dancing outside comfort zone

*I pose a lot of questions in this post...not intentionally and not to be answered, it's more like what I am asking myself*

I've been trying to get out of my comfort zone more lately - struggling at times to push myself to just get out and go...meet new people, etc. and perhaps meet a decent person/people I could eventually 'hang out' with. Taking photos, just basically 'doing' instead of thinking of doing... I was doing good, or so I thought.

I met a couple people, husband/wife, and a guy, and then a lady who I gained courage to strike up convo first.

Anyhow, I have been on hikes and bike riding, you know, getting outside more. I am happy that I am able to push myself more and more.

One problem...

Once I get to know some of the others, the darker side comes out (we all have dark side) but what do you do when you truly are trying to improve yourself and situation and meet others with similar interests, etc., but then realize their dark side is a tad 'darker' than you are comfortable with?

Example: one person has told me some stuff that makes me scratch my head. Is this what 'real people' are all about and I've missed the boat? Is it common? Or abnormal? Or am I abnormal?

So this person has told me casually that they sometimes take a day off work to "shroom out" with others, has faked ADHD to a psychiatrist to get script for adderall and xanax, has not filed tax returns for at least maybe 10 years, has bought over 200 whippits on amazon just for kicks and giggles (no pun intended) ... the list goes on. By the way, it's not all talk, I saw the whippits - like they were bragging to me whilst showing me how heavy the box was, I saw the rx of meds, the 'shroom out' part, she only described the experience to me, so I don't know...but still.

I just sit there in bewilderment cuz I don't know what to say. I know it sounds naive on my part, I am online way more than I should be, lol, and 'read' stuff, but in reality, nope.

I finally gain courage and start to break out of my anxious, fearful shell and this is what I come up with? Granted, this person has not killed or robbed a bank (not to my knowledge haha!) but is there not a decent person that is just umm...I don't know, average? Or is this normal amongst people these days? Am I THAT out of touch?

shrugs....

mg:

I think this shows the difference in that people with Social Anxiety have very ordered and structured lives. Yes the others really live like that! One recent episode for me was when I went on a social day trip (a drunken day out) to the seaside. Halfway thru a bunch of them took a taxi to a nearby town, leaving a few of us to congregate. I steadily got the feeling that indeed I was a focus of attention but in a way that I was being observed or looked after. I felt really terrible about this, 1st because it was in a negative manner, and 2nd it was unfair to the others.
Your comment that we all have a 'dark side' - well I dont think people with SA do and there is your culture shock! Regular folk aren't afraid of failure and will try it out, if only for the possibility of success. Unfortunately there is a significant drug-culture within the business world and exactly as drug-gangs will reject or alienate non-participants, this happens at work too. I'm not sure you should feel this break-out is bad - ha ha Breaking Bad - but it is clear you can't join in with everything.

your story reminded me of when I was in high school and really shy and a friend of mine when we chatted online would tell me details about his sex life with his girlfriend and like detailed emotional issues that when I think back, I only obliged because deep down I wanted to feel connected to people and have friends. But if I were to be in that place again, I would tell him, "dude thanks but I don't want to hear it."

Basically I remember sort of feeling like a dumping ground for people's issues. It's like they felt really comfortable with telling me weird, personal stuff. My advice to you is really think about if the feeling of connection is worth it with this person(s) at the price of having to listen to all that if you don't want to. Plenty of other people out there. I keep suggesting this website on posts, cause I'm starting to use it myself. Have you checked out MeetUp.com? If you like chess, for example, you can probably find a chess club. Or if you want to play soccer with people, that too....etc.

Best,

Jared

Socializing is like a box o' chocolates.

You never know what you gonna get.

That's not very normal. Some good and intelligent people experiment with drugs for a variety of reasons, but their drugs use seems to be a problem. I wouldn't hang out with them, they're on a completely different path, one of escapism. That's in the opposite direction where you're headed!

Keep meeting people. Love and accept yourself and continue your journey. Congrats on the new steps!!