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Old 08-25-2010
zav943's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

I had a realization lately...

Because of my avoidant character and shyness, people really disrespect me. I was in denial about that for a long time, but I think people walk all over me...They're flagrantly inconsiderate, will make jokes at my expense without thinking twice and won't respect any commitment made to me (I *never* rely on people to do anything they promise anymore, which is good. It just happened to me yesterday and I wasn't at all surprised or upset).

I really wonder sometimes why I'm a nice guy...it is much more 'profitable' from a social perspective to be an a**hole. Sure that will put off some people, but it seems more worth it to me.

I'm sick of showing up on time to every meeting and picking up every single phone call/returning all texts/phone calls/emails I get, but people never bother do the same to me. I'm sick and tired of that. Being a polite, considerate person has gotten me nothing but disrespect from others. They think I'm some kind of desperate guilable punching bag.Fu*k everything about this social culture...if being a di*k is what people respect, so be it...

</end very angry rant>
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Old 08-25-2010
Iseesky's Avatar
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I totally understand where you're coming from. You have every right to be angry!

I must have been 15 or so when I first realized that many people are only out for what's good for THEM. They don't care about you. My two girl friends were arranging to go to the beach one evening. I was initially going to go to bed early, but I got out of my PJs, took a shower and got ready to go. I got a call 10 minutes later from one friend saying that the other friend (who organized the outing) was no longer going to come with us because she was going out with other friends. Apparently she already made plans with her 'cool' friends earlier, but they cancelled on her, so we were her backup plan. But then the plans with her other friends got reorganized so she ditched us for them.

I was so angry. I even called her to confront her about it but she didn't answer the phone! She did that plenty more times and we eventually grew apart.

It's so annoying. Especially when you're willing to bend over backwards for people. I rarely do anymore, though. Nobody appreciates it.
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Old 08-25-2010
Ignace's Avatar
Elite User
 

Totally agree. It's like nice people don't get respected that fast as a$$holes. I'm sure there will be some one replying in this thread who says it's all our fault, when a person says that, just ignore it. We both know it isn't true.
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Old 08-25-2010
Weirdo's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Well, that's pretty much Western culture in a nutshell. The bigger ******* you are, the more respect you have.
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Old 08-25-2010
doubleM's Avatar
Advanced User
 

yeah thats exactly how i feel. im tired of being nice. it seems more profitable to look people dead in the eye and get straight to the point. feels like you have to change yourself just get respect.
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Old 09-14-2010
 

I think this is mostly about boundaries and assertiveness and healthy self-respect.

Some people do take advantage, and it's important to recognize it as fast as possible if you can. And just set up consequences (if this person flakes on you, maybe give them one or two chances and then just get 'too busy'?)
I don't always answer the phone or text back etc. anymore..

Yeah, I've had problems with it too.. In some cases it's really good to be nice, in some cases it's better to just stand up for yourself - and people may even respect you more for it.
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Old 09-15-2010
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Hmm...I can only speak for myself, but I've gained friends by being kind. I strongly believe that if a person is genuinely kind, they will at some point attract the sort of people who will appreciate their kindness and eventually reciprocate.

Quote:
I'm sick of showing up on time to every meeting and picking up every single phone call/returning all texts/phone calls/emails I get, but people never bother do the same to me. I'm sick and tired of that. Being a polite, considerate person has gotten me nothing but disrespect from others.
We mistakenly believe that all others are going to afford us the same courtesy as we afford them. I'm not saying that we ought to let people walk all over us, but at the same time, it's senseless to project our behavior onto others. Below is an interesting quote from 'The Nine Satanic Sins' by Anton Szandor LaVey.

"Solipsism....Projecting your reactions, responses and sensibilities onto someone who is probably far less attuned than you are. It is the mistake of expecting people to give you the same consideration, courtesy and respect that you naturally give them. They wont..... Its work for most of us and requires constant vigilance lest you slip into a comfortable illusion of everyone being like you. As has been said, certain utopias would be ideal in a nation of philosophers, but unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, from a Machiavellian standpoint) we are far from that point."
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Old 09-15-2010
arsenalwa's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serafina View Post
Hmm...I can only speak for myself, but I've gained friends by being kind. I strongly believe that if a person is genuinely kind, they will at some point attract the sort of people who will appreciate their kindness and eventually reciprocate.



