Do you believe you will overcome SA?

IMO there is such a lack of understanding about how to overcome SA. I know people will point to CBT as being how to overcome this but I did CBT and it didn't make me overcome SA and other people who I have read about using CBT, it didn't make them overcome SA either. I saw a therapist and hypnotherapist and neither of them helped me.
I bought the Social Anxiety self help book and I just found myself disagreeing with almost everything that it was saying, it made me question if I had SA at all. I haven't heard of any cases on any of these forums of people who had SA and have overcome it.

Do you believe you will overcome it?
 
I read a SA book once, i felt like the guy who had wrote it didn't even have SA and didn't have a clue.
What a waste of £6.99
 
I read a SA book once, i felt like the guy who had wrote it didn't even have SA and didn't have a clue.
What a waste of £6.99

Yes I felt exactly like that. I read a book and it was clear the writer had never had SA and overcame it him/herself.
Its funny (well not funny) because I saw this therapist/psychotherapist who said to me she was a qualified therapist and knew exactly what she was on about and I should just take her advice. Everything she said to me was just not applicable. She said to me things like 'You just have to keep saying to yourself "I am not anxious" and that I needed to prepare proper and know what to say in situations. I said to her 'I do not care about what to say people, I can talk for England to people but I am so self conscious being looked at, fearing being judged as ugly'. She just would not have any of it and said I needed to trust her. She was stealing a living!
 

leafy

Member
IMO there is such a lack of understanding about how to overcome SA. I know people will point to CBT as being how to overcome this but I did CBT and it didn't make me overcome SA and other people who I have read about using CBT, it didn't make them overcome SA either. I saw a therapist and hypnotherapist and neither of them helped me.
I bought the Social Anxiety self help book and I just found myself disagreeing with almost everything that it was saying, it made me question if I had SA at all. I haven't heard of any cases on any of these forums of people who had SA and have overcome it.

Do you believe you will overcome it?

A few years back my SA was like this, I went to school I would sit in my class room for the entire day and then go home. I had all my classes in one classroom fortunately for me. Occasionally I would go to the bathroom, not because I needed it, but because I didn't want people to notice that I never left the room. I would stand in the bathroom and count the minutes, wash my hands and go back. My "friend" who was always noticing out loud everything he thought was weird about me asked me why I was always there. I can't remember what I said. Sometimes I would skip school cause I just couldn't go, I would keep close attention to how much attendance I had in my classes and how many classes i could skip without failing the course. I couldn't bear explaining my absence so I kept within the boundaries. My parents didn't like if I stayed at home, so I would try and get myself sick, for a better reason. I remember that I sat outside our back door in the middle of the night in my pajamas in the snow. I sat there as long as I could, and was freezing when I went inside. I tried eating sweets too to weaken my immune system.. that't the only thing I thought of.

My sister is married to a psychiatrist and they helped me through my roughest times. A year or more after i was done with that school... and after working on my SA quite a bit, I went alone to the US to attend a 3 month seminar (i'm from Europe). I had never traveled alone anywhere. After all of that I can give speeches, teach classes, and all sorts of things.

I know that sounds like I don't have SA, but although I have gotten better in many areas, I still have some stuff I need to deal with. Like intimacy problems with people.. and i've had a setback because of some stuff. But I know that it's possible... I just wanted to share that. And I liked what my brother in law said once. He said, "you'll never be the same and experience the same problems" and he's right, i have learned from my past problems and now I just have to learn the other one's away!
 
Yes I felt exactly like that. I read a book and it was clear the writer had never had SA and overcame it him/herself.
Its funny (well not funny) because I saw this therapist/psychotherapist who said to me she was a qualified therapist and knew exactly what she was on about and I should just take her advice. Everything she said to me was just not applicable. She said to me things like 'You just have to keep saying to yourself "I am not anxious" and that I needed to prepare proper and know what to say in situations. I said to her 'I do not care about what to say people, I can talk for England to people but I am so self conscious being looked at, fearing being judged as ugly'. She just would not have any of it and said I needed to trust her. She was stealing a living!


I think a lot of these self help books are wrote bye people trying to make some fast cash, even the websites you goto of the writers are tacky and unprofessional, i think a lot of people see scamming mentally unstable people a way of making a nice income.
Sad, but unfortunately that's how the world works today.
 

Pink_Paula

Well-known member
I think we have to believe we can overcome it, or at least learn to live with it better. i find it hard to think that that's possible sometimes, but if i seriously thought that this was my life, this is how i'm going to be forever, then i don't think i could carry on. So somewhere in the back of my mind i try to keep positive by telling myself that one day i will be ok.
 
