Disorder of Selfishness

sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
SAM2011 said:
What I don't understand is how people can take out their emotional issues on other people. They prey on the week.
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We internalize out emotional issues and other people take them out on other people. I see both examples as feeling inadequate....people that take there issues out on others need to make themselves feel worthy by putting others down...I think their mentality is that if they criticize someone else that makes them better and they continually do it to alleviate those feelings of inadequacy. That is just an opinion though
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
sullyS25 said:
That is exactly what I am talking about though man....exactly! I have been bullied and treated ****ty too mainly by my brother when I was a child. He would critique every ****ing thing I did, if I chewed to loud he would yell at me. If I expressed an opinion he didn't want to hear he would beat the **** out of me. If I had friends over at my house he would mock me to the point where my own friends would join in on mocking me. I was called every name in the book. Almost every day of my childhood was like this. And I used to blame him every day.

Then I found out that he was abused physically and verbally by my father, like I was. He was as insecure as me and he took it out on me. I understand that now and I do not hold on to that resentment...it only hurts me to hold a grudge. He had no clue I was mad, sad or whatever and the only person it affected was me....it ate me up inside...

I sympathize for people that feel the need to be dick heads because there is a reason they are like that.There is something that has happened to them and caused them to take their insecurities on people like me and for me to take it personally is ludicrous, it has nothing to do with me....it has to do with their issues.....Anger and resentment accomplish nothing and neither does playing the victim and asking why me? When I learn to empathize, get out of myself and not be so selfish by always wondering why me then I feel better.....When I see the true love I have for myself through other people (as hard as it may be) I feel at peace....I feel at one.......or I can continue to sit on a pity pot, complain about life and watch my problems stay the same....
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I don't buy into the "nurtured environment is always the cause of problems." My parents were great parents, and I'm still screwed up.

A good example is the unabomber. That dude had a perfect life, great parents, top of his class, well-liked, most likely to succeed in his high school class. Guess what? He decided to blow stuff up and hurt people. Nurture didn't do jack for him. He was a born prick. It just took him longer to show who he was to the world.

I don't feel sorry at all for the jerky guy who walks by me and calls me a pu--y. That guy is just a born jerk. Some people are just born losers, and he's one of them. He's that way by choice. Some people are just mean people, just like some people are just nice people. We are who we are.

Nobody is telling you to complain about anything.

Don't expect me to feel sympathy for some guy who feels the need to bully people, though. Bullying is something that can be controlled, especially if the one doing the bullying is college aged or older. I refuse to feel sorry for a bully that is responsible for their actions, which they are.
 
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Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
OceanMist said:
I seriously doubt that. All I've seen you do on here is have great things to say that help people. If anything, you are an unselfish person, Kiwong.
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Cheers OceanMist, that is one of the nicecest things anyone has said about me for a while. Thanks. ::eek::
 
sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
OceanMist said:
I don't buy into the "nurtured environment is always the cause of problems." My parents were great parents, and I'm still screwed up.

A good example is the unabomber. That dude had a perfect life, great parents, top of his class, well-liked, most likely to succeed in his high school class. Guess what? He decided to blow stuff up and hurt people. Nurture didn't do jack for him. He was a born prick. It just took him longer to show who he was to the world.

I don't feel sorry at all for the jerky guy who walks by me and calls me a pu--y. That guy is just a born jerk. Some people are just born losers, and he's one of them. He's that way by choice. Some people are just mean people, just like some people are just nice people. We are who we are.

Nobody is telling you to complain about anything.

Don't expect me to feel sympathy for some guy who feels the need to bully people, though. Bullying is something that can be controlled, especially if the one doing the bullying is college aged or older. I refuse to feel sorry for a bully that is responsible for their actions, which they are.
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I don't believe nurture is responsible for everything either but that wasn't my point...I will cease talking about being selfish to you because there is a point in a conversation where one person will not be opening to listening and will do anything to defend their point....or their ego....

I don't expect you to do anything. That is what I do. See I was talking about myself again yet you took it as me tell YOU what you need to do. Egocentrism (AHhhHHem selfishness) right there man.....I was just sharing with you what works for me, at no point did I say what YOU should do yet you assumed I was telling you what to do.

