Do people hate me?

X

xnn

Well-known member
A few situations lately:

1. I was at my local food store. I came to checkout with only 1 thing. The woman behind the checkout looked at me like I was not welcome there. She finnished with the customer before me, then when it was my turn, she turned around and start talking with someone else. I felt ignored. When she finaly was finnish she seemed angry with me not saying a word to me :sad:

2. I met one of my coworkers. He walked right past me, without saying a word.

3. Exactly same thing happens with another coworker. They all hate me?

4. I started saying hello to one of my neighboors. He answeared, but then the next time he refuse to say a word to me and looked really angry at me when I said hello to him. I've seen him socializing with other neighboors. It's really hard for me to walk past them, because I feel they "laugh" about me :crying:. None of the other neighboors says hi to me either.

5. My aunts says directly to me that I'm not appealing to girls at all.

This is just examples of the daily situations I experience when I leave my house. This things makes me think I'm not worth anything. That I don't belong here, and other people hates me.

My psychologist keeps saying that I have "wrong thoughts". Like my neighboors are rude and it doesnt have anything with me to do. That the worker in the store had a bad day. She keeps saying that there's not anything "wrong" with me. I really don't know who to believe. Everyone I meet turn their back on me. How can I not think this thoughts then? I got so many proves that people hate me.
I don't have any social skills and have no idea how to interact with other people. It all seems too hard. And whenever I talk, I feel this fear in my body. I get warm, start sweating, shaking and stuttering.

I don't know if going to the psychologist helps me. I only get 1 appoiment a month. And since she's connected to my work, I can't go to her anymore after november, because my employment will end. I'm currently on sick leave.
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
I can relate to that. I often feel like everybody hates me too. It's a real fear of mine. It's kind of weird. I sometimes feel like a part of me likes to be hated?! I guess it's self pity, maybe? When I don't feel I've done anything wrong, and yet I'm getting abuse and hatred, it makes me feel a little injustice and I feel a little sorry for myself.

Somedays, when I'm having a bad day, I notice it more. When I walk around the supermarket in a bad mood, I become convinced that people hate me or that people can see what a horrible person I am. But funnily enough, on days when I feel really great and really confident I can walk around a supermarket and I feel like people are really friendly and nice and I really love life all of a sudden.

So I think maybe how we feel about others is more of a reflection of our own inner lives and thoughts. When we feel bad, we see the worst in others. When we feel good we see the best in others. And sometimes when we feel bad we secretly want to feel sorry for ourselves, and so a part of us actually looks for abuse, so that we have reasons to feel sorry for ourselves. And when we're looking for abuse, we'll find it everywhere.

I'm not sure. These are just some theories that seem to be true in my own life, I could be wrong.
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
xnn said:
A few situations lately:

1. I was at my local food store. I came to checkout with only 1 thing. The woman behind the checkout looked at me like I was not welcome there. She finnished with the customer before me, then when it was my turn, she turned around and start talking with someone else. I felt ignored. When she finaly was finnish she seemed angry with me not saying a word to me :sad:

2. I met one of my coworkers. He walked right past me, without saying a word.

3. Exactly same thing happens with another coworker. They all hate me?

4. I started saying hello to one of my neighboors. He answeared, but then the next time he refuse to say a word to me and looked really angry at me when I said hello to him. I've seen him socializing with other neighboors. It's really hard for me to walk past them, because I feel they "laugh" about me :crying:. None of the other neighboors says hi to me either.

5. My aunts says directly to me that I'm not appealing to girls at all.

This is just examples of the daily situations I experience when I leave my house. This things makes me think I'm not worth anything. That I don't belong here, and other people hates me.

My psychologist keeps saying that I have "wrong thoughts". Like my neighboors are rude and it doesnt have anything with me to do. That the worker in the store had a bad day. She keeps saying that there's not anything "wrong" with me. I really don't know who to believe. Everyone I meet turn their back on me. How can I not think this thoughts then? I got so many proves that people hate me.
I don't have any social skills and have no idea how to interact with other people. It all seems too hard. And whenever I talk, I feel this fear in my body. I get warm, start sweating, shaking and stuttering.

I don't know if going to the psychologist helps me. I only get 1 appoiment a month. And since she's connected to my work, I can't go to her anymore after november, because my employment will end. I'm currently on sick leave.
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It's not you. It is a socially inept, isolated culture. People are not present in order to cope with this unnatural diverse/transient lifestyle, that is why they don't say hi. Mentally, they are somewhere else while you are probably reading into it as them not liking you. Your aunt was just rude, though.
 
X

xnn

Well-known member
So same thing today. I came home from a walk, and guess who I met when I came in to our street, yes my neighboor. He didnt look angry at all, So I tried to be nice (even though he didnt reply last time), and say hello to him. No reply. This sort of things happens to me all the time. It's hard for me to go out when people are just rude and mean. How do you make friends with other people? I have no idea. Everyone just ignores me :crying:
 
Alienated

Alienated

Well-known member
Well XNN your not alone... I get the same... And nobody will ever call, even if you beg them to....

I have found some peace in having lots of hobbies, and love educating myself... The internet really does have everything ... Except anyone to just hang out with.

But be careful and don't get desperate to except anyone that responds,,
Sometimes it's better NOT to get what you want, than to get what you NEVER wanted !! I have met some real loonies out there, that I classify as Remora's ... And then you want to be alone.... Trust me.

And you might tell your Aunt... She doesn't do anything for you either.
 
