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Old 01-23-2009  
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Default Do social anxiety & low self esteem come hand in hand?

I was just wondering, because I have had extremely low confidence since the third grade. [I'm 16 and in the 11th grade now] I finally decided to try to learn how to like myself in the 8th grade. & ever since the 8th grade it hasn't raised at all...it's a miserable feeling (not trying to sound mopey) I have some symptoms of avoidant personaility disorder & Selective Mutism disorder.& I also have a feeling that someone is ALWAYS talking about me.(Going to see a psychologist Jan 30,2009) just to see what is really wrong with me.I've been feeling this way for so long.. :oops:

I guess what really made me come on here today is because today in school,when I went to go make up a test during study hall, these 2 boys & 1 girl was joking &making fun of me...the dude was like "Do you model" & "your smile is so pretty,smile for me" (FYI:I'm suppose to be getting braces this summer because of some of the gaps between my teeth) It was humiliating, I didn't know what to do.Take up for myself so they can joke me even harder? Or just ignore them so I can seem like a loser while they continue.The girl asked me if I got my eye brows arched & I said "no,I'm scared to since I don't have that much hair on my eye brows," trying to be friendly about the situation.She said "I bet the boys be like damn you sexy in the hall way" while the two boys laughed.It hurt and still does hurt so bad.I cried for a little while after I got out of school today. & this isn't the first time this has happened to me. I feel really ugly to the point where I hate looking@ mirrors.& I also hate going places like the mall & stuff so people won't see me.My sister is the complete opposite of me!She is beautiful and was very popular when she was in high school (she graduated last year & is now in college)She had a lot of friends,a pretty smile, and has had some boyfriends.& since she was a star on the track team, she was in a wonderful shape.I was never jealous of her,but I praise her for what type of person she is.She's beautiful,nice,smart, & was actually the one who suggested I see a psychologist.Since I'm so quiet & extremely shy,I don't have any friends to talk to about stuff like this and to cheer me up.I only have about 2 associates I talk to in school.) I honestly just feel like sh*t.I'm speaking from my heart when I say this, & really not trying to feel sorry for myself, because I know people out there are in worse situations than I am.But this feeling I have is so painful.The fact that I can't be my true self in public & have no friends is on my mind 24/7, all the time. & when I say all the time,I mean ALL THE TIME.From the moment I wake up until I go to sleep,each and every day,it's like prison.I've already planned to start working out (I'm not fat,but I'd like to get into a great shape) & I'm going to get contacts so I don't have to wear glasses anymore,wear my hair down.& other stuff..I actually think I'd be pretty if I did little stuff like that ^.But phsyically changing is easy..my mentality has been set like this for so long of being quiet,ugly & just non social at all.I'm really nice to everyone I talk to, but somthing holds me back from being my true self and not so shy about everything!

& another thing I worry about is when I do up end up getting this "make over" (not just physically,mentally also) will people at my school even accept me? I've been known as the quiet,shy ugly girl since my freshmen year. I'm afraid they will not want to be friends with me because of my past.
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Old 01-23-2009  
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Yes, I would say they definitely come hand in hand. Self-esteem is about loving yourself, your core self, and feeling worthy and worthwhile around others, feeling that you are equal and just as good as them. Self-esteem is also about loving yourself no matter what the external event or whatever the opinion of others. I don't think any of these things are present in a person with SA!
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Old 01-23-2009  
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May I suggest what might be holding you back from being your true self?....it's probably the same thing that holds me back....and that's horrible people like the people you mentioned at your school. Ergh, I HATE people like that!...I feel really sorry for you....I had to put up with abuse like that when I was in school and it's such a devastating feeling, but just remember you've done absolutely nothing wrong....it's them that are in the wrong.....my advice to you would be to try and stay strong and stay true to yourself, and you'll come out the winner in the long run. Once you leave school you'll be the stronger, mature one, and they'll still be immature...also, if you can, I'd suggest that you try not to feel like you have to conform to them. I know popularity in school is a big deal, but real beauty comes from the inside and I bet you're a way more beautiful person than they will ever be.

and to answer your first question, I've actually always had incredibly high self esteem...I'm usually very aware of my ego and having to remind myself to be humble etc....but I really like me!!! and I love my life....there's a few things that I'm really good at and I think I'm a good person, I just happen to have a weakness, like everybody else, and mine just happens to be so******ing....but I don't think I'm any less worthy a human being than anybody else on this planet.....no way!

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Old 01-23-2009  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by worrywort
May I suggest what might be holding you back from being your true self?....it's probably the same thing that holds me back....and that's horrible people like the people you mentioned at your school. Ergh, I HATE people like that!...I feel really sorry for you....I had to put up with abuse like that when I was in school and it's such a devastating feeling, but just remember you've done absolutely nothing wrong....it's them that are in the wrong.....my advice to you would be to try and stay strong and stay true to yourself, and you'll come out the winner in the long run. Once you leave school you'll be the stronger, mature one, and they'll still be immature...also, if you can, I'd suggest that you try not to feel like you have to conform to them. I know popularity in school is a big deal, but real beauty comes from the inside and I bet you're a way more beautiful person than they will ever be.

and to answer your first question, I've actually always had incredibly high self esteem...I'm usually very aware of my ego and having to remind myself to be humble etc....but I really like me!!! and I love my life....there's a few things that I'm really good at and I think I'm a good person, I just happen to have a weakness, like everybody else, and mine just happens to be so******ing....but I don't think I'm any less worthy a human being than anybody else on this planet.....no way!
Thanks for the advice & my shyness/confidence/looks/fear of being rejected holds me back. & really? I thought when I raised myself esteem,my social problems would gradually go away.I get really nervous when I talk to people so I stutter often & I have a huge problem with making eye contact.& it's like I can't never keep a conversation!I always draw blanks.& have habit of thinking I'm just a boring person..so I just come off as boring..idk if i'm doing that purposely or not.
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