Dating sights

I'm 34 years old and recently tried online dating. I even went as far as to tell everyone about my S.A.D. and that I was looking only for a women with S.A.D. because only someone with S.A. can understand what its like in my opinion. I had a girlfriend for a while but women are social beings. She couldn't fully understand my problem, it hurt her because she wanted me at her side in social events. Obviously I made excuses not to go to most of them and the ones I did go to I had to change into my alter-ego which made her feel like she was with a complete stranger who she would never date. So in other words she left. Back to the dating site thing. I posted pictures of my self and a lot of women viewed me and a lot wanted to meet me but most who wanted to meet me did not read my profile. I managed to talk to three women, well text talk. they had all messaged me. They said I was brave for talking about my S.A. After it took me an hour to communicate 3 minutes of conversation via text talk they stopped responding. After 6 months on the site I was not able to contact anyone because I have Social Anxiety Disorder! I think if you have S.A. you need to find someone with S.A. to couple up with. Just us against the world. mg:

I think people tend to glorify those who are different, but flee when they find out the reality. For me, some men think the idea of an introverted, nerdy girl is fantastic... because they're imagining someone sexy, socially capable, and warm who's simply low-maintenance and will let them play video games all they want without any of the possible negatives. For you, maybe women are imagining someone strong and emotionally open - minus the actually being afraid to talk to people part.

Part of a personal relationship with someone is at times, doing what they want to do even if it's something you don't really want to do.

Most girls will want to meet in public so if you don't want to do that then you are severely limiting yourself. By saying you don't want to go out you are making yourself unavailable, which isn't good in that sense.

My advice is to never talk about SA at all in your profile, online chatting or text. The reason why is when they see SA they assume the worst. They assume you can't hold a conversation, can't hold eye contact, etc.

With online dating, you have to make your profile sound as attractive as possible. You have to come across as socially confident as possible. Saying you have SA is saying you are the exact opposite of that. No offense to anyone, but that's just the way it works on there.

I went on a date once, and the girl tried to steal my car, that was a sight for sore eyes.

I agree with OceanMist, do not put it in your profile that you have SA. If you must, refer to yourself as "reserved"... "mild-mannered"... or some applicable socially-acceptable euphemism that doesn't instantly get you friend-zoned.

From my experience, I get along much better with guys who do not have SA. This is because opposites attract. Whereas you may be an amazing listener, she may be an amazing talker... which in turn makes you both feel comfortable around each other, allowing yourselves to open up. I've dated quiet guys before and they are just boring to me because they are too much like me. ZZzzzz... Different is good! If they have any common sense, they will understand not everyone is cut from the same cloth.

I agree here. Instead of using medical terms like "Social Anxiety", just say you're a bit shy. The former sounds rather heavy, the latter is a more commonly used thing.

Kiwong said:

I went on a date once, and the girl tried to steal my car, that was a sight for sore eyes.

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what??:question:

Do tell!

dottie said:

I agree with OceanMist, do not put it in your profile that you have SA. If you must, refer to yourself as "reserved"... "mild-mannered"... or some applicable socially-acceptable euphemism that doesn't instantly get you friend-zoned.

From my experience, I get along much better with guys who do not have SA. This is because opposites attract. Whereas you may be an amazing listener, she may be an amazing talker... which in turn makes you both feel comfortable around each other, allowing yourselves to open up. I've dated quiet guys before and they are just boring to me because they are too much like me. ZZzzzz... Different is good! If they have any common sense, they will understand not everyone is cut from the same cloth.

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It doesn't work the other way around, though.

Talkative/confident women are actually the least likely to accept a shy/anxious guy, from my observation.

That tends to leave shy/anxious guys with no options, basically.

It really is quite unfair. It means I'm supposed to project some kind of extroverted quality which doesn't define me at all. I've always been a terrible actor, not sure if I could even go that route if I tried.

MollyBeGood said:

what??:question:

Do tell!

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Too embarrassing. Groan. I took her and a friend to bar night at the uni in a nearby town. Her friend came and asked for my keys because she wanted to get something out of the car. Bar night ended, and I was waiting outside, and the friend hadn't returned. I was talking to a girl who offered for me to sleep in her dorm room.