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greggy

greggy

Well-known member
Firstly i know exact and share what you are going through, secondly supermarkets are a breading ground for lowlifes that think they are good people because they are imployed full stop, thirdly neighbors over critical moody people for the simple reason that they live close to a stranger this breads contempt with you doing anything wrong, the answer that i have learned over many years is simply dont care what people think, i have had people dislike me for no reason and this is enough for me to lose the plot completely but instead i've stopped caring this is the key, i hope this helps you!
 
FriendlyShadow

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I often feel like most people treat me like a delinquent, but I will never figure out why I'm treated so. People can't stop trapping me into their guilt trips and manipulations. It's even more pressuring and difficult because I have this stupid curse of social phobia that deprives me from socializing with people. To most of the people who say they feel bad for me because I don't have friends or because they feel bad that I'm alone all the time is phony. I don't believe when people tell me all of that crap because it's not genuine and they only give me that poor advice only for them to criticize my flaws and inadequacies again and again. That's why I hate and would like for people to stop feeling bad for me because it's not going to help or make my situation any better. I feel so intimidated by people in general whether I'm going out to eat somewhere, a meeting, ect because I feel expected to be treated like cr*p.
 
emptybench

emptybench

Well-known member
xnn said:
So same thing today. I came home from a walk, and guess who I met when I came in to our street, yes my neighboor. He didnt look angry at all, So I tried to be nice (even though he didnt reply last time), and say hello to him. No reply. This sort of things happens to me all the time. It's hard for me to go out when people are just rude and mean. How do you make friends with other people? I have no idea. Everyone just ignores me :crying:
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This happens a lot to me too. I guess they think shy people are actually planning something evil. :giggle:
If the person doesn't answer for two times I don't say hi anymore. Actually nowadays I rarely say hi first.
 
Argentum

Argentum

Well-known member
Well, two things:

1) People do sometimes project anger or unhappiness onto random people. A customer who's having a bad day and is in a rush might push past someone else without hating that person or considering them inferior, just because they're in a bad frame of mind. Customers do this to employees all the time and take out their frustrations about the store's products, the store's policies, and other things on someone who's just available at the time.

2) Sometimes people give off vibes they don't intend to, either through their posture, dress, or facial expression. This can make people think they're angry or unfriendly even when they're not and react accordingly. There's actually something called "resting bitch face" that some women have complained about, where their face just looks upset naturally. People ask those women why they're upset, withdraw from them, or get nervous because their expression looks angry and so they think they are.

This might be you, or it might be the people you're meeting.

arjuna said:
How can they hate you? They don't even know you! Stop speaking shit.
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Are you sure a support site is the place for you?
 
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Diend

Diend

Well-known member
I think we are the type of people who are very good at reading other people's body language towards us. We are very good at judging the way a person feels about us.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
arjuna said:
How can they hate you? They don't even know you! Stop speaking shit.
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Yea, dude... Firstly, Look up the meaning of 'tact'.

Secondly, are you even aware what SA is?
Put your brain into gear before your mouth please.
 
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arjuna

arjuna

Well-known member
I apologize if my reply was offensive but it was a bit late a night and I was a bit sleepy. I didn't even read all of the message. I still feel that thinking that complete strangers hate you is completely irrational.

One thing I will say though. You said:

"And whenever I talk, I feel this fear in my body. I get warm, start sweating, shaking and stuttering."

It's more than likely that people pick up on this (scientifically, via mirror neurons). If they see you are like that, their perception of you is probably not going to be good and this in turn could lead them to treating you badly. So what you can do is control your mental state? Now, this isn't particulary easy. I used to be in almost constant anxiety a few years ago and I just didn't bother talking to many people because of it. But then I started reading books on psychology and thought awareness and over time gradually my mental state became a lot more serene. I still get fears, don't get me wrong, but much less.

Unfortunately, I think that the only way of minimizing your fears is to expose yourself to them. In other words, it is almost inevitable for you to feel uncomfortable. If you can do this with the help of a competent professional and with steps you can cope with, you should be ok. Also, I wouldn't think of easy and quick results. Normally this doesn't happen. You could set long-term objectives (6 months, a year, 5 years,...) and see how many fears you have overcome.
 
Hoppy

Hoppy

Well-known member
There was a few studies done, I am too lazy to google them now, but people who are depressed have a much reduced ability to read other people's emotions.

And since we are like we are, we tend to think people do not like us.

On the other hand, I can outgrump people even on a day when I am feeling good, so if you ever meet me on a day like that you would think I hate you.
 
IntheLabyrinth

IntheLabyrinth

Well-known member
Diend said:
I think we are the type of people who are very good at reading other people's body language towards us. We are very good at judging the way a person feels about us.
Click to expand...

I think you're right about being able to judge people. However, I think we assume that anyone being rude, mean, in a bad mood, etc is somehow because of us, when 99% of the time it has nothing to do with us.
 
StandingJelly

StandingJelly

Well-known member
Hahas irrational thoughts like strangers hating me also take over!

There are people I don't really care and barely know who looks at me sternly when I try to give some eye contact and a small nod/wave. Then I can't help thinking it through over and over again. Now I think about it, they don't know me and I don't know them, who cares!? And if they know me, so what? Its not like they will do anything to me.

What @Arjuna said makes sense, sometimes when I get spike of confidence or just very tired and just don't care what others think, and simply say 'hi!' loudly I usually get a positive response. But also, I believe some people are just really not interested in greeting people, they sternly look past and walk past ... or worst they sternly stare/glance and walk past. The best thing I found is just accept that there are people like that, and try not to think any further.

I've been going through some psychology too. And basically facing your fears is good ... more of a parenting book, but same principles really. Just need to stop protecting ourselves from it, and change our mindset to enjoy it.
 
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