We mistakenly believe that all others are going to afford us the same courtesy as we afford them. I'm not saying that we ought to let people walk all over us, but at the same time, it's senseless to project our behavior onto others. Below is an interesting quote from 'The Nine Satanic Sins' by Anton Szandor LaVey.

"Solipsism....Projecting your reactions, responses and sensibilities onto someone who is probably far less attuned than you are. It is the mistake of expecting people to give you the same consideration, courtesy and respect that you naturally give them. They wont..... Its work for most of us and requires constant vigilance lest you slip into a comfortable illusion of everyone being like you. As has been said, certain utopias would be ideal in a nation of philosophers, but unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, from a Machiavellian standpoint) we are far from that point."
Totally agree. Speaking from experience, too.
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Old 09-15-2010
 

What I've noticed is that usually people with SA will care a lot more about doing stuff to get people to like them, whereas everyone else cares about doing what's best for them. At least this is the case for me, and what I've been reading about other peoples' stories. (I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong, it's just seems like it's a 'survival of the fittest' out there). My family and ex bf would constantly tell me to look out for myself more instead of worrying about how I will be perceived. So I can understand and sympathize with how you are feeling.
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Old 09-15-2010
Silvox Black's Avatar
Advanced User
 

It is not so much a question of being nice or a complete *** rather than it is giving off a sense of confidence or some sort of legitimacy to your personality. Keep in mind that many of those auras of confidence are quite false. It s a question of whether you can be who you wish to be without being a complete fool by allowing others to use you. Of course, you can be whatever you wish to be if you choose so, I am simply giving my thoughts on the matter.
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Old 09-16-2010
Diend's Avatar
Expert User
 

It's a good thing the social phobics don't think the same. The people who make jokes at you lack class? Don't you think they lack so much class? I mean, you realize that somebody of high caliber don't do this other people, and they also don't give a fork what those people say. Instead they think that the people who make jokes are the ones who need help.
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Old 09-16-2010
xLindziex's Avatar
Newbie User
 

I felt like that on Monday. I had to be the only one in my Finance class who got an A on the assignment, so the teacher let anyone who wanted to redo it and turn it in for a better grade. Everyone asked to copy my paper. Being the push over I am, I let them, thinking that maybe they weren't just being nice to get my work. But I was wrong. When Wednesday came around, we had to get into groups and pick a stock. No one invited me into their group, even though I had let them copy my paper. And even though that happens more often than not, I always let classmates copy my work if they ask because I'm not assertive enough to say no.
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Old 09-17-2010
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Elite User
 

Being a **** does not garner any respect from others. People who use a ****y attitude to get things done only do so because no one respects them. They need to resort to intimidation/fear to get what they want. They know most people will take the easy way out given the two possible choices of either doing what they want or not and having to deal with a possible confrontation later about not doing it. Of course on the outside it may look like the **** is respected because others follow them, but this is not even close to respect.
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Old 09-17-2010
SilverFire's Avatar
Newbie User
 

I'm not much of a believer in the aura/perception school, but I believe in it more than the "let's be a ****" philosophy. That said, there is a wide and vicious streak in humanity that seeks to wound the hurting but never hurt them so much as to finish them off, but just to keep them limping and bleeding for sport. You see this a lot in middle school and high school and wherever people think that they won't be caught.
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Old 09-17-2010
*eMmCaM*'s Avatar
Newbie User
 

im feisty!!low tolerated!!! and soon as i since disrespect_I ADDRESS IT RIGHT.THEN&THERE!!!! i got bullied on as a kid(1-3rd) neveeerr again!!!! i'll get my respect 1 way or the other!!!!
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Old 09-17-2010
Sial Axetder's Avatar
Amazing curves!
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Is this a trick question?
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Old 09-17-2010
Kiwong's Avatar
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No, I feel misrepresented by those who respond negatively to my anxiety.
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Old 09-17-2010
 

I agree man I just hate this sort of people they are just stupit and I have the same problem.Im nice but the people see this as weakness.I just dont understand this...
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