charlieHungerford
Well-known member
or see you or can hear you when you are centre of attention that they can only think negatives of you?
Well, this is so simple and something that I know I have not spent enough time addressing and looking into, but I have for far too many years lived believing the above - that if people see my perceived flaws - i.e. I was so insecure about my nose, a speech impediment and even my anxiety/lack of confidence, I believed that people can only judge me one way - negatively. That belief of mine is set in concrete, I have believed it 100%
But, I was looking into this this morning and I was quite amazed really with how fixed and negative and terrible these beliefs were. I have made huge progress in recent times in accepting myself and overcoming lots of issues in relation to SA, I feel I am so close to overcoming SA, but I found I was still very self conscious in some situations because I have these beliefs that if people see my flaws they can only judge me negatively, and I realised that these beliefs have to be addressed because they are so problematic.
I started looking into why do I believe if people see my flaws they will judge me so negatively and be so critical of me? Is it true that if anyone sees my nose they are going to be so critical of me? Afterall when I see people who have 'flaws' in their appearance I never even think about it, I certainly don't stop and stare and think 'Oh my god - that person has a flaw in their appearance, they are so ugly and inadequate'. So how real are these beliefs I have?
I realised that I started thinking this way from my teenage years when I seemed to get so many put downs by fellow kids - they always ridiculed me for my flaws so I started to believe that everyone is like that, but are they? Its hard for someone to believe its not true when they suffered years of put downs, insults and ridicule when people saw flaws in yourself, and then having lived believing this is true so have always been self conscious and anxious when centre of attention because of the fear of being judged negatively by people, but these beliefs that all the self consciousness and fear of being judged negatively is based on what I learnt in my teenage years, but is it true and fair to believe everyone I see is the same as a 15 year old insensitive jerk making fun out of my perceived flaws? Afterall we all have flaws, no one is perfect and don't expect anyone else to be perfect. But it is also true that kids can be the cruelest people and are also the most immature and shallow people. So is it fair to have these beliefs still?
I have been living life for the past 14 years thinking people are always going to be so critical and judge me as ugly, inadequate, not good enough, unworthy, but what is to say this is true? I mean I see people every day with flaws, I don't stare at someone's flaw and start thinking 'oh my god they are so ugly and horrible, they are so inadequate'. So why should anyone think that of me? I know other people see other people with flaws and are not horrible about them or think negative things of them for flaws, so why would they with me?
I just think a huge part of overcoming SA is breaking out of this cycle of thoughts believing people are always going to be so critical of you and think you are inadequate, not good enough, etc when they see you or see your perceived flaws - because if you believe people will judge you negatively and horribly if they see you or your flaws then you are going to be so self conscious, anxious about who can see you and what they are thinking, you are going to be thinking negatively of yourself and that you are not good enough, you are going to believe that you have to hide your flaws or avoid situations where people may see your flaw, because you believe if people do see these flaws in yourself then you will be judged in a way that hurts you like crazy.
I am going to spend some time working on this, I need to change my beliefs here because I realise just how fixed and negative they are, they are so biased and exaggerated, its like I think in a way of the most extreme negative beliefs possible and they cause so many problems. I really do need to change my beliefs so that I am no longer self conscious and thinking so negatively here.
I have actually always said that if I never recieved those years of put downs and name calling, ridicule, etc over my 'perceived flaws' then I would never have suffered SA or lacked in confidence. But those years made me believe that people are so cruel and critical - and I have never challenged these beliefs properly and seen that they are wrong. Well now its time to do so.
Any thoughts?
Well, this is so simple and something that I know I have not spent enough time addressing and looking into, but I have for far too many years lived believing the above - that if people see my perceived flaws - i.e. I was so insecure about my nose, a speech impediment and even my anxiety/lack of confidence, I believed that people can only judge me one way - negatively. That belief of mine is set in concrete, I have believed it 100%
But, I was looking into this this morning and I was quite amazed really with how fixed and negative and terrible these beliefs were. I have made huge progress in recent times in accepting myself and overcoming lots of issues in relation to SA, I feel I am so close to overcoming SA, but I found I was still very self conscious in some situations because I have these beliefs that if people see my flaws they can only judge me negatively, and I realised that these beliefs have to be addressed because they are so problematic.
I started looking into why do I believe if people see my flaws they will judge me so negatively and be so critical of me? Is it true that if anyone sees my nose they are going to be so critical of me? Afterall when I see people who have 'flaws' in their appearance I never even think about it, I certainly don't stop and stare and think 'Oh my god - that person has a flaw in their appearance, they are so ugly and inadequate'. So how real are these beliefs I have?
I realised that I started thinking this way from my teenage years when I seemed to get so many put downs by fellow kids - they always ridiculed me for my flaws so I started to believe that everyone is like that, but are they? Its hard for someone to believe its not true when they suffered years of put downs, insults and ridicule when people saw flaws in yourself, and then having lived believing this is true so have always been self conscious and anxious when centre of attention because of the fear of being judged negatively by people, but these beliefs that all the self consciousness and fear of being judged negatively is based on what I learnt in my teenage years, but is it true and fair to believe everyone I see is the same as a 15 year old insensitive jerk making fun out of my perceived flaws? Afterall we all have flaws, no one is perfect and don't expect anyone else to be perfect. But it is also true that kids can be the cruelest people and are also the most immature and shallow people. So is it fair to have these beliefs still?
I have been living life for the past 14 years thinking people are always going to be so critical and judge me as ugly, inadequate, not good enough, unworthy, but what is to say this is true? I mean I see people every day with flaws, I don't stare at someone's flaw and start thinking 'oh my god they are so ugly and horrible, they are so inadequate'. So why should anyone think that of me? I know other people see other people with flaws and are not horrible about them or think negative things of them for flaws, so why would they with me?
I just think a huge part of overcoming SA is breaking out of this cycle of thoughts believing people are always going to be so critical of you and think you are inadequate, not good enough, etc when they see you or see your perceived flaws - because if you believe people will judge you negatively and horribly if they see you or your flaws then you are going to be so self conscious, anxious about who can see you and what they are thinking, you are going to be thinking negatively of yourself and that you are not good enough, you are going to believe that you have to hide your flaws or avoid situations where people may see your flaw, because you believe if people do see these flaws in yourself then you will be judged in a way that hurts you like crazy.
I am going to spend some time working on this, I need to change my beliefs here because I realise just how fixed and negative they are, they are so biased and exaggerated, its like I think in a way of the most extreme negative beliefs possible and they cause so many problems. I really do need to change my beliefs so that I am no longer self conscious and thinking so negatively here.
I have actually always said that if I never recieved those years of put downs and name calling, ridicule, etc over my 'perceived flaws' then I would never have suffered SA or lacked in confidence. But those years made me believe that people are so cruel and critical - and I have never challenged these beliefs properly and seen that they are wrong. Well now its time to do so.
Any thoughts?