Crush on co-worker

Here's the situation I find myself in...

About 6 months ago we had a new graduate join my team at work. She's slim and attractive, aged 25 years old and sat at the desk next to me. From day one I established that she had a boyfriend so I knew she was, how you say, 'off limits'! lol

But we seemed to get on well! I told her jokes at work (i stole them from a comedian); we laughed; confided in each other with general gossip...

One night a few weeks ago another co-worker said to me that she thought I had the hots for this girl and that the girl had said to her that I was 'really funny' and 'enjoyed working with me'.

The girl eventually broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years about 6 weeks ago. Since then I have heard her talking to others (including me)about a couple of guys she has dated and it's gut wrenching!! I wish it was me :-(

Today she was talking about a date with this new guy and saying she had a lot of fun. I felt awful, very jealous and totally inferior...

This Friday was her last day working in my team :-( She's now moving to a different office as part of her job-placement/ training scheme. So from now on I won't see her each day. I'm quite sad about it...

Basically, I would like to have asked her out but was too scared about showing any interest. It would have been awkward if I made a fool of myself...

I also feel quite inferior. She has loads of friends and is doing stuff all the time, not like me...

However, last week I got the courage to say "You should come around to my flat one night and I'll cook for you". She seemed quite keen and said something like 'yeah, that would be great' but I haven't had the opportunity to mention it again (I don't want co workers to hear).

She's away on vacation for the next week. I have her mobile number and email.

I think I'm going to ask her to mine again but I'm scared of getting hurt....

Im in a simular situation. I feel like I don't want to be embarrassing around this co-worker, but I do the most idiotic stuff. Nothing much as happened really, Im not sure whether I want it to either. Im am in two minds, half of me wants to go to work an hour early just to catch a glimpse. But when I get there, I avoid potentially damaging situations, I try to impress, Im not sure what she thinks of all this, no one has said anything about 'having the hots' for her.

Eventually or maybe already, someones gotta notice these antics. I dunno what I'm gonna say when they do! For now, I get some confidence if she speaks to me first, I rarely conjure enough energy to speak to her, unless it is a work related instruction or something along those lines.

crushes

Wow I thought it was just me. When ever I am attracted to someone I alwayse end up trying to not let anyone know I have a crush which is totaly silly because the person nevers finds out I like them.

How can I have a crush on someone and not want anyone including the person to know?Its so silly but its what I alwayse end up doing.

It's exactly the same with me. I never tell anyone that I have a crush on another student or workmate, I keep those things to myself, which is so stupid. However, the one time I did let everybody know, It didn't turn out so well. I was only 14 when it happened.

We also make the stupidest mistakes around these people. It may be a giveaway, but we also look like the biggest morons when we are near these certain people. There is a higher potential of negative judgement, and a greater mental consequence if things don't turn out right, so that creates the painful anxiety and the urge to escape.

steviegerrard489 said:

However, last week I got the courage to say "You should come around to my flat one night and I'll cook for you". She seemed quite keen and said something like 'yeah, that would be great' but I haven't had the opportunity to mention it again (I don't want co workers to hear).

She's away on vacation for the next week. I have her mobile number and email.

I think I'm going to ask her to mine again but I'm scared of getting hurt....

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Sounds like you already asked her out - mind you informally - but you laid that foundation, so right on! If she seemed keen than she probably was (speaking as a girl I would never say yes to going round someones flat for dinner if I didn't want to). Send her a text asking how her trip was and if she still wanted to come round for dinner. If she says "Piss off I hate you!" at least you don't have to work together anymore so there's no weirdness there :wink:

Likely she'll say "Sure!"

I smell a budding romance 8) Good luck!

Hehe at work last summer for me. > Why should a man not hide it when you're weird, she disslikes you and she would almost be a bit disgusted if she found out that you had feelings for her? She finds it annoying to even see you there, she hopes that she will never have to speak with you. You can see it in her eyes everytime when you eyes meet, she wishes that you didn't look at her. She wishes that she wouldn't never have to see your eyes, she finds you ugly. But you are still so corrputed by her cute face and you must steel yourself to keep your eyes away from her, but when you see her smile or laugh... it's hard. You have such a desire to be friend with her and speak to her, but you know you're the last one she wants to have a conversation with. You can only jealously look when she talks and laughs with her friends all the time, while you long for it all the weeks you're working there. The few "conversations" you had were only becouse the situation would be very weird and unsocial if you didn't talk. She wished you would never been there so she would never had to speak to you. You stand there at the machine you're working at, thinking about her all day and wishing that you had never seen her. You got so fulled with angst when you saw her the first day becouse you knew that sooner or later you would fall in love with her.