A few years back my SA was like this, I went to school I would sit in my class room for the entire day and then go home. I had all my classes in one classroom fortunately for me. Occasionally I would go to the bathroom, not because I needed it, but because I didn't want people to notice that I never left the room. I would stand in the bathroom and count the minutes, wash my hands and go back. My "friend" who was always noticing out loud everything he thought was weird about me asked me why I was always there. I can't remember what I said. Sometimes I would skip school cause I just couldn't go, I would keep close attention to how much attendance I had in my classes and how many classes i could skip without failing the course. I couldn't bear explaining my absence so I kept within the boundaries. My parents didn't like if I stayed at home, so I would try and get myself sick, for a better reason. I remember that I sat outside our back door in the middle of the night in my pajamas in the snow. I sat there as long as I could, and was freezing when I went inside. I tried eating sweets too to weaken my immune system.. that't the only thing I thought of.

My sister is married to a psychiatrist and they helped me through my roughest times. A year or more after i was done with that school... and after working on my SA quite a bit, I went alone to the US to attend a 3 month seminar (i'm from Europe). I had never traveled alone anywhere. After all of that I can give speeches, teach classes, and all sorts of things.

I know that sounds like I don't have SA, but although I have gotten better in many areas, I still have some stuff I need to deal with. Like intimacy problems with people.. and i've had a setback because of some stuff. But I know that it's possible... I just wanted to share that. And I liked what my brother in law said once. He said, "you'll never be the same and experience the same problems" and he's right, i have learned from my past problems and now I just have to learn the other one's away!

Fantastic, quite incredible you went from how you were to how you are now, you must be so pleased with yourself and rightly so. I am happy for you.
You sound like your problem was very different to mine but it sounds like your sister's hubby did amazing things for you.
 
A few years back my SA was like this, I went to school I would sit in my class room for the entire day and then go home. I had all my classes in one classroom fortunately for me. Occasionally I would go to the bathroom, not because I needed it, but because I didn't want people to notice that I never left the room. I would stand in the bathroom and count the minutes, wash my hands and go back. My "friend" who was always noticing out loud everything he thought was weird about me asked me why I was always there. I can't remember what I said. Sometimes I would skip school cause I just couldn't go, I would keep close attention to how much attendance I had in my classes and how many classes i could skip without failing the course. I couldn't bear explaining my absence so I kept within the boundaries. My parents didn't like if I stayed at home, so I would try and get myself sick, for a better reason. I remember that I sat outside our back door in the middle of the night in my pajamas in the snow. I sat there as long as I could, and was freezing when I went inside. I tried eating sweets too to weaken my immune system.. that't the only thing I thought of.

My sister is married to a psychiatrist and they helped me through my roughest times. A year or more after i was done with that school... and after working on my SA quite a bit, I went alone to the US to attend a 3 month seminar (i'm from Europe). I had never traveled alone anywhere. After all of that I can give speeches, teach classes, and all sorts of things.

I know that sounds like I don't have SA, but although I have gotten better in many areas, I still have some stuff I need to deal with. Like intimacy problems with people.. and i've had a setback because of some stuff. But I know that it's possible... I just wanted to share that. And I liked what my brother in law said once. He said, "you'll never be the same and experience the same problems" and he's right, i have learned from my past problems and now I just have to learn the other one's away!

Actually can I ask you - where is focus now when attention is on you - are you focusing on what people may think of you, worrying about being judged negatively or are you focused on just being yourself, doing the task in hand, focused on just living your life being yourself?
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Even if I could overcome SA (which I don't think i can... or at least not fully), I still have other issues to deal with... I don't think I'll have any chance to be "normal". I will always be messed up in the head. It's what I think right now, but maybe it's just me being too negative...
 

Josh5339

Well-known member
With me it's attacking my root problem, doing that seems to be helping... root problem solved by fighting my absent father. Somehow I fight him, remain pissed off at him, want to prove him wrong, and have nothing link back to him (rejection = his validation of him) - then with that slowly regaining ground.
 
A few years back my SA was like this, I went to school I would sit in my class room for the entire day and then go home. I had all my classes in one classroom fortunately for me. Occasionally I would go to the bathroom, not because I needed it, but because I didn't want people to notice that I never left the room. I would stand in the bathroom and count the minutes, wash my hands and go back. My "friend" who was always noticing out loud everything he thought was weird about me asked me why I was always there. I can't remember what I said. Sometimes I would skip school cause I just couldn't go, I would keep close attention to how much attendance I had in my classes and how many classes i could skip without failing the course. I couldn't bear explaining my absence so I kept within the boundaries. My parents didn't like if I stayed at home, so I would try and get myself sick, for a better reason. I remember that I sat outside our back door in the middle of the night in my pajamas in the snow. I sat there as long as I could, and was freezing when I went inside. I tried eating sweets too to weaken my immune system.. that't the only thing I thought of.