As for the statement that we are egocentric, not selfish.....I don't see the distinction between the two....it is like calling a janitor a custodial engineer....it is the same thing.
 
Waybuloo

Waybuloo

Well-known member
sullyS25 said:
First and foremost thank you for reading the long winded story about the girl, I was at a point where I had to get that story off my chest to someone and occasionally I still feel that physical feeling of emptiness when I think of her, purely on a physical level and I don't know why, I guess I was just programmed to be that way...

You say that you feel that most people are selfish to a certain extent and I couldn't agree more, I feel like everyone is trying to make themselves feel separate and gratify their ego and they do it by being selfish....I think for people like us, it manifests as fear of social situations and feeling inadequate..."I am more inadequate than the next person so the makes me unique and separate". Of course I am usually not aware of it when I do this but I really feel that is how it is....when I am identifying with my mind and the thoughts that go through it.

Personally when I step out of this feeling of separateness into feeling at one with the world my suffering goes away.....That is spiritually deep I guess and may come off as horse **** but I have found so much relief from my "issues" through meditating or living intensely in the present moment, where time doesn't exist. That might not make sense or may seem like I am preaching but I assure you I am not, that is just where I have found peace of mind....others may not feel the same and that is perfectly ok with me.
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I wonder if you've read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle? I tried to get into your frame of mind, but it's really hard to let go of my individual awareness. I think when you are a part of something rather than apart from it, you feel more fulfilled. It's great that you can step outside of yourself and attain spriritual peace. I think for most people that is also a difficult goal.
 
sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
Waybuloo said:
I wonder if you've read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle? I tried to get into your frame of mind, but it's really hard to let go of my individual awareness. I think when you are a part of something rather than apart from it, you feel more fulfilled. It's great that you can step outside of yourself and attain spriritual peace. I think for most people that is also a difficult goal.
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I have read The Power of Now, I found so much strength from that book when I was in the first few months of sobriety and I do not know where I would be without it.....I would be willing to say it got me through my first three months of sobriety as I was constantly in that place of living in the now, being present and at peace. I have also read a similar book that delves deeper into those ideas called "Take me to truth: Undoing the Ego" (corny title, I know) which goes deeper into these ideas and is also very helpful in this realm of things.....I have read many books like this, I cannot get enough of them.

I also find it very, very hard to let go of my individual awareness which is why I came back to this forum after months of not being here. What I do know about me is that when I feel apart from everything or separate, I suffer. When I do not, I feel great and have no worries.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
sullyS25 said:
...occasionally I still feel that physical feeling of emptiness when I think of her, purely on a physical level and I don't know why, I guess I was just programmed to be that way...
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I think i have that at times, which i call "bodily anxiety" as it feels almost like a bodily sensation (body feels (& is) colder than usual, & want to hug sth or be close to sth big/solid & soft)

sullyS25 said:
You say that you feel that most people are selfish to a certain extent and I couldn't agree more, I feel like everyone is trying to make themselves feel separate and gratify their ego and they do it by being selfish
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The ego in each of us wants to be separate, so that it can feel superior to other ego's. Its in the nature of this "beast".

sullyS25 said:
...when I am identifying with my mind and the thoughts that go through it.
Personally when I step out of this feeling of separateness into feeling at one with the world my suffering goes away.....That is spiritually deep I guess and may come off as horse **** but I have found so much relief from my "issues" through meditating or living intensely in the present moment, where time doesn't exist. That might not make sense or may seem like I am preaching but I assure you I am not, that is just where I have found peace of mind
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Its only horse p** when you don't understand and haven't experienced it.
Have you by any chance read "The Power of Now"? (as what you say is exactly what this book is about)
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
I used to think only other people were "selfish", although was well aware that I was very very "self-centered".

In time I have realized the extent of my ego problems. I've never been narcissistic or anything, but my ego has in hindsight been causing much grief to myself, in its covert way, such as my inability to handle any criticism or put-downs very well.

So the jury's out now, as to whether i'm less or more selfish than the average person, as I have an ego just like them, and it has been "dictating" stuff for me & controlling me for my whole life just like their's has.
 
sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
thesmallestloser said:
I think i have that at times, which i call "bodily anxiety" as it feels almost like a bodily sensation (body feels (& is) colder than usual, & want to hug sth or be close to sth big/solid & soft)


The ego in each of us wants to be separate, so that it can feel superior to other ego's. Its in the nature of this "beast".


