Do you ever feel you've disappointed your parents?

How much?

My brothers have exceeded all expectations, although one is dead, although that was bad luck - not of his deeds or anyone else's. All dependents have pot of gold life insurance.

As the youngest, by 30 years, I wonder if that means I should do the best? I've got no dependents.

Parents gave me the most stress by 'worrying about me all the time', especially even in my best years!

So did I cause their stress by being fortunate and happy?

I'm at my healthiest point in my life. Dad is in a bad mood, angry with me.

I'm alone. Dad's alone. It's tough talking. He liked his life with Mum and three sons, and his friends. Not sociable with family beyond (Mum's family)

I want to cheer him up. He & EVERYONE says being old is horrible. I'm getting old. I am not grumpy. I don't abort conversations.

I'll never want to retire. I'll never give up.

Been at death's door... mmm... seven times. Recovered. Maybe again.

Dad was a soldier. Never one health problem in his late eighties. Or he might be keeping that quiet

I also feel I've disappointed my parents. They want me to be a doctor but I didn't go through with it. The medical field just isn't for me since i have SA.

My dad wants me to socialize more with his side of the family, but I don't want to. His relatives can be judgmental and mean to me. They don't understand me.

My dad actually stopped worrying about me. He understood that he can't force me to do what he wants me to do.

I think this is something that many of us on this site need to let go of: Parents' expectations.

I used to have a problem with this because I'm the black sheep of the family but I've learned that it doesn't matter if I don't do what my siblings or parents have.

The only think that matters is finding a way to enjoy my life as much as possible.

Life isn't a competition.

The real problem is most of society. Most people believe success=college degree, marriage + kids eventually, well-paid job, nice home, lots of friends, etc.

I believe success is someone who wakes up every day and enjoys what they do no matter what that thing is.

To answer your title question, do I think I've dissapointed my parents? Yes.

Do I care that I've disappointed my parents? No. Not anymore. And I feel more free now because of that.

yes. my dad looks at me with eyes of disgust. i sense it every time he looks at me. he's told me how much better and more "successful" than me he was at my age. he's totally delusional. he's not successful. he's struggling to find work and he has a ton of failed marriages. yet... i am a loser. i never say these things back to him. but he looks at me with eyes of disgust, disapproval, condescension. whatever. i'm used to it. i don't expect anything from anyone in this world except myself.

dottie said:

yes. my dad looks at me with eyes of disgust. i sense it every time he looks at me. he's told me how much better and more "successful" than me he was at my age. he's totally delusional. he's not successful. he's struggling to find work and he has a ton of failed marriages. yet... i am a loser. i never say these things back to him. but he looks at me with eyes of disgust, disapproval, condescension. whatever. i'm used to it. i don't expect anything from anyone in this world except myself.

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Sounds like your dad is expecting a lot from you, for some reason.

My parents will never say it, but I feel like I'm disappointing them. My brother will be the successful one of us two.

OceanMist said:

I think this is something that many of us on this site need to let go of: Parents' expectations.

I used to have a problem with this because I'm the black sheep of the family but I've learned that it doesn't matter if I don't do what my siblings or parents have.

The only think that matters is finding a way to enjoy my life as much as possible.

Life isn't a competition.

The real problem is most of society. Most people believe success=college degree, marriage + kids eventually, well-paid job, nice home, lots of friends, etc.

I believe success is someone who wakes up every day and enjoys what they do no matter what that thing is.

To answer your title question, do I think I've dissapointed my parents? Yes.

Do I care that I've disappointed my parents? No. Not anymore. And I feel more free now because of that.

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Yeah. All the simplest things in life are so basic for the normal. No effort at all. Just breed, smile and prosper.

My niece was the first daughter of my two elder brothers' families; she was older than me, like an older sister. A bit cheeky. Not intelligent. A bit lost in life. Recently married a very big lawyer of whom she might have been his PA for a while. That's social / networking / life skills that I don't have. He said he didn't want her to have to work ever again. At my niece's wedding, many years ago, I was on a table of my other brother (dead)'s wife and girls. I was a bit lost, but did my best. Sis-in-law attracted others to our table, and the way I described myself as the black sheep of the family, she wasn't ready for that announcement, but indeed did take the looking down on highground... I think, by criticising me for my honest comment

@mikeyc yeah, i don't get why he expects a lot. it's not like he payed for me to go to college or even much guided me. he is christian so maybe it's because i'm not married with kids. he hasn't verbalized exactly what he expects but i can tell just in the way he regards me.

dottie said:

because i'm not married with kids.

