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Old 02-19-2010
 

After years of put downs, ridicule, name calling, etc in my teenage years I realise that I have developed beliefs that if anyone sees my imperfections or flaws that they will definitely judge me negatively and that its those flaws/imperfections that define me to other people.

I became so self conscious of my flaws/imperfections to protect myself from being hurt and being judged in ways I was so hurt by. I believed if people saw my nose was a bit bigger than ideal they'd think negatively of how I look and that I am ugly or ridicule me, I believed if anyone heard me say a word wrong due to a minor speech impediment they'd ridicule and laugh.

I am stuck believing people judge me on my flaws/imperfections. It is this that makes me so self conscious and anxious around people.

I wonder if people really are critical when they see my imperfections/flaws? I mean we all have them, no one is perfect yet others don't seem to be judging others negatively.

I don't know the reality of how I am being judged any more when people see my flaws. Does anyone feel the same way?
Jim_Bergerac is offline  
Old 02-19-2010
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Ive been shy all my life, but bullying made it much worse. I was bullied in grade 4-5 by what was my best friend. He was black (not being racist just pointing it out) and i think he had a thing against asians. He use to take my lunch and throw it away, hit me, and put me down constantly. I'm not exactly sure what weakness/flaw he was picking on. If anything i think he was just a person who needed to be loved and took out his frustrations on me. There were times id fight back but he had what i thought to be "super human" strength. I didnt stand much of a chance, but i did keep telling him i knew kung-fu and id kick his *** one day

shy people will get bullied because people assume they can walk all over us. I am now understanding that shy people aren't weak, and that we can defend ourselves just as well as anyone else. We just need to believe that we are on equal grounds before we can do so. For me, my bully intimidated me so much that i was too frightful to do anything. If i saw him on the streets now id probalby knock his head off
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Old 02-19-2010
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That sucks that you honestly believe that everyone you meet is judging you negatively on a nose that you feel is larger than average and on a minor speech impediment. You say that is stems back to your teenage years - do you truly still think that people are judging you like a teenage kid? Everyone knows that the majority of teenagers are shallow and immature and only pick on others imperfections to make themselves look/feel "cool." Look around at all the elderly ~ how often do you see them making fun of eachothers looks? As we get older, shallow judgements are pretty much non-existant. After highschool, we turn into real humans. Lol - and we judge people after we get to know them... not to mention that everyone looks different and everyone is attracted to something different. What is a "big nose" to you might not be to the person next door. Ya get what I mean? We can't all look like the "cookie-cutter" mold of perfection.... how boring!
AsHLeY is offline  
Old 02-19-2010
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AsHLeY View Post
That sucks that you honestly believe that everyone you meet is judging you negatively on a nose that you feel is larger than average and on a minor speech impediment. You say that is stems back to your teenage years - do you truly still think that people are judging you like a teenage kid? Everyone knows that the majority of teenagers are shallow and immature and only pick on others imperfections to make themselves look/feel "cool." Look around at all the elderly ~ how often do you see them making fun of eachothers looks? As we get older, shallow judgements are pretty much non-existant. After highschool, we turn into real humans. Lol - and we judge people after we get to know them... not to mention that everyone looks different and everyone is attracted to something different. What is a "big nose" to you might not be to the person next door. Ya get what I mean? We can't all look like the "cookie-cutter" mold of perfection.... how boring!
Thanks for your reply Ashley. Its strange because when I read what you write I am shocked that you say that my beliefs are so wrong and people aren't judging me like how I was being judged often as a teenager. I honestly do believe it 100000000000% that I believe I am always being judged negatively for my nose and minor speech impediment. I really have no clue what is real any more. The silly thing is, where I work, I am in an office of 50 people and IMO the 3 best looking people in the office all have big noses. Also there is this girl at work who I think is so nice, she is so classy, clever, nice natured, she is attractive looking. If she had a bigger than average nose it would not change how much I like her one bit. So it does make me so confused.

I am also shocked how few replies this has got because I thought everyone with SA believed they will definitely be judged negatively for their flaws/imperfections, but maybe I have got that wrong.

Anyway Ashley, thanks for your comments, its nice to read that my beliefs that I am always being judged negatively for my flaws is wrong, I will work on trying to understand this is true.
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