Kien said:

Hehe at work last summer for me. > Why should a man not hide it when you're weird, she disslikes you and she would almost be a bit disgusted if she found out that you had feelings for her? She finds it annoying to even see you there, she hopes that she will never have to speak with you. You can see it in her eyes everytime when you eyes meet, she wishes that you didn't look at her. She wishes that she wouldn't never have to see your eyes, she finds you ugly. But you are still so corrputed by her cute face and you must steel yourself to keep your eyes away from her, but when you see her smile or laugh... it's hard. You have such a desire to be friend with her and speak to her, but you know you're the last one she wants to have a conversation with. You can only jealously look when she talks and laughs with her friends all the time, while you long for it all the weeks you're working there. The few "conversations" you had were only becouse the situation would be very weird and unsocial if you didn't talk. She wished you would never been there so she would never had to speak to you. You stand there at the machine you're working at, thinking about her all day and wishing that you had never seen her. You got so fulled with angst when you saw her the first day becouse you knew that sooner or later you would fall in love with her at first sight.

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Your one of those "Glass half-full" guys aren't you?!

Edith said:

Your one of those "Glass half-full" guys aren't you?!

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Huh? What does that mean? (?,?)

Hi Steviegerrard489. Here is some real advice from a girl's perspective. (It may be too late as you posted this over two weeks ago...If it is, apply it to whatever is going on now instead of the vacation thing)

Send her a text or a quick call and just be casual! Ask how her vacation was/is. Make some joke about how you're jealous she is on vacation and you wish you were too or how work is so boring w/out her. But remain casual! Like it's no big deal your calling... just thinking of her type thing. As a girl, I would Love this! Especially if I was interested in him too! And if I wasn't, then I would still think it was sweet! But, I wouldn't have given the guy my e-mail or mobile if I didn't at least think he was cool! So, your half way there! But, I would stress to you to remain casual.

Maybe an e-mail would be easiest. You don't have to worry about being nervous and trying to sound calm. Just make it short and sweet. All you want to do is remind her you exist. You don't want to proclaim your love just yet! Then, when she gets back, the first chance you have to chat w/her ask her to come over on _______ (insert specific day/time) so you can make her dinner or have a drink and live vicariously through her vacation stories! Do It! She already gave you her number, e-mail and thinks your funny!

Edith said:

Your one of those "Glass half-full" guys aren't you?!

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Kein, I believe Edith was using sarcasm there and just playin with ya. If your a "glass is half full" kinda guy, you would be an optimist. You know, look at a glass half full of milk and say "Yes! I have half a glass of milk to drink!" You are not a "glass is half full" kinda guy, though- hence the sarcasm. You are a "glass is half empty" kinda dude! Meaning, look at a glass half full of milk and say "Damn! Where is the rest of my milk?!" No big deal, lots of people are, myself included- most of the time!!

I was just speaking truth. :/

It's cool Kien! I don't mean anything rude! I am the same way! Just wanted to explain what was meant by that statement! You gotta recognize though that Truth=Perspective. Perspective is always subjective! Have you ever heard the saying "One man's ceiling is another man's floor" ? Think about it. It's all about perspective! (Easy enough in theory, whole 'nother story to apply!)

krs2snow said:

It's cool Kien! I don't mean anything rude! I am the same way! Just wanted to explain what was meant by that statement! You gotta recognize though that Truth=Perspective. Perspective is always subjective! Have you ever heard the saying "One man's ceiling is another man's floor" ? Think about it. It's all about perspective! (Easy enough in theory, whole 'nother story to apply!)

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You have falled in love with a girl at work too? (O,o)

Oops! (Uh.. sorry!)

Wtf?

