Death and SA

I'm interested to know how all of you deal with the deaths of loved ones. I've lost a lot of my family and way too many friends and I just recently had another death in the family. I think being surrounded by so much death my whole life has contributed a lot to my SA. After someone passes away I am much worse for a long time after, I become a complete recluse and I've reacted like that since I was a child.
 

Emily_G

Well-known member
I've never lost a loved one...I am not looking foward to it :( Except my grandpa, he has Alzheimers. I'll be sad but glad at the same time when he passes on.
 

mrb

Well-known member
we all handle death in our own way . were all diffrent .. iv lost both my mother father few mates , one killed himself , after the shock and hurt dies down ... all you can do really is try and remember the good times with those people ..
 

Alchemy

Active member
Yeah i've lost my folks and some dear friends over the years, its important to allow yourself to grieve and then eventually accept their passing and move on with your life, as mrb said I try and remember the good times and keep a place for them in my heart and mind till hopefully we'll meet up again someday.
 

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
I've only lost one person, & that was an aunt who was more like a grandma to me that I was very close to when I was four. I was told that Jesus came & took her to heaven, which was okay enough for me at that age. But after that, I saw her in her casket at her funeral & that scared me to death (I couldn't think of another way to word that..) & confused me. No one really talked to me about it, I guess people assumed I'd forget, or it didn't matter, since I was only four, but I never did.

In 2007, my cat Tasia was murdered by an old neighbor &, though a pets death is nothing to some people, it was (& still is) absolutely devastating to me. I can't say what it did to my SA, necessarily, but that, compiled with all the other stress I was dealing with at the time, caused my depression to worsen even more. I had already been having suicidal thoughts for a couple years, that was before I started taking meds, & a little over a month after his death, I almost killed myself. So, death is definitely something I don't handle well. I'm worried that my mom won't live to see 2011 & I'm worried about my mental health when it happens. I'm not looking forward to the future.
 

Emily_G

Well-known member
In 2007, my cat Tasia was murdered by an old neighbor &, though a pets death is nothing to some people, it was (& still is) absolutely devastating to me.

Oh my gosh...murdered?! What kind of sick person can murder a cat?!? ::(: that is so sad.

I sometimes think about the day I will have to put my dogs down....I almost always start to tear up and have to stop thinking about it. My dogs are my fur-babies, I consider them my 1st and 2nd born children...just from a different mother. I love them so much...I don't want to lose them, but I know I someday will. ::(:
 
I've only lost one person, & that was an aunt who was more like a grandma to me that I was very close to when I was four. I was told that Jesus came & took her to heaven, which was okay enough for me at that age. But after that, I saw her in her casket at her funeral & that scared me to death (I couldn't think of another way to word that..) & confused me. No one really talked to me about it, I guess people assumed I'd forget, or it didn't matter, since I was only four, but I never did.

In 2007, my cat Tasia was murdered by an old neighbor &, though a pets death is nothing to some people, it was (& still is) absolutely devastating to me. I can't say what it did to my SA, necessarily, but that, compiled with all the other stress I was dealing with at the time, caused my depression to worsen even more. I had already been having suicidal thoughts for a couple years, that was before I started taking meds, & a little over a month after his death, I almost killed myself. So, death is definitely something I don't handle well. I'm worried that my mom won't live to see 2011 & I'm worried about my mental health when it happens. I'm not looking forward to the future.

Your cat was murdered by a neighbor?! ::(: That is so completely f***** up. And I don't know where you live, but that's illegal where I live. I am extremely sensitive about animals to begin with, but I cannot imagine how I would have reacted to something like that. I had a dog for pretty much my entire life and when he passed away a year ago it was incredibly devastating for me. Some people don't get the whole bonded-to-your-pet thing, but especially as a person with SA, my dog really was my best friend in a lot of ways growing up lol :D

I guess the way that people passing away has effected my SA is that it has made me much less likely to want to get to know people well. It's probably because of my friends who have died. I lost a few people to drug overdoses over the past few years. when friends die, it definitely increases feelings of being all alone, that's for sure...
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
I've dealt with a lot of deaths in the family, but none of them really affected me because I don't care about my relatives, I only felt like crap a few times because I remember being blamed on some deaths. Then a lot of my pets have died, which made me really depressed (not only because I love my pets, but because I was blamed too)... and long time ago an online friend commited suicide; she wasn't a close friend, but i was shocked when i got the news and i felt guilty because i couldn't do anything to help her, everything was suddenly and unexpected.

