Depressed because you're single?

Personal experiences+seeing people that I care about getting hurt by it+not liking seeing

my friends getting ripped apart= Rage, cold heart, and total resentment against the root of

pain for everything that's important to me, and that my friend, is what I call romantic love.

This is the answer that I provide you with.

Fair enough, I certainly respect that.

Although, while I have only briefly felt the good part of a relationship I can't believe there can be extreme pain without ecstasy. Its the relative prevalence of each in the world that I had to be realistic with myself about. But I still believe its out there, I will just probably never be at the polar extreme. Or that close.

Of course, this is all void if ignorance is the most prevalent of all. But that goes for everybody.

...I hope that made sense, not a ton of explanation.

Lostinthemusic said:

Fair enough, I certainly respect that.

Although, while I have only briefly felt the good part of a relationship I can't believe there can be extreme pain without ecstasy. Its the relative prevalence of each in the world that I had to be realistic with myself about. But I still believe its out there, I will just probably never be at the polar extreme. Or that close.

Of course, this is all void if ignorance is the most prevalent of all. But that goes for everybody.

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Not to sound stupid, but what do you mean by that?

HeadFace said:

Does anyone ever get depressed just thinking about how you're single? Or just start getting in a sad mood just for thinking of your ex? Or who they're with?
To be honest, I do. A lot. I know I should be patient. And people have told me I don't need a girlfriend to be happy. But it makes me sad, thinking about how much I feel like I've just been used and thrown around, by the people I've dated.
Especially my last one... Ewghh.

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HeadFace, is this about the girl you wanted to dump? It's normal to miss someone even after you split up... You remember the good times and forget the bad times etc. (So maybe it can help to focus on all the reasons why you weren't 'right' for each other etc. and that you'll meet someone who you will 'click' more with and be more compatible etc?)

And maybe if she was angry with you for dumping her she may have said some things that she didn't really mean too...?

At your age, it's about getting to know people and learning what you do and don't like in a relationship.. okay, later too.. You've learnt a lot from this (hopefully-??) about things not to do next time etc. Hopefully you'll get to know the person better before you go into 'more serious' things etc.-?

friend in need, sorry to hear about bad experiences of you and your friends.. There was an old novel, it was all the rage in 'romantic times' about suffering of young Werther (don't read it) the hero falls into unhappy love, committed suicide, and there was a heap of suicides all over Europe after young romantic men read it!! But the writer, Goethe, actually had a ton of mistresses and women fawning over him!

I think it's sad to hear about bad experience and misery of people so young... maybe as you get a bit older you'll get some more persepective and every thing will not seem like such a 'tragedy' like it did at the time... Some people are also 'late bloomers' and experience things later in life.. It's good to establish yourself in the career/professionally, it may be easier to find a compatible partner in life then too..

A friend in need said:

Not to sound stupid, but what do you mean by that?

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Oh, sorry, I have a tendency to not realize that other people don't necessarily know what I'm talking about when I don't give them any explanation. I considered not putting it in because it didn't entirely relate.

This is way off topic, but...I have done a fair amount of thinking about the potential existence of a God with the help of an astronomy class I took earlier this year. Essentially, the universe is so complex that this one might not even be the only one of its kind. The big bang could have theoretically created more universes like the bubbles in a boiling pot of water, and they could be growing, shrinking, or static. Whether these hypothetical things can collide, and, assuming they exist, if some have already, is an entirely different tangent. I can't remember all the details at this point.

Anyways, that is where the ignorance thing comes from. I didn't mean it negatively in any way. I just meant that there is extremely little that humans know about when you consider what it would actually mean to have "absolute knowledge" about everything. Put the idea of love in this context and who really knows the extent to which it can truly affect us. Psychologists certainly don't know everything about the brain, its far too complex.

This is the first time this is coming out from my head, so I don't expect my reasoning is air tight. I could probably still explain things better, but that's the best I can think to right now. I'm not sure how to work the God thing in better, but it fits in somewhere to this whole thing. I guess not knowing if there is a God or the nature of this God is important.

I hope that clears up what I'm getting at. I don't know, maybe I should just be ignored. I mean everything I said in the best possible light, just in case the God thing offends anyone.

^very cool - more rep points for this user

Feathers said:

HeadFace, is this about the girl you wanted to dump? It's normal to miss someone even after you split up... You remember the good times and forget the bad times etc. (So maybe it can help to focus on all the reasons why you weren't 'right' for each other etc. and that you'll meet someone who you will 'click' more with and be more compatible etc?)

And maybe if she was angry with you for dumping her she may have said some things that she didn't really mean too...?

At your age, it's about getting to know people and learning what you do and don't like in a relationship.. okay, later too.. You've learnt a lot from this (hopefully-??) about things not to do next time etc. Hopefully you'll get to know the person better before you go into 'more serious' things etc.-?

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Oh! No. I thought I concluded that thread, sorry. I ended it the same night I made that thread, and she totally understood and felt the same. I was really releived. We're really good friends now.

And yeah I get what you mean. I've always had a trouble with pace. People either shout "get her before someone else does" or either lunge my backwards and tell me to just stop trying. But I've contemplated a lot since, and I'm being a lot more careful. To be honest. I don't consider myself mature enough to handle one - now. Or maybe I just won't ever be ready. Right now it doesn't matter too much...

We its part of our nature to want a partner.. Yet its not a priority in life... Based on the general hype going on... You need to fnd a way to fill your life with activities that revolve around yourself... Plus feeling depressed about it is a sign that you're telling yourself that you should get up and do something about it.. Dont be desperate or needy about it focus on yourself and this is a secondary..

