Crap time at the moment....

Hi everyone
Just thought I would put some thoughts down instead of obsessing over them in my head! :lol:
Of course having SP makes most times crap times but I guess I am going thru a really bad time. I have my ups and downs. In my up times I just go along on my not so merry way and kind of forget that I have SP, or perhaps just accept it and not stress over it.
But at the moment it seems exaggerated. I have been having some restless nights, crying, frustrated like I just want to scream all the time, and everything seems to be annoying me.
I am having a bad time at work. I am kind of at a supervisor level and most of the staff around me are lazy and are too busy conducting their social lives. I feel like a lot of pressure is on me and I am sick of being the only one who worries about the job being done properly. Certain staff always seem to be off (sickies) and don't care how their absence affects other staff. People can be so selfish sometimes.
It has gradually being getting worse at work and I have decided that I have had enough. I am selling my house (l live in a city area) and I am moving to a country town. My mum lives with me so I won't have to do it on my own. Once I sell my house I will be able to quit work asap until I actually move which is a blessing. The thought of staying there any longer than I have to makes me feel ill. I have been there for several years and it has just worn me down.

On top of that, I feel like I have been stagnating for the last 7 years. I don't have a boyfriend, social life or close friends that I see on a regular basis. The one person I got along with at work stabbed me in the back unjustly so I am not as close or trusting. And a guy at work who I have had feelings for on and off for years just makes me feel frustrated whenever i see him and I hate the make he makes me feel. So I need to get away from him so I can lose what feelings I do have for him. We have a history and several false starts and in the end nothing eventuated. I have wasted too much time on having feelings for him.

I need a fresh start. But then I worry that I will have the same life that I have now, only in a different place. :? Has anyone left the place they are familiar with and moved to a completely different area? How did it work out? Did you improve and feel somehow liberated?

oh so much to contemplate. 8O
I even considered that since I am moving to a country town, I might get my drivers licence so I have more options in terms of work and recreational activities (lol, if I can manage to face ppl). but the more I think about having to drive a car, oooohhhh the other cars, road rules, accidents...scary :lol:
Oh I am so tired thinking about it.....I know I have to get out of comfort zone for my life to change but as we all know it's damn hard!!!!

Anyway, that's my ramble for now. Over and out!

I think that is a really good post and I am sure a lot of people, me included, feel they are in a similar position to you in that I am in a rut in life, been stuck in the same job for 6 years, I don't have a social life, I don't have a girlfriend, my life is on standstill and often think about what is next but the thought of leaving what is comfortable and easy and I know I can handle keeps me there wasting my time because I am so apprehensive about a new start.

I think if you are brave enough to go for a new start then you are ready to do it and I think things will go a lot easier than you think they will. I would love a new start because I have developed beliefs over how some people see me and feel even though I have developed a lot of confidence and belief in myself, I still maintain these beliefs that others still see me like they always have done. A new start will wipe the slate clean there, new people and new possible friendships and maybe you will meet some nice guy who has no idea who you are and will want to get to know you.

I really do feel scared by thinking of my future as being where I am, I want so much more, I want happy exciting fun times with someone I really like, start living the dreams I have, feeling I am living life, fulfilling ambitions of doing the things I wish to do once I meet someone. But also in terms of career, I want to do something I feel I am happy and am achieving something in. I don't want to have regrets when I look back on my life when I am old and think I had so much I wanted in life and did none of them. So I have to move on at some stage and I often think if only I had done the move 6 months ago, everything will be fine and fallen into place now, therefore I really should try and make it happen.

But the way I am going about it is to get confident and overcome my SA so that a new start will be exciting and fantastic, rather than currently me thinking its daunting and scary and cannot just go for it. And I am making great progress, but the danger is, what if I never do have that confidence to feel I am ready for this challenge. I don't like thinking like that, I just want to succeed.

It is a really difficult situation. I certainly would like to chat with you more about this, if you do go for it you know there will be people here to chat about and help offer support and you will give a lot of people like me a lot of encouragement, motivation and belief that it can be done and can really make things so much better. Do you think your current situation, being stuck in the comfort zone is somewhat hindering your progress to overcome SA? i.e. not experiencing new things means you are not developing your confidence and also makes new challenges and new things seem daunting?

Really cool post!

thanx for the reply.

It is very scary making a move but I know in my gut that it's the right thing to do. I am trying not to think too much about what happens when I actually get there as I might talk myself out of it!!!!

I don't know if I will be better off there or not or whether my SP will be any different but I think being in a different environment could be good for me. Never know who I will meet or what will come my way.

I do wish that I was much more confident and happy before making the move as I would enjoy it more and make the most of every opportunity. But if I wait to feel like that I could be waiting another 10 years :lol:
I too am scared that my life won't change and in 20 years time I will look back and everything is still the same, just 20 years older!

I think that my job is making me feel even worse so getting away from that is a good start. If feels good knowing that I have something to look forward to and being proactive in my life instead of just sitting here doing the same shit over and over again and stressing and complaining about my situation. I guess it's a leap of faith. I can't wait till the day I walk out that door at work and not look back.

i dont mean to sound negative but quitting your job and moving home i feel is not the answer as your just running away from your illness but your illness will be wherever you are.
Ive had S.A for app 25 years and ive done that.....moved home quit jobs ,yeh work collegues have caused problems.
Have you had any proffesional help for S.A ? Maybe that should be your next move........
Good Luck