I don't know if these things have affected my issues, maybe they did... I have a fear of losing my friends. I don't think I could live if any of them died, I'd probably want to die with them.
 

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
Oh my gosh...murdered?! What kind of sick person can murder a cat?!? ::(: that is so sad.

I sometimes think about the day I will have to put my dogs down....I almost always start to tear up and have to stop thinking about it. My dogs are my fur-babies, I consider them my 1st and 2nd born children...just from a different mother. I love them so much...I don't want to lose them, but I know I someday will. ::(:

My cats are all indoor cats, but we let them out occasionally on leashes (that sounds weird to people, I know, but it works). The neighbor lived a few doors down & wasn't even bothered by my cats when they were outside, but he was having a lot of problems with the strays in the neighborhood. We fed the strays & he told me one day that he was going to kill my cats if they ever got in the back of his pick-up again. I told him mine were indoor cats & it was the strays he had a problem with (he knew that, too). Anyway, I'm leaving out a lot, but a few weeks later, Tasia suddenly got sick & when I took him to the vet, the vet told me he had gotten into anti-freeze. We don't own a car & there was no anti-freeze around, so the only way he could have gotten into it was that neighbor.
 

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
Your cat was murdered by a neighbor?! ::(: That is so completely f***** up. And I don't know where you live, but that's illegal where I live. I am extremely sensitive about animals to begin with, but I cannot imagine how I would have reacted to something like that. I had a dog for pretty much my entire life and when he passed away a year ago it was incredibly devastating for me. Some people don't get the whole bonded-to-your-pet thing, but especially as a person with SA, my dog really was my best friend in a lot of ways growing up lol :D

I guess the way that people passing away has effected my SA is that it has made me much less likely to want to get to know people well. It's probably because of my friends who have died. I lost a few people to drug overdoses over the past few years. when friends die, it definitely increases feelings of being all alone, that's for sure...

Unfortunately, around here, there are no strong laws against killing an animal, if any laws at all. Plus, I didn't have evidence that would have held up in court. The guy already had a criminal record, but I couldn't prove anything.
 

Emily_G

Well-known member
My cats are all indoor cats, but we let them out occasionally on leashes (that sounds weird to people, I know, but it works). The neighbor lived a few doors down & wasn't even bothered by my cats when they were outside, but he was having a lot of problems with the strays in the neighborhood. We fed the strays & he told me one day that he was going to kill my cats if they ever got in the back of his pick-up again. I told him mine were indoor cats & it was the strays he had a problem with (he knew that, too). Anyway, I'm leaving out a lot, but a few weeks later, Tasia suddenly got sick & when I took him to the vet, the vet told me he had gotten into anti-freeze. We don't own a car & there was no anti-freeze around, so the only way he could have gotten into it was that neighbor.

I actually think cats on a leash is great. I wish there was a cat-leash law like there is a dog-leash law.

Could it have been an accident? I had a cat growing up who drank some sort of poison, not sure if it was anti-freeze, but it was something.
 

206Raider

Well-known member
When somebody in my family or friends die, it really affects how I feel for awhile but I've never cried. I never cry about anything at all really not even when I know I should be.
 

Noca

Banned
Back in '07 my cousin was killed in a car crash. It didnt hit me till well after. Her whole life she kept trying to talk to me at family events and I never spoke a word cause i was too shy & SA.

I was already depressed at the time. The year earlier right after I got out of the psych ward for an attempt on my life, my dog of 15 years died. Losing a pet can hurt too, but you can always get another pet which is why i got a cat now to fill the void but you cant replace a family member sadly.
 

