Do quiet people make other people uncomfortable?

beachbum · 08-10-2006, 07:29 PM

I don't understand this. Why do confident and/ or loud people get nervous and are uncomfortable around quiet people like us? Speaking for myself, I am just as nervous and uncomfortable around loud and outspoken people. They are so confident that they make you feel so small and invisible, almost like they do it on purpose. :roll:
Has anyone experienced this? Do you know what I'm talking about?

pinkputter · 08-10-2006, 08:03 PM

Last semester this quiet girl sat by me in my history class, but she reminded me of some one I could be friends with ( you know you can just tell people you could have fun getting to know ) anyways, she was the only person sitting by me, and so it would be awkward when there was silence or the teacher wasnt there yet and all the other students would be loud and talking.

Anyway I spoke to her just as much as she spoke to me...even though I know she was just shy and didnt have near the extent of my problem.

I have this facebook thing, and I looked her up on it and under her "About me" it said she likes loud people and gets along better with them. The whole semester i regretted not saying much.

For me, since i am quieter I kinda like/empathize/understand shyer people. I think for the most part they have more to say, and loud people usually just talk and talk about nothing, which can be annoying. There are exceptions, but just because i dont like how i feel right now and i dont necessarily like being shy ( because this isnt my usuall personality ) doesnt mean i dislike shy people.

Coldy · 08-10-2006, 08:31 PM

They are nervous around quiet people because its all an act they put on, they are so used to getting reactions off people that the ones that dont give them a reaction really get to them deep down and they feel threatened....i dunno maybe it hurts their feelings to not get a reaction out of everyone because its not what they were expecting or are used to.

That being said its also probably why they then try to pick on the ones that dont give a reaction by perhaps mocking or embarrassing them.

Shonen_Yo · 08-10-2006, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coldy

They are nervous around quiet people because its all an act they put on, they are so used to getting reactions off people that the ones that dont give them a reaction really get to them deep down and they feel threatened....i dunno maybe it hurts their feelings to not get a reaction out of everyone because its not what they were expecting or are used to.

That being said its also probably why they then try to pick on the ones that dont give a reaction by perhaps mocking or embarrassing them.

Think that's a great explanation

Predacon · 08-11-2006, 01:47 AM

I think its just a clash of two totally opposite personality types. You have people who can't sit quietly and relax, they have to fill the void with their voice even if what they're saying is not that interesting even to them agianst people who like to sit quietly and have thier own space without being intruded upon by someone. When Both sides come together, it just leads to awkwardness that can be hard for each side to understand.

Diluted_Acid · 08-11-2006, 04:41 AM

From my own experiences at school, and what i observe whilste keeping all quiet to myself, how much you talk has not alot to do with your level of appeal to people, which probably varys alot. I think if your a guy, you can be highly non-talkative, yet make up for it through your participation and communication through just hobbies in general . . . . or even a drink :? . . . I'm not to sure about girls . . . . but i've always personally believed that, if your quiet yet positive in every way you can be . . . then people will like being around you. This applies for both sexes, and as a male, i'm good at sport, not bad lookin, yet my problem is not only do i exclude myself from social situations, but i'm way to negative.

TheNuminator · 08-11-2006, 08:07 AM

Yeah, at my school there's this real quiet guy. I mean, he doesn't get bullied or anything, and he's a nice bloke, we all consider him part of our group. The reason we don't engage in conversation much with him is because, honestly, a lot of the time we don't even know he's there, and when we do, it's hard to know what to say because he doesn't ever initiate conversation. I guess I'll talk to him more from now on, seeing things from you guys' point of view.

Icecube · 08-11-2006, 01:01 PM

Those loud, socalled 'confident' people don't like shy, quiet people because they would hate it on themselves. They have there anxieties too and like to overscream it with their loud and outgoing behaviour. Doing mean towards anxious people also makes them feel more powerful and secure in their surrounding, so it's in their advantage to make anxious people even more scared.

It's also true that the more positive quiet people will be more liked(or less disliked) than the negative ones. I think the quiet people who radiate a more positive aura are the type of people who really are quiet and tranquille inside, while the negative ones are usually like that because they are too anxious and feel like a mess inside. When you're anxious, you also invite others to do you wrong, but those who do are also coward when they take advantage of that, because they don't show any understanding and empathy and at the same time prove that they wouldn't be able to accept it on themselves if they had it.

Sometimes being around people who have SP can be irritating or difficult to be around, I've noticed myself the few times that I came across someone with SP. When you haven't transformed that anxiety within yourself yet, you will have problems with it when seeing it on someone else. But shy people will usually not do mean on purpose to another anxious person, despite that most other people do. :evil:

jamez · 08-11-2006, 01:17 PM

If you're a nervous character then chances are you make other people around you more nervous. The real confident people wouldn't be affected by this though.

Just like being negative might make people around you more negative or just being positive may help other be positive.

mico · 08-11-2006, 07:32 PM

It's all about body language and the way in which you present yourself.

It's very easy from a socially anxious perspective to see people as confident, unfearing and brave. Fact is, they have their little comfort bubble just as you do and 9.9 times out of ten they arn't as confident as they look, not even close.

If you have a negative unnapprochable body language, like most SA folk do, then they'll be scared to approach you. They have their own fears of rejection and their own fears that the conversation will dry up, become awkward and that they will look silly.

To cut a long story short, put a supposedly confident person in a room with an SA soldier and they will very quickly become SA too.

These social standards that mimick confidence are actually part of their well calculated routine, and if you disturb that routine then they don't know what to do.

It's certainly good to realise this, that no one actually goes about knowing what to do all the time, confident in all situations. When I was growing up it seemed everyone received a manual on how to socialise except me. That's not true. Non SA folk often feel just as awkward as you.