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Old 08-09-2009
shybhoy's Avatar
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Is it normal for someone who has SA or is very shy to find it difficult in expressing feelings and emotions and showing affection ?

opinions please

thank you
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Old 08-09-2009
zlench's Avatar
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I find it very difficult to express any kind of feelings and emotions. It tends to all build up inside me and comes out as anger.
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Old 08-09-2009
 

Well I can't speak on behalf on every individual who have SA or is shy. But from my personal experiences and from articles and little studies I have read about SA(not sure about shyness though), it generally is common for such sufferers to struggle with showing their emotions(or the appropiate emotions).

This can be misleading to the sufferer as he/she might confuse themselves with being schizoid(sometimes I still think I might be one myself). But schizoids have reported that they have ZERO emotions, meaning that they do not struggle showing emotions because they claim to have NO emotions to show to begin with. I suppose you can say they are truly emotionless. On the contrary a social phobic/SA sufferer are teeming with emotion , however, they aren't sure of just how to express them and often choose to outwardly express indifference(not the same as emotionless by the way) instead in a situation that is not appropiate for such emotion(like at a birthday party or wedding). I do not understand why SP/SA individuals would choose such a demeanor. In my case, I think(not really sure) I assume such an act as a defense mechanism because I virtually have no social skills. Don't just take my word for it(assuming that you did). There are sure to be more reliable sources to read from regarding such a topic.
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Old 08-09-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shybhoy View Post
Is it normal for someone who has SA or is very shy to find it difficult in expressing feelings and emotions and showing affection ?

opinions please

thank you
yeah, this is typical. for me i bottle it all up inside until it explodes.

i have trouble gauging appropriateness in expressing emotion. will it put the other person off if i relay my feelings? do they even care? are we close enough that i can trust them? will i lose my composure? what if i say too much? where do i draw the line?

so i don't say anything.
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Old 08-10-2009
Lorraine Manca's Avatar
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oh yes, I think its a typical sa thing. It comes with being very defensive and lacking trust. Or it could be that the anxiety overrides any other feeling you have. For example, you're around people you like but you feel awkward so it equates to a neutral facial expression. Or even worse, you could be smiling and grimacing at the same time and look a bit like the joker off that movie. Just kidding! But don't worry. When you do express emotion it will mean a lot to people, because they will know its a rare thing.
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Old 08-10-2009
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It's rather weird for me. I have very strong emotions, almost over powering. I feel "extremes" of all kinds, and I show it too... When I am sad, watch out for the flood, because the tears are usually flowing. When I am angry, I have to go for walks to cool off. When I am happy, I am usually choked up and can't even talk... I guess I am "hyper sensitive"? IDK....
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Old 08-10-2009
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Sometimes when I'm in a panic, upset and/or depressed situation, I can't even talk. Words won't come out, even if I scream them in my head, it just won't... I have to write it instead or wait that I calm down.

I also tend to keep things inside when I'm angry. Other than that I don't think I have any issues.
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Old 08-11-2009
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This is one of the main problems i have with SA. I have a very hard time showing my true feelings, both positive and negative ones. If someone has upset me or angered me, i very rarely tell them, and instead bottle it inside me, which is very unhealthy! If i like someone i find it almost impossible to display affection, so it ends up looking all forced and fake. In fact, whenever i am overwhelmed by strong emotions, i tend to find it hard to express myself at all.
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Old 08-11-2009
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Whenever i try to it tends to come out very weak and artificial, like i've thought about it for too long (which i usually have). When i was younger i was more or less a mute outside my family (SA/language problems) so i think this has hindered me from really being able to express myself. So yeah, with it's definitely the case :/

Oh, and it does come out as anger and self hate in the end
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Old 08-21-2009
 

Yes, I am the same, I can't quite express my emotions appropriately or correctly, and am quite prone to outbursts recently. But really, sometimes, I don't even know what my emotion is, its like one minute I'm angry, the next I'm upset, and then later, I feel like I'm going to cry.
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Old 09-02-2009
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I have a hard time myself expressing my feelings too. I'm not sure when to do it, who to do it too, if they will tolerate me doing it (or look down on me for being "Weak"), and how much I'll be dependent on telling them