iamthenra

Well-known member
I have dealt with plenty of deaths in my family. I only have 2 friends that I see in real life, so I have not yet dealt with friends passing away yet. I took care of my father when he was in hospice care at home, he was dieing of emphysema. It was touch and go with him, I took him to the emergency room and they admitted him into the ICU because his CO2 levels were way too high and was next to dieing. They hooked him up to a vent and nursed his lungs back to a functional level again. They discharged him back home, where I provided "comfort" care, mostly narcotics to keep him sedated so he wouldn't have too much anxiety when he couldn't breathe. He lived for another year after the hospital stay. On March 3rd 2002, I woke at around 7:00am it was a Sunday, I remember it well. I heard the church organs playing on the TV, so I went downstairs to check on my father. He was curled up on the floor with his head resting on his forearm. He had passed away about an hour prior to me being there. I knelt beside him and I never felt more alone than I did at that moment. I picked him up and put him back in bed, and I woke my mother and told her the horrible news. As far as handling such an event? I was in a deep deep depression for months after wards... I too became a recluse and isolated myself from the world. I gave up most of my hobbies and became very withdrawn. Little did I know that I would experience a far greater pain, when I lost my dog. He developed a bad back and was in allot of pain, and the vet told me that they could operate but the chances of him having to undergo therapy to move his back legs, just didn't seem fair to me. I couldn't do that to him either. The drugs didn't help ease his pain...and the only thing I had left was to euthanize him. I never felt as low and as much pain as I did when I had to bring my best friend in to be put to sleep. I had to pull over on several occasions while en-route to the vet's office because the tears were flowing and I couldn't see the road to drive. I held him until it was over, then I took him home and buried him in my back yard. I never felt that kind of pain in my entire life, it still hurts just thinking about it. I blame myself for his death, but I didn't see any other way out of it either. I couldn't stand to see him suffer either. I don't handle death very well I guess.... I'm too emotional...::eek::
 
My feelings of hatred against my family is so strong that I would be indifferent and apathetic if they died. A family of my own one day... of course, that would be different.
 

FOR REAL

Banned
my wee brother died a few years back in a drowning accident in newcastle, he was missing for around 6 weeks before he was found.

both my grandads died years back, of course i was grieving but because they were old, it was a different kind of feeling (from how i felt when my brother died)

im sorry for what happened to your cat, there are a lot of cruel bastards in the world.
my wee kitten was stolen a couple of years back, (2 youths were seen lifting him and taking him away) and at the time the newspapers here had headlines about dog baiting (i never knew what that was, and if you dont know what it is, then you really dont want to). i do agree with noca about being able to get another pet, but i just couldnt bring myself to do it, not after that.
all these things in my opinion add to sa, it feels like your heart has been ripped out! time is a great healer folk say, but me personaly, just cant stop thinking about the next time!
 

Tweak

Member
My father's death was sudden and unexpected. I can't say it's really had any effect that I've noticed on my SA, other than I had to deal with an incredibly awkward time at the funeral with all sorts of people I didn't know, or hardly knew hugging me and telling me how sorry they were. Next time somebody close to me dies, I hope they don't have any friends. ::p:
 

dreamqueen

Active member
iv only ever lost loved ones while i was blindly arrogant, ignorant and narcissistic..didnt really care or feel sympathy :s

not sure how i would react now
 

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
I actually think cats on a leash is great. I wish there was a cat-leash law like there is a dog-leash law.

Could it have been an accident? I had a cat growing up who drank some sort of poison, not sure if it was anti-freeze, but it was something.

I doubt it was an accident because there was no anti-freeze anywhere around my house & I can't figure out how he could have gotten it, since he could only get about four feet away from our door, since he was leashed to the door. Because of that neighbors past behavior & his threat to kill my cats, I know it was him. Especially since it happened just a few weeks after he threatened to do it. He had previously said he was going to poison the stray cats, so, since my cat ended up poisoned, I can't see how it could have not been him.
 

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
my wee brother died a few years back in a drowning accident in newcastle, he was missing for around 6 weeks before he was found.

both my grandads died years back, of course i was grieving but because they were old, it was a different kind of feeling (from how i felt when my brother died)

im sorry for what happened to your cat, there are a lot of cruel bastards in the world.
my wee kitten was stolen a couple of years back, (2 youths were seen lifting him and taking him away) and at the time the newspapers here had headlines about dog baiting (i never knew what that was, and if you dont know what it is, then you really dont want to). i do agree with noca about being able to get another pet, but i just couldnt bring myself to do it, not after that.
all these things in my opinion add to sa, it feels like your heart has been ripped out! time is a great healer folk say, but me personaly, just cant stop thinking about the next time!
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your brother, I can't imagine what that must be like.
 
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