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Same here! I've had career success but that doesn't count for as much. And since I made a career change, it seems like I've disappointed them even more!

oldest brother a successful architect

sister is an engineer

i was supposed to be... something

MikeyC said:

Sounds like your dad is expecting a lot from you, for some reason.

My parents will never say it, but I feel like I'm disappointing them. My brother will be the successful one of us two.

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I have to agree. My dad will never come out and say it, but i feel that he is disapointed.

No, they never supported me in anything, so they don´t have a right to be disappointed. I could as well say I am disappointed with them, but I never expected anything from them so..

dottie said:

@mikeyc yeah, i don't get why he expects a lot. it's not like he payed for me to go to college or even much guided me. he is christian so maybe it's because i'm not married with kids. he hasn't verbalized exactly what he expects but i can tell just in the way he regards me.

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Have you ever asked him what he thinks?

@Lone- You too?

@a many splendored thing
there is a lack of boundaries when it comes to my parents so we don't talk too much.

No, they don't have any kind of expectations.

Even if they had, I would do whatever the hell I want. I live for myself, not for them. Some parents need to understand that their children aren't here to please them, they're here to live the life that makes them happy.

Yes...
::

OceanMist said:

The only think that matters is finding a way to enjoy my life as much as possible.

Life isn't a competition.


I believe success is someone who wakes up every day and enjoys what they do no matter what that thing is.

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This is a perfect statement.

But
The reason someone had a perfect life and put the effort into that eventually came to an end? Loss of life. Flood, storm, illness... pneumonia, so many possibilities beyond our control not worth listing.

I'd easily accept being crippled by a disaster, having to survive limbless, in a type of wheelchair, being fed by someone... I mean it. Even street violence to suffer from would be more acceptable, and respected in some level of respect.

HOWEVER, coping with repeated sick times in need of hospital. Recovery. A long path.

Now I am fully in one piece. Nothing to resolve. Best state ever. I was. I am. Not just today. Plenty of shining times.

Judgement of others to deem me not capable of doing what I've done. This should be a CRIME. Judgement of those who have no conception of what's needed, and what I can do. Blind idiots who decide my fate

Judged by people

We can vote for governments. Trillions of people can make an anonymous count which elect the leader of a country. I don't want to be a president. I want to have a working class status, able to earn a living, doing what I enjoyed, and did well!!

Jury of 12 make a decision on a person's fate, on evidence. Fair

Why does one lazy, stupid, unaware of the world beyond the tip of one's nose in the air, careless, bigoted bigwig, swivelling on his chair, eating a big lunch decide to not let me contact or speak to a prospective employer? Clear job description. I would not go near it, unless I was 100% sure that I will, and have done before, what the person needs doing.

No, not really.
My dad is just happy that I'm alive.
My mother always battled feelings of her own that she disappointed us.

I always do. Everyday of my life I think that I do. I agree with the fact that we have to do what makes us happy in order to live a normal life but still, I feel like I need to make my mother proud. She has done enourmous sacrifices(not exaggerating) to help me and my brother and I need to pay her back in some way. Like becoming someone in life. But at the rythm Im going, it seems so unlikely and it upsets me even further. It is the reason why I constantly think that either I achieve my goals or I would rather just end my life. And so far, the second option seems so tempting.

Yeah. More so my father than my mother. ::

dottie said:

@mikeyc yeah, i don't get why he expects a lot. it's not like he payed for me to go to college or even much guided me. he is christian so maybe it's because i'm not married with kids. he hasn't verbalized exactly what he expects but i can tell just in the way he regards me.

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He could be tying what he wants from you with Christian beliefs. I hope I'm wrong. Being married with kids is not the be-all-and-end-all of female existence, too. I think my parents, especially my mum, would be disappointed if I don't have kids, too. She wants grandkids.

coyote said:

oldest brother a successful architect

sister is an engineer

i was supposed to be... something

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Dude, if I could be half the man you are in my 40's, I think I've done well.