My sister is married to a psychiatrist and they helped me through my roughest times. A year or more after i was done with that school... and after working on my SA quite a bit, I went alone to the US to attend a 3 month seminar (i'm from Europe). I had never traveled alone anywhere. After all of that I can give speeches, teach classes, and all sorts of things.

I know that sounds like I don't have SA, but although I have gotten better in many areas, I still have some stuff I need to deal with. Like intimacy problems with people.. and i've had a setback because of some stuff. But I know that it's possible... I just wanted to share that. And I liked what my brother in law said once. He said, "you'll never be the same and experience the same problems" and he's right, i have learned from my past problems and now I just have to learn the other one's away!

Thanks for sharing your story. it gives me hope.

I never really believed that I could fully overcome SA. I don't think my life is just gonna magically make a 180 degree turn. But I do believe that I can get better, to a point where I can make a few friends and handle everyday social situations without wanting to avoid them.
 

leafy

Member
Actually can I ask you - where is focus now when attention is on you - are you focusing on what people may think of you, worrying about being judged negatively or are you focused on just being yourself, doing the task in hand, focused on just living your life being yourself?

I guess it's a little bit of both, I have days when I don't mind what people think of me because I am happy with my decisions in life, my opinions on things and who i'm trying to be. But some days I can be very sensitive and judge me a lot through other people's eyes. I'm a huge people pleaser (like I've read through my comment a few times, changing it, hoping it's exactly the way you would be happy with it, without lying of course). But I'm still working on it, but I know I have progressed. Thank you for your nice comment!
 

leafy

Member
Thanks for sharing your story. it gives me hope.

I never really believed that I could fully overcome SA. I don't think my life is just gonna magically make a 180 degree turn. But I do believe that I can get better, to a point where I can make a few friends and handle everyday social situations without wanting to avoid them.

I'm glad, then it was worth sharing.

One thing I have learned is that my hopes, and fears and my outlook on life can make a 180 degree turn, and you only see it by looking back, not forward. You never see it coming I think. But I'm not saying it's as easy as snapping your fingers. SA is hard, I would never make the suffering that comes with it sound any easier than it is, but beliefs are strong and sometimes wrong (hey that rhymes ::eek::) And it's amazing the things that can happen, that we don't expect to happen.
 
I'm at a weird stage. Like maybe i'm feeling happier about myself, but there is a fear of pushing myself, getting out there, its a risk. You can never tell whether strangers or acquaintances like you or not.

Not having much life experience can be looked down upon by others, and so its natural for us to feel bad because we "aren't up to standard". I would DEFINITELY like to start enjoying life instead of fearing it. I'm not sure if i will get better any time soon, but perhaps my attitude is improving........
 

Badbuz

Well-known member
there isnt a cure for sa or any type of anxiety because anxiety is sumtin everyone has its built into us,the problem is people with sa cant control there anxiety so its not about finding a magic cure its about doin things like therapy to try and bring the anxiety down to a manageble level.dnt mean to sound like an ass but i used to think for ages that id find sum pill our sumtin that will cure me but after a few years i realised that all i can do is try manage it tru therapy and sumday maybe my anxiety levels will be the same as every1 elses
 

mrb

Well-known member
it never goes away , but you learn how to handle it better and not dwell on it to much , but over the years you will improve ..... it never goes away 100 per cent , but then having said that some people on here have beaten it 85 per cent were all diff i soppose
 

alanj

Well-known member
It does seem as if SA can't be 100% cured, but it can definitely be greatly reduced. I used to pretty much suffer in all the social arenas of life, like for example going to the shop or walking down the street, right up to the worst scenarios of direct social interaction, but now I feel almost no anxiety in a lot of those scenarios and a more manegable anxiety in the harder scenarios. However, I do believe it can be fully cured because I believe that deep within we are all free and it's only our false thinking that seems to cover over this.
Does Dr. Richards claim to be fully free from it?
 

Enialis227

Well-known member
IMO there is such a lack of understanding about how to overcome SA. I know people will point to CBT as being how to overcome this but I did CBT and it didn't make me overcome SA and other people who I have read about using CBT, it didn't make them overcome SA either. I saw a therapist and hypnotherapist and neither of them helped me.
I bought the Social Anxiety self help book and I just found myself disagreeing with almost everything that it was saying, it made me question if I had SA at all. I haven't heard of any cases on any of these forums of people who had SA and have overcome it.

Do you believe you will overcome it?

I overcame it.
 
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