Coping mechanisms for loneliness

Argentum

Well-known member
Just curious what people here tend to use, and if there's anything additional I could try. It's become hard to rely on things like video games and movies to cope because they're not quite interactive enough, so I've moved on to alternatives. I've started participating in an online writing community that has regular prompts and contests, and even though I only share small pieces it's quite a bit of fun.

However, it's really not doing much for me and it's hard to focus on work and studying some days (or sleep). Short of getting a dog, I'm not sure what else can help.

Please note before giving me other types of advice: I have worked on improving social skills. I have taken initiative in trying to connect with people online who live near me, and in speaking to classmates. I show interest in others. I am talking to a counselor. Doesn't make a difference.
 
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Argentum

Well-known member
maybe something here
COUNSELLING BLOG

At a glance, it looks like the same cliche advice from people in positions where they may not worry about not hearing a human voice for a week if they don't go out and talk to cashiers.

Let's move on to the content that isn't condescending from those who don't feel the need to rub their beliefs in the faces of those who are struggling. After all, it's well-established and documented that isolation has negative physical and mental health effects.
 
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Is the problem that you try to initiate and people don't reciprocate or that you still feel lonely despite being able to connect with people?
 

Argentum

Well-known member
Is the problem that you try to initiate and people don't reciprocate or that you still feel lonely despite being able to connect with people?

No reciprocation, or we don't mesh very well. I don't want to try to force a situation where two people casually get along to be something more.

I make a point of connecting to people where I can to make up for it. I appreciate being able to chat with cashiers and students in different programs before our respective classes begin, but unless we see each other more than once and are able to deepen conversation it's hard to turn that into anything more than a passing meeting. I got the impression once that two of us were wanting to say something more, but weren't sure how to approach it or if it was really wanted. And for me, that's a success story - no luck with locals in similar situations on other forums. Either they avoid me after we meet in person, or they don't take me up on my offer to help study our similar class materials.

I can accept that sometimes people don't click, but the worst is when it's purely by chance. I was talking to a classmate throughout the first day earlier this month and hoping that we'd see each other again, but it's an "attendance optional" course. They work full-time in addition to taking classes, so they're often exhausted and are probably using this time to sleep. I wouldn't expect them to feel close enough to me after one day to make a point of showing up again, but it's still a kick in the guts to have that opportunity vanish into thin air.

It wears on me mentally to live like this day in and day out, wanting to be connected to the world beyond my PC and my books but having so little opportunity to do so in lasting ways. I don't want coping mechanisms (I want to be involved in what's going on out there, connecting, and learning through talking to others), but it's my last resort. I can't focus on studying when I'm constantly taking these blows with nothing to return to but an empty home and Steam. I can't focus when I'm constantly hearing incriminating speech that points a finger at me, like how all women receive nonstop attention, how I should simply be happy alone, or how I simply need to put myself out there more - as if I'm even more messed up for it.

And yes - it wears on my physical health. I have actual, physical health problems that are caused at least in part due to stress, which is why I get hostile when met with cliche advice like how I should simply be happy alone and stop doing it to myself. It's not meant to be directed at you personally, and I'm sorry if it is, but I'm in a phase where I'm just not sleeping. I hate feeling so powerless in my own life, and it's hard not to turn the blame on some fundamental aspect of my own nature after all these years of working to become someone better.
 
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Kiwong

Well-known member
The auto teller is my go to at the shops. I am considering on line shopping.

I like Robin Williams quote.

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up alone. It's not.
The worst thing is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.


I'm working harder at staying away from the people who make me alone, and connecting with the people who make me feel less alone. And in that latter case it is family. When I reach out they are there to help.
 

CrazyGirl

Well-known member
Is the problem that you try to initiate and people don't reciprocate or that you still feel lonely despite being able to connect with people?

No reciprocation, or we don't mesh very well. I don't want to try to force a situation where two people casually get along to be something more.

Thats how it is with me when I put myself out there it just feels awkward. And when I meet people it may hit off on a good start on first meeting then fade out quickly.
 

MotherWolff

Banned
Just curious what people here tend to use, and if there's anything additional I could try. It's become hard to rely on things like video games and movies to cope because they're not quite interactive enough, so I've moved on to alternatives. I've started participating in an online writing community that has regular prompts and contests, and even though I only share small pieces it's quite a bit of fun.

However, it's really not doing much for me and it's hard to focus on work and studying some days (or sleep). Short of getting a dog, I'm not sure what else can help.

Please note before giving me other types of advice: I have worked on improving social skills. I have taken initiative in trying to connect with people online who live near me, and in speaking to classmates. I show interest in others. I am talking to a counselor. Doesn't make a difference.

Listening to music is an awesome way to manage loneliness!:thumbup:

Even when you sleep. You can put on relaxing, instrumental music without lyrics.

Works for me!:bigsmile:

5-HTP can aid your sleep also. As well as kava kava and cat nip(its just the name of an herb, so, yes its safe for your consumption. :))
 

NamiraWilhelm

Well-known member
I definitely don't sleep with a cuddley toy. Anyone who tells you otherwise is- okay I sleep with a cuddley toy. But it is comforting! It's like having one of my cats with me, but he doesn't wake up at random intervals and sit on my face.
Actually a hot water bottle is good for that too. For cuddling, not sitting on my face.
 
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