felt like venting my thoughts that have accumulated over the past few months.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
yea I feel similarly. Happiness can be such an elusive mystery. You can try every happiness trick in the book; security, prosperity, gratitude, charity, selflessness; and yet sometimes it still eludes you.

At least that's been my experience. I've had phases in my life where I've felt pretty happy for a while. But then I have phases when I feel pretty depressed. My gut feeling is that the secret to happiness is relationships, and I think my lack of relationships has been the source of most of my unhappiness. I don't really have any close relationships. I isolate myself from the world. But then again there are those hermit monks that seem perfectly content, so maybe not?! I don't know. Life is hard :(
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
Happiness isn't really a continuous thing, it has more to do with your attitude towards things. More positive attitudes lead to more positive thinking which leads to more positive actions, and thus a more positive life in general (getting up after falling, pushing through, etc). Even if you have sad moments throughout any given day, you can still say you're happy.

What's hard about happiness is that it's easier to be sad, bitter and mean than it is to be positive, good and kind. It takes effort, commitment (towards yourself, others and life itself), and a making-the-best-of-each-given-moment kind of attitude in order to get to the end of a day and be able to tell yourself that it was more positive than negative, and having it be that way consistently. That's being happy. Making others happy and allowing yourself to be happy is what it's all about.
 

S_Spartan

Well-known member
What's hard about happiness is that it's easier to be sad, bitter and mean than it is to be positive, good and kind. It takes effort, commitment (towards yourself, others and life itself)

I don't really disagree with you but I have never had one person explain to me(without using religion) why the human world is more heavily weighted towards the negative.

If all of nature exists in a neutral state(neither positive or negative, it just "is") then why doesn't the human world exist in that same state?

Why do we qualify feelings and behaviors as either positive or negative(happy or unhappy)?

And why does positive always take more work?

This would indicate that we are fighting against some negative moral force of some sort.

As a non-religious person the origin of that force seems very hard to pin down.

Unless there is no force and "positive" and "negative" are purely human inventions meant to keep people in check in a civilized society.

Otherwise humans would be running around in an amoral, neanderthal-like, free for all, only guided by our natural instincts, much like the natural world is all around us.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
I don't really disagree with you but I have never had one person explain to me(without using religion) why the human world is more heavily weighted towards the negative.

If all of nature exists in a neutral state(neither positive or negative, it just "is") then why doesn't the human world exist in that same state?

Why do we qualify feelings and behaviors as either positive or negative(happy or unhappy)?

And why does positive always take more work?

This would indicate that we are fighting against some negative moral force of some sort.

As a non-religious person the origin of that force seems very hard to pin down.

Unless there is no force and "positive" and "negative" are purely human inventions meant to keep people in check in a civilized society.

Otherwise humans would be running around in an amoral, neanderthal-like, free for all, only guided by our natural instincts, much like the natural world is all around us.

One bad apple spoils the bunch. Thats why I feel the world is full of mostly negative people. Life in general seems to be more difficult because of the mean or greedy which leads to a bad chain reaction of negativity of those on the wrong end of it.

Im not sure any primate has ever been in a free for all state, otherwise we wouldnt survive long in nature. Most of them seem to live and work together in groups instead of total chaos.
 

S_Spartan

Well-known member
One bad apple spoils the bunch. Thats why I feel the world is full of mostly negative people. Life in general seems to be more difficult because of the mean or greedy which leads to a bad chain reaction of negativity of those on the wrong end of it.


So if the negativity is a product of the greedy sucking the life out of decent people like me and you then just putting a smile on our faces and thinking positive thoughts isn't going to make a difference because we are up against an objective negative force.

But I still can't say why we have "bad apples" without using some kind of moral code. If we take it all out of a moral context then the bad apples are simply more successful human beings because they are winning at survival of the fittest.

If we objectively say that it is harder to be positive and happy than it is to be negative and miserable, which is a true statement, then there must be some force causing that.

I've had this discussion with other people and they always end it with "that's just the way it is" but I don't buy that because we have discovered many invisible forces in the physical world.