But that's probably because I'm laughed at when I do anything else but be stoic

Man, I'm sorry for being so depressing, I don't want you to read this and be sad I'm just saying
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Old 09-02-2009
 

From my own experiences, I think that it's normal for someone w/SA to have trouble revealing their feelings. I know that I struggle with showing affection, and as such, I will never make the first move in hugging someone. Also, telling anyone (particularly a close friend) how I feel is very difficult...especially when I'm down. I have this fear that the more honest I am with how I feel, the more likely I am to end up in search of a new best friend. And even when I do end up admitting to them how badly I feel, I often feel ashamed of myself over not being able to keep my thoughts to myself as long as I believe I should have.

And as far as showing emotion, I do struggle with keeping them in check. I've been at shows and have tried my hardest not to cry in public because of how angry I get at myself for being unable to interact with people as well as everyone else seems to. And I've also struggled with keeping my anger in check whenever I've felt like I let my family down by not being able to control myself...even though it rarely manifests into breaking things. More often than not, I just kick off my slippers at the door and/or punching my bed as hard as I could.
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Old 09-02-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pliny View Post
I have a hard time myself expressing my feelings too. I'm not sure when to do it, who to do it too, if they will tolerate me doing it (or look down on me for being "Weak"), and how much I'll be dependent on telling them

But that's probably because I'm laughed at when I do anything else but be stoic

Man, I'm sorry for being so depressing, I don't want you to read this and be sad I'm just saying
I think I'm the same way... I try not to show/express a lot of my feelings because I feel like I should be strong enough to handle them on my own. I feel like people will look down on me, laugh at me, judge me, etc. based on anything I reveal about myself.
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Old 12-13-2009
 

dude I feel you. I act like a fricken robot and that nothing hurts me or bothers me and its just a bunch of B.S. I cant express feelings to anyone. It comes out as anger or jealousy and in return makes me even more depressed and angry as I watch the world go by me and I remain in silence.
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Old 12-13-2009
 

yep i think so. sometimes i even feel embarrassed to say thanks. lame.
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Old 12-13-2009
Shift's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

I have an extremely hard time showing emotions... Which sucks for ASL. I always get points off for not using enough facial expressions. And points off for bad eye contact.

Although, I am very good at crying. Happy emotions are harder. And showing affection. I'm terrible at showing empathy, even though I feel it.
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Old 12-13-2009
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Expressing feelings and emotions is like being a daredevil. It's both exciting and terrifying.

My main difficulty is that I don't want to act crazy on people because of emotions they aren't responsible for, may they be negative or positive. It's scary to open yourself up to others, but just as it makes you vulnerable I think it can give you power in return. It's funny how moving muscles on your face can affect other people's thinking.

I think that choosing between hiding or expressing feelings is like choosing between offense or defense. It's no fun to be always a turtle, if you fall on your back how do you get up?
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Old 12-13-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JamieD View Post
yep i think so. sometimes i even feel embarrassed to say thanks. lame.
me too man. I feel very embarassed to say "thanks" or "sorry". I mean, very embarassed.

I've never expressed my deep inner feelings with anyone.

Maybe gave a hint of them to my best friend, but nothing more.
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Old 07-07-2011
 

I have a problem with this too.
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Old 07-07-2011
ScaredToBreathe's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

i have trouble expressing, and even feeling, emotions. i thought it was just me, but seeing all those posts from ppl with SA, makes me think its cuz of my SA. i have trouble actually feeling the emotions of love or affection, even when i had a boyfriend i was unsure how to act with him because i didnt feel anything for him, so how am i suppose to express affection when i dont even feel it? and i feel this way about everyone too. also, i have trouble expressing happiness and gratitude, and when i try to it just comes out awkwardly. like ill quietly say "thanks" to someone, or try to smile when they r being nice, but it just doesnt come out right and then i get the feeling that the other person thinks im being rude or unappreciative because i wasnt so emotional, engaged, or enthusiastic about wut they said/did. and when i get angry, im not sure how to express it either, so i usually just hold back my anger inside of me and replay things in my head and think about wutever made me angry for hours. i also find that writing while im angry tends to disipate my anger and calm me down.
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