I declined, stating that I needed to drive the other girls back to where they lived. :sad:

I walking over to where my car was parked. I heard the engine of my car
coughing and spluttering. She and her friend where trying to start my car, they couldn't get it going with a manual choke, on a cold night. :sarcastic:

They made some lame excuses but it was clear they intended on leaving me stranded in the town without my car. I drove them home in silence.

Kiwong said:

Too embarrassing. Groan. I took her and a friend to bar night at the uni in a nearby town. Her friend came and asked for my keys because she wanted to get something out of the car. Bar night ended, and I was waiting outside, and the friend hadn't returned. I was talking to a girl who offered for me to sleep in her dorm room.

I declined, stating that I needed to drive the other girls back to where they lived. :sad:

I walking over to where my car was parked. I heard the engine of my car
coughing and spluttering. She and her friend where trying to start my car, they couldn't get it going with a manual choke, on a cold night. :sarcastic:

They made some lame excuses but it was clear they intended on leaving me stranded in the town without my car. I drove them home in silence.

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You're a better man than i. :thumbup:

Kiwong said:

They made some lame excuses but it was clear they intended on leaving me stranded in the town without my car. I drove them home in silence.

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Oh man, I think we have all had one of those surreal, horrendous moments where we've felt utterly duped...

Bronson99 said:

It doesn't work the other way around, though.

Talkative/confident women are actually the least likely to accept a shy/anxious guy, from my observation.

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Yeah... I could see that. :/

Starting a conversation.

I think with most of us starting a conversation with someone is most of the battle. The rest is trying not over analyze what we have said and not assume the person we are talking with is passing a negative judgment of us. From what I here most women with S.A. rather date a man without S.A. because they think they need someone outgoing and full of conversation to off set the S.A. they have I still think two people with S.A. would be good for each other. I am very outgoing with people I know well. Its all about finding the comfort zone. Most of us have a lot to talk about, you couldn't have a social site like this if we didn't. Personal relationships are tough for anyone there are several factors involved like physical attraction, common interests, chemical attraction and lots more. Two people who suffer from the same infliction can understand what the other is feeling. For myself the intensity of the anxiety fluctuates and I think it dose for you to. So when one is having a intense moment it is likely the other will be able to provide comfort and support to help them get through it. All I know is if I had girl who loves me and understands this disorder the only way one can. She is all I need. With her by my side I wont NOT have to live my life anymore :thumbup:

Kiwong said:

Too embarrassing. Groan. I took her and a friend to bar night at the uni in a nearby town. Her friend came and asked for my keys because she wanted to get something out of the car. Bar night ended, and I was waiting outside, and the friend hadn't returned. I was talking to a girl who offered for me to sleep in her dorm room.

I declined, stating that I needed to drive the other girls back to where they lived. :sad:

I walking over to where my car was parked. I heard the engine of my car
coughing and spluttering. She and her friend where trying to start my car, they couldn't get it going with a manual choke, on a cold night. :sarcastic:

They made some lame excuses but it was clear they intended on leaving me stranded in the town without my car. I drove them home in silence.

Click to expand...

ewe what awful people:thumbdown:

Kiwong said:

Too embarrassing. Groan. I took her and a friend to bar night at the uni in a nearby town. Her friend came and asked for my keys because she wanted to get something out of the car. Bar night ended, and I was waiting outside, and the friend hadn't returned. I was talking to a girl who offered for me to sleep in her dorm room.

I declined, stating that I needed to drive the other girls back to where they lived. :sad:

I walking over to where my car was parked. I heard the engine of my car
coughing and spluttering. She and her friend where trying to start my car, they couldn't get it going with a manual choke, on a cold night. :sarcastic:

They made some lame excuses but it was clear they intended on leaving me stranded in the town without my car. I drove them home in silence.

Click to expand...

Yep, you're a better man than I, I would have let them find their own way home.

you really have to ask yourself when making your profile, 'how do I want to come across, and what do sort of person do I want to meet?'.
I think its best if you're honest so people will see you for who you are. BUT, I wouldn't mention SA.

An honest profile will probably get you less 'hits'.. or enquiries. But those you do get will be a closer match.
If you just want high numbers, but less comparability, go to a pub and talk to drunk chicks. Same result.

Dating sites...yea.
Lots of trashy ones out there.

Nah, no ticker, I let a few bad experiences make me retire hurt from the dating scene.