What if instead of discovering gravity Newton would have said "well that's just the way it is, things just fall downward."
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
Happiness is a rare emotion.

It is like a beautiful shy bird that sits quietly out of sight. Sometimes when you work hard to make the conditions right for happiness it to appear, and you've got to work very hard, happiness will come and join you and sit on your shoulder. But if you turn to hold onto happiness it will fly away.

There is no happily ever after, only moments of happiness. I call them "happy never nows." because they are ephemeral moments of happiness. I've only ever experienced a dozen such experiences in my life.

A few years ago I won a long battle against panic disorder, knee pain and chronic fatigue. And through hard work I slowly started to get my health back, and then I started to run again, after not being able to for twenty years.

It was then that the beautiful bird of happiness came into full sight and stayed with me for several months. I experienced a miracle.

After living in the darkness the sun shines more brightly when it finally emerges. I experienced a nightmare, so when happiness came to me, I was able to appreciate it even more.

Holy shit, that is what happiness is! It became more than a word, I experienced it as an emotion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7HtSZ6TamA

it's a perfect day for getting wild
forgetting all your worries
life
and everything that makes you cry
let's get happy!
it's a perfect day for dreams come true
for thinking big
and doing anything you want to do
let's get happy!


kick out the gloom
kick out the blues
tear out the pages with all the bad news
pull down the mirrors and pull down the walls
tear up the stairs and tear up the floors
oh just burn down the house!
burn down the street!
turn everything red and the beat is complete
with the sound of your world
going up in fire
it's a perfect day to throw back your head
and kiss it all goodbye
 
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Megaten

Well-known member
So if the negativity is a product of the greedy sucking the life out of decent people like me and you then just putting a smile on our faces and thinking positive thoughts isn't going to make a difference because we are up against an objective negative force.

But I still can't say why we have "bad apples" without using some kind of moral code. If we take it all out of a moral context then the bad apples are simply more successful human beings because they are winning at survival of the fittest.

If we objectively say that it is harder to be positive and happy than it is to be negative and miserable, which is a true statement, then there must be some force causing that.

I've had this discussion with other people and they always end it with "that's just the way it is" but I don't buy that because we have discovered many invisible forces in the physical world.

What if instead of discovering gravity Newton would have said "well that's just the way it is, things just fall downward."

Well I wont disagree that there are biological advantages to being selfish. I think a few scientist have said that deception and greed are beneficial to a point. Tbh though, so much messed up crap happens in nature but Im guessing discussions like this and negativity come up once life forms become self aware. Dont quote me on this but I think I read somewhere about how in some wolf species, while the alpha male had freedom to reproduce with the females, certain lesser males would be charged with the care of his offspring. I thought that was pretty messed up, but I doubt the wolves sit down and ponder the cruelty of life like we do lol. Why its easier to be negative your guess is as good as mine.
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
I don't seek happiness so much as contentment. I desire to feel content more than anything.

Happiness is fleeting and only around for a bit. Whereas contentment is a baseline "things are good" feeling, things are just fine.
 
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SoScared

Well-known member
Google emotional valance - I'm working towards maintaining a high emotional valance. It help my daily life enormously.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I don't 'chase' happiness.
Although I do seek happiness and contentment through trying to better myself.


After all, it's the only true way to attain it.
 

Luka

Well-known member
I'm pretty intrigued by all of you responses. I'm trying my best to not channel those negative thoughts and only think about the positive, even if small, happenings in my life. :)
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I reckon the best place to start feeling more relaxed is to stop thinking for a moment. Neutrality of thought. Becoming so lost in something that you are not longer aware of self. That's true peace.
 

Crankor

Member
I find theres different kinds of happiness. the kind that maintains your everyday function isn't something you should be always looking for. Its really just a matter of changing your perspective at how you perceive things and take an action or an event and say alter it a bit in a way to make yourself chuckle a bit.

Most people spend so much time "trying to find it" that they don't bother trying to make it. Sure there are things that will still be depressing here n there but should only effect you if you dwell on it. That said, you can do the same with a positive thought for your benefit.
 
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