Im 23 and im single, I had my shot to date a really hot chick(s) in the past, acutally shes hot right now, she wasnt that good looking in the past (guys are such d***s)... Now im at this phase where im seeking to get with a partner as you feel its something that deletes this feelings of wanting one even though its not a necessity...

IMO its a responsibility as well as a female will look up to you as a providing and mature man that you should be... Which is something you need to commit to aswell..

Everytime I think about it (which is often), it depresses me. Some may claim that there's not such a big deal after all. Well, it is when you've always been single, and have no real chances of getting out of there. I'm waiting for a miracle, as is almost impossible to find something that you are afraid to look for.

It's unbearable at times.

The (only) key is self-confidence.

No one is attracted to someone who has the aura of depression on them, to someone who looks constantly worried.
No one wants a mope, or that guy/girl walking down the street staring at a point three feet in front of them, seemingly concentrating on how bad everything is.
Put yourself in the shoes of everyone walking around you on the street, surrounding you on campus, having fun around you at the mall, and look at you through their eyes.
Would you want you if you weren't you?

As for your physical appearance? Confidence > looks.

I've seen lots of 'ugly', 'homely', whatever people walking around looking miserable.
I've also seen an equal amount of plain-to-ugly (passing over the who-am-I-to-judge question atm) people WITH someone, hand-in-hand, married, going out, dating, laughing, glowing, having a life, etc., and it just comes down simply to accepting who you are and being good with it.

On your 'good' days go out and head-count the smiles, the attraction you get. Do the same on your bad days.
My good days, it's great. Now - I don't have a clue what to do with the attention (or as to why the confidence ebbs away), but it feels good nonetheless, and it boosts your confidence and loops back on itself.

As for how to achieve/hold onto this self-confidence, well, that's up to the individual, but I'll willingly take any pointers you come up with...

Being single isn't depresssing, but being lonely is...especially when you've had almost 27 years of being lonely. Companionship is what I really want. I don't really want all the responsibilities and restrictions of a relationship if I can avoid it.

talisman said:

Being single isn't depresssing, but being lonely is...especially when you've had almost 27 years of being lonely. Companionship is what I really want. I don't really want all the responsibilities and restrictions of a relationship if I can avoid it.

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Sounds weird wanting a relationship without responsibilites and restrictions. It's no relationship then, is it? No real friendship or relationship goes without restrictions. But if you care for the person at least a bit, you will be happy to take it..

I don't get depressed but sometimes I wonder if I will go the rest of my life without being in a relationship or married. Just curiosity more than depression I guess.

JamesSmith said:

I don't get depressed but sometimes I wonder if I will go the rest of my life without being in a relationship or married. Just curiosity more than depression I guess.

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I feel the same way...

I have never been in a serious relationship. Most of my friends have or they currently are.
I have seen a couple of guys regulary in the past, usually a weekend thing, coz thats when i go out and get up to no good!!

One fella i became very close to. We had flings in the past but unfortunitely, i never fell for him. He was the nearest thing i had to a serious relationship.
I spent every minute of everyday with him. He was madly in love with me and because of that i had to distance myself from him (it is a very very long stroy).
I felt so comfortable with him and i was able to tell him everything. 1 week after i told him we had to spend time apart, he ended up having heart attacks and a stroke. I thought he was going to die. Poor guy is left paralized He had another heart attack there recenly. He is still breathing and i hope he is for a long time bcoz he is the nicest and sweetest man ever.

I dont want to be alone forever but my anxiety tells me its a possibility!

Im going on a date soon with somebody who is much older than me. He is not the bestest looking chap but i said im not going for looks anymore, as all the best looking chaps seem to be pricks (as i have seen and been told)

What gets to me is the difficulty becoming intimate with somebody...

My problem is that I am constantly comparing myself to others. I feel depressed about not having a girlfriend, because most of my (small number) mates either have girlfriends, wives or fiancees.

Sometimes, the depression concerning this can be quite overwelming at times and I think very lowly of myself. On the plus side, I do have quite a few friends who are girls, acquaintances more like, but I am constantly stuck in the "friends" zone. Still it is better than nothing.

I wish that I had the opportunity to get out more. I have said this before, but I think that meeting women is strictly a numbers game. Unfortunately, at moment, I am not making the numbers. . .

Hell no. I love being single. I can do anything I want, any time I want, for as long as I want. I eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it, in bed if I so desire.

I don't have the drama of a relationship or the demands of a marriage. My time and my money are my own. I bought another guitar last week. Spent $1400 on it. Didn't really need it since I already own 16 other guitars. It played well and I wanted it. Didn't have to ask anyone if "we" can afford it or listen to anyone say "But you already have so many."

Now I think I'll have some crackers. That's right, in bed. Crumbs everywhere. It shall be glorious.

RolloTomasi said:

Hell no. I love being single. I can do anything I want, any time I want, for as long as I want. I eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it, in bed if I so desire.

I don't have the drama of a relationship or the demands of a marriage. My time and my money are my own. I bought another guitar last week. Spent $1400 on it. Didn't really need it since I already own 16 other guitars. It played well and I wanted it. Didn't have to ask anyone if "we" can afford it or listen to anyone say "But you already have so many."

Now I think I'll have some crackers. That's right, in bed. Crumbs everywhere. It shall be glorious.

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LOL. You have great points actually. I think you could argue that being single is actually better - and then win the arguement. Sometimes we just get lonely though.

HeadFace said:

LOL. You have great points actually. I think you could argue that being single is actually better - and then win the arguement. Sometimes we just get lonely though.

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I'd never want a relationship just to prevent random bouts of loneliness. Sure, it's not much fun being lonely. But that's like buying a bakery because you occasionally want a cinnamon roll. Loneliness is just a moment. It passes.

Now I kind of want a cinnamon roll... Yes, a cinnamon roll on top of crackers in bed. At 10pm.