Its only horse p** when you don't understand and haven't experienced it.
Have you by any chance read "The Power of Now"? (as what you say is exactly what this book is about)
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Yes I have read "The Power of Now" which is the main basis for what I am saying....I cannot get enough of reading books like this as I find strength in them....I am done with the constant pissing and moaning about life and ready to do something to change.
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
I don't think the anxiety itself is selfish, but maybe how we react to it sometimes that's the problem. It's one thing to be deeply critical of ones' self, and to worry about what people think, and to assume they're speaking ill of you, but that's not the selfish bit. That's the core of s.a - a swollen introspect that causes you to feel down or nervous.

The selfish part is only if you then assume that the world isn't listening to you without considering the idea that you're not speaking loud enough, if that makes sense. It's selfish if you think that your problems are worse than anybody else in the worlds'. It's selfish if you're more bothered about somebody blanking you in the street than you are about a friend's close relative dying. It's selfish if you just think everybody else is to blame for things that go wrong in your life.

There's a theory that suggests that everybody in the world is selfish to some extent, and only out for themselves. True, we are the only drivers of our car, but you still have to look out for other motorists to avoid a crash.
 
nicola_maire

nicola_maire

Well-known member
I would totally agree with the original post because isnt our lives all about us anyways? so our internal believes are about us which creates our outer world with yes is all about us!
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
I've had someone tell me that i'm being selfish by being depressed. How can an illness make one selfish?...It's crazy to accuse a person in this way. I do spend most of my waking hours thinking about myself but i'm not thinking in a selfish way, a person who is selfish in my opinion is a person who does not care about other peoples needs and feelings. A depressed/anxious/shy person does not choose to be absorbed in their own self negative views.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
sullyS25 said:
I don't believe nurture is responsible for everything either but that wasn't my point...I will cease talking about being selfish to you because there is a point in a conversation where one person will not be opening to listening and will do anything to defend their point....or their ego....

I don't expect you to do anything. That is what I do. See I was talking about myself again yet you took it as me tell YOU what you need to do. Egocentrism (AHhhHHem selfishness) right there man.....I was just sharing with you what works for me, at no point did I say what YOU should do yet you assumed I was telling you what to do.

As for the statement that we are egocentric, not selfish.....I don't see the distinction between the two....it is like calling a janitor a custodial engineer....it is the same thing.
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Pretty much everybody defends their point in an argument. If you want to call doing everything you can to defend your point in an argument as egotistical, then you are calling a lot of people egotistical. Of course I'm defending myself, I'm saying what I believe, as are you. I'm not going to tell you that you are right when I don't believe you are right. That wouldn't make sense.

Egocentric and selfish are similar terms, I agree with that, but defending my belief on a subject doesn't make me egocentric.

You weren't telling me what to do, but you were giving advice and I disagreed with it.

I'm surprised you are calling me a bad listener, because usually I have an open mind and am willing to listen to people. You obviously don't know me. Just because I disagreed with you doesn't mean you have to become angry with me and call me egotistical and deaf.

For someone who claims that we should be less egotistical, you have a pretty selfish way of arguing: attack the person you believe is wrong.
 
sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
OceanMist said:
Pretty much everybody defends their point in an argument. If you want to call doing everything you can to defend your point in an argument as egotistical, then you are calling a lot of people egotistical. Of course I'm defending myself, I'm saying what I believe, as are you. I'm not going to tell you that you are right when I don't believe you are right. That wouldn't make sense.

Egocentric and selfish are similar terms, I agree with that, but defending my belief on a subject doesn't make me egocentric.

You weren't telling me what to do, but you were giving advice and I disagreed with it.

I'm surprised you are calling me a bad listener, because usually I have an open mind and am willing to listen to people. You obviously don't know me. Just because I disagreed with you doesn't mean you have to become angry with me and call me egotistical and deaf.

For someone who claims that we should be less egotistical, you have a pretty selfish way of arguing: attack the person you believe is wrong.
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I don't believe I was attacking you. I am sorry you feel that way.
 
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