Zzzzip!

krs2snow said:

Hi Steviegerrard489. Here is some real advice from a girl's perspective. (It may be too late as you posted this over two weeks ago...If it is, apply it to whatever is going on now instead of the vacation thing)

Send her a text or a quick call and just be casual! Ask how her vacation was/is. Make some joke about how you're jealous she is on vacation and you wish you were too or how work is so boring w/out her. But remain casual! Like it's no big deal your calling... just thinking of her type thing. As a girl, I would Love this! Especially if I was interested in him too! And if I wasn't, then I would still think it was sweet! But, I wouldn't have given the guy my e-mail or mobile if I didn't at least think he was cool! So, your half way there! But, I would stress to you to remain casual.

Maybe an e-mail would be easiest. You don't have to worry about being nervous and trying to sound calm. Just make it short and sweet. All you want to do is remind her you exist. You don't want to proclaim your love just yet! Then, when she gets back, the first chance you have to chat w/her ask her to come over on _______ (insert specific day/time) so you can make her dinner or have a drink and live vicariously through her vacation stories! Do It! She already gave you her number, e-mail and thinks your funny!

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Hi and thanks for the messages.

Not too late I think. I've sent her quite a few emails over the last couple of weeks; just general chit chat really. However, I got hold of a few tickets to see this comedian we both like and she said she would come. The show's not for about 3 months though.

Today she sent me a message mentioning this guy she had been on a few date with and saying 'it probably won't last' sort of thing, in a jokey way.

One thing that certainly hit home was something the guy next to me said after she had left. He's married with a young kid and about 40 years old. He said to me: "Why didn't you try to make a move while she was here? You know that if you do nothing you get nothing".

Truth hurts but he's right. I know she's the type of girl who never asks a guy out - she doesn't need to - so it's up to the guy all the time!

I'm on vacation at the moment but will return to work next week. I must try to get her to mine for dinner. I guess I'll be able to tell from her appearance when/if she does agree to come. (ie makeup/clothing. she doesn't normally wear much makeup)..

Hey, it sounds like it's go relatively well with her and that you're making some progress with the emails back and forth. And niiice that she'll go to see the comedian with you! Just keep working at it a little at a time. Use what that 40-year old guy said (he's so right) as motivation to keep conversing with the girl and try to slowly make a move. So far so good I'd say!


And I'm with the others in this thread who keep it a big secret when they have a crush on someone. I work at a summer camp and had a crush on a guy I work with for the past 3 years and never told him or anyone else. He had a girlfriend, but I would still joke around and sort of try to flirt with him sometimes though.

Kien said:

Hehe at work last summer for me. > Why should a man not hide it when you're weird, she disslikes you and she would almost be a bit disgusted if she found out that you had feelings for her? She finds it annoying to even see you there, she hopes that she will never have to speak with you. You can see it in her eyes everytime when you eyes meet, she wishes that you didn't look at her. She wishes that she wouldn't never have to see your eyes, she finds you ugly. But you are still so corrputed by her cute face and you must steel yourself to keep your eyes away from her, but when you see her smile or laugh... it's hard. You have such a desire to be friend with her and speak to her, but you know you're the last one she wants to have a conversation with. You can only jealously look when she talks and laughs with her friends all the time, while you long for it all the weeks you're working there. The few "conversations" you had were only because the situation would be very weird and unsocial if you didn't talk. She wished you would never been there so she would never had to speak to you. You stand there at the machine you're working at, thinking about her all day and wishing that you had never seen her. You got so fulled with angst when you saw her the first day because you knew that sooner or later you would fall in love with her.

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I'm surprised people aren't giving this recognition, it captures things perfectly, reminds of the song creep:

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Creep-lyrics-Radiohead/E9B013A7CAF5EEC148256866000DA819

Well, I sent and received a couple of emails from this girl this morning while I was at work.

In my last email I suggested she could come to mine on a day preferrable to her and I would cook....

....no reply!!!

I broke the cardinal rule which is to never ask someone out by email or by text. It just doesn't work....

I might be seeing her on friday for lunch but it will be with the rest of my team (4 other guys). Two of them are quite loud and I'm sure I'll just pale into insignificance and sit in the corner. Really depressing!

I can't see myself ever getting a girlfriend again and I'm getting so f***ing p****ed off it's unbelieveable!