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Old 04-10-2006  
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Default Dependent on one friend

At school now I pretty much only have one good friend. I mean I have people to talk to (but not much) in every class, but we don't really talk outside of class, so their more like aquaintances.
Anyway so I spend more time with this one friend than anybody else and I'm afriad that she's going to notice that I do.
See when we're hanging out, tons of people will walk by and she'll either say 'hi' or walk up to them and start lengthy conversations. I can't do that with anyone but her.
Once we were talking about how I had to schedual an appointment for drivers training and I told her that my mom was going to do it. She asked me why I didn't call them myself. She was like "Your going to have to talk to someone in your life besides me." She just said it in a casual way but it still hurt.
So do you think that she notices that I don't have too many good friends? :(

Jennifer | Visit me at www.motes-of-dust.net
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Old 04-10-2006  
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Default Re: Dependent on one friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by spikefan777
At school now I pretty much only have one good friend. I mean I have people to talk to (but not much) in every class, but we don't really talk outside of class, so their more like aquaintances.
Anyway so I spend more time with this one friend than anybody else and I'm afriad that she's going to notice that I do.
See when we're hanging out, tons of people will walk by and she'll either say 'hi' or walk up to them and start lengthy conversations. I can't do that with anyone but her.
Once we were talking about how I had to schedual an appointment for drivers training and I told her that my mom was going to do it. She asked me why I didn't call them myself. She was like "Your going to have to talk to someone in your life besides me." She just said it in a casual way but it still hurt.
So do you think that she notices that I don't have too many good friends? :(
Yes, I am sure she notices and you have probably ceeded too much power to her. She knows that you don't have any other friends, and that you are dependent on her, giving her the power to drive this relationship and call the shots, and besides, she could see you as too needy for her attention. In the long run it may cause her to respect you less and take you for granted.

If you had more friends, she would not be in such a position and would you respect you more, because she would know that you have others to go to and have a life beyond hers.

If on the other hand she is not like that, then sooner or later you might have to part separate ways, leaving you alone and feeling abandoned. So you should make an effort to make more friends and not spend too much time with her.

I was in a situation very similar to yours a few years ago. I had a best friend, that is we knew each other for more than 10 years, since we were 5 or something and always did things together. We both went to the same high school, but I was a year in front of him. I noted that at high school he never talked to me, he had his own friends and he was the opposite of me - he was popular and succesful. Out of school, we remained friends, but it was the kind of friendship where I had become dependent on him. He did not make the effort to come to my house anymore, I always went to his and that gave him the power to say anything he wanted to me.

I did not feel very happy having him as a friend, but had no other choice. Eventually, I had to part ways from him. We still lived on the same street, but I did not meet him again. That's a shame, that you would lose a childhood friend, and if I had more friends of my own, we may still be good friends today.
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Old 04-10-2006  
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an interesting topic.
ive been dependant not only on real life friends, but on online friend as well :? :(
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Old 04-10-2006  
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I've been like this but only with a group of friends.. Years have passed and we all have made new friends including myself. But I still cling to people I'm familiar with and it's a problem I wish I could shake.
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Old 04-10-2006  
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Well everyone, you are doing better than me. I think the closest thing I have to a friend is my pet bird. Since I've left education, I've lost contact with the people I used to call friends.

Even though I was social phobic when I was in education, I had quite a few friends, because I had known these people for years. Then when we all went our separate ways, it became painfully obvious that I lacked the social skills to make new relationships, and I became 'stuck'.

:?
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Old 07-30-2006  
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Default Re: Dependent on one friend

I have been through this as well!

I have had friends who had friends from other interests.

They would sense I was relying on them and use this as leverage against me.

I wish I could have talked about other friends and interests like them.

It does erode their respect for you!
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Old 07-31-2006  
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Your situation sounds a lot like mine when I was a freshman in high school. I only had one real good friend that I would see outside of school and everything. Everywhere else, I would have one or two people to follow around.

Rainman is probably right about your friend though. My good friend from freshman year did realize that I depended on her a lot. She realized that she could treat me however she wanted to, and that I would come back for more. She would sometimes also use me only if she really needed me. You can't really blame people for that though, and eventually you'll get past it. This "good" friend of mine is still one of my best friends many years later, and now that I have a lot of other good friends, she treats me with more respect and more equally.

Just keep going though, and keep trying to talk to more people. Chances are you will get to be more comfortable eventually with the other people you are talking to. If you are anything like me, it might take you a while for you to really be yourself around new people. Back then...I never would have imagined that I would be such good friends with the people I am with today. I also had a class with my best friend now for over a year and we would have small talk everyday. Sometimes we would just sit and read in silence together if we were alone in a class. All that time I had no idea what she was like. It took us almost a year and a half to become good friends at all.

So just keep going, and whatever happens with your good friend...just let it happen, and if you are really good friends, you'll stay that way.
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Old 07-31-2006  
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I also am depending on one friend, tend to only really open up to hear and hang out with her the most. We have fun together but do have arguements that take a toll on the friendship. I find it hard to make good friends, I just feel out of place or like I'm not doing things right, not being a good friend. It seems like a lot of work to me to be a friend, because of my SA I don't feel comfortable going out to eat, bars and parties like most of them seem to do. I don't really feel I fit in so I don't say much and generally just have poor social skills, tend to watch life much more then I actually participate in it.
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